Recently, I participated in a chat, where I introduced myself as a new Christian. I explained what I spent over 15 years practicing (Satanism/Luciferianism), and briefly touched on the changes I've been through.
A woman spoke up and demanded I answer her. She asked if I believed that Jesus Christ was God, come in the flesh, who died for my sins and rose on the third day.
I responded with, "yes".
She returned to the microphone and demanded I answer another question. She asked what I would say to someone, who asked me to share the Gospel. I answered, that I didn't know what I would say, since I wasn't currently in that situation, and any answer I gave wouldn't be authentic. I explained that I'd likely use discernment and pray for direction, though hoped that in that situation, I'd know God's will.
She became annoyed, accusing me that I didn't answer the question. I repeated my answer, explaining that I felt nervous and as if I was being interrogated; she didn't seem to care.
She criticized my answer, accusing me of being of Satan, and warning everyone in the room to be careful of me. I brought up the miracle of how Christ pulled me out of Satanism. I bought up the changes he has caused in me, that I felt myself to be a new creature; she didn't seem to care.
She treated me like someone who was less than herself, demanding I listen to what she had to say. I explained that I wasn't new to scripture, having studied it for over a decade, even through I only did so intellectually. I explained that I was studying it again, though with a different spirit; she didn't seem to care.
I explained that she was making me sad, even on the verge of tears and that I didn't need this in my life right now. I explained that she was causing doubt in me, and it hurt; she didn't seem to care.
I rebuked her for her sharp, hurtful words and judgments; she claimed I had no authority. I openly prayed for God to help her see the error of her speech and her arrogance; she responded with anger. I listened to her hurl accusations and assumptions at me further, then realized I needed to leave the chat, said my good-byes and did so.
I then had a fight with the enemy. There he was, whispering temptation and sowing doubt. I asked myself if that woman was right. I asked myself if I was being deceived by Satan. I asked myself if I was truly just damned. Had I succeeded when I sought out once to commit the unpardonable sin? Was I sowing discord? Was I a tool of the enemy? These questions circled in my mind, leading me further and further into a dark place.
I explained to God that I couldn't fight this, that I just wasn't strong enough. I reasoned that it was a horrible thing to so much as open my mouth or write a word if what that woman said was true. I then gave up, no longer caring what happened and surrendered to exhaustion from all the doubt, hopelessness, and crying; I fell asleep. When I woke, I felt refreshed, all the pain of that night being barely a distant memory.
Today, I understand that I must remain strong and if I can't, Christ will be there to help me through it. Today, I have faith that my journey will not be walked alone; Christ is by my side. Today, I have faith that all of this which has happened is God's will. Today, I have faith, Christ saved me from Satanism and has a plan for my life. Today, I have faith that I am called to serve God, and that while I don't know His plan for me, I have faith it will some day be revealed.
A woman spoke up and demanded I answer her. She asked if I believed that Jesus Christ was God, come in the flesh, who died for my sins and rose on the third day.
I responded with, "yes".
She returned to the microphone and demanded I answer another question. She asked what I would say to someone, who asked me to share the Gospel. I answered, that I didn't know what I would say, since I wasn't currently in that situation, and any answer I gave wouldn't be authentic. I explained that I'd likely use discernment and pray for direction, though hoped that in that situation, I'd know God's will.
She became annoyed, accusing me that I didn't answer the question. I repeated my answer, explaining that I felt nervous and as if I was being interrogated; she didn't seem to care.
She criticized my answer, accusing me of being of Satan, and warning everyone in the room to be careful of me. I brought up the miracle of how Christ pulled me out of Satanism. I bought up the changes he has caused in me, that I felt myself to be a new creature; she didn't seem to care.
She treated me like someone who was less than herself, demanding I listen to what she had to say. I explained that I wasn't new to scripture, having studied it for over a decade, even through I only did so intellectually. I explained that I was studying it again, though with a different spirit; she didn't seem to care.
I explained that she was making me sad, even on the verge of tears and that I didn't need this in my life right now. I explained that she was causing doubt in me, and it hurt; she didn't seem to care.
I rebuked her for her sharp, hurtful words and judgments; she claimed I had no authority. I openly prayed for God to help her see the error of her speech and her arrogance; she responded with anger. I listened to her hurl accusations and assumptions at me further, then realized I needed to leave the chat, said my good-byes and did so.
I then had a fight with the enemy. There he was, whispering temptation and sowing doubt. I asked myself if that woman was right. I asked myself if I was being deceived by Satan. I asked myself if I was truly just damned. Had I succeeded when I sought out once to commit the unpardonable sin? Was I sowing discord? Was I a tool of the enemy? These questions circled in my mind, leading me further and further into a dark place.
I explained to God that I couldn't fight this, that I just wasn't strong enough. I reasoned that it was a horrible thing to so much as open my mouth or write a word if what that woman said was true. I then gave up, no longer caring what happened and surrendered to exhaustion from all the doubt, hopelessness, and crying; I fell asleep. When I woke, I felt refreshed, all the pain of that night being barely a distant memory.
Today, I understand that I must remain strong and if I can't, Christ will be there to help me through it. Today, I have faith that my journey will not be walked alone; Christ is by my side. Today, I have faith that all of this which has happened is God's will. Today, I have faith, Christ saved me from Satanism and has a plan for my life. Today, I have faith that I am called to serve God, and that while I don't know His plan for me, I have faith it will some day be revealed.
