I need help.

[BornAgainGrace414]

I just wrote out a long, well organized post but somehow I got logged out before posting.

I'm a college guy with a girlfriend who could go into labor any day now.
I have been a born again Christian for about 7 months.
I made a complete turn around from boozing, drugs, partying, anger, you name it.

About a month ago I started falling away. Now, over the past 2 weeks I've been getting drunk every day, doing nothing and completely giving in to temptation.

Here are some things that come to mind

1) Can a born again Christian fall away and start sinning willfully for a while and be forgiven? How do you get past the 'I'll be forgiven' mentality?

2) As a Christian I have no purpose and nothing to look forward to. God doesn't need me. When I live for the world/myself then I have a lot to be excited about. I don't know what to do as a Christian.
-I'm constantly wondering if I'm sinning or not/on edge.

3) If nothing on this world is up to God's standards, everything I do feels unacceptable. While I'm covered by Jesus' blood, I feel obligated to live up to His standards and I always feel bad wondering if I'm watching too much tv, too much this or that, ect.

4) Alcohol/drugs give a way to drain/outlet things.

5) I want to repent but don't know where to start and I'm scared I'll disappoint Him. I know I'll be told to read His Word, pray, but I was doing all of those things for a long time every day and I feel that something was missing because I fell away completely.

I'm really tempted to get a bottle of liquor even though I poured out what I had last night, because it makes me feel whole for a while.

 

[Harry3142]

BornAgain-

Alcohol and drugs can give you a temporary feeling of contentment, but it is always followed by a letdown that leaves you morose and depressed.

Since your girlfriend is so close to giving birth, I suspect that part of your problem is the thought of becoming a father. Your responsibilities are about to increase exponentially, and you're feeling the nervousness that comes with that. It's called the prenatal jitters, and fathers are as susceptible to it as mothers, and sometimes even more so.

As for God's forgiveness, the fact that you know yourself to have 'jumped the track' is a clue that he is telling you to settle down and accept what's coming. Your girlfriend and the baby will both need you sober and clearheaded, as they will both be at their weakest for awhile after the birth.

We Christians do have a code of conduct, but it is a code based on positive emotions rather than the obeying of a set of laws. Here is that code:

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. (Galatians 5:16-26,NIV)

And how do we 'rein in' the acts of the sinful nature while permitting the fruit of the Spirit to become our new nature? We do it the same way we obtained our salvation, namely, by asking God to give it to us in exchange for our putting our trust in him. It is his Spirit who subdues our sinful nature, rather than we ourselves, and it is his Spirit that implants in us the new nature, rather than our performing some kind of spiritual exercise in order to obtain it for ourselves. Our role in this process is to stay out of God's way while he does the 'rewiring' necessary in order for our words and actions to align themselves with what he wants of us.

God bless-

 

[1watchman]

A true "born again" believer is expected to be devoted to the Lord Jesus who redeemed one, and seek His mind on everything. He needs to be first in our life. I can only suggest that.

 

[HeIsNowHere]

To be a Christian, you must die to self. Gal 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ lives in me. And the life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me. If you want to be a Christian you must obey Jesus Christ and follow him. It sounds like you do not understand your purpose or ministry but God has a very specific purpose for you. Eph 2:10 says "You are God's MASTERPIECE, created in Christ Jesus, to do good works which God prepared in advance for you to do." First you must make a decision to follow Jesus, then you must decide to become discipled. The Navigators 2:10 study is the best way to get started. You must find others to help you right away. Of course you can choose to go down the road of drinking and the flesh but you will reap the consequences of this and they will not be pleasant. The battle is your mind, you must change your mind and that is what it means to repent. Understand that we are in the last days and the time is very short before we will severely tested. If you choose to follow Satan and the flesh, that path is DOOM.

 

[paul1149]

You're still operating under law. You're worried you'll disappoint God. You find the fact that he doesn't need you discouraging. It's no surprise, then, that you don't know what to do with your Christian life. Who would, if nothing you did would ever be good enough?

You need to get past law, to love. God may not "need" you in an ontological sense, but he loves you and he wants you. And he has created a very real kingdom with a very real, and significant, place for you, where the things you do for him matter.

You need a revelation of his love, and of who you really are in him. Once you are filled with that, your need for substances will be gone, because you will see your life - your Christian life, that is - as meaningful, and anything the world can offer as garbage. It's not our strength, it's His. It's not our ability to keep the law - we can't; it's the fact that He has satisfied its demands for us, and set us free to live in Himself.

For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. -2Cor 5:14-15


For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.

That you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. -Eph 3:14-21​

 

[Peripatetic]

I made a complete turn around from boozing, drugs, partying, anger, you name it.

Being born again does not mean that all of your sinful predispositions will go away (even if they do for a time). That misconception is a trick from the devil that is intended to bring doubt and resignation.

In truth, all Christians continue to sin, to be tempted, and have to manage certain sinful tendencies for a lifetime. There are a few categories here:

Alcohol and drugs can be physical addictions and should be addressed by prayer AND professional help. Seriously. Alcoholism has done a lot of damage within my family.

Partying is a lifestyle choice. From your list, this is the one where you have the most control. You may need to make some hard choices about your friends though. There is plenty of room in a Christian's life for fun and social activities, but it takes some discipline to avoid the sinful aspects.

If you've struggled with anger in the past, it is likely to be with you for life. It can be managed and improved, but it probably won't go away completely. Each one of us has one or more areas like these... anger, pride, greed, etc.

Don't be discouraged! Your Christian journey will have ups and downs - just keep striving forward - even if it feels like swimming upstream sometimes.

 

[BornAgainGrace414]

Thank you for all the replies.

I feel like I pray so much for Him to fill me with fruits of the Spirt. So how do I stay out of His way while He's rewiring? Some people say deny yourself means be filled with positive things, some say obey Him. What does it actually mean? For example, I'm here on Spring Break. Nothing to do, rainy day, girlfriend going to work, been waiting for a baby for multiple months.
What do I do? After the house is cleaned, read, pray.. Then I have no way to no what is sinful or not. Because one person will say you're free from the law, but then someone will say you must surrender yourself to Him so obey Him. HOW? It's so frustrating. And I can still disappoint Him, because after He accepted me, He gave me expectations, right? Well the expectations aren't clear to me and that's the problem..

 

[paul1149]

Yes, you can disappoint Him, but don't let that become a malignant fear. His love for you is greater than your ability to disappoint Him (See the Prodigal Son, Luke 15), and perfect love casts out fear (1Jn 4.18). You must make a decision to walk in His love, just as He told us to do in His last discourse before His passion, in the gospel of John (15.9).

At one point some came up to Him and asked, "What must we do to do the works of God?" His answer was simply to "believe on the One God has sent forth" (Jn 6.28-29). That, plus willingness to do what you know is His will, is essentially all you need (Jn 7.17)

I understand and sympathize with what you're saying, because I go through the same thing. Sometimes I don't know which way to turn or what to do. There can be a lot of confusion. But then I go back to the Cross, and the amazing love that drove it, and I remember that my own works are worth nothing compared to that. He is the author and finisher of our faith. I make the decision to let my peace return to me and to return to His rest. That's where we're supposed to be abiding. All this other stuff is just a mental short-circuit, a reliance on our own strength, that does no good at all (Php 3.3). Rest in Him, and tap into the power of His love. And as you see things He would have you to do, do them. It's a learning process, but He's in it with you. He paid a high price for you. He is not going to abandon you. Don't give up on Him.

 

[Astrid1986]

BornAgain,
I know very little about your specific denomination (is Born Again a denomination at all?) and I have no Bible verses ready to beck up my point, and can't include the link to where I read this cause I have too few posts. But what I want to say is, God gives you a free gift of grace through His son Jesus Christ, and it is up to you to accept it or not. When you do so, you make a conscious and subconscious decision to repent, but you have to actully change your life, too. As someone above said, this requires help, and usually with alchol and drug dependence it requires help from a licensed health professional. As someone else above said, you will always be tempted and may fall for temptation a lot more, but you can stand u p against this and better your life every single day. What you have to do to start this, is simply do it. Get help for your alcohol/drug problem as ssoon as possible. I will pray for you.

 

[Aino]

OK, like others have said christians sin just like other people. Especially alcoholism is not only sin, it's also an addiction and an illness. You'll need professional help and a lot of discipline - not only spiritual but also earthly - to overcome it and it changes a lot more then just whether you drink or not. Don't be discouraged by christians who will bash you but not help you with your life. Pray, find help and don't just leave things going bad just because you're afraid. And God will forgive so you don't need to think you'd need to get rid of the mentality LOL. Life with Christ means submission to him and asking him for forgiveness every day - and these are not two completely separate things. You might need to talk about your spiritual state to someone - a pastor maybe or someone else you trust - as well if you think that your life has no meaning though.

I don't have much more to say but I'd like to remind you of one thing: God does not need you, but those closest to you do, especially your wife and baby. Remember the place where Jesus says that whenever you help one of the poorest among you you help him? That's also something to ponder about. God bless you and your family!

 

[Harry3142]

BornAgain-

We serve God by serving those around us. Your girlfriend will need your support more than ever now, so be there for her. Your outlet for the expression of the 9 'fruit' will be primarily directed at her during this time period. She will be going through some very stressful physical challenges in the near future, and will need to know that you are there with her as she goes through them.

The problem that many of us have is in our trying to do what only God can accomplish. St. Paul himself noticed that he had a serious problem whenever he tried to keep the laws and commandments through willpower, and noted that problem in Romans 7:14-25. We now call what he described 'paradoxical intention', and what it boils down to is a quirk in our nature that makes us fail at whatever we consciously try to do. There's even an old saying for it: "The harder you try, the faster you fail." So instead of relying on our attempts to make ourselves more 'sanctified', we need to rely on the Spirit's skill and strength to succeed where we could only fail.

That's why God has seen to it that our new nature matures due to what he can successfully accomplish, rather than through what we try to accomplish. What we need to realize is that the Spirit is out in front of us, clearing most of the obstacles himself to the maturing of our new nature, rather than his being behind us, pushing us to change our own nature. Have faith that wherever life takes you, God's Spirit has already been there ahead of you to clear the obstacles in your path.