I NEED ADVICE... lots of it, now!!!

[Duchess Dines Out]

Okay, so, the short version goes like this. About a year ago my mom ran away from her husband because of alcohol and abuse issues. They weren't horrible, but she was scared so she fled her home in Florida to come out here (TX) and live in my sisters rental. She was away from him... he didn't know where she lived, worked... nothing. Then for financial reasons she started to communicate with him. She was careful at first, but eventually she gave him her address and phone number. Last week, he SHOWED UP. Uninvited, scary looking, Lifetime movie type of appearence. He said he was looking for a job out here. That he had been following her for a few days. Now, he knows where I live, where my sister lives, where my mom works... the whole nine yards. He left without incident, but she got a call at her office today. This was the message:
"Tell Margery I'll see her on the first."
We are all figuring that he got a job, or at least is moving out here... if it's not that he's going to kill her, which I don't even want to discuss.

I have two children and I don't want anything to happen to them because my mom let this lunatic into our lives. The only thing I can figure is that after the first, I can't be around her anymore. I mean, it's not safe with Lenny lurking in the shadows. Who knows when he'll snap??? But, that means cutting my mother off completely and that really sucks. So, am I over reacting? Should I just move and call it done? Do I tell her that this is how it's going to be? Someone tell me what to do cause I'm heartbroken and confused.

Thanks,
Duchess

 

[jaimegerise]

Hmmmm, but has he actually ever done anything in the past that's well...lunatic like? (sorry for lack of a better word). I guess there's a first time for anything, but I'd just keep my eyes peeled for anything suspicious before accusing him of anything. BUT, at the first sign of something wrong, don't deny it...and don't let your mom or him get away with anything.

And don't stop contacting her, but if you feel uncomfortable around him, I don't see anything wrong with making it known. And she can always contact you, but that doesn't mean you have to go around him with your kids and all.

Hope this made sense! I have a wacko relative, and I have made it known that I can't stand the doot...and when he comes around, I jet...but I don't let that interfere with my relationship with the rest of the family.

 

[brinny]

Okay, so, the short version goes like this. About a year ago my mom ran away from her husband because of alcohol and abuse issues. They weren't horrible, but she was scared so she fled her home in Florida to come out here (TX) and live in my sisters rental. She was away from him... he didn't know where she lived, worked... nothing. Then for financial reasons she started to communicate with him. She was careful at first, but eventually she gave him her address and phone number. Last week, he SHOWED UP. Uninvited, scary looking, Lifetime movie type of appearence. He said he was looking for a job out here. That he had been following her for a few days. Now, he knows where I live, where my sister lives, where my mom works... the whole nine yards. He left without incident, but she got a call at her office today. This was the message:
"Tell Margery I'll see her on the first."
We are all figuring that he got a job, or at least is moving out here... if it's not that he's going to kill her, which I don't even want to discuss.

I have two children and I don't want anything to happen to them because my mom let this lunatic into our lives. The only thing I can figure is that after the first, I can't be around her anymore. I mean, it's not safe with Lenny lurking in the shadows. Who knows when he'll snap??? But, that means cutting my mother off completely and that really sucks. So, am I over reacting? Should I just move and call it done? Do I tell her that this is how it's going to be? Someone tell me what to do cause I'm heartbroken and confused.

Thanks,
Duchess

Ok, this is what I zeroed in on...this comment about it not being horrible (the abuse) and then you go on to say that she was scared?! I'd venture to say that she had plenty reason to be:

They weren't horrible,

Here's the bottom line. Your mom needs to go to a shelter. You need to make it clear to her and to Mr. Wonderful that he can associate you with jail time for him if he even THINKS about calling you or contacting you. Make a pact with yourself that you will call the police if he contacts you.

Keep in mind that he specializes in 'cat n' mouse' games. Steer clear. This IS life and death for your mom and anyone else he chooses to target.

I'd also recommend that you contact a local domestic violence hotline for yourself in developing a detailed safe plan and support in getting through this and also so you have back-up and documentation in the event that you need to go to court.

The series of events you just described are outrageous and dangerous. Your priority is yours and your family's safety.

 

[donnarina]

have you made your feelings clear to your mum, can you be open with her without making her feel like a monster in all this for letting him back into her life? and have you asked why she let him back in?