I married the wrong person

[Noel122704]

I am new to this site, but I am in need of help and advice.

I have been married to my husband for 2 years now. I was a christian when I met him (he was not), and loved the lord but I fell into temptation. Our relationship became centered around the sex and nothing more.

However, before I met my husband I had been dating an awesome man of God, and I new that he was the one God had for me. Even my friends and family recognized this, but it was not the right time for us to be together.

He would call me occasionally while I was dating my husband, and I could feel the tug of God to get out of this sinfull relationship, but I was scared and rejected God's warnings.

I never wanted to marry my husband,​

but I ended up pregnant and felt that marrying him was the right thing to do, not to mention the pressure from my parents. I am now pregnant with my second child and am miserable in my marriage. I can not deny knowing God wanted me to marry this other person. My husband did start going to church with me after we were married and is a new christian, but I am not in love with him and I don't know if I ever could be. We are so different! I knowingly disobeyed God and married someone I never was really in love with. I need help and advice!
'

 

[Blessed2003]

I wish I could give you some good advice, but unfortunately I can't the only thing that comes to mind, (your not going to like this) is HONOR your marriage, suck it up, you missed the boat. OK, I am sorry, I maybe should not post at all, I love you and I don't mean to be condecending or rude, it is just that is how I feel, I am unhappy too if that makes you feel any better, and I don't think I should bow to that emotion, I think I should care about the committment I made and honor it. Much Love Sister,
May God give you someone who is sympathetic and can really help, may He bless you too.
B

 

[lilray]

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm not married but felt compelled to post. Have you prayed that God will change your heart and help you fall in love with your husband? God loves you and wants you to be a godly wife. He is pleased you have become the light that guided your husband to Jesus. God has made a bad decision good. Trust in Him to mold and bless your marriage. God is an awesome, awesome and powerful God. Nothing is out of his reach. No prayer goes unheard. There is hope for your happiness and your marriage. You'll find it as you draw closer to God and focus on being the godly wife and mother within. God bless you! I'm so glad you posted! Take care. - Your sister in Christ

 

[GirlieGirl]

I like a quote by Ziz Ziglar

I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person, and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you.

 

[pegatha]

My heart goes out to you, it really does. However, your own happiness is no longer your first priority. You have children to consider now, so it's important for your marriage to be as stable and fulfilling as possible. The previous advice is right on target. You need to ask God to change your feelings, and trust Him to follow through.You should also be treating your husband as if you really loved him dearly, because feelings often follow behavior. God can show you all the wonderful things you're overlooking about this man, if you let Him, and if you ask Him to remove your old bf from the place he should no longer have in your heart.

I think you have more to be thankful for than you realize. Some guys would have bailed out on you when they found out there was a baby on the way; yours stayed. Some women pray for decades for their husbands to find the Lord; yours has been saved early in your marriage. So even though I believe your regret and your unhappiness are real, I see a lot of hope for your future if you will put the regret behind you, and get on with the life you have now.

PS--I've had a couple of kids myself, so when I hear an expectant mother telling me how unhappy she is, I always assume that hormone changes could be a large part of that. They certainly affected me that way. So be sure to get as much rest as you can, and keep in mind that your perspective may change for the better once your baby is born and you've had a few weeks to recover.

 

[WashedClean]

Hi Noel ,

I'm glad you found this site for support.

I agree with everyone's comments here. You are so blessed to have a Christian husband now. Many of us here would trade places with you in a second to have a Christian husband. God may also make changes in him that you will grow to love. Definitely keep praying for God to change your heart toward your husband as well.

By the way, our pastor just spoke on the topic of divorce yesterday. He had some really interesting statistics:

1. We all know that 50+% of first marriages now end in divorce (actually I believe it's 58%)
2. But 77% of second marriages and 87% of third marriages end in divorce.
3. 94% of fourth marriages end in divorce

In a poll taken of people who were married a second or third time, only 18% of them said they were happy.

This doesn't even delve into the reasons that God hates divorce. It pains Him personally and the damage it does to the children is unbelievable.

One of the other points our pastor made is that God does something supernaturally between a husband and wife when they come together as one flesh. It's very special and that's part of the reason God hates divorce too. He knows it always causes His children pain as well.

I hope you will listen to the sound advice here on this forum. We will speak the truth to you in love. It's not always easy to swallow, but it is scriptural.

Love,

Jill

 

[Noel122704]

WOW! I didn't expect so many responses so quickly. I appreciate everyone's advice and encouragement. It's just so hard, because I think of this man every day and mourn for the loss of what God had for me and ,more so, that I disobeyed him. I know i can't go back, and I do love my family. but sometimes it's just so painful, I can feel it in my heart. I loved this other man with a godly love. The circumstances and things we shared a passion for, such as singing and songwriting was amazing. I wish you all new the whole story. But, I guess in the end it doesn't matter. I have to be thankful for God's forgiveness and grace and that he's blessed me with a precious family.I am trying to let go of the past and move forward to what God has for me now. Please pray for me! May God bless each and everyone of you. You have blessed me!

 

[charligirl]

How do you know if you married the right man?? It's the one you wake up with the day after your wedding!

There is alot of truth in that, you chose your husband (for whatever reasons as the time) and you are now in covenant with him, so he has become the right one!. Marriage runs on covenant not feelings and emotions. Love is a decision, a verb, yes there can be emotions and feelings that go along with it but primarily you CHOOSE each day to love you husband. Ask God for the feelings as well, but start by deciding to 'love' your husband each day.

Praise God that he has saved your husband!!! So many women pray for years for this, God certainly is making a glorious change about in your marriage If two people put God in the centre of their marriage and purpose tolove each other... IT WORKS!! because God is FOR you and He is FOR your marriage and He will do everything He can to make it work... but He needs you to decide to do your bit.

Joy is a gift from God that is not an 'emotion' as such.. happiness is an emotion and it comes and goes depending on circumstances but Joy is from your spirit and it is there even in awful situations.

Two books I would recommend ( I am currently reading them, as my husband is also a baby christian!)

The Power of praying Wife - Stormie Omartian (POWERFUL book that give prayers to pray each day to change your marriage!)

The Lady, her lover and her Lord - TD Jakes (all about loving yourself and finding that place of peace that is not dependent on your man, also about how to improve your relationship with God and with your spouse!)

God bless

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Well, you gotta run whatcha brung.
You and this guy seemed to like each other enough to sleep with each other. Granted, that's not a lot of foothold for a relationship.
But try to make the best of what you've got. Thinking about what could have been won't do you any good.

 

[KleinerApfel]

Noel,

The advice here has been excellent already, so I'll try to keep this short.

As others have said, you really need to make a firm decision to turn your heart away from thoughts of the old boyfriend.
That's probably the greatest barrier to your progress now.

It may have seemed the perfect relationship to you both for a time, but the Lord holds the master plan, and has anticipated all our twists and turns.

Do you think God didn't know all along which man you would end up marrying?!

No matter if you and your husband's reasons were "ungodly" when you began this relationship, God has now sanctified it. It is not a mistake.
God wants you and your husband to be happy together.

If you've asked God to forgive you for going against His guidance, know that you are forgiven. And forgive yourself.

God has a way of working through our adverse circumstances, so that what the devil wanted to spoil ends up more beautiful than ever;
we see that the Lord has been in the situation, and the glory for the healing goes to Him.
Maybe He will enable you to use the experience to encourage others later.
But for these things to happen we need to co-operate with the mending process.

So God bless you, and your husband and children. I pray that you will find the grace you need.

Susana

 

[JillLars]

It's just so hard, because I think of this man every day and mourn for the loss of what God had for me and ,more so, that I disobeyed him.

Please remember that God works in mysterious ways, you don't know what God's plan is for you. Remember that God doesn't make mistakes, the babies you have brought into this world could only have been made with your DNA, and your husband's DNA. It is entirely possible that God has special plans for your children, and is using your mistakes to do wonderful things. Hang in there and trust God, he will help you get through this, he will turn your past mistakes into a wonderful future if you are willing to let him do that. Don't dwell in the past, keep your mind in the present and in what God has planned for you in the future. I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[Blindfaith316]

I agree with the advice thats been given, so all I have to say is please read the power of a praying wife, by stormie O'martian, and since your husband is a christian, I would get him the power of a praying husband, (same author) through the prayers mentioned in these books my marriage has improved 100 fold! My prayers are with you.

 

[Noel122704]

I am truly enjoing and absorbing all the advice that I'm getting. Although my husband has been saved, he is not growing as a christian. At the same time, I know I am not spending enough time with God. Please pray for us. I am praying everyday that God would ease the pain of the past and that one day I will truly be in love with my husband. It's just so hard to live with regret and the reality that I disobeyed God and lost out on someone who was truly meant for me. God had clearly spoken to me. When I tell people all the details, they are amazed. But I've made my decisions and I have to move on. it doesn't help the situation, that we're in serious financial trouble and have been living with my parents. My mom was recently diagnosed with Colon cancer also. The fact that I am pregnant again is difficult at this time. Please pray for financial and spiritual breakthrogh for my family and healing for my mother. I would like you all to share prayer requests with me also. God Bless!

 

[pegatha]

It's just so hard to live with regret and the reality that I disobeyed God and lost out on someone who was truly meant for me. God had clearly spoken to me. When I tell people all the details, they are amazed. But I've made my decisions and I have to move on.

Maybe it would be wiser if you didn't tell people all the details. If you are telling them that you didn't really want to marry your husband and you really prefered another, well, just think how hurtful that must be to him.

I am sorry about the other trials you are facing, with your mom's illness and your financial situation. That's an awful lot to deal with all at once, and I will pray for you.

 

[charligirl]

. Although my husband has been saved, he is not growing as a christian.

How long has he been saved? I know with my husband I get impatient sometimes that he is not growing quicker, then I remember it took me 20 years to get to where I am with God!!

 

[nhzfavor]

I married my husband for the same reasons. I was young and pregnant and felt like marrying him would somehow justify my actions. At least I won't be single and apart from the man who gave me this child.

The truth is two wrongs never make a right. So what was bad only ended up worst. I say, evaluate your options. I am not the one to opt for divorce all the time because I believe that a sanctified wife does sanctify her husband. If you can last that for the process, go for it.

If not, the blessings of God addeth no sorrow... remember that.

Yada
XOXO

 

[Blessed75]

My advice to you is to do what you feel God is leading you to do. I know that you can hear Him - be still, have an open heart and God will show you what to do. It doesn't matter what other people think or say. You are God's child, he wants you to be happy. He wants your children to be happy. He will show you the way. He did with me - God Bless and feel free to email me at countrygapeach@yahoo.com if you need to talk. Blessings, Nikki

I am new to this site, but I am in need of help and advice.

I have been married to my husband for 2 years now. I was a christian when I met him (he was not), and loved the lord but I fell into temptation. Our relationship became centered around the sex and nothing more.

However, before I met my husband I had been dating an awesome man of God, and I new that he was the one God had for me. Even my friends and family recognized this, but it was not the right time for us to be together.

He would call me occasionally while I was dating my husband, and I could feel the tug of God to get out of this sinfull relationship, but I was scared and rejected God's warnings.

I never wanted to marry my husband,​

but I ended up pregnant and felt that marrying him was the right thing to do, not to mention the pressure from my parents. I am now pregnant with my second child and am miserable in my marriage. I can not deny knowing God wanted me to marry this other person. My husband did start going to church with me after we were married and is a new christian, but I am not in love with him and I don't know if I ever could be. We are so different! I knowingly disobeyed God and married someone I never was really in love with. I need help and advice!
'

 

[Sailor's Wife]

*

 

[Ashlynn]

However, before I met my husband I had been dating an awesome man of God, and I new that he was the one God had for me. Even my friends and family recognized this, but it was not the right time for us to be together.
'

Noel, you do realize that what you have written here is an oxymoron right? If God truly has someone for you- there is no such thing as "not the right time to be together". God is the great orchestrator- not us.
As I read your plight, I couldnt help but wonder if because things are difficult between you and your hubby now you wish you knew what it was like to be with the other guy.
You must remember that the grass is always greener on the other side until you jump the fence. Dont think that if you married this other guy you wouldnt have any problems. God knows all and sees all. He knew you would be here before you did. Pray for his guidance to see you through, but dont run away to another man because you think it will be easier. Dont even allow your mind to entertain the thought. Talk to God- he knows best.

 

[Blessed75]

Noel - I feel for you - I too married someone I KNEW that I was not meant to be with but I got pregnant too. We were engaged a month before I got pregnant but had I waited the year that we were going to do to get married, I KNOW I wouldn't have married him. You are the one living there. You are the one that knows what your heart is telling you and YOU are the one that has to deal with God. YOU do what YOU think is right for you and your children no matter what anyone says. God will guide you - just listen to him, have an open heart and be willing to do what God asks. I did - I was scared but I did it anyway. I'm now divorcing my husband and God is blessing me every step of the way. I'm not encouraging a divorce, I'm telling you that I went against what good intentioned people told me and did what I knew was right for me and my children b/c only *I* knew what was going on in our household. I knew that God would lead me to make some decisions that I didn't want to make but I followed the Holy Spirit's guidance and so far, things are looking up. If you ever need to talk - please pm me. Hang in there - you're in my prayers hon.