I had an affair.

[HomeChicklet]

Zek

As far as being a good kid other than sexual sins... well thats mroe than i can say at 14 but i struggle with sexual sins as well... in another thread in this area is my story on that but i got involved on the computer with a guy who i thought was 15 who turned out to be a 41 y/o creep and he did alot of junk with me... so now i struggle.. i am still a virgin and i pray daily that God keeps the opputunity of losing it away till i am strong enough to say no... i suggest you do the same pray that God doesnt bring on another chance like this one... pray that He protects you... and well just pray for forgivness too... it will come so will heailing its all a process not something that happens over nite/.... remember that no matter what all of us are here for you and if you ever need anything or just to talk i may not be much of a help but i am a good listener please PM me
Love ya in Christ
HomeChicklet

 

[allieisme]

Personally, I would say BEFORE you tell your wife, seek advice of wise counsel. A professional in the phonebook with a fish on the advertisement. Or one a friend KNOWS is wise counsel. And I would do it quickly. The cousin is not some stranger and this will probably/inevitably leak out. I would prefer it to be in a controlled SAFE environment for your wife's sake.

Or the Pastor of your Church would be a better choice.

 

[Anna N. Amos]

A Pastor is another choice, not a definite better choice, but good to bring up the possibility.

I have found a woman CHRISTIAN counselor can be beneficial to a hurting woman.

Not necessarily better, but a consideration. Woman, a lot of times, feel safer speaking to another woman when the pain was administered by a man.

Perhaps speaking to your pastor about "who" would be best for your wife would be a consideration. It very well could be your pastor. Pray with him about it.

The point is, I think, just make sure she is supported and safe.

 

[zek]

Hello all (this is Zek's wife)

Well I guess you all know everything, I first found out about this yesterday on this thread. I had no idea. I found it and I still couldn't believe it. I can't explain the hurt, pain and tearing of my spirit I feel. I spent the day in prayer. When I found it I was alone with the children and called my mom right away from a meeting she was having with Prison fellowship. She was speaking in front of a lot of people and she came right home. I had no one to help me, the first place I would always turn is my husband, but I couldn't now. We prayed all day, it was so hard to stay put together for my children who are all under the age of 5. Well zek was away for a night that day on a business trip for training. He was supposed to be home at 6:30. He called to let me know he was on his way home, I couldn't hold it in and wait for him to come home. I confronted him about it, he was quiet. Let me first say I have felt the grace of God, God helped me see through this horrible sick act that he is a damaged person, he needs to first know my unconditional love for him. I did not lash out or condemn him, or judge him, or tell him he is an awful person. I told him the pain I feel the hurt I feel, for my children as well. I told him we are all sinners, God will Never turn his back on us, so why should I? Don't we strive to have Christ's love? Didn't I make a commitment for better or worse? I stand with my vows, he has broken his. The vows we said before God and family. Do you understand the embarrassment I feel? This is a family member, he prayed on her, he took advantage of her. I have the husband that took advantage of a girl, a family member. Anyway this is the update we are going to go get help, he is going to The Every Man's battle workshop. I am left here with pain. I want to be close to him just for the comfort, but I can't I feel so hurt and unloved by him. I know he didn't want this to happen. But he put himself in this position himself. Writing this makes it hurt more. While we were talking on the phone for over an hour about it, he was over come with something. He has never felt unconditional love, not from anyone. He was waiting for me to yell at him condemn him, leave him. But I told him he would be waiting for ever. It is not my place to Judge him, I am a sinner as well, everyone is. God forgave me he forgives him as well. I can only get through this with God, he is my strength, my comfort when my husband can't be. God showered his grace on me that day. I told Zek we will get through this together with smiles on our faces in front of the kids. They are SO secure in their lives with love and happiness. This will not kill their spirit, they will know everything is ok between mommy and daddy. However I will NOT turn my head and look over this. There are grounds for divorce for this. But God is telling me to try and work it, trust in Him, He can do anything. I told zek that I will only stay here and help him if he is helping himself. And I am not the one to have to tell to do something or make him do things. If it comes to that point I will not try anymore, and our marriage will not last. It still hurts to look at him, the couch where my husband broke his vow to me, this selfish act in my parents home. And now the rift in the family, that one act to cause SO much pain and trouble. My parents are embarrassed and so am I. I will never be able to go to a family gathering, cause she will be there the other woman, who is hardly a woman more a girl. I will never believe if he is looking in lust or not, at her or any woman. It happened so fast for him! Sorry to ramble on but I wanted to post in here. Thank you

 

[Bryan Lim]

Look,usually, when somebody posted a thread in this Christian Fourm saying they had sinned bcos they had adultery, affair, cheating on spouse blah blah blah, I don't bother to console or read their threads. But this one is SERIOUS. I am compelled to say out how I feel.
I am only 22. I am never married. But I can tell you what your hubbie did was wrong. dead wrong. He is a man, alright. Sexual temptation troubles men often. But I don't take this as an excuse to what he did. It is a good thing that he feels guilt and repent. Because if he does not feel any guilt at all, I will wonder if he is really human.

I just prayed for him.

I am a young man myself and I experience sexual temptation time and time again. I just want your hubbie to know if he truly repents, I am standing by his side.

I feel sad for both of you after reading this.

 

[happily_saved]

i might be young, but all i can say is


is your marriage about love and for God or is your marriage truely in your heart about the fact that now you can have sex with your wife and it wont be sin. Because when you think of it, 4 kids and only married for 5 years? I'm not trying to judge you, i'm just sayin maybe you really need to think about what your relationship is about with your wife...
God will forgive you. But now you need to approach your wife and you must tell her the truth.

 

[zek's wife]

The above post posted under zeks name is mine. But I registerd myself. I don't think because since we have been married 5 years and have four kids means anything but we have four kids. I do not think that was a correct comment stating that maybe he is married so he can have sex now. We met at church and fell in love on the spot. I was 3 mo pregnant by my ex boyfriend. I had walked away from the path of God, and was just returning. When I did tell him I was pregnant he didn't leave, or think different of me. He has been here since I was 4 mo pregnant. And then after that we just kept having surprise gifts from God, none of them planned, but gifts.

We have been through a lot, and this is another struggle that can either strengthen out marriage or brake it. But I feel for the sake of out 4 blessings we have to at least try to salvage it. God does give grounds for divorce, but does that mean he says throw the towel in right away?

 

[escaperoute]

I applaud Zek for having the courage and strength to admit that he was a sinner and needed help. And I also applaud his wife for not 'throwing in the towel' and staying be her husband when times are dark. I don't have any pressing words of wisdom, or great advice. I did read the Every Mans Battle book and it truely is a good series. I have heard nothing but good things about the workshop. My prayers are with you both, and may God bless you and your family for keeping Him first through the fire.

 

[pgp_protector]

Just praying for your family

 

[KidDitto]

Zeks’ wife

Precious dear flower of God, I am so sorry about your heartbreak. I could feel your heart quiver in pain before you ever knew, back when reading this thread. I awoke in the middle of the night praying for your heart.




Dear one, I am praying for you now. God loves you and when it gets too heavy to bear, close your eyes and picture God holding you to his chest and stroking your hair with his gentle love. His arms will be a safe place to fall apart. I can almost feel the hole in your heart and the shock of all of this and I type in tears for you my sister in Christ.




Sweet daughter of God, my wife and I lift you in prayer and we ask God to send you strength. And yes, we all sin. This particular one has been an assault on your whole family. I know the pain is heavy and stings very badly. But I ask God to give you rest in his arms, from being too weary to handle all of this at once, your babies, the family disturbances, the marriage upheaval-- Your little shoulders must buckle from all this weight so I ask God to be your support system so that you can get through a day. And tomorrow, you can get through that day, and as you walk God will catch you when your tears blind your ability to see the path in front of you.




When you weary and the pain surfaces again and again – go someplace where you can cry your heart out to God and he will hear you, angels will flock from heaven to help you stand and bring healing.




Daughter of God, God loves you so much and it breaks his heart that you have to go through this. We pray God to help ZEK to win against his demons, and for God to be a refreshing garden to you when you feel alone.


Gentle heart lean on God and he will hold you up. He adores you!



The family of God stands with you in love – not judgment – our arms are around you and our prayers storm heaven.


In God's love,

Anna and KidDitto

 

[KidDitto]

Happily saved

You seem young and sweet. Many people have their children right away and each is a blessing from God -- sometimes they do not expect to become "expectant" parents, but nature wins. And it is still a blessing!

Most who get married do not do so -- just so they can have sex with their wives. Marriage is a huge commitment -- and if he was JUST seeking sex -- I bet he would have just "sinned" and kept his mouth shut out there with the unblievers. (If all he wanted was sex)

I bet they married in love - in marraige you find out some wonderful thhings about your partner but you also can face some "luggage" they come with. Zek said he had a prblem with porn for years. He brought that to their marriage just like he brought his smile and personality.

You sound sweet and I hope someday when you marry you are able to find someone who loves God and you with all his heart.

May God Bless you!

 

[Evie]

I am 27, been married for 5 years and have 4 kids...I completely and utterly sinned against God and my wife.

Over the past few months I would say me and my wife have had a excellent relationship, we rarely fight we both are christians and we are trying to raise 4 kids. I have been laid off for the past 3 months and recently found a job. And the past few months I feel that our relationship was going great.

I have no excuse as to what happened, I wasn't drunk, we weren't fighting. I really don't understand how it happened ....My wife's cousin has been staying with us for a few days, we rarely talked, last night, my wife went to bed and I was alone with her cousin, we have kinda been eye flirting over the past few days but I seriously did not speak more then a few words to her up until this point.

I basically was overcome with lust as we were up late and doing nothing but sitting beside each other watching a movie. I made the first move and one thing lead to another and things escalated.

I am beside myself with grief, guilt, anger, bewilderment... I know I should tell her but I am not ready as this happened last night and her cousin is still here.

I have prayed, cried and couldn't sleep. I love my wife and would never have thought I would have really done something like this. I have fantasized about doing this in my head but never really thought something like that would have come true. I always thought those are the "deep dark secrets" that no one tells anyone. When I thought about them I told myself that they are just fantasies and everyone has them. And convinced myself I would never act on them. how wrong I was...

Saying those words that I love my wife and commiting this sin makes me sick, because how can you really love your wife if you can fall that easy.

Her cousin and I apologized for what happend we both knew it was wrong and I know we both feel guilty. We can't even look at each other.

I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone I can talk too about it, my relationship with God has been poor at best. I haven't had a close encounter with him for many months.

I want a healthy marriage more then anything, she will probably leave me when she finds out. I don't know why I did this...

I struggled with a small porn additions for the past few years and over the past 3-4 months I haven't given in to those temptations. I thought things were going well. How could I trade a porn addition for an adulterous affair?

I really don't have anyone to talk to about this, that is why I am posting on this forum.

We are living with her parents who I love and respect very much, they will be crushed when they hear it....

I don't know what to do or when to do it. I know I should tell her ....I just don't know when, or what to say or what to do after...

My biggest fear is losing my wife and kids for less then a one night stand. I am following in my fathers footprints....I don't want to turn out like him.

I was reading the hurt poured out by other members on this forum, and I can't express my sorrow for this. I know it doesn't mean much now.
I want to apologize to you guys first, even though I don't know you some of you will read this and it will reopen past hurts and possibly pain your dealing with now.

I need to apologize to God and I konw this but I haven't felt close to him and feel even more distant then ever now...

I am confused as to how this happened and the more my wife is nice to me the more the Guilt is wieghed on me..

I don't want to live a lie but I don't want to lose my family.

Hate me, curse me, or whatever I deserve it... I don't deserve what God blessed me with.

please tell me what I should do.

Ask the Lord to forgive you #1 then tell your wife,I won't say who,but I know of a similar situation that the wife forgave. I'm praying for you and your situation.
PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING

 

[rambler]

My mom and dad also had 4 kids within 5 years of marrying. Nothing weird or perverse or somehow strange about that, sheesh... we are talking about having children, for goodness sake. My grandma was one of 18 kids, and those are only the children who survived infancy. There are families like this all over the place where my folks come from; this was the norm for old country Catholics growing up on the farm. The children will be blessed for having each other as they grow up.

rambler

 

[Evie]

I applaud Zek for having the courage and strength to admit that he was a sinner and needed help. And I also applaud his wife for not 'throwing in the towel' and staying be her husband when times are dark. I don't have any pressing words of wisdom, or great advice. I did read the Every Mans Battle book and it truely is a good series. I have heard nothing but good things about the workshop. My prayers are with you both, and may God bless you and your family for keeping Him first through the fire.

yes,my hubby did a small group on this book. It's about mens purity. Some women need it also. But some men came forward and told my hubby that they had deep dark secrets that God was working on them about due to the book. I read some of the book myself as my hubby was studying it. Wow! Men do have it hard,but you have to deal with that. It takes God's strength to deal with it.

 

[Evie]

The above post posted under zeks name is mine. But I registerd myself. I don't think because since we have been married 5 years and have four kids means anything but we have four kids. I do not think that was a correct comment stating that maybe he is married so he can have sex now. We met at church and fell in love on the spot. I was 3 mo pregnant by my ex boyfriend. I had walked away from the path of God, and was just returning. When I did tell him I was pregnant he didn't leave, or think different of me. He has been here since I was 4 mo pregnant. And then after that we just kept having surprise gifts from God, none of them planned, but gifts.

We have been through a lot, and this is another struggle that can either strengthen out marriage or brake it. But I feel for the sake of out 4 blessings we have to at least try to salvage it. God does give grounds for divorce, but does that mean he says throw the towel in right away?

bless your heart. That EVERY MANS BATTLE teaches them to not look at women at all,no magazines,porn,how to deal and pray about sexual tempataions. My hubby studied and did a small group on this. Several men came forward and told my hubby how their dark secrets were being dealt with. you will see a change if he allows it. Also,have you considered going to (just the 2 of you) to a marriage course provided by a church. Not a marriage counselur,a christian course. Believe me,without it,My marriage would not have healed.
PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING

 

[Evie]

The above post posted under zeks name is mine. But I registerd myself. I don't think because since we have been married 5 years and have four kids means anything but we have four kids. I do not think that was a correct comment stating that maybe he is married so he can have sex now. We met at church and fell in love on the spot. I was 3 mo pregnant by my ex boyfriend. I had walked away from the path of God, and was just returning. When I did tell him I was pregnant he didn't leave, or think different of me. He has been here since I was 4 mo pregnant. And then after that we just kept having surprise gifts from God, none of them planned, but gifts.

We have been through a lot, and this is another struggle that can either strengthen out marriage or brake it. But I feel for the sake of out 4 blessings we have to at least try to salvage it. God does give grounds for divorce, but does that mean he says throw the towel in right away?

I meant to also say that it also teaches men when standing near a women or even the magazine racks or even during a movie,to move their eyes away from what is in front of them. My hubby does this and the book teaches them too. It really works. Also several men have told my husband that their temptaions are few. GOD WILL WORK WONDERS.

 

[Why?]

Hello all (this is Zek's wife)

This is a family member, he prayed on her, he took advantage of her. I have the husband that took advantage of a girl, a family member.

He preyed on her? As a girl who lost her virginity at 13 to a 20 year old guy, I can tell you, that she was old enough to know better. She knew just as well as he did that what they were doing was wrong. I'm not trying to take any blame away from him for cheating. I just don't agree that all of the blame lies with zek. As the saying goes... "It takes two."

I am praying for your family.

 

[HomeChicklet]

well zek and zeks wife i am praying for you and zekswife i know what divorce does to a family... my parents have been since i was 5 i appluad you for not leaving rite away and trying to make this worse... please as one who is now trapped between two families that hate each other i beg you to do whatever it takes to keep that marriage... if it is totally impossible then file for divorce but please not before... its hard... i know.. im there with two ppl that i call mom and dad that hate each other... and its good that you are letting your kids knwo that mommy and daddy are ok i knew better when i was lil and would cry myself to sleep at nite wondering why they couldnt love each other... so its hard... and im strongly praying for you... when you are in the deepest valley that is when He is with you most... if you dont listen to anything else listen to this... i have been cutting i struggle with sexual sins and i strongly was suicidial... now i have found that in this valley God is with me ... I am holding his hand and walking on faith... Hold tight to Him.. Never let Him go.. as he does us... he has never will never and wont ever let us go.. we are his children and He loves us... remember that... and He is with you zekswife... he loves you... and is craddeling you in His arms.... Ask him for healing love you very much

Mandy

 

[tootfany]

Zek,
Talk to God. He loves you! No matter what you do God is always there waiting for you to come to Him and to talk to Him. If you ask God to forgive you He will, God knows it if you truly mean it in your heart. And I think you do!
I will pray for you!

 

[FVT]

Some times i really wish there were a real time machine. In this case, the only thing you can do now is ask god for forgiveness and ask your wife for forgivness. I will be staight with you on one thing: your wife will never have the level of trust that she did before the affair. This is simply how women are. If you break their trust once, they will never trust you again completely (even though you work hard to earn it back) but there may be exceptions. So start with god first. Meanwhile, stay away from holy communion in the church or god will be pretty upset. Only take the communion after you have made all things right with God then your family. I really hope you kids are very young, if not they will be in a world of hurt too.

If you need any more advice, feel free to PM me.

Regards

John