I have a question about a new (ish) guy friend

[sk8brdkd]

So, I met this guy back in early July, we became quick friends because both he and I have gone through something similar w/ our exes and we often texted 5+ hours a day on and off. It wasn't until maybe 3 weeks ago, that our long hours of texting halted and, the texting became less and less.

I am interested in how his day went or how he was doing and would often ask him. He responded and would tell me about his day or how he was doing and I would try and continue the conversation by asking questions, etc., but, usually, whenever I try and tell him about my day or, what not, he usually doesn't respond. It's very frustrating.

However, whenever I see him in person, we continually talk and it's not a problem at all.

The other day at work, I asked this older lady about this and she told me that he's just a typical guy but, is that really all that it is?? Do guys not respond to texts or something? I mean, if I ask a question about whatever, he does respond.

This lady at work told me that her bf of 5 years does just that. That she can go throughout the day and not hear from him at all, almost like she doesn't even exist and he doesn't always respond to her texts about her day or whatever and she said, my friend is just a typical guy.

But, that, I'm NOT used to. My ex, well, even before he and I dated, he Always responded to my texts when he could. He rarely left my texts go unanswered. I don't know many people who don't not respond to texts.

So, can anyone please help me understand?

Should I speak up and say something to him or just let it go? I just don't get the silent treatment when in the beginning we talked for hours on end and now, the texting is down to basically nothing. I don't even know how to continue a conversation w/ him via text, but, in person or talking on the phone, the conversation btwn us can last for hours.

He and I had a talk maybe 2 weeks ago and he told me he realized that he doesn't want to get into a relationship yet, but, especially for me because I need time/space to find myself and I need to work through the different emotions that I'm going through and I need to do whatever I need to do. So, we had an open conversation and we're both on the same page but, the silent treatment and not responding to really any of the texts that I sent him about my day, or, about what's coming up, that I just don't understand. To me, that's not in any way typical for any person.

Can anyone clear this up for me please? Should I be concerned about his lack of response now compared to early on?

 

[Saucy]

You guys are just friends, but you have relationship expectations. You jumped in too soon and your heart is involved. You want more with him and he's fine how things are.

 

[sk8brdkd]

You guys are just friends, but you have relationship expectations. You jumped in too soon and your heart is involved. You want more with him and he's fine how things are.

Well... yes and no. But, even being just friends, I still find it odd that he doesn't respond to me telling him about my day or something that is coming up. I'm not saying anything to him about liking him or wanting something more. I figured, as friends, we can share our day w/ each other and share different things w/ each other like normal friends.

I'll admit, that, yes, my heart IS a bit involved in this, though, I feel like his heart is also involved in "this" too. He has told me he thinks I'm cute/attractive, etc. and he has told me that he cares about me more then I think. But, it's been awhile since he has called me cute/attractive

 

[Saucy]

It's normal for friends to not talk every day and share details of their day. Maybe on occasion, but what you're looking for is normal for a relationship, not a friendship. As you admitted, your heart is involved. You are getting caught up in this guy who told you all the nice things you wanted to hear, got what we wanted, and is now pulling away. Just like the last guy.

This is exactly what happens when you get involved so soon. Your heart is involved big time. You're expecting more from him. You want him to act closer to you and treat you like a girlfriend. Friends can go days or even a week without hearing from each other. I would even go as far as to say this was a rebound relationship.

 

[sk8brdkd]

It's normal for friends to not talk every day and share details of their day. Maybe on occasion, but what you're looking for is normal for a relationship, not a friendship. As you admitted, your heart is involved. You are getting caught up in this guy who told you all the nice things you wanted to hear, got what he wanted, and is now pulling away. Just like the last guy.

This is exactly what happens when you get involved so soon. Your heart is involved big time. You're expecting more from him. You want him to act closer to you and treat you like a girlfriend. Friends can go days or even a week without hearing from each other. I would even go as far as to say this was a rebound relationship.

I get it. I see what you're saying.

I had to think about one of my other guy friends whom I've been friends w/ for 9 yrs now and whom I don't have any feelings for. He and I can go for weeks w/o talking to each other and can just pick up where we left off, though, w/ him, we do share w/ each other how are days/weeks have been when we do talk on fb and sometimes he and I do talk for an hour or so.

I prayed for this situation today (before reading your message) and I felt like God was telling me to relax about him. And, from what you're saying, yes, I do fully need to relax and treat him as just a friend which i honestly am not sure how to do.

I am fully used to how my ex communicated w/ me BEFORE he and I actually dated meaning, he always texted me back and we spoke on the phone almost everyday. I came to the conclusion that the way my ex was w/ me and w/ him responding to my texts both before and during our dating relationship, that that was normal.But, so far, the last 3 weeks or so, he doesn't respond to any of the other texts i send him unless i ask him about himself/his day --- he doesn't often even text to ask my how i am or how my day was...

yet, he'll invite me over for dinner/movie and he's made dinner for me a few times, we go for walks in the park or go to the movies and he usually pays for me each time we go. And we go for motorcycle rides with each other and car shows. I mean, we get along well. It's just texting him is terrible. In person and even talking on the phone (which isn't often) but, everything else goes well besides texting.

 

[Sketcher]

I don't know him or his life, but I respond to texts when I can. Not always right after I get them.

 

[sk8brdkd]

I don't know him or his life, but I respond to texts when I can. Not always right after I get them.

to both guy and girl friends? what if u knew someone liked you. Would you still respond to their texts as normal if they were telling you about their day a bit here and there? just curious.

this guy is a friend only right now. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around this in comparing him to someone else in the lack of response, even though what Saucy is true anyways.

 

[Sketcher]

to both guy and girl friends? what if u knew someone liked you. Would you still respond to their texts as normal if they were telling you about their day a bit here and there? just curious.

Yes I would, for at least two reasons:

1) I work during the day. If I'm on a call or a critical issue and I get a text, I can't respond right away.
2) I can usually think of better responses after I've had a while to think about what to respond with.