I have a problem...

[Replikation]

The thing is, I just can't stand the majority of Christians I meet at church. I know I should be going to church for the message and such, but even so, I don't know if I can go to a church where I don't like all other members.

I know the Bible says to love everyone, and I do, it's just, there's something about almost every single Christian I've met that rubs me the wrong way. It almost seems like condescension. As if they think they're better then you, and look down on you because you're new.

It's the same thing with my non-Christian friends. So many times, my Christian friends will talk to my non-Christian friends as if they are lesser human beings.

I don't know... I just am wondering if this is the same way at all churches? I know that each is different, but so far I've visited around 6 churches in the last couple years, and each one has been this way. And I have taken the time to get to know people, but I still don't like them.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Hey there and welcome to CF!

I totally understand where your coming from, it's very frustrating. They talk the talk by proclaiming their belief in God, but they don't walk the walk by loving others as Jesus did.

Fortunately, there ARE Christians in the world who show love just as much as they proclaim their belief in God.

I'd suggest you continue visiting different churches of different denominations with an open mind and see if you can find one you like.

 

[rob64]

Hello. I "feel your pain". Unfortunately, churches today are full of people who 'claim to be christians'.I think there are a few reasons why it's like that.
For one, the NT gives instruction on church discipline, and it's simply not being followed.
And the "leadership" in most cases probably doesn't line up to the Biblical guidelines that were established.
Also, people are getting a "whitewashed" version of the gospel.
And sadly, most preachers simply do not know the Bible.

I would suggest trying to locate a small church, because they tend to be more 'personal'.

A scripture comes to mind concerning all of this;
"As the king is, so is the people". In other words, if the pastor/preacher(whatever you want to call them) knows nothing about GRACE, how will he be able to teach you about grace?

When looking for a church, if the preacher does not glorify and preach Jesus Christ and salvation by grace through faith, i'd "shake the dust off my feet", and get as far away from them as possible.

 

[4hurting]

No, probably not, my cousin's one in Nuneaton in the UK, I used to go to is really good.
Trouble is, I still believe we are in the last days.
Most Christians concerned only with themselves and getting through the day and life in itself.

But the bigger picture is, it's game over, stop being a sleeping virgin and be one of the wise one's awake and with plenty of oil in the lamp.

Hmm, easy said than done.

Then, sometimes if you're like me, become all Pharisee like, we often view others as being all out of joint, when in fact probably us.
Tough one, trying to balance that needle.

Do we need church, especially if you are not a mixer, very self conscious like me, yes and no.

Yes, helps to fellowship, to know we are not alone, to have someone, etc.
No, well, you still need something, if only online, Christian TV, Christian books.
Fail the above and like me you begin to lose your faith gradually and the plot.

Anyway, ((hugs)), hope that helps, awful world out there.
I can not understand why Christians, as my expectations of them are higher than non-believers have to always lash out at me, when I sin and confess, comfort the Bible says, so on.

Some do, some insult you, and attack you.
But then, of recent I started to think, maybe there problem is just that, so I'm expecting too much of them, we are all in perfect, hence needing Christ.

So is my reply cut them some slack, or find another church, so on.
Well only you can decide that, cause my advice won't be appreciated, cause we are like that, only later we look back and say, wow that person was right.
I tend to like to think then I'd say to them, if they came to me, no, I'm not right, God is.

Blessings, Lee.

 

[4hurting]

P.S you probably won't like me by the way, lol, but that's okay, I spend all my life trying to please humans and satan knows it and attacks me, often through Christians and it's soul destroying, no wonder I've had enough and want out.
But we gotta just keep going, He loves and totally accepts us as we are.
Hard as it is, try loving someone when they lashed out at you, you'll be often amazed at the reaction, instead of replying in an email all GRRRRRRRr, growling back, just try, ((hugs)), praying for you.

Often then, if they are not shocked and taken the wind out of the sails and later say sorry, they get more upset that you are not getting upset, win win for you in a way then.
No wonder Bible says heaping coals on them, we let God deal with it.

I know, I hear you, so hard when all you wanna do is bite their heads off, lol, point taken.

 

[Mrs Butterworth]

Wow Rep. I feel for you. When I moved to New Orleans I went through 5 churches before I found one that was not doing something corrupt. New Orleans is a horribly corrupt place and that corruption does not stop at the churches.

I hung in there and finally found a church that was not corrupt. What I did to find a good church was to go a little out of my comfort zone and chose a church that I wouldn't have ordinarily chose. By the way Hurricane Katrina did a little housekeeping and many of those corrupt churches don't exist anymore but that's another story.

I have a friend of mine who gave up on big churches and tried a home church. It's like a cell group (otherwise known as home group) that many big churches have but, unlike a big church that little group is all there is. It worked for her. She found her church on the internet.

As for you try not to get so frustrated that you give up entirely. Good churches and good Christians do exist.

 

[dies-l]

I don't know... I just am wondering if this is the same way at all churches? I know that each is different, but so far I've visited around 6 churches in the last couple years, and each one has been this way. And I have taken the time to get to know people, but I still don't like them.

It is very possible that you have found some churches that are less than ideal. It is also possible that you are bringing and overly judgmental heart to your search for a good church. I say this because I struggled for a long time with some people at my church, thinking that they were fake, judgmental, condescending, etc.... When I began to really look inward, I came to realize that, although these people are not perfect, the problem that I had with them was me. I was reading into their words and their actions and making assumptions about their motivations. When I made the decision to just take them as they are, I came to realize that they are just sinners like me, who each have their own struggles to deal with. When I accept them in that way, I find that they don't annoy me nearly as much, and to the extent that they do annoy me, that is my problem, not theirs.

So I would encourage you to look within, as well as without, to check your own heart to make sure that you are not judging people on an impossible standard. The problem with churches is that they are full of sinners. There are some churches where there is no desire to grow, and I agree with other posters that these churches should be avoided. But, be careful not to assume that, because a church is full of sinners, it must be a bad church. That would be much like avoiding a hospital when you are sick, because you don't want to have to be around all the sick people.

 

[Replikation]

Another thing that I realized was common with all of the churches I went to, was that there was a lot of hate within them, which I found very strange.

A good example of this is the recent election. Almost the only thing anyone would talk about after the sermon is how much they "hated" Barack Obama (Hate is the actual word many people used). They'd say things like he was "Not a true Christian", and that they would "Move to Canada" if he became president. Even some of the pastors let it show in their sermons that they obviously were still bitter that McCain did not win.

I know they may not agree with some of Obama's views, but should we all not at least pray for him and love him?

I do know that some churches are not like this. Particularly because I used to go to one as a young adult which I loved, but sadly it eventually shut down.

I guess I made this topic not so much for advice in finding a new church, but more in curiosity why it seems so many Christians are (At least on the outside) like this. I do not claim to be perfect, it just makes me sad that there is so much hate and ignorance within so many churches today.

 

[dies-l]

I guess I made this topic not so much for advice in finding a new church, but more in curiosity why it seems so many Christians are (At least on the outside) like this.

I think that so many Christians are like that is that they are sinners just like the rest of us. Unfortunately, it seems that, for many of us, our sinful mind can turn our salvation into an object of pride, which leads us to look at others with condescension and derision. It's not that Christians are more sinful or less sinful; it's just that Satan uses whatever he has to work with, including our tendency toward a churchy sort of pride that is seen in a lot of churches.

 

[BereanTodd]

You absolutely need to be in church. It is possible that you have run into some bad churches - and there are those out there. But it is equally possible that you are dealing with some issues in your life and you need to be less judgmental.

Two things that I pray you will listen to me on is this - number one you don't need to be in church just to hear a message. You can do that online, on television, on the radio. We are told in Hebrew 10:

"24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing nearer."

The Christian life is not meant to be lived alone, in a vaccum. We need each other. We need each other to pick one another up in hard times, to rejoice in good, to encourage one another in our Christian walks, and to aid one another when one of us stumbles. You can not live a truly healthy christian life outside of being a part of a christian community.

The second thing I hope you would prayerfully consider is John's message in His letter, 1 John 4:

"20 If anyone says 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother."

There's no such thing as the perfect church, but it is important that you do find a bible-teaching body of believers and become a part of the Body of Christ.

 

[Kodos]

I have seen the sort of pride in many Christians that is a complete turn off. Fortunately, I go to a pretty awesome Church, so I'm happy. God led me to this one, I know.

Most Christians need to remember Paul's writings in Romans 15:7
"Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ accepted us to the Glory of God"

If Jesus has accepted each of our fellow Christians, what right do we have to not accept them? I would say that cuts both ways though! Replikation, you in your own way are looking down at your fellow Christians. For the love of our brothers in Christ, you should mildly rebuke them and show them what it is they are doing. Remind them that we are to follow Christ's example in living.

We are all sinners in the eyes of God. Let us love each other as He has loved us.

 

[xXSinnerXx]

The thing is, I just can't stand the majority of Christians I meet at church. I know I should be going to church for the message and such, but even so, I don't know if I can go to a church where I don't like all other members.

I know the Bible says to love everyone, and I do, it's just, there's something about almost every single Christian I've met that rubs me the wrong way. It almost seems like condescension. As if they think they're better then you, and look down on you because you're new.

It's the same thing with my non-Christian friends. So many times, my Christian friends will talk to my non-Christian friends as if they are lesser human beings.

I don't know... I just am wondering if this is the same way at all churches? I know that each is different, but so far I've visited around 6 churches in the last couple years, and each one has been this way. And I have taken the time to get to know people, but I still don't like them.

My suggestion is pray.
Pray that God fill your heart with nothing but love(And pitty if these people really look down others)
I have had the exact same problem.
I've stuck with the same church though now I have two great friends from the church.I don't really like most of the other people.
I think You are seeing hypocrisy in some people which is why you don't much care for them or like them.
Always remember your not there for them.
You are there for GOD.
If you catch your Christian friends talking down to a non-believer kindly remind them we are all equal and no man is better than another.
Our best works are filthy Rags before the LORD.
It is only in Jesus Christ that we are saved.
If a Man says he is without sin the truth is not in him.
Always remember Christians are only human just because they have accepted Jesus does make them smarter than anyone else it just means they were fortunate enough to hear the Good news.
I hope this helped you.
GOD BLESS YOU!

 

[Psalms34]

But it is equally possible that you are dealing with some issues in your life and you need to be less judgmental.

Oh man, I KNOW that feeling, it's so nasty. It's like, I'm standing there and the guy in front really smells, waving his hands all around, he is dressed in rags and this big ugly stained Harley Davidson jacket on. The pretty girl standing next to me is even whencing from the bad breath smell. And I'm just thinking... oh you don't wanna knooow what I was thinking

But you know what, it's like, I could just hear the demons laugh as if they knew what I was thinking, maybe even whispering next to me "look at that guy in front of you, what scum he is!!". So I just started praying for the guy, asking the Lord to bless him, to bless his life. That always seems to help a lot, sometimes it is our fault, or maybe the enemy trying to draw us into being provoked. Eph6:12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

So I guess we can blame everyone around us and let bitterness into our lives, or we can ask God to do a work in us in a way that is pleasing to Him.

As for political disagreements, it's not worth dividing over. I'm like ultraconservative, so I think I know a bit about being out of that loop. Cool when they listen though, I always try to. After all, I'm just a Pilgrim here.

 

[Psalms34]

It's not that Christians are more sinful or less sinful;

True not sinless, but sin less. That is the life of many that I've witnessed over their years of growing in the grace of God. People tend to put too high a standard on others though, since they probably didn't know them before they became a born again Christian but judge on their own presumed standards of how they think they should be.

After all, Jesus came to save the lost, not the well off, and typically many Christians were very very lost before they were saved. It's not just some intellectual endeavor someone picks up and plays around with for a time, but there are actual lives having been dramatically changed in that sea of faces you see around you in that sanctuary.

 

[iamjcs]

The thing is, I just can't stand the majority of Christians I meet at church. I know I should be going to church for the message and such, but even so, I don't know if I can go to a church where I don't like all other members.

I know the Bible says to love everyone, and I do, it's just, there's something about almost every single Christian I've met that rubs me the wrong way. It almost seems like condescension. As if they think they're better then you, and look down on you because you're new.

It's the same thing with my non-Christian friends. So many times, my Christian friends will talk to my non-Christian friends as if they are lesser human beings.

I don't know... I just am wondering if this is the same way at all churches? I know that each is different, but so far I've visited around 6 churches in the last couple years, and each one has been this way. And I have taken the time to get to know people, but I still don't like them.

No all churches are not that way, but too many have strayed majorly.

One place we lived, we found a good church on our 1st try.
Another place we lived we, we tried going to 13 different churches & calling a bunch of others before finding a church with most members having evident that God was in their heart.
Here we tried several & found 2 good ones.

Don't give up unless you've tried every church in your area.

 

[dies-l]

True not sinless, but sin less. That is the life of many that I've witnessed over their years of growing in the grace of God. People tend to put too high a standard on others though, since they probably didn't know them before they became a born again Christian but judge on their own presumed standards of how they think they should be.

I have seen it go both ways. I have known Chrisitans who have grown substantially, as a result of their relationship with Christ. I have known some who grow for a while, then stagnate, and eventually end up worse than they started, because their religion has become a source of pride they use to justify their lack of growth. I have known Christians at many points in between. If I'm honest, I probably have to admit that I have even experienced some of these extremes in my own Christian journey. But, I do agree with your last statement that we often hold Christians to an unreasonably high standard, based on our own ignorance about what God is doing in their lives.

 

[jesrein9]

Well what i can tell you is that ppl are ppl no matter where you go.. no matter what church you attend there are bound to be some or even most that treat others this way.. it is a defens mechanism.. designed to make you feel in control of your environment. It just means those christians are human and that they too are on a pathway towards God just like you. I suggest what others have already said.. keep searching for a good home church.. but always be prayerful about where the Holy Spirit is leading you.

God Bless

 

[Svt4Him]

The thing is, I just can't stand the majority of Christians I meet at church. I know I should be going to church for the message and such, but even so, I don't know if I can go to a church where I don't like all other members.

I know the Bible says to love everyone, and I do, it's just, there's something about almost every single Christian I've met that rubs me the wrong way. It almost seems like condescension. As if they think they're better then you, and look down on you because you're new.

It's the same thing with my non-Christian friends. So many times, my Christian friends will talk to my non-Christian friends as if they are lesser human beings.

I don't know... I just am wondering if this is the same way at all churches? I know that each is different, but so far I've visited around 6 churches in the last couple years, and each one has been this way. And I have taken the time to get to know people, but I still don't like them.

Funny, the only common denominator in all the groups is you. Hmm...

 

[Cris413]

Oh man, I KNOW that feeling, it's so nasty. It's like, I'm standing there and the guy in front really smells, waving his hands all around, he is dressed in rags and this big ugly stained Harley Davidson jacket on. The pretty girl standing next to me is even whencing from the bad breath smell. And I'm just thinking... oh you don't wanna knooow what I was thinking

But you know what, it's like, I could just hear the demons laugh as if they knew what I was thinking, maybe even whispering next to me "look at that guy in front of you, what scum he is!!". So I just started praying for the guy, asking the Lord to bless him, to bless his life. That always seems to help a lot, sometimes it is our fault, or maybe the enemy trying to draw us into being provoked. Eph6:12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

So I guess we can blame everyone around us and let bitterness into our lives, or we can ask God to do a work in us in a way that is pleasing to Him.

As for political disagreements, it's not worth dividing over. I'm like ultraconservative, so I think I know a bit about being out of that loop. Cool when they listen though, I always try to. After all, I'm just a Pilgrim here.

I can't help but think of this guy I used to work with...who saw my peace and joy in the Lord...and asked why I smiled all the time...so I told him...and invited him to church.

Well...he showed up at my apt just like he said he would the next Sunday morning...still drunk from Saturday nite and he just reeked of sour booze...and apologized because he couldn't go to church like that...

I said of course you can...and he said...what will people think...I said...they will think you are exactly in the right place!

I was so blessed by how loving and warm everyone was to him...

Praise God! It's so awesome to watch Him move like that!

 

[Cris413]

The thing is, I just can't stand the majority of Christians I meet at church. I know I should be going to church for the message and such, but even so, I don't know if I can go to a church where I don't like all other members.

I know the Bible says to love everyone, and I do, it's just, there's something about almost every single Christian I've met that rubs me the wrong way. It almost seems like condescension. As if they think they're better then you, and look down on you because you're new.

It's the same thing with my non-Christian friends. So many times, my Christian friends will talk to my non-Christian friends as if they are lesser human beings.

I don't know... I just am wondering if this is the same way at all churches? I know that each is different, but so far I've visited around 6 churches in the last couple years, and each one has been this way. And I have taken the time to get to know people, but I still don't like them.

No...all churches are not like that...

...and maybe some of the other churches you visited weren't either....sometimes our perceptions can be a lil central