I have an issue

[super_mog]

My wife has a close relationship with her mother. However, it seems like she brings me up everytime they talk. Either by telling her something I think or something I've said. It bothers me because there are some times I believe needs to stay in house. If I want her mother to know something I did, then I will tell her

 

[AndOne]

Perhaps the reason she talks about you so much is because you are her world and she loves you so much that you are her favorite topic of discussion. Maybe you should see the glass as half full instead of half empty.

 

[2lplvr]

Have you actually established a boundary that anything said in your bedroom remains there and only between the 2 of you? Does your wife know that this is a problem and is ignoring your request or has it always been this way and is just becoming a problem for you?

 

[super_mog]

Have you actually established a boundary that anything said in your bedroom remains there and only between the 2 of you? Does your wife know that this is a problem and is ignoring your request or has it always been this way and is just becoming a problem for you?

Yes, she knows how I feel about that...

 

[Jenna]

If you wife like's to read, there is a place that I frequent that has some wonderful articles for women, some concerning privacy. This is the first article, though there are.... 4 (?) more on the index if you follow the link on the bottom of the page.

http://lainesletters.com/letters/private.html

 

[Genes!s]

My wife has a close relationship with her mother. However, it seems like she brings me up everytime they talk. Either by telling her something I think or something I've said. It bothers me because there are some times I believe needs to stay in house. If I want her mother to know something I did, then I will tell her

Do you ever talk about her to family or friends?

 

[LegacyOfLove]

Or...it could be...that as a woman (your wife) speaking to her mom (since you said they're close) is kind of like her talking to her best friend! I know...guys don't "share" the same way that women do with their friends. Maybe you just need to let her know *what* those certain things are that you don't want shared with her mom! Aside from that, all I can really say is that there is a learning lesson here. While mom may well be her best friend, there ARE certain things that shouldn't be said without careful thought about one's spouse to other family members. Reason for it? Because family can sometimes hold onto those things and become partial...even judgemental. (I know this as I learned it first hand years ago...that is a sore spot where one has to learn who they can and cannot say certain things to). So...it depends on the kinds of things she is saying and how she paints the picture to whoever she's talking to. Hope that makes *some* sense.

 

[Redguard]

When my wife and I did our pre-marriage councelling, one of the first rules we were taught was:

"What happens between the two of us, STAYS between the two of us".

Despite all of our fights and arguments, I've abided by the rules. My friends and my family will not hear about any problems that we're having. That stays between us.

Unfortunately, I can't say that she's always abided by that rule. But she's getting better at it. I think women have a harder time keeping thoughts and feelings inside. And if they don't want to talk to you about it, they'll find someone else. Message boards are fine for these things because of the anonimity (sp?), but if she's going to her mother, sister, friends, etc... that's wrong.

 

[Yitzchak]

The solution depends upon what your wife's attitude is about it. Does your wife share with her mother because she disagrees with you about keeping it private? Or does she agree in principle but when the time comes, she has trouble saying no or controling herself ? Depending on the answer to those questions, you will need to approach the problem differently.

In the first case, you have a problem where you and your wife don't agree on what are the proper boundaries to place around your relationship when it comes to privacy.

In the second case, you agree but she has a weakness in that area.

How you deal with a weakness versus how you deal with a disagreement are two different things. If it is a weakness and you lecture her in a manner meant to convince her of your viewpoint or point out to her how much her weakness hurts you, well, I think it is obvious that is not productive. On the other hand , if it is a disagreement , then communication is needed to get to the bottom of why you both see it differently.

I hope that helps.......

 

[super_mog]

Do you ever talk about her to family or friends?

Only when they bring her up. I don't go into detail. If they want indepth info, then they'll have to ask her about that.

 

[desi]

If your wife is talking smack about you its no good, ask her to stop it. If its just boring stuff no big deal.

 

[Emma!]

I have to fess up and say that when my husband and i were still dating and thinking about getting engaged i used to tell mum almost everything ... i guess i did this because mum knew me better than anyone else (at the time)and she was my best friend. I knew that mum had sound advice and was a very strong Christian woman that i could always count on. So that maybe the same for your wife.....

However when we got engaged i realised that it wasnt appropriate to say certain things to mum, this was basically anything that would be disrespectful to my fiancee (at the time) anything that could cause 'ill' feelings towards him from my parents etc...so now that we are married i just talk to her about general stuff thats going on with me and my husband and encouraging things etc...i still talk to mum every day though

When you get married you have your own 'family' and so the bounderies change.

I just also want to say that some things NEED to be spoken about such things as abuse etc...its still something that you would need to be wise in who you spoke toa bout it but you would need to speak to someone about it (im not implying this to your case, just wanted to through it in!).