I like the EO place I found, however...

[LJCTAM]

 

[HoganWynne]

You are still worthy of God, beautiful in his sight.

 

[buzuxi]

LJCTAM,

Hang in there. Its going to be tough and at times very discouraging. Many Orthodox churches are still immigrant churches which tend to be insular communities that view those outside as a novelty. Cellphones have overtaken our lives and unfortunately we have an unhealthy attachment to them.
I pray someday you will repair your relationship with your family. Perhaps reading some of the lives of the ascetic saints may help you in your lonely struggle. If God could save someone like St Mary of Egypt from her despair then anything is possible with God.

 

[LJCTAM]

-

 

[GregConstantine]

"Cellphones have overtaken our lives and unfortunately we have an unhealthy attachment to them."

No they havn't. If they have, it is because we have allowed them to. No excuses.

I'm sorry to hear of your predicament. It might be difficult to do this, but please try to remember that the integrity of the Church and the integrity of the Gospel she proclaims is not dependent upon our behavior and decisions. Her life changing and healing message of love and reconciliation between God and man and the fullfilment of what it means to be a human being remains true and integral, regardless of our actions.

 

[AV1]

LJCTAM,

Micah 6:8 ESV

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

This is one of my favorite verses in the OT because there is so much wisdom captured in those lines.

He truly has shown us what is good. All we need to do is open our eyes and accept it, be just in our decisions (which requires honesty), love and act in kindness, and to be humble in His presence.

If we accept the goodness he has shown in the Church, and are honest and humble about it, we will see some things that are very important to your struggle.

First, we must place our trust in Him, because people will let us down, yes even Christians. Sometimes we have to lay down our personal feelings on people in order to be humble, and for Him to give us the mercy we lack to be kind.

Second, we have to find fairness and mercy in our dealings with others, particularly those of the faith. How many of those people have their own internal struggles? How many of them resemble a stagnant walk with the Lord? We are all in different places, but God can reach us anywhere.

Third, faith is ACTIVE. It appears your stumbling block is trust. It is present in all of your posts to date about find the EO and learning what it has to offer. He knows that you will not find peace and be fully His until you let go of the past and trust in Him. I believe He is giving you this challenge to free you from your burden, but ultimately you will have to be the one that releases the hold your past pain has on your life. He will be waiting on the other side.

I feel like your release can be found in the Mystery of the power of the "Our Father" prayer. Pray it often and reflect on the words as you do. In Him there is a peace that passes all understanding.

Lord have mercy!

 

[buzuxi]

Yeah I don't get the 'you're-not-one-of-us' thing; that kept me from going to the local Greek Orthodox church (although I can read Greek and understand some). I've also been to another ethnic Orthodox church previously where the same thing happened. Another time some female from Dubai told me why don't you stay with your own people?

I thought the Bible says there is neither Jew nor Greek? We are commanded to love one another? In protestant places it is inclusive due to cliques, pride, being elect and other things. It seems that in EO there is ethnic inclusiveness at some places as well as the forementioned.

You met a christian from Dubai? Dont be bothered by it, especially among the greeks who are very tribal (always have been). In fact Greeks seperate from themselves into smaller cliques of people from their own region of Greece. If you ever come to Long Island you may wonder why there are 3 greek churches on the southshore of Nassau County in fairly close proximity to each other when probably one church would do. Thats because the families of each church tend to be from the same region or island.

 

[HalupkiMonster]

Orthodoxy is still tiny in the west. There is a sense that we are all family and must care for each other so that we can follow Christ and His Church. It's a very different "vibe" if you're coming from a Protestant background. While this tight bond Orthodox have with each other may seem impenetrable, just hang on (the reality is that we're dying for more people to come to the Truth!)

 

[LJCTAM]

You met a christian from Dubai? Dont be bothered by it, especially among the greeks who are very tribal (always have been). In fact Greeks seperate from themselves into smaller cliques of people from their own region of Greece. If you ever come to Long Island you may wonder why there are 3 greek churches on the southshore of Nassau County in fairly close proximity to each other when probably one church would do. Thats because the families of each church tend to be from the same region or island.

Yeah Long Island... (E.) Islip has it's own non-religious cliquey-ness though

 

[Dorothea]

Real talk.

I really like the EO place I found. Something has been going on inside of me since last weekend. I met the the main Fr. today (I don't know what else to call him) and he invited me to attend catechism classes (starting next week) for a year, even as an unofficial if I wanted. (I said I would ask God since I want God to lead me; it must be of Him in the first place.)

Later, I seemed to get a bit of a weird vibe after the study today. People are very close in that Parish and communicate on the phones constantly. A possible gossip/avoidant vibe. Been to other churches where the same thing happened and it looks the same way every time. Biggest fear possibly unlocked. Find the gem, lose it.

I really don;t know. I think I am so damaged from my miserable/negative experiences in life/family/cult/protestantism, that my new experiences nor I, will never be normal. I really really am no good -trashed and completely ruined as a person. I have slight autism and can seem weird to people at times (with seeming high IQ, then other times out of it). When people try to size me up they come to the wrong assumptions and mistake my odd interests for my intentions and so on.

I can see the EO thing possibly going in the wrong direction. If so, I can never go to another church again. I love what I found there. If I have to leave it will kill my soul.

I hate it. I lack family and friends. Past church disaster poisoned my soul. Lots of problems in life. Severe hurt compiling. Trying to hang on to the Lord. I don't know what to do so I tell people online. I am a loser. Straight up. My life sucks.

Sincerely,
A sad nobody.

LJCTAM, you need to look past these things if it is indeed happening. Do as you were doing. PRAY and ask His guidance, and through that, follow His Will. I know that is easier said than done, but please don't fall into despair. God is with you and will give you the strength, endurance and will enlighten you when asked.

Also, if you feel comfortable, please discuss your feelings with the priest. He could help you.

Life sucks at times, or so it feels like it to us at times. Just keep swimming, as Dory said. You're in my prayers.

 

[inconsequential]

Tell your priest about your autism and how it affects your behavior and intentions. I'm in a similar boat wrt that issue and as your spiritual "doctor", it is important that he understand so he can treat you effectively.

 

[ArmyMatt]

we all have those ups and downs, but I gotta say that the Church is worth it. the Church is perfect, Her Head is perfect, but the parishoners are not (we are all being perfected). if it really is the true faith and you feel like you have found a home, then I say stick with it. it will get better as time goes on, and the devil never likes when we flee to what is holy and correct, so he hits us with all kinds of thoughts to try to discourage us. just be faithful and patient man, and God will take care of the rest.

 

[LJCTAM]

-

 

[ArmyMatt]

well, the enemy loves to try to trip us up when we come to the Truth. if you feel that not hanging around for much of coffee hour would be best, then just stay for the services and catechesis and leave, or leave when you start to feel uncomfortable. I would bring it up to the priest. it sounds like he could really help you out

 

[LJCTAM]

LJCTAM,

Hang in there. Its going to be tough and at times very discouraging. Many Orthodox churches are still immigrant churches which tend to be insular communities that view those outside as a novelty. Cellphones have overtaken our lives and unfortunately we have an unhealthy attachment to them.
I pray someday you will repair your relationship with your family. Perhaps reading some of the lives of the ascetic saints may help you in your lonely struggle. If God could save someone like St Mary of Egypt from her despair then anything is possible with God.

Bro mpudzuki, I read about Mary of Egypt. WOW.

 

[Lukaris]

I am a solitary individual & paradoxically rather involved in our parish. Although I am a convert, it might be somewhat different for me since I attend the church my father was baptized in. Still, I only socialize on a small scale wherever I might be & there is little that is spiritually stimulating outside of the DL etc. in our parish life. We have a good, albeit aging, church overall & you would be sincerely welcomed but you might have a similar anxiety about feeling like an outsider. It would be an unfortunate mistake to feel this way. This is because there is a lack of overall depth in relating to a newcomer, not ill will. Our parish life has been rather insular for generations since the church used to prosper & there was little outreach so it could take a little time to relate. Yet, if you can make small talk about things like sports, etc., you could start to make headway during coffee hour but forget trying to talk in depth about faith, it would fall flat for lack of depth although most people would appreciate your liking for the church & be friendly ( I never tried to force anything either).

Still, these are people of faith & they are charitable to the overall community & elsewhere towards the Orthodox & non Orthtodox. I have seen people maintain a Christian disposition alongside much sadness. I have seen fathers & mothers who extensively serve the church after losing daughters in their 20s & 30s to cancer etc.

Our community is human after all, I am often stupid & wrong, our church survives on diminishing returns of functionalism like having fund raising dinners (good food, reasonable prices though). It can wear thin & I have put years in now doing janitorial work, working these dinners, counsel, choir etc.

I have also learned how to truly pray for myself & my neighbor, to have confidence in but not assume my salvation over anyone, learned the challenges of sin, repentance, forgiveness, confession, to truly partake of the Eucharist, to cautiously discern to see good in other Christian groups & see much hope there & among non Christian groups when a person loves their neighbor (do I ?).

 

[Knee V]

I feel similarly about Orthodoxy, that it is either Orthodoxy or there is nothing. When I first came to Orthodoxy I did so because I had come to believe that it was objectively true. That mindset has helped me overlook a lot of "personnel" issues.

Speaking of dreams, though: about a year after I was received into the Church I left it for a couple years (and when you boil it down, it was due to being weak, sinning, not wanting to deal with the consequences, and being too proud to just bring it to confession and get it all sorted out). Right after I left I began to have a whole lot of horrific demonic nightmares, and they didn't go away until I came back to the Church, and I haven't had them since.

 

[LJCTAM]

-

 

[Yeshua HaDerekh]

Real talk.

I really like the EO place I found. Something has been going on inside of me since last weekend. I met the the main Fr. today (I don't know what else to call him) and he invited me to attend catechism classes (starting next week) for a year, even as an unofficial if I wanted. (I said I would ask God since I want God to lead me; it must be of Him in the first place.)

Later, I seemed to get a bit of a weird vibe after the study today. People are very close in that Parish and communicate on the phones constantly. A possible gossip/avoidant vibe. Been to other churches where the same thing happened and it looks the same way every time. Biggest fear possibly unlocked. Find the gem, lose it.

I really don;t know. I think I am so damaged from my miserable/negative experiences in life/family/cult/protestantism, that my new experiences nor I, will never be normal. I really really am no good -trashed and completely ruined as a person. I have slight autism and can seem weird to people at times (with seeming high IQ, then other times out of it). When people try to size me up they come to the wrong assumptions and mistake my odd interests for my intentions and so on.

I can see the EO thing possibly going in the wrong direction. If so, I can never go to another church again. I love what I found there. If I have to leave it will kill my soul.

I hate it. I lack family and friends. Past church disaster poisoned my soul. Lots of problems in life. Severe hurt compiling. Trying to hang on to the Lord. I don't know what to do so I tell people online. I am a loser. Straight up. My life sucks.

Sincerely,
A sad nobody.

People are fallible, Yeshua is not...

 

[Dorothea]

Am I in the wrong place or am I the wrong person for that place? Is there an elect filtering process in all churches? Did God actually lead the events leading to going to the place I went to?

God doesn't discriminate. ALL are His. He would like all to be with Him and part of His Body.