I need help...

[Cassandra]

A few days ago, without any warning or reason, the love of my life...the man I was going to marry and have children with and live a happy life with...decided he couldn't handle being in a relationship. He's been in a great depression lately...he lost his job and now he can't find one...he has no money...no car...he has to go away for school... and now he's just completely cut me off. I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I don't understand why this is happening. I want to help him...but he keeps pushing me away. I'm hurting so much. What do I do? How can I save our relationship?

Please help me.

 

[snowy27]

Its possible your partner is not thinking clearly if he is suffering from depression. Certainly in my darker moments I have isolated myself from my friends and family and refused to believe that they loved and valued me. Even though I was pushing my husband away, somehow I still appreciated it when he tried to help. Another thing about depression is that sometimes you don't want your loved ones to see how bad you are feeling, and you don't want to hurt them by being around them.

Its a very hard situation to be in when someone you love may be suffering from depression. I think you should let him know that you are worried about him and that you understand that he is going through a hard time. Losing a job would be a hard blow to him, but is going away to school a positive thing? Is there any way you, or someone else could talk to your partner about the possibility he is suffering from depression and encourage him to seek help?

 

[JDDCH]

A few days ago, without any warning or reason, the love of my life...the man I was going to marry and have children with and live a happy life with...decided he couldn't handle being in a relationship. He's been in a great depression lately...he lost his job and now he can't find one...he has no money...no car...he has to go away for school... and now he's just completely cut me off. I don't know what to do. I love him so much and I don't understand why this is happening. I want to help him...but he keeps pushing me away. I'm hurting so much. What do I do? How can I save our relationship?

Please help me.

Cassandra, presuming that your partner is a guy ... if he's lost his job, can't find another and otherwise down on his luck it's not all that surprising that he's pushing you away right now. My advice would be to be supportive and give him a little space right now. A man's ego/pride is easily damaged as his measure of self worth depends upon his ability to support himself and his loved ones. If he's not able to do that right now he's most likely putting up a safety shield by pushing you and everyone else away so the onely one relying on him is him. If you smother him, so to speak, you'll lose him.

Just try to understand that he's going through something that he can't handle right now and doesn't understand. Nor does he understand how to accept help on it. ( that means pouring over him and offering your help will most likely make matters worse for him ).

Pray for him. Offer suggestions, prospects, advice, whatever ... but try to give him the space he needs to keep his damaged ego intact. Now isn't the time to go fixing that one.

It's just my gut feeling on this one, but it just sounds like his pride is hurt and he's doing the typical guy thing here.

--jd.

 

[bfly]

Father, this is a tough situation for us to understand, Cassandra, thought her life was well planned and was following through with the plan. Now, she has been blindsighted by the action of the love of her life and everything is just a mess. Lord, what seems like a mess to us is not what You see. Give her strength and courage to face the day and try to go forward. Lord, lead and guide her as to what she needs to do at this time in her life. Draw near to her and give her comfort and peace as only You can do. Give her a calmness about the situation and I pray she accepts that You are in control and will totally depend on You for her needs. In Jesus' name, I pray. amen

 

[Cassandra]

Thank you. I haven't seen or heard from him in a while. I miss him so much. I want to help him, but I don't know how. I've been giving him his space...but I worry so about him and...

This sounds strange, but I want to hear that he's doing OK...but at the same time I want to hear that he's not doing OK. I just feel that if he was doing better he'd be
in contact with me.

Thing is I can't contact him. I promised I wouldn't. Not until he says it's OK.

This is so hard. I love him so much...

 

[Nachtjager]

Hi Cassandra, guy in the deep south here. Okay, I'll be the heavy on this one since no one else seemingly wants to be. You're twenty-three, you're at a great place in your life, don't blow it. The love of your life didn't turn out to be what you expected, it's happened to a lot of us (myself included years ago). My point is kinda' harsh and to the point - don't contact him, move on and find someone else. Pray that he gets himself together, but if he's severed all ties to you and doesn't want you to call, there's more to this than just pride or depression. A depressed person usually wants companionship or a listening ear, not solitude. I've watched too many beautiful and wonderful girls ruin their lives because they are "in love" with some guy who's nothing but trouble. A great friend of mine blew eight years of her life trying to "fix" her beloved fiance who had depression and drug addiction problems. She could not be swayed to leave him, no matter how many times he mistreated her and left her hanging in the lurch. Finally, he simply left, married a topless dancer, and last I heard, now has a couple of kids and is still a messed up druggie. My friend was so devastated she moved out of state because she couldn't face all her other friends who had repeatedly told her it was no use for so many years - she was humiliated. I tried to talk her into staying, but she left anyway, haven't seen her now in over a year. I've seen it over and over, at least eight or nine times - girls, by nature, try to fix guys who have problems. If the guy can't fix himself, there isn't a lot you can do. He has to straighten himself out and he has to do it without your prompting. If your fellow gets himself together and calls you back, then I'd entertain the idea of restarting the relationship. Unless he does that, please, don't chain yourself down to the notion that he's the only man in the world for you. Believe me, there are a lot of wonderful guys out there who are looking for that someone they can treat like a queen - find that man and don't settle for less. God wants you to have the best. It's your life, don't settle for "good enough", expect perfection. There's an old adage I like quite a bit which goes, "those who refuse to accept anything less than perfection very often get it." Will be praying for you, as for me, not to sound harsh, scrape this guy off the soles of your shoes and find someone better. Life isn't over just because Mr. Right turned out to be Mr. Wrong - there's another one out there. Take care and God bless.

 

[Cassandra]

Nachtjar: I've gone through serious depression before. I kept myself isolated for a whole year and a half. Misery doesn't always love company. I know things will work out. God led me to this man.