I think I'm headed straight for Hell for what I did last night. And I don't know how to fix things.
I guess the relevant information here would be that we have two cats and that other than the masterbedroom, the only other area of the house with a door on it is the basement. One of our cats is two-year-old Daisy. We've had behavioral problems with her since the begining. The other cat is eight-year-old Lily who is nice and sweet and I just adore her.
Daisy has been waking me up several times a night for the past two years. I have not gotten a full night's sleep in about eight months. I have problems falling and staying asleep to begin with and have since I was a girl. It's not insomnia, but very light sleeper whose mind can easily rule.
She wakes me up at 11:30, 2:30, 4:30, 6:45. Most nights I cannot fall asleep between her episodes because I'm on edge that I know she's going to do it again in a few hours. And she's like clockwork. I often don't get more than 5 hours of sleep and a lot of times I sleep well into the morning to make up for the night. Before we got Daisy I was an early riser. Now I'm up at 9 most mornings and completely exhausted and lethargic.
We have tried all kind of techniques to get her to stop: giving in to her cries, ignoring her cries, shutting the bedroom door, building a baracade in the hall so she couldn't get to the bedroom door, lock her in the basement. None of these work except for locking her in the basement and even then she wakes us up by pounding on the basement door.
The problem with putting Daisy in the basement is that we have to put Lily down there as well. Lily had pancreatitis last year and it cost us several thousand dollars and tons of time (I had to tube feed her) for her to get back to normal. The stress of being thrown into the basement and the enviroment down there causes Lily to throw up-- a precurser to pancreatitis. The vet warned us that she's suseptable to getting it again and I cannot emotionally or financially afford to go through that again.
I say I can not go through that again because my husband sometimes seems to put Daisy's needs above anyone else's. He does not care if Lily gets sick or if I'm up all night so long as he gets to keep Daisy (as opposed to her going to a shelter). He's a heavy and fast sleeper, so apparently the only thing that bothers him is me complaining to him about it. Even when Daisy does wake him up, he'd rather keep the door open to her so that she can come and cuddle with him.
I warned my husband that I was at the end of my rope. I haven't slept a full night in 8 months and before that-- over a year. I told him that I'm sick all the time and I'm about to lose my mind. He did not care.
Last night, when Daisy woke me up at 2:30, I lost it. My husband put her in the basement so that I could sleep at least part of the night. I swear, something like the devil came over me. I went down to the basement and I started screaming at the cat. I hit her and would have hit her more than once, but she got a good gash in my arm. My husband has refused to discipline this cat since we got her, and I almost felt justified in my rampage.
My husband came down in the basement because I was disturbing his sleep and he has to get up for work. My husband has repetedly demonstrated his belief that "we" get enough sleep if he gets enough sleep for work. I've been complaining for two years about this cat and it just doesn't bother him because he's been sleeping and he loves Daisy.
Last night, he could not fall asleep after the incident of me losing my mind and lashing out at Daisy. He's so mad at me he won't even return my calls. One night of four hour sleep and he's furious at me. That's been my life for almost two years and he has acted like it's no big deal.
At this point, we're talking about seperate bedrooms. Of course, I get kicked out of the master bedroom, but the theory is that the cats will bother him and leave me alone. Daisy is attached to his hip and does not care much for me. He's let me know that he'll never forgive me if I get rid of Daisy. I really think he prefers that cat to me, and his actions are starting to upset me.
What can I do? My husband will not hear of counciling.
I posted this situation on another message board a few months ago because it was tearing apart my marriage and got mocked and humiliated for weeks on end for having a "creepy" husband. Please don't do that. I realize I'm opening myself up here, but if one more person turns my personal pain into a punchline, I'm going to scream.
Sorry that's so long.