I need advice!

[deornie]

My boyfriend is a Christian and he really inspires me to get closer
to God.We like to read the Bible together and also pray together.
We are very fond of each other.We decided long ago that we don't want
sex before marriage and we keep to our decision.But we have very warm
feelings toward each other and physical relationship is also very
important. But the question is how far is too far?It is said that it
is normal to experiment and explore each others' sexuality and the
important thing is not go too far. So where is this line between sex
and just expressing your love?Some say that each one has his/her own
line, so for someone kissing is the line for others everything is accepted
but penetration.But there should be some universal line that is true
for everyone?...We just want to find our territory to be happy and
safe there and at peace with God. So please can anyone tell us what is
accepted and what is not, how far is too far?

 

[msjones21]

I think it's wrong to experiment sexually before marriage. Why test each other's boudaries like that? Sexual experimentation is much more satisfying within the confines of marriage. Plus, that is what is pleasing to God. If you truly love one another and God you will not push the boundaries of sexual purity. Once you go from kissing to fondling you'll want more. Even if you wait until you're married to have intercourse, what fun is it if you've done everything else? What do you have to look forward to?

My recommendation is for you and your boyfriend to spend alot of time around your families and Christian friends, and not as much time alone and isolated. That is when you're going to get into trouble. You'll start thinking "well, it might be alright if we just take our shirts off as long as we don't have sex" and then it will keep progressing further and further. Why take that risk?

You ask how far is too far? I think anything that would intentionally sexually arouse the other person. Granted, a guy can become aroused simply from an outfit you wear or the scent of your perfume, but if you are engaging in activities that you *know* are meant to sexually arouse and stimulate each other then you're willingly robbing them more and more of their sexual purity. Next to praying for your boyfriend/fiance, helping to guard their sexual purity is the best way you can show you love them. No physical act can show them that much love. I,personally, am waiting until my wedding day to kiss but not everyone will nor should they. That is my personal preference. I don't think making out, cuddling, fondling, etc. are pleasing to God. Keep praying and guard your sexual purity. If you go to far you will most likely regret it. If not immediately afterwards, then at some point in your life. I am not one of those people who believes everything *but* penetration is okay. I don't believe God thinks that way either. Bottom line, if you have to ask it's probably too far.

 

[VigoMedic]

deornie -

You will get a variety of answers on this question, probably with some people naming specific things that you cannot do. (For example, I've seen threads before that say anything from kissing isn't allowed, to everything is allowed save for sexual intercourse, to everything all-together is allowed). However, I do not think it is that simple.

Without trying to add to your frustration, I believe that the only true answer must come from you, your prayer life, and your relationship with God through Christ; meaning, if something you are doing is causing you to be uncomfortable or you feel your relationship with God is being comprimised - or could soon become comprimised - you should stop.

You already have a great start to your relationship, in so far as both of you are Christians who pray together. And, you have already started the discussion concerning your physical relationship by decidiing to wait to have sex until after marriage.

My advice to you is to continue to pray together about this subject and continue to make your decisions and read The Word with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. God won't leave you hanging - you will find the answers for which you are looking.

Peace.

 

[Clay]

since you have to ask and are obviously unsure, wouldnt you agree that its best to abstain from putting yourself in temptations way? afterall, no one is invulnerable to the temptation of sex.

 

[evita]

since you have to ask and are obviously unsure, wouldnt you agree that its best to abstain from putting yourself in temptations way? afterall, no one is invulnerable to the temptation of sex.

Good answer.

 

[superdave]

Everything I was going to advise everyone else has said. I have one more thing- I think the minute you are debating whats wrong and right is when you give the floor for Satan to have his 2 cents in. The minute you do that- the great tempter comes in and it makes more difficult to withstand temptation. What's the line- No sex before marriage- Nor anything that will cause you to lust. That's the line... So when the question comes up say, "I do not have authority to go pass this line..." It's like when you are driving- there are the laws of the land. You do not run red lights- because you do not have the authority to do so. If you do run a red light- there are consequences for your actions. In the same way, sex is like that. You have the rules right now... and if you run that red light- there is consequences for your actions. There will come a day- when you get married- and you have free access- and it's not far away. So why blow it now?- when there is only a couple of years?

 

[evita]

Everything I was going to advise everyone else has said. I have one more thing- I think the minute you are debating whats wrong and right is when you give the floor for Satan to have his 2 cents in. The minute you do that- the great tempter comes in and it makes more difficult to withstand temptation. What's the line- No sex before marriage- Nor anything that will cause you to lust. That's the line... So when the question comes up say, "I do not have authority to go pass this line..." It's like when you are driving- there are the laws of the land. You do not run red lights- because you do not have the authority to do so. If you do run a red light- there are consequences for your actions. In the same way, sex is like that. You have the rules right now... and if you run that red light- there is consequences for your actions. There will come a day- when you get married- and you have free access- and it's not far away. So why blow it now?- when there is only a couple of years?

That's a good way to look at it. Thanks for posting this!!

 

[doclkk]

Anything that can be kept holy in the eyes of God. - Sunday school answer

Anything that you wouldn't be embarrassed telling your grandmother?

 

[one love]

According to former American President Bill Clinton, oral sex is not even sex at all. The interpretation is left to you and your boyrfriend to sit down and decide.

 

[seangoh]

I think the minute you are debating whats wrong and right is when you give the floor for Satan to have his 2 cents in.

That's what i wanted to say.

We know the answer to our question actually. We just want to discuss at the hope of satisfying our desires. Because it's so tough to be a person of principle that's why we succumb to such arguments within ourselves. And in the end, the flesh wins usually. So the best way is to not even enter into such discussion with yourself. Just do what is right.

 

[Clay]

experimentation often leads to fornication.

 

[waas_MI]

Could you elaborate a little bit more please.
Explain it in simple English please

 

[Clay]

me?

 

[LadyBird]

We decided long ago that we don't want
sex before marriage and we keep to our decision.But...

Because you said the word "but" after what you said, it totally cancels out you saying that you promised to wait. It's just like saying "I love you but..." Anyways, good for you for deciding that you want to wait to have sex! That is what me and my boyfriend plan on doing too.

we have very warm
feelings toward each other

So? I have warm, romantic, fuzzy feelings towards my boyfriend but that does not mean that we are going to have sex or experiment sexually. Sex can and should wait for marriage.

and physical relationship is also very
important.

The physical part in a dating relationship should be almost non-existant and should NOT be important. It is important to have chemistry with your S.O. but why would you want to start something you know you can't finish? You should be more concerned with the emotional and spiritual part of your relationship then the physical part. The physcial part in a dating relationship should be the least important part.

But the question is how far is too far?

Me and my boyfriends limit is anywhere a bathing suit covers.

It is said that it
is normal to experiment and explore each others' sexuality and the
important thing is not go too far.

Yes, it is important not to go too far. But do have ANY idea how hard it is to stop once you are in the moment? It is SOOOOO easy to get carried away and caught up in the moment. Experimenting, as you put it, should only be done in a marriage.


In the end, you will end up doing what you want anyways and it wont matter what anyone else says. But just think if your parents or pastor was watching you, would you want them to see you doing that? WOuld they disapprove? And most of all, will you be honoring God and each other by doing these things outside of a marriage?