I hate myself.

[cflittlestar]

I hate myself, I cannot live on a routine.
I cannot keep clean.
I know it's loneliness that's eating me.
I feel stuck for looking for communication and abandoned my routine. And have not been able to do anything much.

It's like I am so hunger for communication, I thought i am used to be alone already. But no, i have not get use to yet.

i can't change, changing seems so hard. I really want to change.

I feel more depress as i am getting old, coz time is running and none has change.

I can't seems to get away from the claw of loneliness. I wish to exist peacefully with loneliness coz i know i cannot get away with it. But i don't want loneliness to control me and that it is controlling me and eating me away.

 

[aflower4God]

I hate myself, I cannot live on a routine.
I cannot keep clean.
I know it's loneliness that's eating me.
I feel stuck for looking for communication and abandoned my routine. And have not been able to do anything much.

It's like I am so hunger for communication, I thought i am used to be alone already. But no, i have not get use to yet.

i can't change, changing seems so hard. I really want to change.

I feel more depress as i am getting old, coz time is running and none has change.

I can't seems to get away from the claw of loneliness. I wish to exist peacefully with loneliness coz i know i cannot get away with it. But i don't want loneliness to control me and that it is controlling me and eating me away.

I know how you feel my dear sweet sister. I have times where I feel like this and lately it has been like this in the love department. This i know that the Lord is there always. I will pray that someone special comes your way into your life as well. We all need that special someone. GOD BLESS YOU and KNOW that I am praying for you as well.

 

[miss-a]

You ar in my prayers.

 

[power2theweak]

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

So sorry you are feeling this way. Hating ourselves is so hard to get over. Lots of hugs and prayers.

 

[Criada]

Praying for you, sweetie
You are very much loved here - and God loves you hugely and unconditionally.

 

[cflittlestar]

Thank you.

Even I don't wish for more, but only wished to have people to chit-chat with, it seems so hard to have anyone for this.

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

Thank you.

Even I don't wish for more, but only wished to have people to chit-chat with, it seems so hard to have anyone for this.

You have us. I know that is not the same as face to face.

 

[Skilletdude]

I know exactly how you feel Cflittlestar... but don't give up! Every day is a new day to try again. I've felt like you for like 15 years at least but over the last 5-6 years, I've gotten progressively better at making healthy changes. I mean, not to say everything is all better and I still don't have any friends and people to talk to, I'm soooo much closer today than I was even two years ago. It is fricken slow and sometimes I get impatient but really, I've come a long way just trying to change myself over the years. Nothing really noticeable till you turn around and look back and realize how far you've come.

I still have goals and a vision of the person I want to be but it's not that far out of reach anymore... Depression, social anxiety, and just totally feeling crappy about myself and hating everything about me but I've come a long way. I even finally reached out to a therapist which I would have never done even last year but I feel really close and just need more of a guide and someone who can listen who understands to climb this last obstacle. I know I can do it and if I can, you can too!

Change does seem hard and even impossible but it's not, you just gotta keep trying even when you fail. Treat each day like the first day of a new life and if you fail, try again the next day.

If you wanna chat or something, feel free to PM me. I don't mind listening or being there to encourage someone else who is stuck. Loneliness sucks and yes, it will eat away at you if you let it. Actually it was kind of that taste of not being lonely for a little bit that when it was over, I hated myself so much cause I wanted more of that kind of interaction I had for two hours... but yeah, too complicated to go on further than that but I really figured I had to do something or might as well be dead. I still got depressed a lot and stuff but I always kept trying (maybe give up for a bit but I'd pick it back up).

Anyway, I'll say a prayer for you... you don't have to be lonely for life and it's not the life God intended you to have...

 

[cflittlestar]

Thank you you guys. I have you guys.

And Skilletdude, I am glad you are getting better.

 

[Lady Bug]

I am the same as you are cflittlestar, being lonely has drained my life of any energy or motivation whatsoever and I'd rather spend the entire day lying down in my bed doing nothing because everything I do takes away my stamina

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

I am the same as you are cflittlestar, being lonely has drained my life of any energy or motivation whatsoever and I'd rather spend the entire day lying down in my bed doing nothing because everything I do takes away my stamina

Sending prayer to God for you too.

 

[loved33]

You know, I was told about a book called

'In praise of slow'.

This is a book, well now it has become a 'movement', a group , a worldwide group , where people are fed up trying to live at a pace that really doesn't allow for any time together.

cflittle star, the western culture is largely responsible for how many people are so lonely.

So many people think that living is to follow what the ads on tv tell you that you 'should be' what you 'should have' etc etc


Because the western way is 'big, bigger, biggest ' and 'much, more, most'...everyone is run to exhaustion just trying to 'keep up' with a standard of living that is all about prestige, wealth, ambition, doing , busy......

parents wonder why their kids are getting into gangs ....they are looking for someone to communicate with, someone to be with them, someone to care about them. Gangs have loyalty and watch each others back...this can be powerful if you feel untalked to, uncommunicated with ...if you feel 'fit in' around all the work and 'important things' that parents have to do.


Dont get me wrong, work is good . It is good to be responsible and to have satisfaction of being useful.

But how much do we really need ?

Most people work so hard to get really rich....or they work hard and never get to rich...but they get to the end of their lives and say

'what happened...I feel like I wasn't really present, I didn't really take the time'

People are heartbroen by gravesides ...the parents they forgot to visit because 'keeping up' was all there was.


There are people in the world , who have read this book, who recognise that there is disease in how we live in society ...based on everyone trying to go one better, be more , be most.....have most......and never having time to look into a persons eyes when they are with them.


No time to notice what the person says, the tone...or what they are not saying.


Millions of hearts are in agony right now with terrible lonliness - that comes from simply living in a world that is conditioned to ignore the person and grab the stuff.


But there are also millions of people starting to say 'no - stop'.


these people are setting up new schools and introducing slower and more thorough learning for children.

Learning for the love of learning...not creating ambitious work crazy obsessed kids - anxious kids.

people are working to make their life manageable , downsizing and working less hours , so as to be able to love people and themselves more.


The world as we are taught it on tv and indeed what most people are doing - in terms of living - can be extremely isolating as it plays out.


Ever had that horrible feeling when you meet someone you havent seen for a while...and you are gleeful and 'hi how are you?'...and they have a look in their eye which is competitive and they run off all the lists of acheivements and accolades and assets....and then ask you ....and they don't want to know about 'you'....they want to know if they are behind or ahead of you.


It s a sick culture..and we are slap in the middle of it.


But in Christ, we are invited to walk the path of peace.


The trick is ..finding others who think the same way...who want to be communal and
faithful to mankind and God - truly faithful.

But in order to find that , you have to have renounced teh world and its ways - like the word says.

You can't live in both and have peace - the two systems fight each other.


I too find it tricky to find people who truly want to forsake the worlds way, and live Jesus's way, where love and expressed love to God , self and others ...is the main work - and you physical work is simply a vehicle to do that in.


it's not you cflittle star...there's nothing wrong with you....you just need to find where the wells with water in , are.

it's frustrating to come across so many wells with no water in.

But you need fellowship, I do, flower does, ladybug , dianna - most of us here do.

In many ways depression has brought us all to a place of honesty about what we truly need to be well...and we all know deep down - it is love.


There is nothing wrong with you, you are wonderful.

I pray God will show you where the new wells are.

I think there is a website for 'in praise of slow', maybe check it out - they may even have a forum there.

sending you a big hug little star

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

Fellowship is very important indeed.
The world moves at a fast past. People work so much it wears them down. Everyone is expected to be on the go all the time and they don't take the time for themselves. They don't slow down and see the beauty and love of God.

 

[cflittlestar]

I am glad my thread has a bit of benefit to people when each of us contributing here

 

[Dianna_Child of God]

I am glad it is here too.

 

[hope_is_last_to_die]

(((((littlestar))))))

 

[cflittlestar]

Sorry I don't know what to say except thank you.

 

[loved33]

What I love about cflittlestar - you are so honest and genuine.

I like that about you.

In my eyes you are cfmassivestar - your heart is huge.

 

[someguy14]

I can't seems to get away from the claw of loneliness. I wish to exist peacefully with loneliness coz i know i cannot get away with it. But i don't want loneliness to control me and that it is controlling me and eating me away.

God supplies all we need to be satisfied. give it all to God for God careth for you. Flesh is only temporary. Look to God. All needs God.