Hey jodocd,
Just wanted to say that I know this is hard for you to deal with because my intrusive thoughts had latched on to sick people and elders and i felt so wrong like all i wanted to do was care for them and be sensitive toward them then i'd have thoughts ridiculing them and a part of me felt evil and wrong but then I realized that my reaction to the thoughts is what mattered. Because i didnt embrace them or fuel onto them, but there was this anxiety and disappointment that came with the thoughts. But know that I know that the Lord knows my heart and believes that, when they come, it doesn't affect me as much. I mean sometimes there is frustration but they come and they go and at the end of the day, I know that I don't accept them as thoughts I'd like to have. And sometimes God doesn't take things away from us, not because He doesn't hear or doesn't love us, but because He shows us that although we are weak, He has the strength to keep us in the situation, which builds our trust, and patience, faith, and love for Him. I used to ask Him the same about the thoughts that I had against Him but at the end of the day I had to trust that He knows His own child better than I know me so that gives me comfort, because He did create us. He knows you love your children and all you want to do is love them. It's how we view ourselves sometimes that brings us down. That's why I found its good to have Christian friends and talk about your problems, because they bring us back to reality. Like my mind always likes to condemn me for simple stuff so when I talk to my dad or my roommate and tell them about certain things, they'll be like oh that's normal, or everyone has thoughts like that, it doesn't make you a bad person. It's not that I seek assurance from them, but it helps talking about it. But we have to trust that our Father knows us and understands us and He is righteous, and if we believe He is righteous, we'll believe that He won't condemn us for ways we don't desire and things we don't want. I'm praying for you.
Exodus 34: 6 And the LORD passed by before him, and proclaimed , The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering , and abundant in goodness and truth, 7 Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.
Maybe start by trusting and believing He is who He says He is and go from there, for we know that He is not a man that He should lie. =]
Just wanted to say that I know this is hard for you to deal with because my intrusive thoughts had latched on to sick people and elders and i felt so wrong like all i wanted to do was care for them and be sensitive toward them then i'd have thoughts ridiculing them and a part of me felt evil and wrong but then I realized that my reaction to the thoughts is what mattered. Because i didnt embrace them or fuel onto them, but there was this anxiety and disappointment that came with the thoughts. But know that I know that the Lord knows my heart and believes that, when they come, it doesn't affect me as much. I mean sometimes there is frustration but they come and they go and at the end of the day, I know that I don't accept them as thoughts I'd like to have. And sometimes God doesn't take things away from us, not because He doesn't hear or doesn't love us, but because He shows us that although we are weak, He has the strength to keep us in the situation, which builds our trust, and patience, faith, and love for Him. I used to ask Him the same about the thoughts that I had against Him but at the end of the day I had to trust that He knows His own child better than I know me so that gives me comfort, because He did create us. He knows you love your children and all you want to do is love them. It's how we view ourselves sometimes that brings us down. That's why I found its good to have Christian friends and talk about your problems, because they bring us back to reality. Like my mind always likes to condemn me for simple stuff so when I talk to my dad or my roommate and tell them about certain things, they'll be like oh that's normal, or everyone has thoughts like that, it doesn't make you a bad person. It's not that I seek assurance from them, but it helps talking about it. But we have to trust that our Father knows us and understands us and He is righteous, and if we believe He is righteous, we'll believe that He won't condemn us for ways we don't desire and things we don't want. I'm praying for you.
Exodus 34: 6 And the LORD passed by before him, and proclaimed , The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering , and abundant in goodness and truth, 7 Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.
Maybe start by trusting and believing He is who He says He is and go from there, for we know that He is not a man that He should lie. =]
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