The following incident happened to me about a month ago. I am telling it here in the hope of getting some comments upon it, as well as because I think it needs to be told. I have only related this story to some of my friends and family as yet, carefully selecting my targets in that respect, but now, it goes out over the entire world, eh.
For ten years I have been living in hell; I have been enjoying this monumental depression and all that comes out of such a state. I have been feeling worthless, like a genetic scrapyard in an otherwise perfect family, I have been very lonely as I have not been really able to communicate with all those perfect people out there in the world. Isolation has followed. Female company has not been something that I have realistically considered, as I just felt too worthless to take care of a woman correctly. To ease this depression, I have indulged in some pretty heavy drinking and been in rehab three times, whereas my last journey to such an institution was last summer at a Christian-run rehab-centre. I have eaten antidepressive medicines but naught has helped. There was this king in Greece that had the gift that all he touched upon, turned into gold. Well, everything I touched upon, turned into crap!
At the same time, I have desperately been searching for the truth. I have been fascinated by Buddhism and Hinduism and all sorts of strange New-Age beliefs. I have even had an Atheist period and been a stone-hard Communist.
So one night, about three weeks ago, I could not sleep for one single minute. My depression was so deep that I started planning my own suicide note. And when I rose from bed that morning, I was determined that this was to be the last day of my rotten existence, and that I would take my own life during that day. My presence on this planet was useless anyways, I thought, and noone would care whether I was alive or dead. Just throw me in a box and plant me. Now, all smokers out there know that the morning cigarette is the best, so I could not deny myself that last morning smoke. I arose, sat down in front of the TV and made myself a cig.
While still sitting there, throwing a half-hearted glance at the telly, I could clearly notice a yellow light forming in the air to my left. This was no great explosive light, no it was just as clear as to catch my attention. When I turned my head to look at it, it flew away to the back of me like a missile. Turning my head further, I noticed that I was not alone. There, between my bed and the computer, stood a tall male figure.
He was just a fog, and I could only observe the forms of him, and there was no doubt that he was indeed male. As I watched him, he spoke to me in my head. He spoke without words or language; it was more like a natural and clear "feeling" of what he said and meant. I have therefore "translated" his sentence into human language, and it went something like the following: "There is something you have to do for me - a duty you have!". This entire process only took as long as it took for me to turn my head, for he was only visible for a second, and then gone.
And there I sat again, with my morning cigarette and in front of the telly. And for me it did not click at first that I had actually witnessed something great. As my mind started processing the event, I shouted out loud by myself: "Now what was that!?". At the same time, my whole flat was filled with this great, powerful energy, and I, was filled with what could best be described as total happiness and joy. It was like being drunk, only a hundred times better, and I was still walking straight.
In an instant all depression and all the negative thoughts I had been having about myself and my existence, were totally gone and literally thrown out the window! The depression had been replaced by this total happiness through the great positive energy I had been filled with. some stupid children's programme ran on the telly - a penguine was playing heartily with a seal and a fish. And I laughed, as all that pitch-dark depression was no more.
Now, I had thought that experiencing something "supernatural" (I do not believe in that word really. There is nothing supernatural in the universe, only still undiscovered natural facts.) like that would scare me so that I would have to go hide under the bed. But no. I was never afraid of the figure or the great energy he emanated. It was all really natural, and it was like seeing a friend I'd known for all my life. There was no reason at all to be afraid, instead I told him out loud, "Thank you ever so much, I needed that!", and came to the logical conclusion that my life and existence on this planet indeed has a meaning.
That superior feeling of joy lasted for several days. I did not eat, I did not sleep; no, I was totally immersed in thinking about what I had experienced. Of course my intellectual mind started working and analyzing, and I had several ideas as to who or what my "revelation" could have been. At one time I decided to treat it as a hallucination and the product of a sick, depressed mind. But what a great hallucination in that case, that not only saved my life that particular day, but also gave me such hope for the future that I could never, ever again even contemplate suicide! Well, whoever it might have been, I do not care. I am quite happy to conclude that it was someone who obviously finds me important enough to be saved, and someone I also have some future duty before.
I haven't had a drink since then, I don't dare, and all sorts of strange coincidences happen every day, as if that being that came for a visit wants to prove that he is still present. I feel like the whole universe is working for me now. I had been searching for the truth in India and Tibet, while it was standing three metres behind me in my own flat. Now I'd like to hear some comments on this.
Cheers.
For ten years I have been living in hell; I have been enjoying this monumental depression and all that comes out of such a state. I have been feeling worthless, like a genetic scrapyard in an otherwise perfect family, I have been very lonely as I have not been really able to communicate with all those perfect people out there in the world. Isolation has followed. Female company has not been something that I have realistically considered, as I just felt too worthless to take care of a woman correctly. To ease this depression, I have indulged in some pretty heavy drinking and been in rehab three times, whereas my last journey to such an institution was last summer at a Christian-run rehab-centre. I have eaten antidepressive medicines but naught has helped. There was this king in Greece that had the gift that all he touched upon, turned into gold. Well, everything I touched upon, turned into crap!
At the same time, I have desperately been searching for the truth. I have been fascinated by Buddhism and Hinduism and all sorts of strange New-Age beliefs. I have even had an Atheist period and been a stone-hard Communist.
So one night, about three weeks ago, I could not sleep for one single minute. My depression was so deep that I started planning my own suicide note. And when I rose from bed that morning, I was determined that this was to be the last day of my rotten existence, and that I would take my own life during that day. My presence on this planet was useless anyways, I thought, and noone would care whether I was alive or dead. Just throw me in a box and plant me. Now, all smokers out there know that the morning cigarette is the best, so I could not deny myself that last morning smoke. I arose, sat down in front of the TV and made myself a cig.
While still sitting there, throwing a half-hearted glance at the telly, I could clearly notice a yellow light forming in the air to my left. This was no great explosive light, no it was just as clear as to catch my attention. When I turned my head to look at it, it flew away to the back of me like a missile. Turning my head further, I noticed that I was not alone. There, between my bed and the computer, stood a tall male figure.
He was just a fog, and I could only observe the forms of him, and there was no doubt that he was indeed male. As I watched him, he spoke to me in my head. He spoke without words or language; it was more like a natural and clear "feeling" of what he said and meant. I have therefore "translated" his sentence into human language, and it went something like the following: "There is something you have to do for me - a duty you have!". This entire process only took as long as it took for me to turn my head, for he was only visible for a second, and then gone.
And there I sat again, with my morning cigarette and in front of the telly. And for me it did not click at first that I had actually witnessed something great. As my mind started processing the event, I shouted out loud by myself: "Now what was that!?". At the same time, my whole flat was filled with this great, powerful energy, and I, was filled with what could best be described as total happiness and joy. It was like being drunk, only a hundred times better, and I was still walking straight.
In an instant all depression and all the negative thoughts I had been having about myself and my existence, were totally gone and literally thrown out the window! The depression had been replaced by this total happiness through the great positive energy I had been filled with. some stupid children's programme ran on the telly - a penguine was playing heartily with a seal and a fish. And I laughed, as all that pitch-dark depression was no more.
Now, I had thought that experiencing something "supernatural" (I do not believe in that word really. There is nothing supernatural in the universe, only still undiscovered natural facts.) like that would scare me so that I would have to go hide under the bed. But no. I was never afraid of the figure or the great energy he emanated. It was all really natural, and it was like seeing a friend I'd known for all my life. There was no reason at all to be afraid, instead I told him out loud, "Thank you ever so much, I needed that!", and came to the logical conclusion that my life and existence on this planet indeed has a meaning.
That superior feeling of joy lasted for several days. I did not eat, I did not sleep; no, I was totally immersed in thinking about what I had experienced. Of course my intellectual mind started working and analyzing, and I had several ideas as to who or what my "revelation" could have been. At one time I decided to treat it as a hallucination and the product of a sick, depressed mind. But what a great hallucination in that case, that not only saved my life that particular day, but also gave me such hope for the future that I could never, ever again even contemplate suicide! Well, whoever it might have been, I do not care. I am quite happy to conclude that it was someone who obviously finds me important enough to be saved, and someone I also have some future duty before.
I haven't had a drink since then, I don't dare, and all sorts of strange coincidences happen every day, as if that being that came for a visit wants to prove that he is still present. I feel like the whole universe is working for me now. I had been searching for the truth in India and Tibet, while it was standing three metres behind me in my own flat. Now I'd like to hear some comments on this.
Cheers.
