I have a question

[Sketcher]

But, i don't get his attitude and why he's blaming me for certain things.

It's immature and petty. That's all there is to know about it.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

What does being intimate have to do w/ any of this?

it could have much to do with the fact that someone won't let go of a bad person in their life. even if you weren't it doesn't matter. he got you.

the guy is an emotional manipulator and at this point has gotten whatever mileage he wanted out of you and is trying his best to get you out of his hair and move on to the next mark.

you can do better..

 

[Elliewaves]

He sounds very imbalanced. Have someone come with you and get ALL your things from him; get ALL the money he owes you so there is no need for contact at all. Just let him be. Don't contact him or his family members . He clearly does not want to be friends with you.

 

[sk8brdkd]

it could have much to do with the fact that someone won't let go of a bad person in their life. even if you weren't it doesn't matter. he got you.

the guy is an emotional manipulator and at this point has gotten whatever mileage he wanted out of you and is trying his best to get you out of his hair and move on to the next mark.

you can do better..

I understand...

I was intimate w/ him often throughout the year and a half. He blamed the fact that he cheated on me bc i was new to sex and according to him i wasn't great at it. Yet, when we were intimate, all he ever told me was everything is great and i'm doing a great job and it couldn't be better. So... i know i was in the wrong for being intimate w/ him. It's just very difficult for me to move past him. I am friends w/ others now --- one guy I'm feeling very close to now (friends wise) and it's good. I still struggle w/ my ex though. I still pray for him too. I still love and care for the guy even though right now, I want nothing to do w/ him. I don't want to see or hear from him at all. Ahh -- my first bf and my first break up w/ my best friend. Never knew things could be so difficult.

 

[sk8brdkd]

He sounds very imbalanced. Have someone come with you and get ALL your things from him; get ALL the money he owes you so there is no need for contact at all. Just let him be. Don't contact him or his family members . He clearly does not want to be friends with you.

Actually the new friend I made back in July... a week and a half ago, he came w/ me to my ex's house and helped me pick up everything. I needed his support in that. My ex didn't actually give me everything yet. He left out a few expensive items, however... I'm really in no mood to text him right now about those other items.I'm just giving myself a little break before I text him about the other items and I made a list of what he didn't give back to me yet.

My new guy friend calls him a moron and says he's acting like an immature teenager who doesn't want to take the responsibility of what he's done to me and wants to blame me for his actions. I am very good friends w/ his 1 sister and his mom. I am Very close w/ the 2 of them so, to not contact his family members, i can't do. His sister just texted me yesterday and we talked for a bit. I text her and the mom every so often. I shouldn't ignore them just bc of what their son/brother did to me.

Not that you'll have an answer but, if he hates me so much, a week ago, why would he send me a text telling me that he doesn't hate me and that he actually loves, cares for and really misses me a lot? Why would he do that after all the attitude and negativity he's still bringing my way? I'm very very curious about that but I will not ask him. I showed that text to his sister and she's totally confused too.

In about a week --- i truthfully need a week for myself to not contact him but, in about another week, i'm going to text him and tell him the things he did not give me and tell him the amount of money he owes me still and see if i can get that squared away w/ him.

 

[Sketcher]

Not that you'll have an answer but, if he hates me so much, a week ago, why would he send me a text telling me that he doesn't hate me and that he actually loves, cares for and really misses me a lot? Why would he do that after all the attitude and negativity he's still bringing my way? I'm very very curious about that but I will not ask him. I showed that text to his sister and she's totally confused too.

It's a cycle of behavior that is common in abusers.

 

[sk8brdkd]

It's a cycle of behavior that is common in abusers.

I’ll take your word for it. I guess I don’t know anything about abusers. I just always thought this guy was my best friend and he’d never do me wrong. I was deeply wrong.

On and off for the past 7 months, he’d tell me he really misses me, misses our gaming, our biking, etc and that he really loves me... yes I fed into that which I guess is 1 of the several reasons I kept communication lines open.

 

[Elliewaves]

Good for you for taking someone with you and for making a list!

I understand about the mom and sister. If that's the case then just set some boundaries, as in you don't talk about him with them. Your time with them and your conversation together doesn't need to be centered around him, what he's doing now, and how it all makes you feel. If you are as good of friends with them as you imply, then they probably wouldn't mind not rehashing his motives and actions or reminding you of him if it helps you move on.

He keeps contacting you and buttering you up because it probably feels good to him to get your attention back and then treat you terrible. It gives him power. Plus he wants to use your stuff that he still has. And he probably feels like you are the back-up /rebound plan. If things go south with his new g/f; he's strung you along, telling you things you wanted to hear so that you'll be right there if he needs you (because look at all the texts! He's done nothing but tell you how much you mean while he was with his other girlfriend!)......until he finds someone else. Delete and block after you get your things. It sounds like he was and is preying on you. He doesn't really want to be your friend and have you in his life- he loves how you make him feel, however "you" don't really matter to him and are disposable. If you cut him out; he will move on and find someone else to fill that void.


Are your families friends? Would it help if your dad or mom came with you to get all your things? It might help if someone he has seen as an authority figure in the past or someone he has respected came with you and called him on giving back the things. He sounds like bad news and I hope you get all your stuff and money back. He is possibly hanging on to that stuff (besides being selfish and just wanting to use it for free) because it does keep the lines of communication open and it's his way of playing with you/using you/manipulating you.

 

[Travelers.Soul]

Girl....I hate to hear that that has been your experience with this guy, it breaks my heart. I am sure others have said this to you at this point but kick his butt to the curb and never look back. That man is a horrid jerk. The best and healthiest thing you could do for yourself is to cut all ties to him.

 

[sk8brdkd]

I didn’t think about some of the things you stated.

I had been doing well up until last night and this morning. Now been feeling very nervous and uneasy again about this situation but also with my new friend.

I talk to the mom and sister about many different things. I can talk to them for hours. We really have a good relationship. I am going to have to tell them no more updates about him though bc it hurts me still knowing what he did to me and what he’s doing with this new girl now and this new girl recently moved in too which [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]es me off even more.

What u said about him txt me to get my attention and being nice then mean again, actually makes sense in a twisted way. I never thought about that.

About 3 months ago, when I was praying about this situation, I heard God tell me 2 things. That he was going to teach him a lesson thru this situation and that he wasn’t going to marry her. I am not going to be any type of backup or rebound plan for him unless God totally turns his life right by 1000%. One of the major things he said and I feel I mentioned it somewhere on here is where he said that in the past, he never let any of his other gf speak against me. That he always spent time with me bc he wanted to. And that he never wanted to do anything to ruin our friendship. But by him sneaking around with this girl and never telling me about meeting someone else, and by cheating on me and letting me catch him in the act, how does he think all of that would make me feel? But he’s dead set on it wasn’t an official relationship even though he constantly was telling people he n I were in a relationship and we’re dating. It can’t be both ways.

The list I made of stuff he hasn’t given me back, most of the items are very expensive ones. I’d say I probably have $1000 worth of items at his house plus a few things he n I split together and idk how to separate them. I just can’t get myself to text him right now about it. Our families are not friends. Never met.

I’m thinking also, with my new guy friend, I’m starting to get very close to him.. but the other night, he said to me that he’s not going to try and date me yet bc he feels I still need time and space to sort thru my feelings and to do what I need to do. But I know he’s attracted to me and I to him but idk how to work thru this. I feel like I am ready for another relationship even though it has been only 7 months.

Just all of this is hard to swallow with my ex.

Good for you for taking someone with you and for making a list!

I understand about the mom and sister. If that's the case then just set some boundaries, as in you don't talk about him with them. Your time with them and your conversation together doesn't need to be centered around him, what he's doing now, and how it all makes you feel. If you are as good of friends with them as you imply, then they probably wouldn't mind not rehashing his motives and actions or reminding you of him if it helps you move on.

He keeps contacting you and buttering you up because it probably feels good to him to get your attention back and then treat you terrible. It gives him power. Plus he wants to use your stuff that he still has. And he probably feels like you are the back-up /rebound plan. If things go south with his new g/f; he's strung you along, telling you things you wanted to hear so that you'll be right there if he needs you (because look at all the texts! He's done nothing but tell you how much you mean while he was with his other girlfriend!)......until he finds someone else. Delete and block after you get your things. It sounds like he was and is preying on you. He doesn't really want to be your friend and have you in his life- he loves how you make him feel, however "you" don't really matter to him and are disposable. If you cut him out; he will move on and find someone else to fill that void.


Are your families friends? Would it help if your dad or mom came with you to get all your things? It might help if someone he has seen as an authority figure in the past or someone he has respected came with you and called him on giving back the things. He sounds like bad news and I hope you get all your stuff and money back. He is possibly hanging on to that stuff (besides being selfish and just wanting to use it for free) because it does keep the lines of communication open and it's his way of playing with you/using you/manipulating you.

 

[Saucy]

I didn’t think about some of the things you stated.

I had been doing well up until last night and this morning. Now been feeling very nervous and uneasy again about this situation but also with my new friend.

I talk to the mom and sister about many different things. I can talk to them for hours. We really have a good relationship. I am going to have to tell them no more updates about him though bc it hurts me still knowing what he did to me and what he’s doing with this new girl now and this new girl recently moved in too which [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]es me off even more.

What u said about him txt me to get my attention and being nice then mean again, actually makes sense in a twisted way. I never thought about that.

About 3 months ago, when I was praying about this situation, I heard God tell me 2 things. That he was going to teach him a lesson thru this situation and that he wasn’t going to marry her. I am not going to be any type of backup or rebound plan for him unless God totally turns his life right by 1000%. One of the major things he said and I feel I mentioned it somewhere on here is where he said that in the past, he never let any of his other gf speak against me. That he always spent time with me bc he wanted to. And that he never wanted to do anything to ruin our friendship. But by him sneaking around with this girl and never telling me about meeting someone else, and by cheating on me and letting me catch him in the act, how does he think all of that would make me feel? But he’s dead set on it wasn’t an official relationship even though he constantly was telling people he n I were in a relationship and we’re dating. It can’t be both ways.

The list I made of stuff he hasn’t given me back, most of the items are very expensive ones. I’d say I probably have $1000 worth of items at his house plus a few things he n I split together and idk how to separate them. I just can’t get myself to text him right now about it. Our families are not friends. Never met.

I’m thinking also, with my new guy friend, I’m starting to get very close to him.. but the other night, he said to me that he’s not going to try and date me yet bc he feels I still need time and space to sort thru my feelings and to do what I need to do. But I know he’s attracted to me and I to him but idk how to work thru this. I feel like I am ready for another relationship even though it has been only 7 months.

Just all of this is hard to swallow with my ex.

If you want to spare your heart, my best advice is to wait before getting intimate with this new guy. Of course, I would ultimately suggest waiting until marriage, as that's God's rule on the matter. But your biggest mistake with the previous guy is getting intimately involved with someone who was just your friend. He didn't have to commit to you, and it made it easy for him to get what he wanted and bailing the second someone else came along.

Please do not get quickly intimate with this other guy. Do yourself a favor and guard your heart. Find a guy who would protect you rather than using you. If you don't, you'll be right back in this mess.

 

[sk8brdkd]

I guess I already screwed up then. We were already intimate about 3 weeks ago for the first time.

I don’t want to be back in that mess. It was and still is terrible. This new guy, about a month and a half before we got intimate, he told me how his ex gf of 2 1/2 yrs cheated on him n basically erased him from her life and how his biggest thing is to not want to get hurt again and he doesn’t want to hurt me either.

He seems to be genuine and honest with me but of course I can never be 100% sure.

I’ve been praying about this lately and praying that we can lose this sexual content and lately, we’ve both been very good.

He was the one who first mentioned about wanting to date me but he felt I needed more time and I probably do.

With chris, yes we were friends but it had turned into more then that and he even admitted we were more then friends. All he ever told me though was that we were going to be together forever. That he and I were soulmates/life partners

And with this new guy. I just need to fully watch myself and watch him.

If you want to spare your heart, my best advice is to wait before getting intimate with this new guy. Of course, I would ultimately suggest waiting until marriage, as that's God's rule on the matter. But your biggest mistake with the previous guy is getting intimately involved with someone who was just your friend. He didn't have to commit to you, and it made it easy for him to get what he wanted and bailing the second someone else came along.

Please do not get quickly intimate with this other guy. Do yourself a favor and guard your heart. Find a guy who would protect you rather than using you. If you don't, you'll be right back in this mess.

 

[Saucy]

I guess I already screwed up then. We were already intimate about 3 weeks ago for the first time.

I don’t want to be back in that mess. It was and still is terrible. This new guy, about a month and a half before we got intimate, he told me how his ex gf of 2 1/2 yrs cheated on him n basically erased him from her life and how his biggest thing is to not want to get hurt again and he doesn’t want to hurt me either.

He seems to be genuine and honest with me but of course I can never be 100% sure.

I’ve been praying about this lately and praying that we can lose this sexual content and lately, we’ve both been very good.

He was the one who first mentioned about wanting to date me but he felt I needed more time and I probably do.

With chris, yes we were friends but it had turned into more then that and he even admitted we were more then friends. All he ever told me though was that we were going to be together forever. That he and I were soulmates/life partners

And with this new guy. I just need to fully watch myself and watch him.

If you're looking for a casual sex life, that's on you and your choice. I would hope that you'd find a better class of guys who don't sleep with you right off the bat and with no commitment. He's said he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you yet, but you slept with him anyway.

I'm REALLY not trying to come across as judgemental when saying this, although I probably am coming off that way. I'm only looking out for you and your heart and you're not doing anything to protect yourself at all. Find someone who is more suited to protecting you, your heart, and cares more about God than sleeping with you before you're even in a committed relationship.

 

[sk8brdkd]

I get it. It was my mistake. I don’t want a casual sex life. I want a relationship with someone though internally, idk if I’m ready for that yet. I guess bc he told me he’s attracted to me and I’m attracted to him, I just let myself go a few times

But we first had sex 3 weeks, he told me that he’s not ready to date me last week. Even when we initially had sex, I was thinking... am I really ready to do this again and I didn’t feel like I was after that.

I’ve been praying about the sexual stuff btwn me n him and we’ve both have behaved over the past little while I want to focus on being friends even though I am attracted to him now. It makes it harder. I can’t say I crave it but sometimes I do want it but have to focus my attention on other things.

I do need to start going back to church but I have a tough time integrating myself with others

If you're looking for a casual sex life, that's on you and your choice. I would hope that you'd find a better class of guys who don't sleep with you right off the bat and with no commitment. He's said he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you yet, but you slept with him anyway.

I'm REALLY not trying to come across as judgemental when saying this, although I probably am coming off that way. I'm only looking out for you and your heart and you're not doing anything to protect yourself at all. Find someone who is more suited to protecting you, your heart, and cares more about God than sleeping with you before you're even in a committed relationship.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

yikes...