I have a question...especially for the fellows

[george]

What do you do when you have a strong attraction toward someone whom you know you could never have or would never have you? I've been feeling this way toward this one girl for about five years, and I don't know why. it's not like I intentionally build this attraction up. it just happen.

I see pretty women all the time, and never feel this way. but when I see her I get real intimated, so bad..when someone mentions her or I hear a song that reminds me of her voice, I try to avoid it. cause I get real jittery. the problem is, she has no ideal what so ever, that I feel this way. I feel silly feeling this way. how can I change my focous and stop thinking about her. I got to stop this wishful thinking.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I'd suggest asking her out. If she says no, then it's time to move on, if she says yes, then it's yes.

I know that's easier said than done, but the reason you are still in love with her, or at least very attached, is probably because your mind entertains the possibility of a relationship, even if you think she wouldn't be interested. That's why asking her out would be good, it would settle it once and for all. I don't know why you feel she's out of your reach, but even if she says no at least you would be done with it and you could move on. And who's to say she won't say yes! Again, I know this is easier said than done.

I'll say a prayer for you. May God grant you peace and guidance.

 

[george]

I'd suggest asking her out. If she says no, then it's time to move on, if she says yes, then it's yes.

I know that's easier said than done, but the reason you are still in love with her, or at least very attached, is probably because your mind entertains the possibility of a relationship, even if you think she wouldn't be interested. That's why asking her out would be good, it would settle it once and for all. I don't know why you feel she's out of your reach, but even if she says no at least you would be done with it and you could move on. And who's to say she won't say yes! Again, I know this is easier said than done.

I'll say a prayer for you. May God grant you peace and guidance.

Thanks for the advice, but I've never ask a girl out in my life, I am extremely shy, and if she said no, this would ruin my self esteem. besides, I would not even know were to start. I've never been able to build up the nerves to even consider ask one out. I am very sensitive, I hurt to easy. just pray that I can get her off my mine. and just focous on the Lord, I feel silly that I feel this way. thanks again

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I know what you mean, I tend to choose the "easier" path as well and hide from the possibility of rejection. However, both you and I need to realize that by doing so we "doom" ourselves to loneliness, or, at least, decrease the chance of finding a companion.

I will pray that you will get her off your mind, and that you may find strength to conquer your fears.

 

[goldenviolet]

well, i agree about asking her out. could you write her a letter about how you feel? maybe her answering you in a letter will help both of you talk without it being awkward. let me tell you, us ladies like genuine gents. it's not likely we'll be cold and heartless towards a nice guy; even if we aren't interrested, it's sweet. so, if you really think she's nice, think about it. if not, practice replacing how you think with thoughts about what this is doing to you. thinking about the reality of it, will help you process past the adoration i think. talking about this probly will help too. xo dee

 

[george]

well, i agree about asking her out. could you write her a letter about how you feel? maybe her answering you in a letter will help both of you talk without it being awkward. let me tell you, us ladies like genuine gents. it's not likely we'll be cold and heartless towards a nice guy; even if we aren't interrested, it's sweet. so, if you really think she's nice, think about it. if not, practice replacing how you think with thoughts about what this is doing to you. thinking about the reality of it, will help you process past the adoration i think. talking about this probly will help too. xo dee

thanks goldenviolet... do you think it's much easier for a woman to approach a man, than for a man to approach a woman? do woman have less pressure? and two..do you agree with my own personal proverb...women wait for the right man to come along. while men hope/wish the right woman does.

 

[Anti Existance]

If i where you i would always love her, but i wouldn't put it to a next level. The real problem isn't her but your shyness. The problem is that you 'care' about what others think of you, if you didn't care, you'd just ask her out, and be done with it, you see it's a win win situation for you in that case,

if you ask her out and she says no, you can go on with your life, in the case that she says yes, you got a date, but if your shy then if she says no, your whole world will collapse, thats why isn't not a good idea to ask her out,because you first need to change your perspective on the whole thing.

 

[MrFreshdew]

What do you do when you have a strong attraction toward someone whom you know you could never have or would never have you? I've been feeling this way toward this one girl for about five years, and I don't know why. it's not like I intentionally build this attraction up. it just happen.

I see pretty women all the time, and never feel this way. but when I see her I get real intimated, so bad..when someone mentions her or I hear a song that reminds me of her voice, I try to avoid it. cause I get real jittery. the problem is, she has no ideal what so ever, that I feel this way. I feel silly feeling this way. how can I change my focous and stop thinking about her. I got to stop this wishful thinking.

ask Jesus 2 make a way & trust Him that He will -cuz His plans and ways are way cool

 

[BigNorsk]

It sounds to me like you have a disorder. If you are so scared to approach a woman that you just haven't all these years even though attracted, you could be suffering from a case of social anxiety disorder often called social phobia.

It's really quite common. People affected by it tend to avoid social situations altogether due to extreme anxiety over the fear of embarassment.

Many people have rather dramatic results from some medications. There are actually many people in business that take meds in order to be able to give a public speech. Giving a public speech is a common social anxiety disorder. Klonopin and Xanax, two drugs that can be quite helpful for sufferers, obtained almost cult status in the business world for awhile where even people without social anxiety disorder were thinking it was a magic pill to turn everyone into a great speaker. They weren't of course, but they do make it possible for many who could not otherwise do so to give public presentations.

I would recommend, since dating is really a rather complex thing that you would get some general supportive therapy as well. That can be a real help to put things in perspective, and help motivate you.

I would suggest starting with a visit to the Anxiety Disorders of America website at http://www.adaa.org/GettingHelp/AnxietyDisorders/SocialPhobia.asp

You can take a self test, and find some information.

Marv

 

[george]

It sounds to me like you have a disorder. If you are so scared to approach a woman that you just haven't all these years even though attracted, you could be suffering from a case of social anxiety disorder often called social phobia.

It's really quite common. People affected by it tend to avoid social situations altogether due to extreme anxiety over the fear of embarassment.

Many people have rather dramatic results from some medications. There are actually many people in business that take meds in order to be able to give a public speech. Giving a public speech is a common social anxiety disorder. Klonopin and Xanax, two drugs that can be quite helpful for sufferers, obtained almost cult status in the business world for awhile where even people without social anxiety disorder were thinking it was a magic pill to turn everyone into a great speaker. They weren't of course, but they do make it possible for many who could not otherwise do so to give public presentations.

I would recommend, since dating is really a rather complex thing that you would get some general supportive therapy as well. That can be a real help to put things in perspective, and help motivate you.

I would suggest starting with a visit to the Anxiety Disorders of America website at http://www.adaa.org/GettingHelp/AnxietyDisorders/SocialPhobia.asp

You can take a self test, and find some information.

Marv

Well thanks so much, but are you being your true self when you take those meds...I don't know if I need to take meds just to approach a woman, because that's the only area I really struggle with, it dosn't really effect me anywere else. and if approaching a woman is the only problem-then I think I can learn to live with it.

 

[rushingwind62]

I would also say ask her out. Even if she says no at least you will be able to put it behind you and move on. You may think she has no feelings toward you but you will never know if you don't ask. Who knows, you might be surprised. Take a chance and roll the dice.

 

[george]

I would also say ask her out. Even if she says no at least you will be able to put it behind you and move on. You may think she has no feelings toward you but you will never know if you don't ask. Who knows, you might be surprised. Take a chance and roll the dice.

It's not that easy Bro. it's just too much at stake. she dosn't have the slightest Idea that I'm very attractive to her. I ask God to take it away, but it's been a struggle I've had since my teen years.

 

[rushingwind62]

It's not that easy Bro. it's just too much at stake. she dosn't have the slightest Idea that I'm very attractive to her. I ask God to take it away, but it's been a struggle I've had since my teen years.

she must be a very good friend for it to be that complicated. I would still take the chance and let her know how I feel. Because above all things a mate is your friend.

 

[BigNorsk]

I don't understand, it's obviously a big problem for you or you wouldn't be praying to God about it for all this time, yet offer you some help and you are just like it's no big deal.

Of course it's a big deal.

You have a desire and based on scripture, being alone your whole life is not God's will.

You pray and pray for help.

Yet you don't want to be helped.

Why is that? Afraid of doctors too?

Marv

 

[george]

I don't understand, it's obviously a big problem for you or you wouldn't be praying to God about it for all this time, yet offer you some help and you are just like it's no big deal.

Of course it's a big deal.

You have a desire and based on scripture, being alone your whole life is not God's will.

You pray and pray for help.

Yet you don't want to be helped.

Why is that? Afraid of doctors too?

Marv

I don't really know why I struggle with this, or why it's even important. I do fine for awhile, then it comes back.like I said eariler...it dosn't really effect my overall life. I can deal with the singleness, I just wish that God would take those desires away...

 

[Johnnz]

God won't take those desires away. Only getting on with your life will do that. You need to make a decision and then follow it through.

John
NZ

 

[BK4G]

thanks goldenviolet... do you think it's much easier for a woman to approach a man, than for a man to approach a woman? do woman have less pressure? and two..do you agree with my own personal proverb...women wait for the right man to come along. while men hope/wish the right woman does.

yeah i think its easier for girls to approach guys...but i dont think guys like it tho??
am i right? i duno
maybe you should jsut be friends first so then u wont be so intimidated....why are u intimidated by her anway

 

[aiki]

I used to be extremely shy. Then God showed me how prideful my shyness actually was. I was so full of pride I wouldn't do anything that I thought would affect my pride negatively. Of course, I didn't see my pride for what it was. I was just a "quiet sort," a painfully shy guy, a loner. What I really was, was a person who was so hung up on himself he couldn't bear the thought of being rejected, or embarrassed, or uncomfortable. As a result, I lived in a prison built by my pride for many years. It sucked. Alot.

I can tell you that as such a person I was completely useless to God. He couldn't use me when I was hiding away, protecting my pride from all threats to it, perceived or real. In fact, my pride had put God directly at odds with me: "... for God resists the proud, and gives grace to the humble." - 1 Pe. 5:5

Maybe you can use your attraction to this woman to begin to shed the prison of fear pride has put you in. Certainly, your fear is not from God or of God. Let go of it and start living!

Peace to you.

 

[nathan57]

What do you do when you have a strong attraction toward someone whom you know you could never have or would never have you?

what? how can you be so sure brother! give it a try you never know

 

[Billnew]

it's not likely we'll be cold and heartless towards a nice guy; xo dee

Actually men and women can be heartless and cruel. But if she is that way you don't want her anyway.

Well thanks so much, but are you being your true self when you take those meds...I don't know if I need to take meds just to approach a woman, because that's the only area I really struggle with, it dosn't really effect me anywere else. and if approaching a woman is the only problem-then I think I can learn to live with it.

If you have no other problem with shyness in your life, then maybe just a little therapy can help. Work through this one issue.
I was shy, and suffered through it. I found other problems and started taking anti-depressents, they just take the fear away, making it an uneasiness. Shy people are over sensitive, and the medicines remove some of the sensitiveness.
They don't change you, just make living alot easier.
Talk to your Dr and see what he recomends. I think the one for Social anxiety disorder would probably help.(not saying this is your problem, that is a severe form of what your discribing. Feeling the same way about talking to this lady as talking to anyone in a group, or even entering a party. (Is it Paxil?)
Just to let you know, majority of nurses are on anti-depressant of some kind.