Steph said:
would you marry her? if you say no, then i don't think you should 'press' it.
I would respectfully disagree with this statement for a couple of reasons:
a) There are a lot of happily married couples who did not like each other intially for a variety of reasons. I think at some point we've all heard a happily married person say about their spouse, "I didn't give him a second look when I first saw him, but somehow I just fell in love with him after I got to know him."
b) I think to write this girl off without having at least dated her a couple of times I think could be a mistake. Who knows, this girl may really have a good heart and might really respond postively if/when he shares his faith one day with her. Just because he thinks she may not be a Christian is neither automatically correct, nor is it giving her a chance. Maybe she just needs a Christian man to really bring out the best in her, even save her soul if she's not a Christian. If he never knows her other than what's on the surface, then he may be missing out on her inner beauty.
In both of these situations, a book is judged before it is read and that's not good to get in the habit of doing. The biggest mistake I see people making these days is looking for a husband or wife when they start dating. They find someone they're halfway compatible with, they stop dating everyone else, devote their time and attention only to this one person, then they fall head over heels in love and before you know it, they're married and having problems. Why? Because they didn't develop their dating skills by having patience and faith that God will give them what they need and desire.
Dating is the time when people need to be learning about other people, which will, in turn, help them learn about themselves and what they want in a relationship partner. Plus it develops confidence in yourself and builds social skills. I think it's always a good idea for a Christian to date lots and lots of people in order to know what they want. But you have to actually know about a person before making a positive statement about whether they're a match. But in order to do this effectively, you have to 1) be completely devoted to Christ in your morals and faith (because sometimes the pressure is there to do un-Christian things and you have to be strong knowing you can say no), and 2) be willing to give relationships a time to develop from friendships first.
So my philosophy is
1) first know what God wants you to do about relationships (date or stay single forever)
2) establish your morals (what you will and won't do)
3) get out there and meet lots of people (men or ladies--ask people out! You're not there to find your wife or husband, you just want to get to know people.)
4) date lots of different people and go out on dates even with people you wouldn't normally go out with (but be careful and be safe!--lunch dates are a great way to be safe...double dates are too.)
5) if a date doesn't work out, you don't have to do it again
6) no exclusive or serious relationships until God says so
7) don't lose your morals or patience if you find someone really like, wait for God's direction first (remember that it's not
our will be done, it's
Thy will be done!)
8) become friends with someone you like and keep dating them, but also think about continuing to date other people too. (yes, some people will want you to commit to them soon, but that's not patient and if they say they want to stop seeing you because you won't wait for God's direction then they aren't for you).
9) when the right person comes along you will have been good friends first, which is the basis of the strongest of relationships.
10) when God says this is the right relationship, then you'll know that this is the only relationship for you and you will have dated enough people to know the difference between someone you get along with, someone you are attracted to and someone God has chosen for you.
Just my opinion.
