i have a huge problem now..

[Caty]

i think i said something, i not sure if i said it but, i was thinking it and kinda wishpering, cause i've been fighting this thought for a while now, so i try to say stuff to ease my tension and get my mind off them. & now im afraid that i've mumbled something...im not sure, but i was thinking something w/ a cuss word and then the word Spirit...im really not sure if i said that under my breathe but if i did am i okay....but what if the thoughts came from me....i didn't want to say it...and i've been fighting the same thought for a couple of days now...i feel like my fate is offically "sealed" now.

 

[HeatherG]

Dear Caty,

Been there and done that. I know the feeling of absolute terror and I feel for you. Sounds like typical OCD to me. I was also never sure if the words came from me or not. The natural reaction of course is to fight it, but in fact to treat OCD you have to just allow the thoughts to be there in the background and ignore them. Just treat them as the meaningless garbage that they are. They are not from you, but the more you try to fight them the more your brain thinks that this is a big deal and starts focusing your mind on them. Have you read the book Brain Lock? I recommend it and it also emphasizes on how you should just treat the thoughts as background noise and resist the temptation to try to counteract them. Easier said than done, but it really works.

Will pray for you.

HeatherG

 

[Caty]

but see when i would get mad and try to fit them sonmetimes i would say bad words (i know that's bad) in my head because i would get so mad and then of course a my brain trows something in there about God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit and i feel terrible. I would never say anything like that inention, I used to want to cover my ears when i heard God's name in vain, even though i've said it, it used to leave a bad taste in my mouth and i hate when people say that stuff, i'm just afraid these are from me.

 

[HeatherG]

Caty,

I've been through a very similar process. At first I was so shocked that these words came in my head. Then I thought to myself, "Well it's not as if I was angry or anything and said those words against the Holy Spirit". As soon as I thought that, the next time I was angry about something, the words came in my head and I thought like you that they were from me and was in despair again.

Our brains are very clever at morphing from one fear to another and you will likely find that once you have finally convinced yourself that this is not the unpardonable sin, you will decide that something else is and oops, your brain will start thinking that exact same thought that you dread thinking.

Please try to ignore it. As you said below, you would never say something like that intentionally. Just keep trusting God.

HeatherG

but see when i would get mad and try to fit them sonmetimes i would say bad words (i know that's bad) in my head because i would get so mad and then of course a my brain trows something in there about God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit and i feel terrible. I would never say anything like that inention, I used to want to cover my ears when i heard God's name in vain, even though i've said it, it used to leave a bad taste in my mouth and i hate when people say that stuff, i'm just afraid these are from me.

 

[keryakos]

Caty as you know thats my issue too i have done the same thing and i have wondered if it was from my heart or not ..

But I will say this and this has brought just a wee bit of comfort maybe it will help you too


In the scriptures when those guys were calling the work of the Holy Ghost the devil they were doing it to discredit Jesus ..the scripture makes it very very clear that these thoughts that they SPOKE were INTENTIONAL they were premeditated not during a fight not to say them on the contrary they said them with Delight and pleasure ..no fear ..no remorse ...how do i know the latter is true because the scriptures make it clear they they came down from Jerusalem to ACCUSE him ...they knew he wasn't guilty they WANTED it it was premeditated it wasn't result of a fight not to do it ..
It cannot be committed unintentionally ..

 

[Caty]

i dont' want to think these things & i don't want to say them, but it liked im being forced to think them...like im holding back but then it pushes me too do it, if i had a choice to say no and the thought would go away, i would of course...i just hope that these thing are not from my heart, if so i feel like im forced to be that way cause i dont want to be.

 

[keryakos]

See that is a compulsion caty you dont want to do it but you feel the impulse the urge to do it though given the choice you would not ..

 

[Caty]

i didn't know that it was a complusion...now that i look at it i probably have a lot of complusions...God bless you.

 

[Caty]

but don't complusions come after obbsession...see its like im foriced to do it, i know its gonna happen (the thought) but im trying to hold back and then i just do it and then i worry. that why i feel responsible because sometimes i can make them go away because i can say something (scream) out loud whenever im alone and they leave but when im around people i cant do that even though i want to i have this urge to because i know that the thoughts might go away.

 

[keryakos]

but don't complusions come after obbsession...see its like im foriced to do it, i know its gonna happen (the thought) but im trying to hold back and then i just do it and then i worry. that why i feel responsible because sometimes i can make them go away because i can say something (scream) out loud whenever im alone and they leave but when im around people i cant do that even though i want to i have this urge to because i know that the thoughts might go away.

no compulsions can and do sometimes come first so they dont have to be in a particular order ..and even those whithout OCD have compulsions ..at times ..

What you are describing is the same thing that John Bunyan Charles Spurgeon and other great men of God have described ..and they were not only saved but God used them mightily ..

Im not one who will say to you its all just OCD dont worry because that not only frustrates me but makes me angry because i still worry but i will tell you that what you just described is classic OCD ..

 

[kaykay9.0]

Caty,

I've been through a very similar process. At first I was so shocked that these words came in my head. Then I thought to myself, "Well it's not as if I was angry or anything and said those words against the Holy Spirit". As soon as I thought that, the next time I was angry about something, the words came in my head and I thought like you that they were from me and was in despair again.

Our brains are very clever at morphing from one fear to another and you will likely find that once you have finally convinced yourself that this is not the unpardonable sin, you will decide that something else is and oops, your brain will start thinking that exact same thought that you dread thinking.

Please try to ignore it. As you said below, you would never say something like that intentionally. Just keep trusting God.

HeatherG

Excellent posts on this thread, Heather! I just say a big amen to what Heather is telling you. This is all just sooooo typical of OCD, Caty.

 

[annrobert]

Can you really imagine Jesus turning down,scared hurting people who are calling out to Him for healing and salvation.Who are calling out to Him to forgive them and change their heart and have mercy on them.God with us,Jesus.God reconciling the world to himself in Christ Jesus ,not counting our sins against us.
God who willingly left heaven,expressly to die for the ungodly,to reconcile us to Himself,save and not condemn.God who is love.Jesus who taught about mercy,love ,compassion,forgiveness,who leads us as a shepherd.Who leads us beside still waters ,who restores our soul.
Who said Himself that he who is forgiven much loveth much.

Jesus who was wounded for our trangression and bruised for our iniquities and by whose stripes we are healed.Who came to heal the broken hearted and set at liberty those who are bruised ,who sets the captive free.Jesus who washes our sins away in His own blood who bore our sins on the tree.He did not have to do these things.He did it because He is love and wants us to be reconciled to Him.
Would He really go to such lengths and suffering to save us just to turn down people who desperately want salvation and forgiveness and a relationship with Him.
Would He really turn down hearts that are willing to be changed.Would He really deny forgiveness and the gift of repentance to people who ask Him when He clearly said He gives good things to those who ask Him.When He clearly said God has never forsaken those who seek Him?Jesus who delights in mercy and makes all things new.Jesus who suffered and died in our place and took our punishment Himself.No, He will not turn down anyone who cries out to Him for salvation and forgiveness and a new heart.Jesus who has power to forgive sin annd makes all things new and who will never cast out anyone who comes to Him.

This fear does not come from God.God said He has not given us a spirit of fear,but of power and love and a sound mind.
Perfect love casts out fear,therefore when we realize that Jesus loves us and accepts us and forgives us and washes us clean.When we realize He is our good Shepard,who leads us beside still water and restores our souls.When we realize He delights in mercy.
When we realize that He meets all our needs.When we realize that Jesus is merciful and that Jesus said mercy triumphs over justice.When we realize Jesus loves us with an everlasting love and invites us to come and drink freely from the water of life.
When we realize that He is not counting our sins against us because He died for us and washes our sins away and did not come to condemn ,but rather to forgive and save.
When we realize that Jesus saves to the uttermost and is trustworthy.When we realize Jesus understands our infirmites.When we realize Jesus does not expect us to change ourselves or save ourselves that He did it all out of His great love for us.When we realize that Jesus invites us to come to Him for rest.When we realize that Jesus saves us and keeps us safe.
Our fear will go away and we will have that loving relationship with Him,we will come to Him as little children and be safe.Our house is on on the rock,on the solid foundation because Jesus put us there.We are safe now.
We have called out to Jesus for salvation and forgiveness and changed hearts.Once we realize we are in Jesus hand and nothing will snatch us out.We will boldly come to the throne of grace knowing we are washed in Jesus blood and have His righteousness by faith and not our own works or doing.We will not stumble over the stumbling stone.

Fear does not come from God.Fear scares us away.
Jesus wants us to know we can trust Him and come to Him,for rest,salvation,healing,love and peace and joy.For changed hearts,for safety,for forgiveness.
He is our providier.We come to Him for cleansing,protection.Whatever we need.Jesus is our good shepherd who gave His life for us,He restores our souls.Jesus is our Wonderful Councellor,Prince of Peace,Everlasting Father,Mighty God.
Fear scares us away,it does not come from God,the bible says that.
OCD causes fear,we cannot be deceived by it.
Love draws us to Jesus,we are in hidden in CHrist Jesus,we are safe.
It is Jesus who justifies us,who is he that condemns.It is Jesus who died for us and rose again,who can lay any charge against us.Jesus makes us stand.Jesus is able to make us stand.Jesus did it all.We must trust Jesus and not our ocd thoughts that cause despair and fear.