I Need Advice and I Can't Find the Advice Forum...

[puppii]

I have this friend who has a Ron of problems. I believe in helping people but when is too much?

My friend is 73. Her daughter and her daughter boyfriend live with her. They are heroin addicts and use most of their (and her) money on this.

Her grandson also lives with her and contributes nothing.

Well she is very needy and has been depending on me to feed her. I'm on a budget myself and buy extra because I know she'll need it.

The other day she got a check for food. She didn't buy any food. She bought a pair of shoes and gave the rest to her daughter.

I'm not sure what to do. I really want to distance myself from the whole situation.

 

[1watchman]

Well, this is a most difficult situation for you, and we cannot know all the details to advise you. On the surface it seems you need to explain this to the mother and why you are leaving this hopeless situation. You could put it in writing for her to re-read and consider all the details, but she may be mentally limited. Maybe a government adult protection service could be notified to look into the women's situation.

 

[puppii]

That could be a possibility...

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I really don't have a solution just thoughts. Everybody has a desire to buy something nice for themselves. There is a lot of pressure on people, especially those with little, to desire a little luxury. If they were spending the money on shoes all the time, and not food, then I would say there is a problem. But doing it once may just be a sign of the human hearts desire for something nice. I would say keep supporting her, and praying for them.

Many years ago, I knew a family that had a drug problem and I supported them, but there did come a day when I had to say no more, because they had enough money for food but spent it on drugs. So I was essentially supporting their habit.

I would say just keep praying and asking God to open or close doors in this situation. That he might give you peace as to what to do.

 

[servant of Merciful Love]

The Christian Advice forum can be found in the Edification (Christians only) section.
I will be praying for you and your friend ~ direction, protection, and peace
May God bless her in His Merciful Love

 

[brinny]

I have this friend who has a Ron of problems. I believe in helping people but when is too much?

My friend is 73. Her daughter and her daughter boyfriend live with her. They are heroin addicts and use most of their (and her) money on this.

Her grandson also lives with her and contributes nothing.

Well she is very needy and has been depending on me to feed her. I'm on a budget myself and buy extra because I know she'll need it.

The other day she got a check for food. She didn't buy any food. She bought a pair of shoes and gave the rest to her daughter.

I'm not sure what to do. I really want to distance myself from the whole situation.

Two things:

Refer her to Meals On Wheels and Adult Protective Services and give her a list of churches that give free food as a ministry, but also minister to the family so that there can be someone else involved in intervention rather than yourself.

Secondarily, STOP giving her anything. She is using you as the source of food, and indicates that she will continue, regardless of how this may cause you a hardship and use up your resources. Give her the resources above or refer her yourself, so that a social worker can get involved in the dynamics of this household and intervene legally and get her the assistance she needs.

Finally, leave it alone after you have done what you can. Pray for wisdom, discernment and clarity in all of this. What has happened is that you are being dragged into an oooogly kind of dynamic of co-dependancy that is raising all kinds o' flags, dear heart.

Praying for you (((hug)))

 

[dayhiker]

puppii - 1st I commend you that you are feeding this woman. Jesus said if you have done this unto the least of these you have done it unto me.
I know its hard to separate your feelings from the harm her children are doing to her. But none of that is your responsibility. So I'd say try to let it go.
The help her as you feel to because you are having compassion on her. If its causing resentment, then its best not to.