"I hate my parents"

[JustAnotherAbdullah]

Hello,

I see our youth complaining about their parents left & right. They complain that their parents don't let them live their own life, make their own decisions, etc. They don't realize that their parents have WAY more wisdom than they have, as teenagers (in most cases, LOL)

Here's a video I made in an attempt to bring the two sides closer together when it comes to parents "pressuring" their kids to be more religious:

"I HATE MY PARENTS" - YouTube

Even though it's coming from a Muslim's perspective, I think you will be able to appreciate the message, even as a Christian.

 

[suzybeezy]

My daughter, 19, has said to me, she wished I would just let her do what she wanted to do. I told her if I did that, it would be me letting her know I didn't care about it. I said it wasn't possible. I said, I love you so I'm compelled to help you avoid hurt as much as possible. She may not appreciate it now, but when she's older she'll get it.

 

[JustAnotherAbdullah]

well said susan... the problem is are you is it supposed to their friends who has no morals and values to abide by, and their own parents are consistently pressuring them about religion

it is very important to help them to fall in love with a religion

 

[akmom]

It is natural for people to crave independence as they reach adolescence. Biologically they are becoming adults. Historically they were considered adults. The fact that they are legally dependent until age 18 (or whatever it is in various countries) is psychologically irrelevant. Would you blame a 29-year-old for asserting their independence in world where age 30 was legal adulthood? It's unnatural to treat older teens like children. They don't depend on their parents the same way as young children. They need privileges and responsibilities of their own. Of course they are not as mature as legal adults, but neither is an 18-year-old as mature as a 30-year-old. We are always maturing; that is life. I think if you are forcibly preventing your teens from having any independence, then you are just delaying the inevitable. They do not become better people by simply being (temporarily) restrained from evil. It will only frustrate them. By that age, I think the best thing a parent can do is communicate concerns, prepare their children for the temptations that they will face, and instill good values and decision-making skills in them. Parents like that tend to have well-adjusted children compared to those who simply unleash them at age 18.

My parents were pretty strict when I was very young, but I had a lot more "freedom" than most of my friends by the time I was in high school. It made life a lot easier. I didn't feel like I was always "fighting" my parents like my friends were. I didn't make all perfect decisions, but I can honestly say that I always made decisions that I believed to be the right ones at the time. It was important to me. My parents made it important to me. I gained my parents' trust and often my friends' parents' trust. (They were allowed to do more things in my company than not.) My parents did say no to some requests, but it was almost always because they feared something external, and not because they distrusted my own judgment. Some things they weren't so open about, and I just learned to close up to them on those issues (which included any religious inquiries which might possibly be construed as doubt). I think it's best to minimize the amount of closing-up we drive our kids to do.

It's not our job as parents to keep our teens out of danger. That's what we do for our toddlers. We are supposed to guide our teens, and provide moral support.

 

[JRSut1000]

It's a hard balance and I'm sure no parent does it perfectly. On one hand there's the "Fathers, do not exasperate your children" and on the other hand, yes they do still need guidance because unfortunately society dumbs down our adolescents as a whole. Adolescents are rarely 'adults' in the mature sense of the word as they would have been long ago in other cultures or even in America when it was founded. Kids just arent raised to be good responsible adults and I blame media and the school system for part of that. THey may learn intellectual education, but as far as street smarts, manners, responsibility - these are greatly lacking in many schools AND homes.

I'll focus just on the media for a moment, I've taken notice over the last few years that much of the television geared towards families actually takes the child's side. It always seems like its the parents that have to cater to the children. I know I cant be the only one who has noticed this, am I? The other big philosophy is this American 'entitlement' mentality, its really so sad and frustrating! What ever happened to good old fashioned work ethic? Respect for adults/the elderly? Desire to better ones self? Learning to take responsibility for one's actions? Etc? These are greatly lacking in our culture today and I fear for the future of our nation because these kids are our future.

 

[akmom]

I can't speak much for the media's position on family matters, as I got rid of television years ago. But I think maturity, manners and responsibility vary by household. I also think it's important to define respect. What exactly do you consider being respectful to elders?

I grew up with kids who were very polite and mannerly around their elders, and placated their parents, but lived just as sinfully as anyone else without their parents' knowledge. Then you have teens who challenge their parents' decisions. Which one is more respectful? The teens who sneak around doing whatever their heart desires, but put on a nice show for their parents, or the ones who actually communicate their grievances (albeit unrefined) with all the passion and inconvenience that we call teenage rebellion? I would argue that at least these kids are trying to win their parents' approval, trying to share their feelings, and hoping to reach a common ground. When it doesn't happen - particularly when it fails repeatedly - they feel frustrated and unvalidated and express it in ugly ways like "I hate my parents." I would argue that in many cases, they don't hate their parents, but hate the lack of connection they have with their parents.

Be careful not to confuse respect with convenient behavior. Teens can placate and even manipulate adults without making a scene. That doesn't necessarily mean they respect those adults, or that they will carry their values into adulthood. I would even suggest that parents whose teens "hate" them are being lazy. If all you are doing is telling them "no" to what they want, instead of sharing your actual concerns and expectations with them, then you're not training them to be adults; you're just putting them on a temporary leash. If it takes a video to explain parents' motivation, then they're not parenting well.

I would also be careful to label kids with an "entitlement" mentality. Are kids being given responsibilities or opportunities to contribute to the household? Or are they just being told to wait for adulthood and stay out of trouble in the meantime? I think maybe adults get more frustrated with kids as a whole than they need to, partly because they are comparing what they did and had to what today's teens do and have, and partly because they just find the unrefined nature of teens to be unpleasant. Kind of the "kids should be seen and not heard" mentality. Perhaps it would be useful to debate specifics?

 

[JRSut1000]

Neither is respect in my honest opinion. Sneaking around and pretending to honor is NOT honor, but you know niether is saying 'I hate you!'.

 

[Grace51]

My daughter, 19, has said to me, she wished I would just let her do what she wanted to do. I told her if I did that, it would be me letting her know I didn't care about it. I said it wasn't possible. I said, I love you so I'm compelled to help you avoid hurt as much as possible. She may not appreciate it now, but when she's older she'll get it.

true. when i look back, i definitely wish i listened to my parents more in my teenage years.

the benefit of hindsight...

 

[JCFantasy23]

It's pretty normal for teenagers to go through the hating and not understanding parents phase. They almost always grow out of it

 

[jminnesota]

it is hard for sure but if you really love your kids sometimes you do what they dont want you to do. and as kids grow up they will look back and say my mom and dad really did love me and protect me