I need Help

[insertwittycommenthere]

I am 19 years old and one of my friends that I have had since I was 6 came out of the closet today. I was at first stunned and acted polite and tried to get away from him as soon as I could. My whole world is spinning. Now, he is not a christian (despite my best efforts), so he does not see why this is wrong and I'm too worried about our friendship to tell him my views on homosexuality. plus I've told him what I think of gays before I knew he was homosexual so he knows what I believe. He took a big risk telling me this since he already knew what I thought of gays.
When I talked to another friend, she told me to stop being friends with him, but I really don't want to do that since we've been good friends for so long.
I really don't know what to do. Can anyone help me?

 

[fm107]

Continue to be friendly towards him.

He is living in darkness, God may use you to bring your friend to himself.

Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

James 5:20
remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.

Jude 1:23
snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear--hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh.

How can your light shine before him if you refuse have anything to do with him? At the end of the day he is a sinner. Even Jesus sat with sinners and tax collectors, why? So his light could shine before them and they seeing his good deeds glorify his father.

Mark 2:16-17
When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the "sinners" and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: "Why does he eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?"
On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."


God bless.

 

[Johnnz]

Stay friends. He need that. I have often had disagreement with what a friend is doing (most often heterosexual sex) but I do not adopt a one dimensional view of sin. I somehow I suspect I am less that perfect somewhere so I had better not be too quick in writing off others. This means my friends can continue asking me about God, sex, morality, whatever I can have some Christian input then.

John
NZ

 

[Christsdaughter]

I am 19 years old and one of my friends that I have had since I was 6 came out of the closet today. I was at first stunned and acted polite and tried to get away from him as soon as I could. My whole world is spinning. Now, he is not a christian (despite my best efforts), so he does not see why this is wrong and I'm too worried about our friendship to tell him my views on homosexuality. plus I've told him what I think of gays before I knew he was homosexual so he knows what I believe. He took a big risk telling me this since he already knew what I thought of gays.
When I talked to another friend, she told me to stop being friends with him, but I really don't want to do that since we've been good friends for so long.
I really don't know what to do. Can anyone help me?

Continue to be friendly towards him, but don't hang out with him as in doing so you are accepting his behavior. Allow God to use you to love him with godly love as your friend is a sinner in need of salvation. God can use you in his life to draw him to Jesus and repentance if He so chooses. Keep yourself open to God for that, but don't condone your friend's behavior by regularly hanging out with him.

 

[childofGod31]

I am 19 years old and one of my friends that I have had since I was 6 came out of the closet today. I was at first stunned and acted polite and tried to get away from him as soon as I could. My whole world is spinning. Now, he is not a christian (despite my best efforts), so he does not see why this is wrong and I'm too worried about our friendship to tell him my views on homosexuality. plus I've told him what I think of gays before I knew he was homosexual so he knows what I believe. He took a big risk telling me this since he already knew what I thought of gays.
When I talked to another friend, she told me to stop being friends with him, but I really don't want to do that since we've been good friends for so long.
I really don't know what to do. Can anyone help me?

Homosexuality is not a bigger sin than someone who commits adultery. Would you stop being friends with somebody who did that? Or it's not bigger than lying. God detests lying. Would you stop being friends with somebody who lies?

On the other hand, we should not be FRIENDS with people who do not feel the same about God as we do. We should be helpful to them, treat them kindly, but we should NOT share our self with them, our souls with them. Because what light and darkness have in common? What common interestes can you have? And if you do have common interests, are they godly interests? If they are not, you have no business having those interests in the first place. So if you don't have much in common, you can't really be friends, can you?

On the other hand, you can help them any way you can and be an example of God's love. Do not judge them for their sin. Instead tell them of God's love. They would not be able to deal with sin apart from coming to God anyways, and sin is not the issue. The issue is separation from God. So we need to focus on that. And ignore sin. Just tell everybody that God loves them, wants them and that He is waiting for them. Once they come to Him, He HIMSELF will take care of their sin problem.

There are many Christians who are taking care of their own sin problem. They are called "painted graves" by Jesus. Because they are doing it on their own by trying not to do certain things, by following traditions and rules. But only God can transform anybody and help them to stop sinning. So there is no point in talking about sin UNTIL they come to God.

 

[Silvershade]

I agree with the above posters...

... remember one thing in addition. If you do try to witness to him, remember that if you try to convince him his homosexuality is wrong he'll most likely get defensive and you may lose the opportunity to do so in the future.

If you need an avenue to convince him he is a sinner in need of salvation, maybe try a different path, like using lying as an example instead of using homosexuality.

Just an idea.

-Silvershade-

 

[insertwittycommenthere]

Thank you all for your help. I will keep all this in mind next time I speak with him.

 

[citizenthom]

If he already knew your views on homosexuality, but told you about his orientation anyway, then he clearly wants to keep you as a friend and hopes you will accept him. The only real chance you have to minister to him about what Christ-like love looks like is to keep being his friend here. He's not likely to see that from Christians who don't know him like you do, and without a true, personal look at the principle of "love the sinner, hate the sin," he may never come back around to his salvation.

 

[gzt]

He's the same as he was before. Nothing has changed. Heterosexuality is just as problematic in many ways as homosexuality, since I presume most of your heterosexual friends who are not Christians (and some who are, unfortunately) don't follow God's laws in this matter.

I suppose the first thing to know, though, is what, exactly, your views of homosexuality are and what you have told him about it. I don't mean to open a debate about this, but there are a number of positions out there among people who believe that homosexual intercourse is immoral. For isntance, some people believe homosexuality (ie, the attraction) is a choice or that it can be cured. Some people believe the contrary. Without knowing more about your views and what views you have expressed to him (and whether you have expressed anything besides pure philosophical contemplation of the issue), it's hard to know what's going on. Not that this board is the best place to go over that, but it might be helpful for you to think about that and what you really think about "homosexuality", same-sex attraction, same-sex intercourse, and also heterosexual attraction and heterosexual intercourse.

 

[SoundCard]

Just remember it's as much a spiritual problem as it has a physical end to it, so it must be dealt with in such a manner. Prayer, patience, love for the neighbor.

 

[insertwittycommenthere]

Thank you so much. Your right, everyone has some weakness or don't even view it as wrong. I guess that I was just freaking out over a relatively small problem. We hung out today and not much had changed. We talked about all the stuff we normally talk about and it was fun. I guess the best thing I can do is be a good friend and offer my advice if ever asked.

 

[insertwittycommenthere]

Wonderwaleye:
I happen to find John's advice helpful.I am going to also trying to say this as politely as possible but am pretty sure that I won't be able to so I apologize ahead of time. Wonderwaleye, You seem to be a very good and devout Christian, and I appreciate your help, but I think that your way would end up ruining our friendship. That might work with people who I don't care what they think about me, but I don't want him to stop being friends with him. Also, can you not write in such big red letters? It hurts my eyes to read them and it takes up a lot of space.
Sorry if this offended you. I did not mean anything personal by it.

Also, my friend and I have worked things out and we are back o being friends. We have decided to agree to disagree and the only thing I can do for him now is to be there for him if he ever realizes the error of his ways.

 

[kiwimac]

Can you not use a smaller, less annoying font?

 

[Zebra1552]

MOD HAT ON

This thread has been moved from Christian Advice.

As such, discussion is now allowed, but stay on topic to the request of the OP.


MOD HAT OFF
​

 

[The Lady Kate]

Be his friend... he's going to need one. You said he wasn't a Christian before, so in a spiritual sense, he hasn't really lost anything yet. He probably came out to you, knowing how you feel, because he trusts you. Live up to that trust, and he'll be more likely find the right path for himself.

 

[Mark101]

I think that sometimes christians scare more gays away from christ then anything else. I have two gay friends and they're scared of christians, they think we all want to burn them and tell them their going to hell.
Plus, i really dont think any one choses to be gay.
One of my gay friends had no dad in his life and said he was abused by his moms boyfriend (i think sexually). He has a lot of problems now, i feel real bad for the guy.
I want to bring him to church because he needs God in his life but he's to scared to be around church people.
My other gay friend also admited to me that as a child he got molested. He comes from a better family and is a little better off but i think being molested as a child really affected him too.

 

[DamianWarS]

sin is all the same no matter how "big" or "little" you may think it is. The thing to focus on is that sin separates us from God and the only way to bridge that separation is not by doing or not doing things but instead accepting Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit is a powerful thing and do not discredit its work with your relationship with your friend.

I would focus more on being a disciple of Christ than I would anything else. Make sure there is nothing in your life that your friend will look at and think you are just full of yourself when it comes to spirituality and show him love at all times. You are not accepting homosexuality by hanging out with him you are instead accepting him which is the focus you want. He is not a christian so never expect that he should have the same values as you do and that just because you don't do it means he shouldn't either.

What is more important in his life, that he stops being a homosexual or that he accepts Jesus. You may think that you can have one without the other but nothing happens overnight and there always is a time for transition. This is where the Holy Spirit comes in. The Holy Spirit will help convict his heart with the things in his life that he needs to change. So I would forget about the "sin" in his life without forgetting about your own standards in your life.

If the right situation permits than talk about it. Maybe he is doing something that makes you uncomfortable than just tell him that he will know the reasons and if he respects your friendship he will stop. Or maybe he will ask you some questions about why you feel the way you do... when he does be prepared to answer him in a loving way not in a way like "all gays go to hell". You have to show him why God created man and woman and why it is important that we respect the relationships that God has designed for us. But in the end we "do" these things to honor and worship God and if you have no desire to do that why would you care to follow God's rules. Its about worship first and than God's work not the other way around so make sure that he understands the reasons why you do the things you do and why they are about love than they are about salvation. Then show him and he can seek salvation. Once he reaches salvation he will have reason to worship God