markthomas said:
Its been almost a year since I met Jesus. I believe in Him so much, and I seek others who believe in Him.

Recently I've discovered how much I love to praise him with other Christians.....I really want to do it as much as I can.
That's so cool!
There is so much other **** that I have to deal with, and this **** is from myself. I am scared of being a false prophet/hypocrite. I don't want my new Christian friends to think that I am, but then I ask myself why I should try to hide something that I'm not, but am terribly afraid of accidently becoming one? I am in college, and sometimes I feel forced to conform and courtesy laugh at jokes I know are not appropriate. I just want to get taken away by God right now. I am just so weak and tired and bored and I don't like dealing with stuff. I AM SO TIRED OF BEING TEMPTED. AND THE FACT THAT I WILL HAVE TO FACE TEMPTATION FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE IN THIS BODY?! THAT COULD BE 80 YEARS!
Are you feeling condemned because you find it hard not to deny Jesus before men? Do you feel like they would try to bait you with a million questions that you feel responsible for answering? Sorry if i'm way off. But if i'm spot on, then i hear ya.
I was a closet Christian from 8 - 15, then i went my own way, then i came back to God 3 years ago. I am still dealing with stuff, i still struggle with temptation and i still fail. There are some days or situations when every minute is agony and mental torment.
My family's unsaved, except for my dad, who hasn't lived the life. Most of them are kind of anti-Christian. I get slandered, labelled as a Jesus freak, Bible basher, fruitloop and the like, by people who have known me my whole life. I have people baiting me with questions about controversial issues just for the sake of debate. And they will say things like "that's not a very Christian thing to say/do" (like they'd know), when in fact, i never claimed to be perfect or without flaw. I'm still a sinner, except i'm justified by the blood of Christ.
The best advice i can give you right now is that you are not responsible for having it all together. Do your best, don't beat yourself up if you're still coming out of your shell or learning to respond to these stupid situations the world seems to enjoy throwing your way. God doesn't condemn you.
Please remember that things like this are intended to get a reaction out of you, because they feel being a Christian makes you vulnerable. You are justified by Christ, and you don't need to justify yourself to the world. You don't need to satisfy people's stupid minds with answers to controversial matters.
They don't know Jesus personally, they just have a bunch of opinions about Him. Just do your best to love them.
I dont know if I can hack this stuff. Last night I thought I might have been insane, and that I didn't really know Jesus, that I was just schizophrenic and thought I knew him, because of a post someone made on one of these forums. I sang and prayed and read the bible and eventually fell asleep. I know the glorious Spirit has entered into my lowly spirit, I am just such a newbie Christian though, I am such a little baby, like a toddler who wants to hang out with the big boys. I wish I knew my special part in Christ's body, I wish I knew which organ I was so that I could focus on performing well for the whole body.
I can definately relate. It's been 3 years since i came back. I still have plenty of work to do. Don't feel too ooky spooky, but it sounds like the devil's messing with your head. Stand on the truth. You don't have to justify the truth to him, he already knows it. Just know that your relationship with Him is real, that He loves you and approves of you.
What you did that night was powerful. You put your attention on God, even in the midst of this fog and these lies, you prayed, sang and read the Bible. You might not always feel like it, sometimes you will feel distracted, you might not always feel Him there, but it's so powerful when you stand alone in your prison cell and praise God.
As you find your identity, you will find your place in the body. Your actual function or calling won't define you, it's Christ. As you get to know Him more, as your journey unfolds with Him, these things will become clearer.
You say you love praising God with others. Maybe you will be involved with the praise & worship team? What desires has He put on your heart? What talents and gifts (to your knowledge) Has he blessed you with? What are you passionate about? What makes you really angry? What makes you tick?
Oh yeah and in history we are learning about the Puritans and all that, history makes them look like such terrible people!! One of my friends who is an athiest was explaining his anger after reading a story about the supposid 'genocide' of the indians, and how the people who did it DID IT IN THE NAME OF GOD! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO TELL/SHOW PEOPLE HOW GOOD GOD REALLY IS IF EVERYONE HAS THIS REALLY ****** IMPRESSION OF HIM FROM THE STUPID HISTORY BOOKS?!
Again, it's difficult for many to understand and interpret when man's actions is what they base Christianity on. There are many people who have done things in the name of God, but not all of it is God-directed, not all of it reflects the heart of God. Some of it's the opposite. Some of the church's history isn't pretty, but you are not responsible for that, and you are not responsible for answering for their actions, or even the actions of some Christians today.
I don't like to be so negative in a whole post, but I have to vent my frusterations somewhere. I can't act like everything is just so great and easy once you've met Jesus, like all I have to do is pray about it and the problem will go away. I know praying helps but it doesn't change the fact that I am frusterated. Now I don't overlook the good things God does. I see them happening all around my most of the day. When I see I have inspired someone to get back into church or when I see that I am producing fruit for the Lord I feel like I am truley walkin' with God! Im not sure what I was going for by making this post, maybe someone who could relate, maybe some enouragement, nonetheless its felt good writing it.
The best place to be at is where you're being honest and real. That's the best way to be with Jesus, especially when you're building relationship with Him.
I know what i SHOULD be praying in my prayers, I know what attitudes i SHOULD be displaying, i know what i SHOULD be saying and doing by now. But i learned a wonderful lesson. Jesus walks with you, wherever your at. High times and low times, times when you think you haven't been particularly good, or as good as you maybe could have been. He will always accept and love you.
Joyce Meyer gave an interesting definition of religion once. "mans idea of God's expectations".
I know i'm probably negative sometimes, and i try not to be, but Jesus takes me as i am. Maybe some other Christians won't, but Jesus always will.
Sorry this is heaps long. I hope i said something that helped you.
Please, no matter what happens, no matter how much things are messing with your head, stay in relationship with God. It's the only thing that will sustain you.