I need help finding a sincere deliverance ministry in the San Diego, CA area. By sincere, I mean a ministry that is grounded, and does not find demons in every corner. I say this because my situation is very real.
I need to shed a little background on my situation. I do now believe in Jesus Christ as my savior and do proclaim that I am Christian, but there are several bad habits that I still struggle with, even though my life has pretty much done a 180 degree turn from how I lived 5+ years ago (drugs, etc.). I have now gotten serious at tackling some of the strongholds that I let enslave me during my non-Christian years.
I have often wondered if there is some sort of block (meaning demonic) not letting the holy spirit in my life, even though I've prayed for it to happen. I did not grow up in a charasmatic church, but am now open to different beliefs on the matter, since I was also not taught about the "physical" realities of the demonic (oppression, possession), either. I used to believe that the holy spirit would come in and push the demon(s) away, simply by belief in Christ, and praying for God's mercy, but now I'm thinking that this can't happen without outside help, because I'm thinking that this takes more faith than one person can muster.
I am 35 years old, and grew up a Nazarene preacher's kid. My dad is now retired from pastoring, but now works as a hospice chaplain. I now rent from my parents since the incident I will describe (Both as a result of the event, and now due to economy). I am not mentally ill and now work as customer service/technical support at one of the top 20 domain registrars/webhosting companies in the world. My problem started with something that happened to me in 2003. I was not a Christian then (not by far), but still held some belief in God - Just not the loving one I was taught about growing up.
Previous to 2003, I had lived in an old house where weird stuff would occur. Things would happen such as doors moving, faucets turning on and the like, which I thought were caused by a ghost. I was not into anything of the occult, to make me think otherwise. So, in 2003 I moved into another old house which I thought could possibly be haunted, also (was not the reason I moved there - I just needed a place to live).
A few weeks after moving in, at the age of 30, I started feeling something around me. Something started moving the limbs of my body when I would relax and, specifically, would wiggle my right toe. Thinking it was a human spirit, I started asking it yes or no questions, with 2 toe wiggles for "yes" and 1 for "no". In no time, it began to spell things out, using the number of wiggles in correlation to which order (or number) the affected letter came in the alphabet. It convinced me that it was a little girl, killed in a well at the turn of the 20th century. I know this sounds weird, but bear with me.
Soon after, I awoke one morning to a voice in my head, clearly audible, very much UNlike any thoughts. The voice, soon to be voices, was/were relentless, along with all the physical stuff getting worse, as well. After a couple of weeks I was kicked out of my house for attacking a roommate, in turn escorted to jail, then to the state mental facility, all for the first time in my life.
Fast forward to the beginning of October, 2003: I literally had no thought of my own in my head, was being physically attacked by an unseen force, causing much pain to a back injury that I had suffered the previous year, and had "blacked out" a few times to not remember what I had done, which would be the case of my final arrest at the beginning of October of that year.
Over the course of these events, which took place in the months of April-October, 2003 (so, so much I am leaving out due length issues), I was mostly in and out of the shelter, or homeless on the street. I had isolated myself from friends, and family was far away. I was institutionalized 3 times, and jailed 2. I had 3 different diagnosis each visit to the mental institution: Psychosis due to a reaction to the drug "Provigil", Bipolar disorder, and then Schizophrenia. I took the cocktails of drugs, for both Bipolar and Schizophrenia, for an extended period of time to no avail, with things getting progressively worse.
By late November 2003, I was still in jail* and had been taking medication for schizophrenia for quite some time, with my mental state still being much worse for wear, and not improving. One night, after yet another bazaar account in the jail, I literally grabbed onto what sanity I had left and asked Jesus Christ to come into my life (I could feel my soul being in the very grip of darkness, so this time I really meant it!) I began reading a green, worn out Bible the Gideons had left, for the first time in many years.
*I had pushed someone through a window and then had attacked our town mayor, in which the demon told me that I had to do the day before. Odd that I had no idea where he would be or anything like that. That morning the 'voice' just said "It's time", and I headed up the road to a diner as instructed.
It was difficult to concentrate, with so much stuff going on in my head. I was reading the book of Psalms. Over the course of a couple of weeks, the voices disappeared completely, but I continued taking the schizophrenia medication nonetheless. I was scared that the demon(s) would return and once again take over my mind.
In the 3rd week of December, 2003, I was released from jail and immediately I relocated to be with family in San Diego. Upon arriving, I got in touch with mental health professionals to monitor my medications. In early 2004 I was taken off any schizophrenia/anti-psychotic meds after psychiatrists could find no trace of mental illness. I remained under county psychologist care until early 2006, prescribed with anti-deppressants. I am now not on any medication at all, and my mind has been clear.
Fast forward to today.
I will occasionally have random strange thoughts all of a sudden that do not seem like me, but I know that it is not really me and that thought projection is one of the tricks of the trade that demons use, even on Christians. I still am tormented physically occasionally by an entity or entities, almost always while I relax or am trying to sleep. I also can still feel the "energy" of something when it is around me, like a constant electrical charge encompassing the area of my body it is near. I seem to always feel it around my feet when not doing the things I will describe below.
I have a demonic presense around/connected to me. I can feel it physically. It seems to be strongest as I lay down to sleep and am in the 'in-between' stage. It isn't sleep paralysis, because I can move if I choose. Doing this and becoming full blown awake seems to take the full power away for physical attacks. I used to just get 'pushed', 'poked', and/or shaken to keep me from going to sleep. I have often wondered if this was a lesser demon trying to keep me from totally falling asleep until a higher power demon arrives.
I still get shaken to keep me from totally going to sleep, but this progressed into something shaking my neck rapidly until I move sit up or roll over, becoming fully awake and not in the 'in between' state. I had neck surgery, which included fusion, for a spinal cord injury in 2002. When this thing shakes my neck, it is only my neck area shaking (spine in that area). No muscles are being used. It is just a rapid vibration, back and forth, which I believe is an effort to dislodge the fusion. When this happens I tell it to leave in the name of Jesus Christ and through power of the blood HE shed for me. I try binding it in His name. Although moving makes it leave while I am totally awake, once I reposition myself and try to go back to sleep, once in the 'in-between' state, this happens again. All night. I wouldn't get any sleep because of this. This has now progressed in feeling the presense ('static-y' air) over my head, then coming into my mind and I actually hear the entity, like I would hear a voice, but in my mind's eye (ears).
It's a horrible feeling, and feels like being violated. The first time this happened it was a horrible shrieking sound. It makes me sick to my stomach. The last time, it was singing some sort of Native American shamanistic song (or so it sounded like). It keeps getting stronger and stronger until I move myself to bring myself to the alert state. Again, I tell it to leave in the name of Jesus Christ and through power of the blood HE shed for me. It is a sickening feeling, and happens in only a matter of seconds before I will shift my position and become alert. I am not waking up, because I am in the 'in-between' state, and not actually sleeping. I am simply stopping myself from falling asleep by becoming fully alert, which seems to remove this sort of power/doorway that the demon is using. I have tried taking sleep medication, but those put me in a place I really don't want to be, and seem to make the attacks stronger. Because of the attacks, I never do end up falling asleep on them, and go through the same ordeal described above.
I had recently taken to an unfortunate temporary solution that I hope to not have to keep doing- I am drinking half a bottle of bourbon in order to fall asleep. I do not feel the presense come over me when I do this. I do not want to keep doing this in the future, but I don't know what else to do. My parents do not know that I do this. I telecommute and work night shift, and my shift ends while they are getting ready for work. I have decided to remain sober before bed this morning, and try to get through this by faith, but working a 10 hour shift on no sleep is a very difficult task.
I have a theory about the alcohol. Many years ago when I fell into smoking pot after the initial possession in 2003, I quickly found out that marijuana brings us closer to the spirit realm and opens us up, and stopped doing this abruptly because of this. The reason I mention this is that I have found that alcohol deadens us to this spiritual side, which is why I believe I can get to sleep with the bourbon. I also believe that we are warned about drunkeness in the Bible because drunkeness deadens us to ALL things spiritual in nature, not to mention damage our reasoning skills, but that's another topic altogether.
I am at my wits end here, and don't want to share myself with a demon, nor run the risk of being 'possessed' again. It's also very difficult to have a rough night, and not be able to share with anyone what I'm going through. The Nazarene church does not teach of these types of things, nor have any type of deliverance ministry that I know of. In fact, I have been searching online and have looked at over 100 San Diego churches from all denominations, and have not seen a single one that has this type of ministry (or at least that will advertise it). It seems that most churches deny that these things happen, and people like me are stuck being tormented by the demonic.
Any help or insight will be welcome (Sorry about the novel, but this gives a better understanding on where I am coming from).
I need to shed a little background on my situation. I do now believe in Jesus Christ as my savior and do proclaim that I am Christian, but there are several bad habits that I still struggle with, even though my life has pretty much done a 180 degree turn from how I lived 5+ years ago (drugs, etc.). I have now gotten serious at tackling some of the strongholds that I let enslave me during my non-Christian years.
I have often wondered if there is some sort of block (meaning demonic) not letting the holy spirit in my life, even though I've prayed for it to happen. I did not grow up in a charasmatic church, but am now open to different beliefs on the matter, since I was also not taught about the "physical" realities of the demonic (oppression, possession), either. I used to believe that the holy spirit would come in and push the demon(s) away, simply by belief in Christ, and praying for God's mercy, but now I'm thinking that this can't happen without outside help, because I'm thinking that this takes more faith than one person can muster.
I am 35 years old, and grew up a Nazarene preacher's kid. My dad is now retired from pastoring, but now works as a hospice chaplain. I now rent from my parents since the incident I will describe (Both as a result of the event, and now due to economy). I am not mentally ill and now work as customer service/technical support at one of the top 20 domain registrars/webhosting companies in the world. My problem started with something that happened to me in 2003. I was not a Christian then (not by far), but still held some belief in God - Just not the loving one I was taught about growing up.
Previous to 2003, I had lived in an old house where weird stuff would occur. Things would happen such as doors moving, faucets turning on and the like, which I thought were caused by a ghost. I was not into anything of the occult, to make me think otherwise. So, in 2003 I moved into another old house which I thought could possibly be haunted, also (was not the reason I moved there - I just needed a place to live).
A few weeks after moving in, at the age of 30, I started feeling something around me. Something started moving the limbs of my body when I would relax and, specifically, would wiggle my right toe. Thinking it was a human spirit, I started asking it yes or no questions, with 2 toe wiggles for "yes" and 1 for "no". In no time, it began to spell things out, using the number of wiggles in correlation to which order (or number) the affected letter came in the alphabet. It convinced me that it was a little girl, killed in a well at the turn of the 20th century. I know this sounds weird, but bear with me.
Soon after, I awoke one morning to a voice in my head, clearly audible, very much UNlike any thoughts. The voice, soon to be voices, was/were relentless, along with all the physical stuff getting worse, as well. After a couple of weeks I was kicked out of my house for attacking a roommate, in turn escorted to jail, then to the state mental facility, all for the first time in my life.
Fast forward to the beginning of October, 2003: I literally had no thought of my own in my head, was being physically attacked by an unseen force, causing much pain to a back injury that I had suffered the previous year, and had "blacked out" a few times to not remember what I had done, which would be the case of my final arrest at the beginning of October of that year.
Over the course of these events, which took place in the months of April-October, 2003 (so, so much I am leaving out due length issues), I was mostly in and out of the shelter, or homeless on the street. I had isolated myself from friends, and family was far away. I was institutionalized 3 times, and jailed 2. I had 3 different diagnosis each visit to the mental institution: Psychosis due to a reaction to the drug "Provigil", Bipolar disorder, and then Schizophrenia. I took the cocktails of drugs, for both Bipolar and Schizophrenia, for an extended period of time to no avail, with things getting progressively worse.
By late November 2003, I was still in jail* and had been taking medication for schizophrenia for quite some time, with my mental state still being much worse for wear, and not improving. One night, after yet another bazaar account in the jail, I literally grabbed onto what sanity I had left and asked Jesus Christ to come into my life (I could feel my soul being in the very grip of darkness, so this time I really meant it!) I began reading a green, worn out Bible the Gideons had left, for the first time in many years.
*I had pushed someone through a window and then had attacked our town mayor, in which the demon told me that I had to do the day before. Odd that I had no idea where he would be or anything like that. That morning the 'voice' just said "It's time", and I headed up the road to a diner as instructed.
It was difficult to concentrate, with so much stuff going on in my head. I was reading the book of Psalms. Over the course of a couple of weeks, the voices disappeared completely, but I continued taking the schizophrenia medication nonetheless. I was scared that the demon(s) would return and once again take over my mind.
In the 3rd week of December, 2003, I was released from jail and immediately I relocated to be with family in San Diego. Upon arriving, I got in touch with mental health professionals to monitor my medications. In early 2004 I was taken off any schizophrenia/anti-psychotic meds after psychiatrists could find no trace of mental illness. I remained under county psychologist care until early 2006, prescribed with anti-deppressants. I am now not on any medication at all, and my mind has been clear.
Fast forward to today.
I will occasionally have random strange thoughts all of a sudden that do not seem like me, but I know that it is not really me and that thought projection is one of the tricks of the trade that demons use, even on Christians. I still am tormented physically occasionally by an entity or entities, almost always while I relax or am trying to sleep. I also can still feel the "energy" of something when it is around me, like a constant electrical charge encompassing the area of my body it is near. I seem to always feel it around my feet when not doing the things I will describe below.
I have a demonic presense around/connected to me. I can feel it physically. It seems to be strongest as I lay down to sleep and am in the 'in-between' stage. It isn't sleep paralysis, because I can move if I choose. Doing this and becoming full blown awake seems to take the full power away for physical attacks. I used to just get 'pushed', 'poked', and/or shaken to keep me from going to sleep. I have often wondered if this was a lesser demon trying to keep me from totally falling asleep until a higher power demon arrives.
I still get shaken to keep me from totally going to sleep, but this progressed into something shaking my neck rapidly until I move sit up or roll over, becoming fully awake and not in the 'in between' state. I had neck surgery, which included fusion, for a spinal cord injury in 2002. When this thing shakes my neck, it is only my neck area shaking (spine in that area). No muscles are being used. It is just a rapid vibration, back and forth, which I believe is an effort to dislodge the fusion. When this happens I tell it to leave in the name of Jesus Christ and through power of the blood HE shed for me. I try binding it in His name. Although moving makes it leave while I am totally awake, once I reposition myself and try to go back to sleep, once in the 'in-between' state, this happens again. All night. I wouldn't get any sleep because of this. This has now progressed in feeling the presense ('static-y' air) over my head, then coming into my mind and I actually hear the entity, like I would hear a voice, but in my mind's eye (ears).
It's a horrible feeling, and feels like being violated. The first time this happened it was a horrible shrieking sound. It makes me sick to my stomach. The last time, it was singing some sort of Native American shamanistic song (or so it sounded like). It keeps getting stronger and stronger until I move myself to bring myself to the alert state. Again, I tell it to leave in the name of Jesus Christ and through power of the blood HE shed for me. It is a sickening feeling, and happens in only a matter of seconds before I will shift my position and become alert. I am not waking up, because I am in the 'in-between' state, and not actually sleeping. I am simply stopping myself from falling asleep by becoming fully alert, which seems to remove this sort of power/doorway that the demon is using. I have tried taking sleep medication, but those put me in a place I really don't want to be, and seem to make the attacks stronger. Because of the attacks, I never do end up falling asleep on them, and go through the same ordeal described above.
I had recently taken to an unfortunate temporary solution that I hope to not have to keep doing- I am drinking half a bottle of bourbon in order to fall asleep. I do not feel the presense come over me when I do this. I do not want to keep doing this in the future, but I don't know what else to do. My parents do not know that I do this. I telecommute and work night shift, and my shift ends while they are getting ready for work. I have decided to remain sober before bed this morning, and try to get through this by faith, but working a 10 hour shift on no sleep is a very difficult task.
I have a theory about the alcohol. Many years ago when I fell into smoking pot after the initial possession in 2003, I quickly found out that marijuana brings us closer to the spirit realm and opens us up, and stopped doing this abruptly because of this. The reason I mention this is that I have found that alcohol deadens us to this spiritual side, which is why I believe I can get to sleep with the bourbon. I also believe that we are warned about drunkeness in the Bible because drunkeness deadens us to ALL things spiritual in nature, not to mention damage our reasoning skills, but that's another topic altogether.
I am at my wits end here, and don't want to share myself with a demon, nor run the risk of being 'possessed' again. It's also very difficult to have a rough night, and not be able to share with anyone what I'm going through. The Nazarene church does not teach of these types of things, nor have any type of deliverance ministry that I know of. In fact, I have been searching online and have looked at over 100 San Diego churches from all denominations, and have not seen a single one that has this type of ministry (or at least that will advertise it). It seems that most churches deny that these things happen, and people like me are stuck being tormented by the demonic.
Any help or insight will be welcome (Sorry about the novel, but this gives a better understanding on where I am coming from).
