"I hate divorce"... What about separation?

[devonian]

Malachi 2:16 says "'I hate divorce', says the Lord God of Isreal". Are there any passages that speak as strongly against separation? If a couple cannot find peace in their marriage, is separation wrong when there is no sexual infidelity?

 

[Joykins]

Malachi 2:16 says "'I hate divorce', says the Lord God of Isreal". Are there any passages that speak as strongly against separation? If a couple cannot find peace in their marriage, is separation wrong when there is no sexual infidelity?

There are no passages that speak against separation.

However, when a man casts his wife out he should give her a certificate of divorce allowing her to remarry under Mosaic law. This enables her to find another means of support. It would be cruel to keep her bound but not support her (in that place and time).

 

[HuntingMan]

Malachi 2:16 says "'I hate divorce', says the Lord God of Isreal". Are there any passages that speak as strongly against separation? If a couple cannot find peace in their marriage, is separation wrong when there is no sexual infidelity?

God hates putting away, yet gave a writ of divorce Himself and eventually ended that covenant He had made with 'all the people" (Zech 11).

Briefly what this tells me is that He always hates that the covenant is set aside regardless of the reasons, because His intent is that marriage be for life.
However, having given a writ of divorcement Himself, and having ended that covenant made with the people, He DOES understand that there is necessity to do so in cases where the covenant is being broken.

Now, Im not instructing you to separate or divorce....that is something only YOU can decide based on your own unique circumstances.
The point is that there is FAR more to the story than 'God hates putting away "

*IF* they are both believers and *IF* there is no actual breaking of the covenant going on, then my suggestion is for both to get into marriage counseling quickly. Two believers have more responsibility in the matter because WE are supposed to know better. Separation is JUST AS wrong as divorce if it is done frivolously or out of callousness.

 

[katautumn]

Malachi 2:16 says "'I hate divorce', says the Lord God of Isreal". Are there any passages that speak as strongly against separation? If a couple cannot find peace in their marriage, is separation wrong when there is no sexual infidelity?

That verse isn't referring to the ending of a marital union. God is referring to how the people's hearts had become hardened and they had separated themselves from Him. Basically the bride (the Jews) had divorced themselves from their Bridegroom (God).

 

[HuntingMan]

I hate to be the voice of dissention here, Kat, but Malachi there IS actually about the putting away of marriage....which is what God hates.

Ill toss up a brief quote from John Gill, not because I agree with everything the man said, but to show that Im not the only one who thinks that 'I hate putting away' IS about these divorces that Moses tolerated. Gill is far from being the only scholar who will say the same thing.

John Gills Exposition of the Bible

Mal 2:16 - For the Lord the God of Israel saith, that he hateth putting away
The divorcing of wives; for though this was suffered because of the hardness of their hearts, it was not approved of by the Lord; nor was it from the beginning; and it was disagreeable, and even hateful to him, Mat_19:8 in the margin of some Bibles the words are rendered, "if he hate her, put her away"; and so the Targum,

"but if thou hatest her, put her away;''

to which agree the Vulgate Latin, Septuagint, and Arabic versions; and this sense made mention of in both Talmuds, and is thought to be agreeable to the law in Deu_24:3 though the law there speaks of a fact that might be, and not of what ought to be; wherefore the former sense is best; and this other seems to have been at first calculated to favour the practice of the Jews, who put away their wives through hatred to them.
The Jews were very much inclined to divorce their wives upon very trivial occasions; if they did not dress their food well, were not of good behaviour, or not so modest as became the daughters of Israel; if they did not find favour with their husbands; and, especially, if they had entertained a hatred of them: so says R. Judah (k),

Mathew Henry's Concise Commentary

Mal 2:10-17 -
Corrupt practices are the fruit of corrupt principles; and he who is false to his God, will not be true to his fellow mortals. In contempt of the marriage covenant, which God instituted, the Jews put away the wives they had of their own nation, probably to make room for strange wives. They made their lives bitter to them; yet, in the sight of others, they pretend to be tender of them. Consider she is thy wife; thy own; the nearest relation thou hast in the world. The wife is to be looked on, not as a servant, but as a companion to the husband. There is an oath of God between them, which is not to be trifled with. Man and wife should continue to their lives' end, in holy love and peace. Did not God make one, one Eve for one Adam? Yet God could have made another Eve. Wherefore did he make but one woman for one man? It was that the children might be made a seed to serve him. Husbands and wives must live in the fear of God, that their seed may be a godly seed. The God of Israel saith that he hateth putting away. Those who would be kept from sin, must take heed to their spirits, for there all sin begins. Men will find that their wrong conduct in their families springs from selfishness, which disregards the welfare and happiness of others, when opposed to their own passions and fancies. It is wearisome to God to hear people justify themselves in wicked practices. Those who think God can be a friend to sin, affront him, and deceive themselves. The scoffers said, Where is the God of judgement? but the day of the Lord will come.

 

[ShermanN]

A scripture often quoted in discussions about divorce is Malachi 2:16; “For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously” (KJV). (emphasis mine) Most modern English versions translate the highlighted words as God saying, “I hate divorce.” Usually, the person quoting this passage interprets it as a blanket statement of condemnation against all divorce. It is also often used as a proof text that divorce, in and of itself, is sin. Is this correct?

One of the main themes of the book of Malachi is a call to covenant faithfulness, particularly in our relationship with God. Malachi 2:10-16 presents a progressively specific list of examples where the Israelites were being unfaithful in their covenant relationships. In 2:10 they are chastised in general for being unfaithful to their covenants with each other. In 2:11-12 they are specifically denounced for breaking their covenant with God by marrying non-Jewish women. The series culminates in 2:13-16 with the proclamation that God does not hear their prayers or accept their sacrificial offerings because they have broken their marriage covenants. There is sufficient literary context to suggest that these men were actually leaving their now older “wives of their youth” in order to marry the younger, more exotic, and possibly richer foreign women.

Notice that the word “he” in the aforementioned quote of verse 2:16 in the King James Version is not capitalized. As noted before, the King James Version is a wooden, literal version that attempts to stick closely to a word for word translation of the original language. The word “he” is not capitalized because in the Hebrew, it is unclear whether the “he” in “he hates putting away” refers to God or is a reference to someone or something else. In fact, a few phrases in verses 2:14-16 are difficult to translate as evident by the way they are translated in the King James Version. Note the differences between the following translations of this passage.

King James Version
Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. (emphasis mine)

Hugenberger
You ask, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Did He not make [you/them] one, with a remnant of the spirit belonging to it? And what was the One seeking? A godly seed! Therefore watch out for your lives and do not act faithlessly against the wife of your youth. If one hates and divorces [that is, if one divorces merely on the grounds of aversion], says Yahweh, God of Israel, he covers his garments with violence [i.e., such a man visibly defiles himself with violence], says Yahweh of hosts. Therefore, take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless [against your wife].” (emphasis mine)[1]

Note the difficulty that is evident in the translation of verse 15. Modern translations vary dramatically on this passage. Hugenberger’s translation is compelling though, especially the connection one may draw between “A godly seed!” and Jesus, the promised seed of the woman in Genesis 3:15 that would destroy Satan. It was because of God’s plan to bring redemption through Jesus, that God was so serious about the Israelites not intermarrying with the surrounding nations.

Concerning verse 16, recall that in our previous discussion of Deuteronomy 24:1-4, was mentioned the “hateful divorce.” David Instone-Brewer notes concerning verse 16:

The Hebrew reads “he hates divorce” which most translations emend to “I hate divorce.” Hugenberger relies on Raymond Westbrook,[2] who pointed out the parallel with ancient Near Eastern texts, which use the phrase “He hates (and) divorce.” He showed that this phrase meant “he divorces without adequate grounds.” This was a legal distinction between a divorce which was based on grounds such as adultery or neglect (which resulted in financial penalty for the guilty partner) and a divorce where no grounds could be cited (which resulted in a financial penalty for the person bringing the divorce).
Either way, verse 16 shows that God is against the person who break’s one’s marriage vows. The more traditional interpretations may seem to suggest that God is against divorce of any kind, but the context clearly shows that this is not so. The constantly reiterated theme of these verses is faithfulness to the terms of the marriage covenant. Criticism is not directed at the person who carries out the divorce, but the person who causes the divorce by not being faithful to the marriage covenant.[3]

It is evident that the “hateful divorce” interpretation fits the context of the verse, the book, the Old Testament, and the culture of the Middle East, much better than the “`I hate divorce,’ says God” interpretation.

[1] Gordon P. Hugenberger, Marriage as a Covenant. v. 14 - p. 27, v. 15 - p. 126, v. 16 - p. 76.

[2] Raymond Westbrook, Prohibition of Restoration of Marriage in Deuteronomy 24:1-4.

[3] David Instone-Brewer, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible. 56-57.

 

[Joykins]

I thought the divorce was also speaking of the nation of Judah "divorcing" the true religion that God gave them and seeking out idolatry; of course, it may work both at the literal and figurative level, as marriage to "foreign women" was considered corrupt and leading to idolatry anyway (see the passage in Ezra in which a mass divorce takes place, and there is no indication that these women were 2nd wives).

11 Judah has broken faith. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves, by marrying the daughter of a foreign god. 12 As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the LORD cut him off from the tents of Jacob —even though he brings offerings to the LORD Almighty. 13 Another thing you do: You flood the LORD's altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, "Why?" It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
15 Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.
16 "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD Almighty.

 

[devonian]

There are no passages that speak against separation.

However, when a man casts his wife out he should give her a certificate of divorce allowing her to remarry under Mosaic law. This enables her to find another means of support. It would be cruel to keep her bound but not support her (in that place and time).

This seems to imply that divorce is preferable to separation. That seems counter intuitive to me. But your second part of your paragraph makes sense. It would be cruel to keep her bound but not support her. So for purposes of this discussion, assume that the separation includes providing support (financially) to the spouse.

 

[ShermanN]

Saying that "God hates divorce" is about like saying that "God hates amputation". If one is about to die from gangreen and amputation will save a life, then divorce is not a bad thing; but of course we shouldn't just go around hacking people's legs off!

 

[Crazy Liz]

This seems to imply that divorce is preferable to separation. That seems counter intuitive to me. But your second part of your paragraph makes sense. It would be cruel to keep her bound but not support her. So for purposes of this discussion, assume that the separation includes providing support (financially) to the spouse.

The ways in which marriage provided for a woman's support have changed from one culture to another. In ancient Israel, the husband's obligation to provide for a wife not only included the obligation to provide her with food, clothing and shelter, but also to have sex with her so she could have children to provide for her after the husband's death. Separation would still not have provided fully for the wife's support. For evidence, see the story of Tamar in Genesis 38, and the law of the unloved wife in Exodus 21.

Today, is separation preferable? What if the wife initiates the separation without cause? Should the husband continue to support her financially? Assuming she was a housewife, should she be required to continue to clean house and cook for her husband?

I'm being slightly facetious, as Paul certainly says in 1 Corinthians 7 that it's better for a divorced person to either remain single or reconcile, if either of these is possible. But exactly what is the next-best thing to staying married is not something I have found possible to determine in a vacuum. It depends on the particular situation.

 

[HuntingMan]

Saying that "God hates divorce" is about like saying that "God hates amputation". If one is about to die from gangreen and amputation will save a life, then divorce is not a bad thing; but of course we shouldn't just go around hacking people's legs off!

Amen Sherm.

It just dawned on me the other day about this very thing.
Folks keep saying that this person is our very flesh, which I do argue against to some extent, but even so, if our arm was gangrenous ANY of us would have it lopped off and we know it.

But removing flesh leaves scars and removes something that ought not to have to have been removed....and it is with much anxiety that we would do such a thing.

I think some actually believe that even those of us who have filed the divorce (I did in both cases) do so with some sort of perverted joy in our hearts.
I know I struggled for months even after I had decided that divorce was probably the only choice I could make because I did not like the idea of having to admit that this woman I was married to simply was not going to ever stop cheating.