I have a hard time with this thread.

[lacy+chk]

I suppose it's the title, but I wouldn't say that we are unequally yoked in the sense that it is described. DH is a believer. He is even the one who helped bring me to Christ.

Lately, however, it seems that I am trying harder than he is to grow in my relationship with Christ and be close to God. I am more interested in joining things at church, doing Bible studies, devotionals, etc. Getting him to do so is like pulling teeth. I have a hard time with this because he has been a Christian longer than me and I feel that he should be leading me, but he isn't. I have prayed to God to put it in his heart to be in this role for our marriage, but I don't know if or when this will happen. I suppose it's in God's plan and in His hands, but it's hard.

Advice?

 

[RobinRedbreast]

I have a hard time with these things myself.

DH and I are technically not unequally yoked by definition of the term, he is a Christian, but... even he'll tell you that I'm far more into it than he is. Actually he's really not that into it at all, which is fine with me, I've always been ok with that don't get me wrong.

Even asking him to go to church isn't a struggle, he'll say yes, I know he will. But I find myself putting off church in hopes that he might actually ask me if I'd like to go, if that makes any sense.. as a result, I really never go anymore. I find myself waiting to see if any small spark of interest might capture his heart and find him saying "lets go to church" even if it was only because I'd like to, or read a devotional, or pray, or any of those things.

To be honest though, this is my problem, not his. As I said above, I've always been ok with his lack of interest in faith. I'm still fine with it. But it doesn't stop me from hoping God works in Him. And I suppose I sometimes mistakenly tap my foot waiting for God and I've become willful within myself, "If he won't take the lead, I guess that's a sign that I shouldn't go either" -- this is a mistake on my part But it is a hard thing to get over.

I really can't place the responsibility of my faith and my happiness in faith on anyone but myself, I can grow in God with or without him.

My only advice I guess, is in the absence of your husband being the spiritual leader of the household, turn to God. He will be the leader. And He'll certainly never turn it down!

 

[lacy+chk]

I have a hard time with these things myself.

DH and I are technically not unequally yoked by definition of the term, he is a Christian, but... even he'll tell you that I'm far more into it than he is. Actually he's really not that into it at all, which is fine with me, I've always been ok with that don't get me wrong.

Even asking him to go to church isn't a struggle, he'll say yes, I know he will. But I find myself putting off church in hopes that he might actually ask me if I'd like to go, if that makes any sense.. as a result, I really never go anymore. I find myself waiting to see if any small spark of interest might capture his heart and find him saying "lets go to church" even if it was only because I'd like to, or read a devotional, or pray, or any of those things.

To be honest though, this is my problem, not his. As I said above, I've always been ok with his lack of interest in faith. I'm still fine with it. But it doesn't stop me from hoping God works in Him. And I suppose I sometimes mistakenly tap my foot waiting for God and I've become willful within myself, "If he won't take the lead, I guess that's a sign that I shouldn't go either" -- this is a mistake on my part But it is a hard thing to get over.

I really can't place the responsibility of my faith and my happiness in faith on anyone but myself, I can grow in God with or without him.

My only advice I guess, is in the absence of your husband being the spiritual leader of the household, turn to God. He will be the leader. And He'll certainly never turn it down!

Thanks for the response. I especially like what you said in bold. I'm working on talking to DH about things that bother me rather than waiting and missing out on things. If he doesn't change, I at least know to quit asking and quit waiting for him, and being disappointed by the lack of results. I hope that helps you too.

 

[Johnnz]

Many men are cold on church because there is little there that excites them as men. Workmates, sports, and a whole variety of activities are where he enjoys other men. Women are more into the 'spiritual' side of life, but only because most mens' activities are not spoken of in spiritual terms.But creativity, mateship, laughter, challenge, are also part of true spirituality seldom activated within many church contexts at the same level. So, it's a bit of a 'ho hum' when you talk about church with a guy.

John
NZ

 

[DZoolander]

I suppose it's the title, but I wouldn't say that we are unequally yoked in the sense that it is described. DH is a believer. He is even the one who helped bring me to Christ.

Lately, however, it seems that I am trying harder than he is to grow in my relationship with Christ and be close to God. I am more interested in joining things at church, doing Bible studies, devotionals, etc. Getting him to do so is like pulling teeth. I have a hard time with this because he has been a Christian longer than me and I feel that he should be leading me, but he isn't. I have prayed to God to put it in his heart to be in this role for our marriage, but I don't know if or when this will happen. I suppose it's in God's plan and in His hands, but it's hard.

Advice?

You're assuming that he needs to be led.

It's completely possible to be a good God fearing Christian and have no desire to go to church. Faith is not a contest where the one that professes the most is the one that is the closest to God. What matters is your personal relationship with Him.

(in fact - I tend to believe that those that profess the most are usually the ones that are in greatest need...nothing scares me more than a bible thumping fundie who judges others based upon how often they're seen in a pew).

Ya know?

 

[lacy+chk]

You're assuming that he needs to be led.

It's completely possible to be a good God fearing Christian and have no desire to go to church. Faith is not a contest where the one that professes the most is the one that is the closest to God. What matters is your personal relationship with Him.

(in fact - I tend to believe that those that profess the most are usually the ones that are in greatest need...nothing scares me more than a bible thumping fundie who judges others based upon how often they're seen in a pew).

Ya know?

not that he needs to be led. that I do. i agree with what you are saying, but i feel awkward about going to church functions without him, being more active in the church, etc., because i feel like he should be with me on my walk with the Lord, since we are married. make sense? i'm tired.

 

[DZoolander]

Yeah - it makes sense.

Can't you just explain to him "I know it isn't something that you need - but it's something that I do...and it feels awkward being there by myself."

?

 

[lacy+chk]

Yeah - it makes sense.

Can't you just explain to him "I know it isn't something that you need - but it's something that I do...and it feels awkward being there by myself."

?

I have, and he's actually been getting a lot better since we've discussed it...like three times...maybe third time really IS a charm? Lol...either way, we went to a new believer's class last night and afterwards he actually talked to the leader about getting involved in other ways. It was amazing.

 

[DZoolander]

awesome!

 

[myanchor]

EZ would you please lay off the carping about fundies? Blasting those of us who believe the bible has the answer to all relationship problems vertical and horizontal doesn't do anyone any good. And you get off topic of the thread too there bud.

And lacy, do you guys have a good life group to go to? It has helped us tremendously. There are guys there for me to relate to and we do talk about spiritual things but we also have a good time. Your husband would probably like to see guys interested in the things of God as well. He won't feel like it is namby pamby to be a Christian.

 

[DZoolander]

That was an old post (like...7 months old).

I have to admit - you'll find other old land mines from me like that laying around...so be forewarned...lol I've ragged on fundies quite a few times on here.

Now, to be clear, it isn't that I have any problems with the Bible. What gives me pause are people that talk as if they are authorities on the Bible with their subjective interpretations. The reason I have such a foul impression of "fundies" (and I'm not including you here) - is because my experience in the past has been that once they cite a verse at me - they think the debate is over.

...I can't comprehend thinking like that. IMHO - people ought to approach every situation with a degree of humility. I don't (or at least have not in the past) found that in many of the discussion I've gotten into with "fundies".

I also have a problem with discussions that end up devolving into a tit-for-tat of who can recite the most verses at each other. The Bible tells us that murder is wrong. I don't need to appeal to Exodus 20:2 to explain why murder is wrong - nor do I need to appeal to Deuteronomy to add emphasis to that opinion. Reducing ethics or morality to nothing but a game of who can recite the most passages just strikes me as offputting.

So - I know that my generalizations bug you - and I apologize for that. Like I said - it isn't that I'm trying to diminish or discount the Bible at all. I've just had bad experiences with people that believe they're authorities on it.

 

[cory533]

The Idea of being unequally yoked is not always a question of beleiver and non believer it can be beleivers of different Christian faiths or differing levels of passion or involvement. The clasic example of being unequally yoked is the donkey with the ox they will always pull at different pace and streangth makeing it much work to keep them plowing a strait line. but even two oxen or two horses can be unequally matched and work against each other. then again two very different horses are often matched to gain the balance of the skills they bring.
In nearly all cases my sugestion is to forget what the other is doing turn them over to God and work on being the best you can at your role in the union. This does not mean be a doormat and give the other what they want, it is much harder, you must give God what He wants. It is also easier because the Spirit will help you.
cory