I just don't understand anything anymore

[headphones777]

I have been on this Christian faith journey (half-heartedly) for like 12 years now. I am still struggling with lust. Currently I feel weighed down by my problems, by my sins, by my past and by the hopeless & meaningless life I am living. I believe in Christ, but I am very wounded in my soul and heart and my relationship with Him is very dysfunctional because I have OCD with blasphemous thoughts that started last year. Last year was terrible for me and many spiritual things happened however I've lost the ability to interpret them, I think I have a darkened understanding. Nothing in my life seems to make any sense whatsoever. Only a few years back I was a young man full of ambitions and grand visions, yet seemingly I was punished for this by life, God, or evil spirits? And my own mistakes broke me completely. I also fear because the girl of my dreams will probably never be mine because of the things that happened last year. I am working with two Christians for my full deliverance and healing. One of them, a priest, told me he thinks I was cursed and he prescribed what I need to do to break the curse and be delivered. I've had spiritual visions that would indicate this as well. The doctors told me I have schizophrenia and I have been hospitalized 7 times as well as severe self-harm. I also have bodily problems that do not have any healing or resolution (I've tried literally every doctor), and there is no progress at all in my life, just unemployment and doctor's visits. What I need is a breakthrough in all areas in my life: spiritual healing, bodily healing, mental healing, relationship healing, deliverance, financial breakthrough, etc. But why did God make these things so unattainable for me? It's like it's far out of reach. Sometimes I think my enemies did this to me (those who hate me without reason) because it's like my life is too bad if you compare it to just the average Joe. I have committed very many sexual sins in the past too (but I confessed almost all of them), in my despair and in the meaninglessness of my life I gave myself to different women. I am sick of this life and of all of my problems that I cannot seem to resolve. I have become double-minded too. If the problem really is a malfunctioning brain chemistry, why must I suffer with this for the rest of my life, with no remedy for this condition except for death, even when I pray for healing? Why can't I be healed like Jesus healed the sick people in the Gospels? There is a lot of history here too. I go to the Catholic Church but it's like I don't feel the Holy Spirit there. I am sick of being the person who I am, it's like I should have become another person but something just threw a wrench in my own (or God's) plans for me.

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

I have been on this Christian faith journey (half-heartedly) for like 12 years now. I am still struggling with lust. Currently I feel weighed down by my problems, by my sins, by my past and by the hopeless & meaningless life I am living. I believe in Christ, but I am very wounded in my soul and heart and my relationship with Him is very dysfunctional because I have OCD with blasphemous thoughts that started last year. Last year was terrible for me and many spiritual things happened however I've lost the ability to interpret them, I think I have a darkened understanding. Nothing in my life seems to make any sense whatsoever. Only a few years back I was a young man full of ambitions and grand visions, yet seemingly I was punished for this by life, God, or evil spirits? And my own mistakes broke me completely. I also fear because the girl of my dreams will probably never be mine because of the things that happened last year. I am working with two Christians for my full deliverance and healing. One of them, a priest, told me he thinks I was cursed and he prescribed what I need to do to break the curse and be delivered. I've had spiritual visions that would indicate this as well. The doctors told me I have schizophrenia and I have been hospitalized 7 times as well as severe self-harm. I also have bodily problems that do not have any healing or resolution (I've tried literally every doctor), and there is no progress at all in my life, just unemployment and doctor's visits. What I need is a breakthrough in all areas in my life: spiritual healing, bodily healing, mental healing, relationship healing, deliverance, financial breakthrough, etc. But why did God make these things so unattainable for me? It's like it's far out of reach. Sometimes I think my enemies did this to me (those who hate me without reason) because it's like my life is too bad if you compare it to just the average Joe. I have committed very many sexual sins in the past too (but I confessed almost all of them), in my despair and in the meaninglessness of my life I gave myself to different women. I am sick of this life and of all of my problems that I cannot seem to resolve. I have become double-minded too. If the problem really is a malfunctioning brain chemistry, why must I suffer with this for the rest of my life, with no remedy for this condition except for death, even when I pray for healing? Why can't I be healed like Jesus healed the sick people in the Gospels? There is a lot of history here too. I go to the Catholic Church but it's like I don't feel the Holy Spirit there. I am sick of being the person who I am, it's like I should have become another person but something just threw a wrench in my own (or God's) plans for me.

You need some sort of support group / male cell group / accountability and possibly therapy (online or in-person) to treat possible addiction. If your RC church has insufficient facilities in that regard, try another church in Colombo - there are more Charismatic churches there as well. PM me for info if necessary (I've got contacts there).

 

[headphones777]

You need some sort of support group / male cell group / accountability and possibly therapy (online or in-person) to treat possible addiction. If your RC church has insufficient facilities in that regard, try another church in Colombo - there are more Charismatic churches there as well. PM me for info if necessary (I've got contacts there).

I'm not in the US but thank you for your suggestion. I would love to visit a Charismatic church, I want to experience the presence of the Holy Ghost. In the Catholic Church I normally do not feel anything.

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

I'm not in the US but thank you for your suggestion. I would love to visit a Charismatic church, I want to experience the presence of the Holy Ghost. In the Catholic Church I normally do not feel anything.

Given your profile I presumed you live in Colombo Sri Lanka, and that's what I'm referring to - there are Charismatic churches there; if you want to have more info, PM me.

 

[Richard T]

I'll assume you are from Sri Lanka which I think is a tough spiritual place. God is larger though than any place and I know too that it is His will to bring you along to conform more and more with Christ. Getting there though is really not easy for anyone and those with sins in the family and nation, that lack many Christians and opportunities makes this even harder. Harder is not impossible though. Also, if things are harder you can expect more from God. This is evidenced by Isaiah 59:19 ...When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him."
I would suggest you continue to seek help as possible. Also, continue your study in the bible and always pray that God opens up the word of God to your heart so that you can hear and be good ground to let it grow out in your life.
I pray too that you can expect more victory in every issue that you have. I say that based on Proverbs 4:18 "But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day." Just is often translated as righteous. Please understand that such righteous is not from our works but from the blood of Jesus, a gift that you have. A gift that is totally independent of your former sins, current or even future works. So please continue to have hope and begin to grow even more in faith that your breakthroughs are on their way, that help is on the way, and that God is not going to just leave you an orphan but provide you with a Shepherd that can watch over your soul and help it.
I will say too that some breakthroughs are major and instant, others can be small and gradual. Leave that with God, but yet expect that He is working on your behalf to make you whole. Salvation is wholeness and whom the son sets free if free indeed. Don't be under condemnation but rejoice now that by faith there is no barrier between you and God because of what Jesus did for you. God bless you brother. Feel free to message me anytime if you like.

 

[headphones777]

I'll assume you are from Sri Lanka which I think is a tough spiritual place. God is larger though than any place and I know too that it is His will to bring you along to conform more and more with Christ. Getting there though is really not easy for anyone and those with sins in the family and nation, that lack many Christians and opportunities makes this even harder. Harder is not impossible though. Also, if things are harder you can expect more from God. This is evidenced by Isaiah 59:19 ...When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him."
I would suggest you continue to seek help as possible. Also, continue your study in the bible and always pray that God opens up the word of God to your heart so that you can hear and be good ground to let it grow out in your life.
I pray too that you can expect more victory in every issue that you have. I say that based on Proverbs 4:18 "But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day." Just is often translated as righteous. Please understand that such righteous is not from our works but from the blood of Jesus, a gift that you have. A gift that is totally independent of your former sins, current or even future works. So please continue to have hope and begin to grow even more in faith that your breakthroughs are on their way, that help is on the way, and that God is not going to just leave you an orphan but provide you with a Shepherd that can watch over your soul and help it.
I will say too that some breakthroughs are major and instant, others can be small and gradual. Leave that with God, but yet expect that He is working on your behalf to make you whole. Salvation is wholeness and whom the son sets free if free indeed. Don't be under condemnation but rejoice now that by faith there is no barrier between you and God because of what Jesus did for you. God bless you brother. Feel free to message me anytime if you like.

Why do you assume I am in Sri Lanka??? Sure I can message you.

 

[timf]

Many people come to Christianity expecting transforming power. They can feel disappointed when this fails to materialize. How to stop walking in the flesh and start walking by the Spirit is not well taught. Here are few links that might be helpful

https://christianpioneer.com/ebooks/wbts.pdf

Christian Pioneer - Current blog

Christian Pioneer - Ebook for cellphone - The Leaven of the Pharisees

christianpioneer.com

Christian Pioneer - How do you walk in the Spirit?

 

[headphones777]

Many people come to Christianity expecting transforming power. They can feel disappointed when this fails to materialize. How to stop walking in the flesh and start walking by the Spirit is not well taught. Here are few links that might be helpful

https://christianpioneer.com/ebooks/wbts.pdf

Christian Pioneer - Current blog

Christian Pioneer - Ebook for cellphone - The Leaven of the Pharisees

christianpioneer.com

Christian Pioneer - How do you walk in the Spirit?

Yes but why are my prayers for healing unanswered? If God could heal me I could start walking in the Spirit.

 

[timf]

If a person who lost a leg in a car accident becomes a Christian, he is not going to grow a new leg. Becoming a Christian allows the Holy Spirit to work in us to make us better people as long as we do not quench his work by walking in the flesh. The two biggest problems one faces are either not actually being a Christian or not wanting to change.

You can hear in the testimony of some people that the repeatedly "gave their life to Christ" as children only to find years later a point when they actually surrendered (trusted) in the gospel. Assuming that one is trusting in Christ, one can quit cold turkey some fleshly indulgence or one can chip away at it. The chipping away is usually a process of seeing the particular activity in the cold light of truth so that its allure is diminished.

 

[Richard T]

Why do you assume I am in Sri Lanka??? Sure I can message you.

Your profile says colombo and that is the capital of Sri Lanka. Of course likely there are other worldwide cities named that. I suppose it only matters if the spiritual climate is unique to that nation. Some teach that each geographical region may have demonic influences that try to persist through history.