I need advice from a priest.

[chevyontheriver]

I think Amazon has audio of a book called Unbound by Neal Lozano my daughter is having me listen to.
Life is tough, and I really think you both need this book.
It dives deeply into our hurts and admitting them...but he guides us through it and how to ask the Lord to help show us and of course release.

I have come across mental emotional problems with people [hating parents, feeling neglect and basically molested] who have the most need for deep healing. That includes understanding and self forgiveness.

It is excellent.

The healing is important in itself.

 

[WarriorAngel]

The healing is important in itself.

He has some intuition and helps people. Also he started a prayer group etc along with his ministry [Catholic]

 

[Valletta]

To be clear here, my late wife was not Catholic, her father was. Her mothers side of the family were non denominational Christians as was my wife, and we were married by a Baptist pastor. We had consulted with a priest to get her fathers, who was Catholic blessing.

I know old fashioned, but I wanted to do it right, by her, our families, and God.

What you mentioned about sacramental and non sacramental marriage is what the priest was talking about. My civil marriage to my ex was not considered a sacramental marriage, there were no children by her action I would rather not go into...

I know many protestant denominations will marry divorced people on the basis of repentance, however in order for the particular church and pastor that married us we had to be in good standing in both Matthew 19:9 and 1 Corinthians 7... I had never heard it called the Pauline Priviledge.

There is a nice parish that a friend attends mass at close to my church. I believe they have Mass tomorrow. I will go see what that is about and try to talk with a priest there.

My girlfriends parish puts the Homilies online and I have been catching what the priest there is talking about, as much as I can follow. Long story. What I do catch though is that the teaching is solid and Honors God...

Let me add that It is a mistake to assume that past advice given to you by a Catholic, knowing that you were a non-Catholic involving marriage not within the Catholic Church, applies to a potential marriage within the Catholic Church. That is why I recommend you first speak with the local priest.

 

[FaithT]

If you want to ask a sincere question here you can do that. And there are scads of good apologetics sites available online too, far better than ever before.

Catholic Answers is helpful in many cases though probably not in this particular situation.

 

[Valletta]

Catholic Answers is helpful in many cases though probably not in this particular situation.

I agree. With marriages and annulments there are a lot of specific details that make a difference.

 

[zippy2006]

Let me add that It is a mistake to assume that past advice given to you by a Catholic, knowing that you were a non-Catholic involving marriage not within the Catholic Church, applies to a potential marriage within the Catholic Church. That is why I recommend you first speak with the local priest.

Actually he spoke to a Catholic priest, not merely a Catholic, and he did so because the father of his bride was Catholic and wanted to ensure a valid marriage. That priest's word is as good as any other priest's word. Going to another priest would be, as I said, to seek a second opinion. Indeed, it would be interesting to know if the father actually went so far as to obtain a dispensation of form.

 

[DaveHTexas]

Actually he spoke to a Catholic priest, not merely a Catholic, and he did so because the father of his bride was Catholic and wanted to ensure a valid marriage. That priest's word is as good as any other priest's word. Going to another priest would be, as I said, to seek a second opinion. Indeed, it would be interesting to know if the father actually went so far as to obtain a dispensation of form.

The variance here is I do not date just to date. I would not have expressed interest had I not thought there was potential for a Godly marriage down the road at some point, and my late wife was non denominational, whereas my girlfriend is Catholic... Should it come to the point of a marriage, it would be in the church, and the big question is going to be which church. Many a Catholic have become protestant and many protestants have become Catholic around the issue of marriage. I am not anti Catholic in any way, shape or form, but even with such a large percentage of my family being Catholic, I am woefully ignorant of the teachings of the church, and what I do know or at least think I know confuses me. As long as I am in the will and guidance of God the name on the church door is meaningless to me, it is the name that is preached and practiced within that door, and among the congregation outside of that door that is important.

 

[Michie]

The variance here is I do not date just to date. I would not have expressed interest had I not thought there was potential for a Godly marriage down the road at some point, and my late wife was non denominational, whereas my girlfriend is Catholic... Should it come to the point of a marriage, it would be in the church, and the big question is going to be which church. Many a Catholic have become protestant and many protestants have become Catholic around the issue of marriage. I am not anti Catholic in any way, shape or form, but even with such a large percentage of my family being Catholic, I am woefully ignorant of the teachings of the church, and what I do know or at least think I know confuses me. As long as I am in the will and guidance of God the name on the church door is meaningless to me, it is the name that is preached and practiced within that door, and among the congregation outside of that door that is important.

Marriage is the Catholic Church is a sacrament in which all requirements must be met for the marriage to be valid. Asking a different priest or inquiring in another Catholic Church won’t change that. Instead of confusing yourself by asking such an important question of strangers on the internet, you should call your girlfriend’s priest and inquire of him pertaining to such an important life decision.

 

[Valletta]

Actually he spoke to a Catholic priest, not merely a Catholic, and he did so because the father of his bride was Catholic and wanted to ensure a valid marriage. That priest's word is as good as any other priest's word. Going to another priest would be, as I said, to seek a second opinion. Indeed, it would be interesting to know if the father actually went so far as to obtain a dispensation of form.

It is a huge mistake to applying counseling to a non-Catholic about a non-Catholic marriage who knows how long ago to a potential future marriage within the Catholic Church. It is not a matter of a priest's word, and priests do make mistakes and are not experts. For a potential marriage within the Catholic Church, all previous marriages are considered valid until proven otherwise. Examination of a previous marriage is not normally done by the parish priest (a priest can technically can get special permission from the bishop for a clear situation), the priest may give his opinion of what is likely to be found, but the authority rests with the bishop, who has set up a Marriage Tribunal. The Tribunal has experts. The priest will assist to get the paperwork rolling with the diocese and the Marriage Tribunal. If a Declaration of Nullity is granted for all previous marriages, then the Catholic is free to date and potentially marry. This formal declaration is necessary, not the words of a priest no matter that they were well-intentioned. I would hate to put someone through extra suffering only for them to find out at the last moment that such a declaration is needed.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I am not anti Catholic in any way, shape or form, but even with such a large percentage of my family being Catholic, I am woefully ignorant of the teachings of the church, and what I do know or at least think I know confuses me. As long as I am in the will and guidance of God the name on the church door is meaningless to me, it is the name that is preached and practiced within that door, and among the congregation outside of that door that is important.

The most straightforward way to figure out the Catholic Thing is to pick up a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC). Cheapest way to do that is find a used bookstore and browse the religion section. There'll probably be one there for under five dollars. Look for the second edition, which will be the most common one anyway. First edition was a quick translation from the French version. Second edition is revised to the Latin definitive text, and although not terribly different, it is what the first edition hoped to be.

You could read it from cover to cover, or use the index to look up individual things, or pick a section you want to explore, or any combination of these. There is also a podcast called 'Catechism in a Year' by Fr. Mike Schmitz that my wife liked. The Catechism is halfway deep but not the deepest dive possible into everything related to the faith. It is worth a look but it may only whet your appetite for more.

Reading the CCC is not totally sufficient by itself but it will help you to the point of deciding whether you want to go further and receive formal instruction in the Catholic faith in something called the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) also known as the Order of Christian Initiation of Adults (OCIA). That takes many months and in your case could lead to Confirmation and the Eucharist and Reconciliation as sacraments if initiation into the Catholic faith.

If you are interested in this young lady you probably want to know a bit more about what she believes anyway.

 

[Valletta]

The most straightforward way to figure out the Catholic Thing is to pick up a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church (CCC). Cheapest way to do that is find a used bookstore and browse the religion section. There'll probably be one there for under five dollars. Look for the second edition, which will be the most common one anyway. First edition was a quick translation from the French version. Second edition is revised to the Latin definitive text, and although not terribly different, it is what the first edition hoped to be.

You could read it from cover to cover, or use the index to look up individual things, or pick a section you want to explore, or any combination of these. There is also a podcast called 'Catechism in a Year' by Fr. Mike Schmitz that my wife liked. The Catechism is halfway deep but not the deepest dive possible into everything related to the faith. It is worth a look but it may only whet your appetite for more.

Reading the CCC is not totally sufficient by itself but it will help you to the point of deciding whether you want to go further and receive formal instruction in the Catholic faith in something called the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) also known as the Order of Christian Initiation of Adults (OCIA). That takes many months and in your case could lead to Confirmation and the Eucharist and Reconciliation as sacraments if initiation into the Catholic faith.

If you are interested in this young lady you probably want to know a bit more about what she believes anyway.

Let me add that The Catechism of the Catholic Church is also online:

Catechism of the Catholic Church

 

[DaveHTexas]

Just a brief update. We had a little tiny bit of a catastrophe over here, I am Houston Metro and we had a bit of a hurricane come through... Still trying to get a hold of a priest. Finally at least got a chance to reach out and try to talk with one today, left my # with the church secretary for the parish priest to call me and gave her a brief rundown of what I want to talk to him about. I suspect I should buy him lunch and a coffee since this is going to take some time to go over...

 

[Michie]

I know my first long discussion with a priest was over the phone. Tuesday before Ash Wednesday. But if you two actually get a chance to meet, by all means buy him lunch. Priests are not wealthy guys. Keep us updated!

 

[DaveHTexas]

So just touching base on this. Process is started, just barely but the priest at my late FILs parish is a pretty good guy and is helping me navigate the process... Not exactly a super straight forward thing but not horrible.

 

[DaveHTexas]

Let me add that It is a mistake to assume that past advice given to you by a Catholic, knowing that you were a non-Catholic involving marriage not within the Catholic Church, applies to a potential marriage within the Catholic Church. That is why I recommend you first speak with the local priest.

Done, and process started. The fun part is going to see if my ex participates in the process.

 

[chevyontheriver]

Done, and process started. The fun part is going to see if my ex participates in the process.

Obviously they don’t HAVE TO but it sure makes it easier. Prayin for you.

 

[DaveHTexas]

Well, still working on the petition. I feel like I am writing the next great novel based on youthful stupidity. I got agreement from my ex to cooperate witht he process. IF she is truthful with them, there should be no issue. The big issue we are going to run into is they want information from marriage counselors, one by contract simply refuses to discuss counseling or patients with anyone but the patient. And the other one, oddly enough a Catholic counselor that originally told me that I was in the clear, and referred me to the parish in particular when I first looked into annulment but didn't consider it necessary at the time, well she's quite deceased now since it has been 20 years... We still h ave common friends that knew what was going on, including a good friend fo mine from high school I refused to talk to for at least 15 years because he tried warning me about her... Young and incredibly stupid on my part...
Please don't misunderstand me, I do forgove what she has done over the years, but forgiveness is not the same as restoring trust or even relationship. And I wish her well. I just want to have my life back. And this is one stone that is tripping me up.

 

[Valletta]

Well, still working on the petition. I feel like I am writing the next great novel based on youthful stupidity. I got agreement from my ex to cooperate witht he process. IF she is truthful with them, there should be no issue. The big issue we are going to run into is they want information from marriage counselors, one by contract simply refuses to discuss counseling or patients with anyone but the patient. And the other one, oddly enough a Catholic counselor that originally told me that I was in the clear, and referred me to the parish in particular when I first looked into annulment but didn't consider it necessary at the time, well she's quite deceased now since it has been 20 years... We still h ave common friends that knew what was going on, including a good friend fo mine from high school I refused to talk to for at least 15 years because he tried warning me about her... Young and incredibly stupid on my part...
Please don't misunderstand me, I do forgove what she has done over the years, but forgiveness is not the same as restoring trust or even relationship. And I wish her well. I just want to have my life back. And this is one stone that is tripping me up.

Youth, of course, there is nothing to be done with hormones. With my relatives there was a similar situation, a grandfather wanted to warn his grandchild, but another grandchild told him the groom would just end up hating the grandfather. The marriage was over in a matter of months. As to an investigation, just like any investigation it is their responsibility to try and talk to all available witnesses, that is, gather all information. Just like you or I or anyone else would do if running an investigation. If nine out of ten don't want to talk then so be it, it is the responsibility of the investigation to ask. They have run into professional confidentiality and witnesses not talking many times before.