I need advice.

[taylor27]

I am currently in a relationship and my boyfriend and I both love God. However, we have had several discussions, even arguments about him attending church. When we first began to date almost a year ago he would attend church with me almost every Sunday. Now, he just doesn't want to go. My boyfriend says that he doesn't feel like he needs to go to church and the only reason he went in the first place was because he was trying to make me happy. I've tried to explain to him that I feel God speaking to me and through me, trying to get him to church. I feel God wants him there, and that it's important to Him. My boyfriend doens't see it. The way he feels, he loves God, he reads the bible and prays when he wants to and God takes care of him so he doesn't need church. We try to talk through this, but he says I need to just stop pressuring him to go to church and the way I see it is if God is telling me to talk to my boyfriend, then why shouldn't I? I'm not trying to pressure him into going to church, but I do believe it's important. He says that he's had enough church in his life (he grew up in church), but I see it as him not attending church is just steps he's taking further and further away from God, but of course, he doesn't see it that way.

So, what do I do??

 

[SplendidTree]

I think the best thing to do is pray and maybe lead by example. When you pressure someone to go to church, usually it pushes them further away from wanting to go. I will pray for you both. If you feel the Lord is trying to truly get you to communicate with him about church, ask Him to reveal how it is He wants you to do it.

 

[Luther073082]

I think the first thing you need to do is drop the "God speaking through me" bit. It really sounds almost arrogent when you say that.

Now in terms of him going to church, being a beliver in Christ should create a desire to worship and be in fellowship with other belivers. You may want to point out to him that the earliest Christians maintained fellowship with one another constantly.

The whole idea of a loner Christian is a recent invention, Historically speaking if you where a Christian you went to church on a regular basis.

Follow this link to bring up verses on church attendence in the bible.

Church Attendance: What Does the Bible Say About Going to Church?

While I strongly encourage you to discuss these with him, you need to approach it from a humble attitude. Claiming that God is speaking through you is really not humility.

If this becomes too much of a disagreement for you, then perhaps you should end the relationship.

 

[Level_Seven_Paladin]

Yes definitely do not pressure him to go, understand that while you may feel obligated to tell him to go, we often miss the mark in bringing others closer to Christ. It can easily be mistaken for it being you putting on the pressure and not God in his eternal love trying to reach his sheep.

Also not all churches are for all people, everyone serves God in their own preference of a place of worship. Many believers become apathetic on visiting church because they're forced the same general image of what God's house should be. What denomination is he? That could help alot if you address that portion. A baptist would likely be more happy in a baptist setting than a contemporary/non-denominational setting. As would a catholic be more comfy in mass than perhaps a baptist church- get my drift?

I hope that helped some

 

[Luther073082]

Yes definitely do not pressure him to go, understand that while you may feel obligated to tell him to go, we often miss the mark in bringing others closer to Christ. It can easily be mistaken for it being you putting on the pressure and not God in his eternal love trying to reach his sheep.

Also not all churches are for all people, everyone serves God in their own preference of a place of worship. Many believers become apathetic on visiting church because they're forced the same general image of what God's house should be. What denomination is he? That could help alot if you address that portion. A baptist would likely be more happy in a baptist setting than a contemporary/non-denominational setting. As would a catholic be more comfy in mass than perhaps a baptist church- get my drift?

I hope that helped some

I disagree, there should be some pressure. . . No Christian should try to do their faith alone.

But the pressure of course needs to be in love and with humility.

As far as the denomination, he should go to the church with which he agrees on doctrine, not as to if he likes their worship.

I'd rather go to a worship that nearly puts me to sleep in a church that agrees with me on doctrine (which would be a confessional Lutheran church) then to go to a worship that I couldn't get enough of in a church that does not agree with me on doctrine. (Which would be anything thats not confessional Lutheran.)

 

[Level_Seven_Paladin]

Thats not what I meant, Im not saying any of the above in an unbiblical fashion, in fact Im saying it practical. I appreciate what you added to what Ive already said, but I know for a fact nobody here is going to agree on everything, lets keep this about helping the person with the issue and not disagree with each other- only God knows best and we are seeking his face all the same. I happen to know from experience that if a church is boring to you then it probably is not aimed at your preference and/or demographic. If you're detachd from that church's vision then you will likely share no interest- and be bored. Or maybe you just dont agree with what they say, all the above comes from denomination as a factor- thats just how it is.

Example: I want to go to a graduation, but the validictorian gives a speech and uses tons of sports metaphors. I myself dont like sports, Im more the artsy type so now Im bored and get nothing out of something that was probably very inspiring, it just didnt appeal to me. The same goes with church, it SHOULD all be about Christ, but honestly its not. The hegemony of society has preconditioned our expectations so we're going to have pre-programmed preferences according to the culture of our peer-groups.

That is all Im saying. Now that I feel like Im debating though, Im going to leave on that note. Its kinda rude to say you disagree with someone in an open forum thats not about me or you but the person in need.

 

[taylor27]

I appreciate all of the advice from each one of you. I would first like to say that I completely disagree that my beliefe of God speaking to me is arrogent. My relationship with God is just that, MINE. Now with that said, my boyfriend is against going to church period. That is the biggest problem in our relationship. He says he's had enough church in his life and he just "doesn't need it". I've offered to go to different churches with him. I've said that my issue isn't that he doesn't want to go to MY church, but that he doesn't want to go to church at all. He confuses me because he will ask me: "why is it important to you that I go to church?" I then answer his question and he says he doesn't like to be pressured. That's why I don't believe I pressure him.

Everything else is just so flawless in our relationship, but unfortunately with his reluctance to attend church, it really makes me question us being together. My relationship with God is the most important thing in my life, and my boyfriend seems to be flippant about it, I wonder if we are just to different in this thing that is just so important to me. I'm worried that he will go further and further away from God. I am currently praying about it. I do know that if he doesn't have this desire to grow with God and attend church, we wll have to end our relationship.

I partially wonder if it is unfare to break up with him when everything else is so great, but God is so important to me, how can the person I want to be with not share this great love I have?

 

[Level_Seven_Paladin]

Hmm.. thats all very true, and a good point. Just the thing to remember is everyone has a relationship with God, whether they want it or not.

Example: A child has a good relationship with their dad- lots of communication. Or a child has a bad relationship- very little communication or none at all. Both of these are relationships, so even the Athiest has a relationship with God; they spend time professing the lack thereof in the heavens, thus recognizing that there is something to deny.

If your bf is not on the same level as you, that is not a reflection of your own relationship with God. You are in charge of your own salvation, not his. This may be a pitfall in your relationship with your bf, but only if you make it a priority to try to "Save" him. Is he saved? Thats a more reasonable question.

Calculative thought is a process that the world has taught, and it has crept into our churches. We think: "I go to church, bf/gf go to church equalls good relationship". When really we should think critically and ask ourselves "Why does my significant other NOT go to church?". If he cant give a better answer than not feeling it then he is keeping something from you, Im not saying he doesnt believe or is a bad person or anything- Im just saying that he is not sharing his feelings.

Speaking of feelings, Ive learned that a great way to appeal to others is to appeal to their Pathos (feelings), Logos (reputation of God) alone can go over someone's head. Stay in the word, and translate it to your situation and into your feelings, tell him your feelings and still appeal to his (his feelings are most important being you want to win him over).

 

[K9_Trainer]

If it's really that big of a deal to you, then I suggest you find a new boyfriend. One who goes to church to make god happy, not you.

If sharing your faith with your partner is that important to you, then it's not going to work with someone who doesn't have faith as the same number priority as you. And to be quite frank, he will be happier with somebody he can relate to more who isn't going to nag him about religion.

Pressure from peers, which is probably what he grew up around, is NOT a good way to get truly passionate followers. He needs to make that decision on his own for his own reasons, not on behalf of family, friends or a girlfriend or because he won't feel accepted if he doesn't.

 

[Level_Seven_Paladin]

If it's really that big of a deal to you, then I suggest you find a new boyfriend. One who goes to church to make god happy, not you.

If sharing your faith with your partner is that important to you, then it's not going to work with someone who doesn't have faith as the same number priority as you. And to be quite frank, he will be happier with somebody he can relate to more who isn't going to nag him about religion.

Pressure from peers, which is probably what he grew up around, is NOT a good way to get truly passionate followers. He needs to make that decision on his own for his own reasons, not on behalf of family, friends or a girlfriend or because he won't feel accepted if he doesn't.

True indeed, I have to say in the end its all about what you want, not what anyone else says. While divorce is not lead by means of religious differences, they do represent the lower 10% of divorces and the purpose one of the many purposes of dating is to find someone to marry. If marriage never crosses a person's mind then they're just casually dating, but I dont think this is casual to you if you care what he thinks about God. Go with what means most to you, I know you want a relationship with someone who loves God as much as you do- just make sure that is the sole purpose of if you leave him, cause he cant love God for you- only with you.