I Need Help with someone I work with

[GodLovesUs]

Hello,

I work in a bookstore (and I love it, although some of my dreams were about books last night which was VERY annoying). Every Christmas season our store hires extra staff to help us out. This year we hired this woman that I have been falling for. I have no idea if she feels the same. I am normally an outgoing person BUT usually it takes much longer to break the ice. When I am attracted to someone I am even more shy. I am a Christian who believes that the women I date and the woman that I will eventually marry has to be a Christian (for very practical reasons). I don't know how to find out if she is a Christian, the way she acts/behaves gives an indication that at the very least she is a nice person. So I need to know if she is a Christian. I also just found out that she is moving back to England in about 2 weeks or so. She could be gone for 2 years or If things don't work out for her she could be back next fall. So my time is running out...and I don't know what to do. I'm not the best with relationships but I desire to keep working at what I've got. I think I'm a 'fighter', I just don't know how to 'fight'. In the past I would just let it go... outta sight outta mind... and move on. But my mind is distracted with this situation... I can't help but wonder if God is testing my courage...
I don't know what to do. Can anyone identify? Help? Give Advice?

God bless you all.

 

[jenptcfan]

Maybe you could strike up a conversation and invite her to visit your church. If she's a Christian, she will probably tell you about the church she attends or be receptive to talking about it with you. If she's not a Christian, at least you've invited her to church. Just an idea.

 

[GodLovesUs]

So do I just strike up a conversation? How? Do I just go full out and ask her to visit my church?

 

[msjones21]

Hello GodLovesUs and blessings to you!

I know how it feels to fall for a co-worker. I used to work with a guy who was outstanding in many ways, but in others we conflicted which would have made for a poor relationship.

There were a few things that raised the red flag in your post. I'll list them as you posted and then respond.

I am a Christian who believes that the women I date and the woman that I will eventually marry has to be a Christian (for very practical reasons). I don't know how to find out if she is a Christian, the way she acts/behaves gives an indication that at the very least she is a nice person.

Red flag #1- You don't really know this girl well enough to see if the two of you could have a harmonious relationship. Could you two go out and have fun? I wouldn't doubt that, but what are you leading up to? Another date? Just hanging out? Marriage? In my opinion, why date someone knowing they're not somebody you'd marry? If you don't know she's a Christian there are easy ways to determine that. Being an overall nice person doesn't mean she's a Christian. Talk about your faith sometime and see how she responds or be bold and just come out and ask her. The worst she could say is "no, I'm not a Christian" and then you'll know you shouldn't date her. Right now, as it stands, you're trying to go into something blindly simply based upon your attraction towards her.

I also just found out that she is moving back to England in about 2 weeks or so.

Red flag #2- She's moving abroad. She's about to go back to Englad so where will that leave the two of you? In a two week time frame neither one of you will have known each other well enough to determine if a long distance relationship could work out. Not only that, but two weeks isn't enough time for it to be fair to request a commitment from the other person so basically all the two of you have going for you is a brief "fling" that you know is going to end. Why go into a relationship that has an expiration date only to get your heart broken, or worse, break her heart?

So my time is running out...and I don't know what to do. I'm not the best with relationships but I desire to keep working at what I've got.

Sadly you can't make something out of nothing. In reality, just based on what you've posted, there is nothing pointing towards a lasting relationship with this girl. SHe's going to be gone in two weeks, you don't know if she's a Christian, and even if she is a Christian two week's time isn't enough time to get to know somebody. You're wanting to speed things up and make this a relationship before she leaves the country when you really can't expect anything more than a work environment friendship.

My best advice, let her go back to England and then pray for God to strengthen you. Seek His will and not your own. And next time focus on potential relationships with girls you know. Maybe girls you go to church with or fellowship with. At least then going into it you already know their character. Good luck to you and God bless.

 

[jenptcfan]

So do I just strike up a conversation? How? Do I just go full out and ask her to visit my church?

If you've never had any kind of conversation with her before, then I wouldn't just randomly bust out and ask her to visit your church.

I can't tell you how to strike up a conversation with her....if it doesn't seem natural for you two to have a conversation, then it's probably not going to go anywhere (even on a friendship level) in the short amount of time you have. Just be polite to her, speak to her when you see her even if it's just a simple "Hi." Those are just courteous things to do anyway.

Don't expect much to come out of this. You've got too little time to develop something, but it never hurts to leave her with the impression that you're a Christian gentleman who has always been polite to her. If it's God's will and she comes back from England, you can pick it up from there. I'd say just pray about it and trust God that he will bring the person into your life that he intends you to be with. His plans are infinitely better than ours anyway.

God bless!
J

 

[GodLovesUs]

Thank you msjones21 and jenptcfan. Your words mean a lot to me even though it wasn't exactly what I was hoping to hear. I did need to hear it regardless. Thanks for bringing a brother back down to earth in the real world. LOL. This is not the first time this has happened to me. I'm beginning to think that God is 'showing off' his creation and yet maybe he keeps sending 'angels' my way. Whether they are real angels or not. It reminds me of the passage in Hebrews 13:2 "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." If I'm out of context on that one then I don't know. The trouble I always end up with is the 'entertaining'. I guess if it's meant to be it's meant to be, but I don't want to waste away my time anymore dwelling on what could be classified as 'only possible with God' or something like that.

Regardless of my attraction to her physically I am attracted to her In the way she acts and treats other people (as far as I know). I like hanging around nice people in general, because they help remind me to stay nice. If any sort of friendship could develope overseas then fine, but I'm not going to dwell on it.

Anyways, thank you very much and God Bless you both. Merry Christmas!

PS- I saw the coolest sign today on a major road outside a Garage. It said 'CHRISTmas IS COMING R U READY!' at first glance I saw 'CHRIST IS COMING R U READY!' -AMEN to that!

 

[jenptcfan]

I think sometimes God allows us to see characteristics we like in someone so we can be refreshed by it. Sometimes it serves as a good reminder of how we are supposed to act as well. And sometimes it lets us know that that's a quality that we would really like to have in a spouse someday.

God bless you too!
J

 

[msjones21]

Awwww you're most welcome, GodLovesUs. I believe your faith is very strong and you can overcome any obstacle. I agree with what jenptcfan said about how God sometimes puts people in our lives that we're not meant to be with, but they show us what we want in a spouse. Maybe you're just supposed to witness to her. Either way God is awesome and He's always surprising us with these little challenges that restore our faith that His will is wonderful (even though when it's happening it doesn't always feel so wonderful). I'm glad you posted here and you've been encouraged.

God bless you and Merry Christmas!

P.S.-When I worked at the public library, I used to dream about books too. It *is* annoying LOL

 

[desi]

Reading this thread reminded me of an 80's song about "making love out of nothin at all." Two weeks is plenty of time to get to know someone if she is receptive to you introducing yourself into her life. All it takes from your part is walking up to her, opening your mouth, and asking God to direct whatever comes out. By striking up a conversation and seeing where it goes you should find a direction the relationship can head in.

 

[Stanfi]

GodLovesUs,

msjones gave you some very good advice. When I read your original post, I said to myself "He is playing with a loaded gun". The fact that you are falling for this girl, and she is moving to England is a huge red flag. I know that life seems unfair sometimes, but we just have to accept the obvious. Falling for this girl, and her moving away will just lead to heartbreak. If you ask around and talk to different people, long distance relationships hardly never work, and they end up causing a lot of pain.

I can relate to what you are saying. I seem to always fall for the ones that I can't have. It does get old, and many times I feel like just giving up. However, I have learned that you cannot have someone in your life just because you want them there. Guard you heart, and you will be glad that you did. When the right person comes along you will know it.

Someone recently gave me some very good advice. Sit down with a piece of paper, and write down the qualites that you would want in someone. Then pray about this list, and ask God to bring someone into your life. If nothing else it really helps you to focus your attention on exactly the type of person that you need in your life.