I Lost My Virginity Before I Was Saved?

[lindseynicole12]

I was saved when I was 18 years old. I started having sex when I was 16. After being saved, I fell a few more times in very weak moments when I was getting the hang of being a Christian. Now, I am 20 and very strong in my faith. I am dating a man who is also a very strong Christian and I know he has saved himself for marriage. Though we are very interested in one another, he doesn't know that I'm not a virgin.

It breaks my heart that I cannot be the wife that any Christian man deserves. I am ashamed of my shortcomings, but there is nothing I can do to change it. I know the Lord has forgiven me, but I need to be able to forgive myself.

When would be the appropriate time to tell him? Does he have a right to be upset or to not want to go out with me anymore? Should I only date men who have fallen in sexual sin, too? Do you have any general advice for this situation?

 

[whitebeaches]

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[LinkH]

I am sorry to hear about your falling into sin in the past. The good news is that the blood of Jesus Christ washes away sin. You've messed up in the past. You've send in the past, but God can make something beautiful out of your life as you follow Him.

Getting married off as a virgin and going along with the deception was such a horrific crime that a woman who did it was stoned to death in the Old Testament, the same penalty as murder, adultery, homosexual activity, beastiality, idolatry, and numerous other crimes. So you definitely shouldn't deceive him. Let him know what he is getting into. And don't save the information for your wedding night or after he has 'put himself out there' by proposing.

I think you should let him know early on. I know it's personal, but you could hint early on in the relationship about having messed up, having fallen into sin in past relationships. You could give some vague hints like that and it is his choice to pursue. Before it gets too serious, let him know that you aren't a virgin. You could work it into a conversation.

If he wants to marry a virgin, that's his right. If he hasn't slept with anyone else. For the sake of your own feelings and for his, let him know early on.

These days virgins are hard to find, and a lot of men don't care one way or the other. It is a big deal to some men. If he wants to marry you even if you aren't a virgin, he can make that choice. Just to be compassionate to him and careful for yourself, it's best to let a man know somewhere around the time that it is clear that he is interested in dating you in a romantic relationship, a relationship that could lead to marriage. The longer you wait, the more involved you get. If marrying a virgin is super important to him, and he breaks it off, then it hurts you both more the longer you wait. If he's just a friend, you don't have to tell every friend all your personal stuff.

I really wanted to marry a virgin. I didn't start a relationship with one girl I knew at church in my early 20's who was beautiful, I could sense we'd have an emotional connection, and she was really sweet, but I somehow found out I wasn't a virgin, so I didn't take it past friendship. I broke it off with a young woman I dated a few weeks when I found out she wasn't a virgin, not just because of her not being a virgin though that was part of it. I was also concerned because I sensed I could do whatever I wanted with her and my will power was the only thing that stood in the way, so I figured I'd back off.

But a lot of men, even virgin men, don't have that as a criteria they are looking for. It depends on the man.

 

[Johnnz]

Both of you need to accept the totality of what Jesus has done. "I (you) am crucified with Christ" - that is what happened to your past.

Premarriage sex does not doom you or your marriage to some 'second class' status. Satisfactory sexual experience grows with the years of a developing relationship. Short term sex is just so different from the intimacy of a life shared together.

John
NZ

 

[Inkachu]

It breaks my heart that I cannot be the wife that any Christian man deserves.

STOP right there. That is a LIE from the pits of hell, little sister. When you became a Christian, your sins were wiped away, your past is no longer held against you, and you are made PURE again by Jesus' blood. Sweetheart, you need to embrace this truth, wrap it around yourself, and NEVER let ANYONE tell you differently. The world - yes, even some Christians - will try to tell you that you're "less than" because you're not a physical virgin, but they are spewing evil lies. Your virtue does not lie in your past or your physical virginity, it lies in who you are today, and who you are in your mind, heart, and soul.

I am ashamed of my shortcomings, but there is nothing I can do to change it. I know the Lord has forgiven me, but I need to be able to forgive myself.

Your PAST is not your shortcomings! God can completely restore your purity of mind and heart, and THAT will be your virtue as a wife someday. Yes, you do need to forgive yourself.

When would be the appropriate time to tell him? Does he have a right to be upset or to not want to go out with me anymore? Should I only date men who have fallen in sexual sin, too? Do you have any general advice for this situation?

I wouldn't bring it up unless your relationship gets serious enough where you're considering an engagement. Your sexual past is none of his business (and do NOT let him or anyone else try to guilt you into thinking otherwise!). The only thing that is his business is what you're doing TODAY. Bringing up personal issues too early like this can cause undue drama, jealousy, insecurities, and a preoccupation with sexual thoughts towards each other.

Whether he has a right to be upset if you're not a physical virgin or not, is really irrelevant, because you can't control it either way. But no, he doesn't have that right, because you didn't and don't belong to him, you aren't his property, and again, your past is none of his business. That isn't to say he won't get upset, but you can't control that.

No, I don't think you should only seek out non-virgins to date. My goodness, why would you do that?

This is your bottom-line question. Does GOD hold your past sin against you? NO. Therefore, does any man who calls himself a man of God have any right to hold your past sin against you? NO.

Period.