I hate my father, please help

[Chaplain David]

Hello, I suppose I'm not really looking for advice here, as I know that nothing that anyone says can fix that problem that I am having but I suppose that it is healthy for me to vent here on the internet because I have no other option for me to vent.

So I will explain my horrible situation with my father, and I suppose that all you should do is answer and say your opinion it would really help me to know that someone out there is listening to me.

Well first of I am fourteen years old, and well my parents are old.... Not talking late forties or anything like that I'm talking late fifties, my dad is 59 and my mom is 56. Yeh it's disturbing but oh well.

Now it hasn't been as much as a problem with my mom as you probably tell by the title of this question, I mean my mom is annoying and all but I can live with her.

The problem is my dad, and well to put pointless swearing aside he is a jerk. A BIG one, we have always had conflict with each other, I have no respect for him at all he is just an idiot with anger problems.

You see my dad is abusive. Not physically or verbally but emotionally. He's horrible, ignorant like a young annoying child. He has yelled at me, gotten upset, been COMPLETELY unreasonable towards me forever. And he gets angry over the smallest things it is pathetic.

My mom she just does nothing, she just stands stands back and watches. When I complain about all of the things my dad says all she simply does is say.

"You need to respect him, the bible says so." I heard that excuse for YEARS that it is ok the way my dad treats me, but when I try to show him how the way he acts is horrible my mom only has the courage then to go up to me and say that what I am doing is wrong.

My parents are EXTREMELY stuck-up Christians so near the beginning of this school year (8th grade) I decided to leave Christianity, as if to say to my mother "now what is your excuse?"

So then guess my dad does? He FORCES me to go to some youth group bible meeting and I refuse to go and so I became grounded once every week for not going somewhere.

I may have no respect for my father, true. But how the <staff edit> am I supposed to respect him?

Respect is something earned, not something I must give him just because it was written down in ink a few hundred thousand years ago.

I personally am stubborn, I will question someones <staff edit> authority.

That being said I do know how to be respectful, I just expect it to be given to me in return. So my mom left a few weeks ago and of course fighting has gotten worse, she won't come up until Augest 5th so I do not know what to do.

I could go on and on with stories about my dad but I decided to just leave it at here. I just wish that I could have a different set of parents, and have a different life, in a different town, I just wished that if God was real, he'd pick a life for me that is better then this.

Hi EpicBacon,

I think you should contact your school counselor. He/she may be able to work with you and offer some assistance. You seem to have a good sense for what is going on but I really believe some guidance would help. God bless you.

 

[BlissSeeker]

Even if you aren't looking for advice, having been in the same situation, I might be able to say a few things.

First, I understand those feelings of utter rage, anger, and hate. It's natural. There is on excuse to treat anyone the way he is treating you.

However, while the situation may be hard to ease, especially when it's unlikely your father will try to change, and even though you are filled with your own resentment, the best thing you can do is pray.

For me, I had to pray that God would grant me grace to turn the other cheek despite the sometimes rather extreme emotional and verbal abuse and to not defile myself before the Lord or defile my own dignity by fighting back with fire. It was hard, but I had to trust that God would repay him for his ways. I needed to pray that God would enable me to let go of my anger, to heal my hurt, and to allow me to do the right thing as Jesus also did when wrongly hurt and accused.

Eventually things got better. Don't get me wrong, I still live at home and still have to deal with my dad screaming at me over something stupid, calling me horrible names, and there are times where I am ready to hit him and am retaliating with all sorts of threats (but not so much when I am where I feel I should be in my faith where I am calmer in general because otherwise I am a stubborn person and am ready to defend myself and snap back). But the less I take it personally and more I just roll my eyes, ignore it, and think about more wholesome things, I maintain an inner calm and that calm energy doesn't leave much room for his angry energy to feed on so confrontations don't really amount to much.

The thing is, you have every right to walk away from your faith, but you can also know that what your father is doing is condemned in the Bible.

My father also used the 'respect your parents' cop out when I was younger despite not liking religion. People use things to their advantage because people are naturally controlled by their selfish, animal impulses, in my cynical view.

But if you do decide to surrender this crappy situation to God and trust that he will enable you to overcome by his might and if you keep asking for strength and perseverance, victory will come.

In fact, if it wasn't for my faith, I most likely would have tried to kill myself in my teenage years as I planned to, a few times, because of the situation with my father, garnering no sympathy from him when I did inflict harm on myself in a brief moment of being overwhelmed to the point of temporal insanity. I have the ugly scars on my upper arm to prove it, something people devoid of sense and compassion, if they knew the truth that I did it, would ignorantly label me as emo, something I have to deal with for the rest of my life.

I'll pray for you. Yeah, it doesn't feel fair and it isn't, but it will thus take a lot of inner strength to endure it while gaining satisfaction in your life as life is too short to let it be deprived of joy by sinful men who are controlled by their lower nature and not the higher nature in Christ.

I mean, yeah, you can walk away from God or you can curse up a storm at him about what you are going through, spilling the contents of your soul out to him, admitting how frustrating it is, and admitting that you can't respect the man and don't know what to do and need help. I have done that and was blessed for my honesty more than paying lip service despite steaming inwardly because I was so fed up that I was ready to become violent towards something or someone out of such deep despair.

But look at Galatians 5 and look at the works of the flesh. That man has got works of the flesh working in him. It's the ugliness of sin. Actually, when I questioned the existence of God, it was my experience with my old man which made me realize that I believed in evil and not some morally neutral state of existence where morality was just a human construction. A Christ follower would be the antithesis of what your father is showing. But the reality of sin is that sin destroys, steals, kills. Sin is what we humans work with our hands and hence why God hates it so much and why Jesus would be abused by a bunch of sinners like your father and like us at one point or another so there would be a solution in surrendering the impossible to God who can make the impossible possible.

But don't let your spirit, especially at your age, die because of some child in an adult's body. But really, sin is the culprit because even God has compassion for those who are enslaved to it and because of it hurt others.

Your post has made me realize something and I just wanna say thank you. Your words have allowed me to overcome some of my problems and keep me from letting anger and sadness get the better of me... for that I thank you with utmost sincerity... may your life be filled with blessings no matter what your future may hold...Thank you...

 

[jtown89]

I hate my dad 2. its okay jesus loves u no matter what

 

[artqween]

Hello, I suppose I'm not really looking for advice here, as I know that nothing that anyone says can fix that problem that I am having but I suppose that it is healthy for me to vent here on the internet because I have no other option for me to vent.

So I will explain my horrible situation with my father, and I suppose that all you should do is answer and say your opinion it would really help me to know that someone out there is listening to me.

Well first of I am fourteen years old, and well my parents are old.... Not talking late forties or anything like that I'm talking late fifties, my dad is 59 and my mom is 56. Yeh it's disturbing but oh well.

Now it hasn't been as much as a problem with my mom as you probably tell by the title of this question, I mean my mom is annoying and all but I can live with her.

The problem is my dad, and well to put pointless swearing aside he is a jerk. A BIG one, we have always had conflict with each other, I have no respect for him at all he is just an idiot with anger problems.

You see my dad is abusive. Not physically or verbally but emotionally. He's horrible, ignorant like a young annoying child. He has yelled at me, gotten upset, been COMPLETELY unreasonable towards me forever. And he gets angry over the smallest things it is pathetic.

My mom she just does nothing, she just stands stands back and watches. When I complain about all of the things my dad says all she simply does is say.

"You need to respect him, the bible says so." I heard that excuse for YEARS that it is ok the way my dad treats me, but when I try to show him how the way he acts is horrible my mom only has the courage then to go up to me and say that what I am doing is wrong.

My parents are EXTREMELY stuck-up Christians so near the beginning of this school year (8th grade) I decided to leave Christianity, as if to say to my mother "now what is your excuse?"

So then guess my dad does? He FORCES me to go to some youth group bible meeting and I refuse to go and so I became grounded once every week for not going somewhere.

I may have no respect for my father, true. But how the <staff edit> am I supposed to respect him?

Respect is something earned, not something I must give him just because it was written down in ink a few hundred thousand years ago.

I personally am stubborn, I will question someones <staff edit> authority.

That being said I do know how to be respectful, I just expect it to be given to me in return. So my mom left a few weeks ago and of course fighting has gotten worse, she won't come up until Augest 5th so I do not know what to do.

I could go on and on with stories about my dad but I decided to just leave it at here. I just wish that I could have a different set of parents, and have a different life, in a different town, I just wished that if God was real, he'd pick a life for me that is better then this.

Is there any where u can go? A friends house or close family members hoyse? it sounds like ur moms a victim also. U both r. U need help. Plez get out of the situation. Ur mom seems to need help as well. Christain parents dont act like this. They act the opposite. Ur father in my opinion acts like a jerk. He seems to be using u to scare ur mom and hoping to scare u however it doesnt seem to be working (awesome).
I feel for u and mom. In my opinion. Ur dad has issues deep issues and he is using u and mom as mental punching bags. Has he ever hit either of u? has he ever shown this attitude in public (friends house or etc) where u can get their help on paper? Get out of the house as soon as u can and report his abusive conduct. Never accept this. U and ur mom deserves better. :-(
Strength, hope, courage, happiness vibes to u and ur mom.

 

[artqween]

I hate my dad 2. its okay jesus loves u no matter what

Such as? U hate him..

 

[katyn]

ah sweetie, i am a mother of two and my children are young, but i would absolutely HATE to know that I was the cause of driving my child AWAY from Christ. Parents DO NOT always know how to act, what is best, they are only human...in fact i am sad myself tonight going over things in my head that i feel guilty for for not being a perfect parent. i feel for you...it is REALLY hard raising kids, especially these days!! i hope you can maybe write your dad a nice letter explaining exactly how you feel without making him feel like a horrible person...just simply you communicating yourself to him in order to better your relationship. i think you are putting your dad's emotionally abuse face onto God's face...God's face is beautiful, loving, caring, giving, wonderful at ALL times....there is no evil or bad in God...He IS love...it is NOT about christianity or about sticking your nose up about what a great christian you are, it is about just simply being humble with God, meaning talking honestly w/ Him about what you are going through...it is very very easy: God is there to HELP you, not to be a religion you must follow. take care of yourself and try and get a time where you and your dad can talk about the underlying feelings you are having w/ his parenting style, i said maybe a note because then he cannot 'lash out' in the middle of your trying to talk w/ him. good luck -katy

 

[Jupiter Drops]

I absolutely hate my parents too.

At times, they really do push the buttons and drive me away from God.

But I don't hate God because it's not God's fault. It's their fault. And sometimes through them, I learn a lot to NOT be like them.

They think that they're fine examples of human specimen, but they can keep their delusions.


It's hard, but it's also better for you to not play the blame game. Otherwise, a lot more troubles come. I know that one from experience.


I'm trying not to hate my parents, but this hate does come out at times. That's when I rely on God. At times, when I don't, I find it hard to go on because more irrational thoughts and memories bother me.