I Had a Panic Attack Over This

[selfintercession]

OK... so I've been "struggling with homosexuality" for longer than I can remember now. The thing is... I've never wanted to be gay, in fact for as long as I've known what these feelings meant, I've wanted to change. Of course, no matter how much I prayed, confessed, read the Bible, went to Church or even just tried to force myself not to be attracted to guys, or to force myself to "like" girls, nothing's ever worked. At all. I don't even really want to change just because it's taught that homosexual acts are sinful, but I actually want to get married and have kids and a wife and a normal life some day. How can I do that though when I've never even been able to force myself to be interested enough in girls to even have a girlfriend? I've had some suicidal thoughts... but I've never tried to hurt myself... not because I know it's a sin, but because I just don't want to die. Period. I don't want to live like this, but I don't want to be dead either... so there's literally no escape from this. I spoke to a priest about this a year or two ago because I've wanted to convert to become Catholic for about 3 or 4 years now and I've never been able to scrape the time together between work and school to actually do it... but I thought the priest might be able to help anyway. Well I came out of that Church even sadder and more disappointed... he told me I shouldn't get married or anything because it would be unfair to the woman (which I understand), but he also pretty much said I wasn't going to ever be able to change my feelings. Instead he told me about these "support groups" where you can make friends and meet with other people who have the same issues... but I don't want to die alone. I just don't know what to do... I'm so depressed that it's been interfering with school and work a LOT, and like I said in the title I actually had a really serious panic attack that landed me in the hospital last weekend... though I haven't told anybody about what's really causing the problems and most people don't know I went to the hospital anyway since I didn't tell almost anybody. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent... I just don't know what I'm going to do.....

 

[FatherJay]

Hello Lost and Found.

Peace be with you.

I am not here to discuss the "sinfulness" of homosexuality, but I would encourage you to speak with a professional counselor. You're beliefs on the matter are entirely your own. But I hope that you can, with some assistance, find a path in this life that will allow you to be happy.

It is my personal belief that the Divine want's us all to be happy. But I also believe that there are different ways to be happy, and we should each seek out that path that will allow us to be happy.

When I was 19, I developed a serious case of homophobia. I was afraid I was homosexual. Now, I did have girlfriends in High School, and I was attracted to women, but one day a nice fellow in a clothing store helped me out quite a bit, and I was touched by his kindness. That freaked me out. I was afraid that I might be gay. At the time, I believed that homosexuality was a sin. So that made the homophobia ten times worse. I struggled for several years with this problem (which was only aggrivated by my mild OCD) and ultimately led me to the opposite extreme of being a "gay-hater" and developing an obcession with female pornography.

That, in my view, is not a healthy lifestyle.

Since that time, I decided I would follow whatever path I should to be happy. For me, I realized that I really wasn't gay, and I began to live a peaceful life.

My friend, I don't pretend to understand your situation, nor just what your spiritual path may be, but I wish you well, and pray that the light of the Divine my illumine your soul and bring you immediate peace.

Blessings,

Father J

 

[Lost_and_astray]

I disagree when that priest said you shouldn't go into marriage. If you truly love the woman you want to marry, then you are not betraying her as long as you don't lust etc for men.

 

[Ave Maria]

Hey I just wanted to let you know that you are in my prayers. May God bless you and feel free to visit OBOB, the Catholic congregational forum here on Christian Forums. Also, if you don't already, try praying the rosary and the divine mercy chaplet frequently. It probably won't deliver you from homosexual feelings but it is a great devotion.

 

[2401 Penitent Tangent]

OK... so I've been "struggling with homosexuality" for longer than I can remember now. The thing is... I've never wanted to be gay, in fact for as long as I've known what these feelings meant, I've wanted to change. Of course, no matter how much I prayed, confessed, read the Bible, went to Church or even just tried to force myself not to be attracted to guys, or to force myself to "like" girls, nothing's ever worked. At all. I don't even really want to change just because it's taught that homosexual acts are sinful, but I actually want to get married and have kids and a wife and a normal life some day. How can I do that though when I've never even been able to force myself to be interested enough in girls to even have a girlfriend? I've had some suicidal thoughts... but I've never tried to hurt myself... not because I know it's a sin, but because I just don't want to die. Period. I don't want to live like this, but I don't want to be dead either... so there's literally no escape from this. I spoke to a priest about this a year or two ago because I've wanted to convert to become Catholic for about 3 or 4 years now and I've never been able to scrape the time together between work and school to actually do it... but I thought the priest might be able to help anyway. Well I came out of that Church even sadder and more disappointed... he told me I shouldn't get married or anything because it would be unfair to the woman (which I understand), but he also pretty much said I wasn't going to ever be able to change my feelings. Instead he told me about these "support groups" where you can make friends and meet with other people who have the same issues... but I don't want to die alone. I just don't know what to do... I'm so depressed that it's been interfering with school and work a LOT, and like I said in the title I actually had a really serious panic attack that landed me in the hospital last weekend... though I haven't told anybody about what's really causing the problems and most people don't know I went to the hospital anyway since I didn't tell almost anybody. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent... I just don't know what I'm going to do.....

I congratulate you with your fight against homosexuality. I offer a website that has help me with my fight agaisnt pornography but also has a wonderful homosexuality course:

http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/door_hope/

May God be with you.

 

[D'Ann]

Praying for you. I'm sorry for the sadness in your heart. I don't know how to comfort you, but I know that the Holy Spirit does and so you are definitely and will continually be in my prayers with this struggle and hurt.

God's peace,

Debbie

 

[Ketsagirl]

Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Savior? This has nothing to do with what you wrote, I am just wondering? He loves you.John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believes in him shall not die but have everlasting life." The bible also says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23
"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." "If you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." I am not saying this solves all problems, I myself have some horrible chains that God is currently freeing me from but I do know he is the only miracle worker and he knows you and he knows your heart, you can go to him. Call out to him, hes waiting for you!

 

[Ketsagirl]

OK... so I've been "struggling with homosexuality" for longer than I can remember now. The thing is... I've never wanted to be gay, in fact for as long as I've known what these feelings meant, I've wanted to change. Of course, no matter how much I prayed, confessed, read the Bible, went to Church or even just tried to force myself not to be attracted to guys, or to force myself to "like" girls, nothing's ever worked. At all. I don't even really want to change just because it's taught that homosexual acts are sinful, but I actually want to get married and have kids and a wife and a normal life some day. How can I do that though when I've never even been able to force myself to be interested enough in girls to even have a girlfriend? I've had some suicidal thoughts... but I've never tried to hurt myself... not because I know it's a sin, but because I just don't want to die. Period. I don't want to live like this, but I don't want to be dead either... so there's literally no escape from this. I spoke to a priest about this a year or two ago because I've wanted to convert to become Catholic for about 3 or 4 years now and I've never been able to scrape the time together between work and school to actually do it... but I thought the priest might be able to help anyway. Well I came out of that Church even sadder and more disappointed... he told me I shouldn't get married or anything because it would be unfair to the woman (which I understand), but he also pretty much said I wasn't going to ever be able to change my feelings. Instead he told me about these "support groups" where you can make friends and meet with other people who have the same issues... but I don't want to die alone. I just don't know what to do... I'm so depressed that it's been interfering with school and work a LOT, and like I said in the title I actually had a really serious panic attack that landed me in the hospital last weekend... though I haven't told anybody about what's really causing the problems and most people don't know I went to the hospital anyway since I didn't tell almost anybody. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent... I just don't know what I'm going to do.....

The bible says cast your cares on him for he cares for you! "For God so loved the world he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 NO person, religion, can save you from this, only Jesus Christ. I dont always know how he works, I have many struggles of my own. I just know he loves you and wants you to turn to him. He is the only miracle worker. The bible says, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: WHile we were still sinners, Christ died for us." ROmans Jesus is our bridge to God. YOu can let your request be known by him."For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus." 1 TImothy 2:5 "THat is you confess with your mouth , Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans Call out to God he is waiting for you to turn to him, he will listen! BIble also says"Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me." Revelation 3:20. Just tell him everything. He wants to carry your burdens.

 

[SwordOfGod]

Please listen... I have been dealing with homosexuality since I was very young, I was not attracted to girls at all and very attracted to guys... Then I discovered that there are ministries that help people like you and I, If I may suggest Homosexuals Anonymous and Exodus International. Homosexuality is believed to come primarily as a result of your childhood experiences with your father. The Grace of God is capable of healing all things, however one cannot use the Grace of God without understanding its dynamics, (you can't just ask God to be healed and expect to be healed) 12 and (in HA's case) 14 step programs work to go to the root of the problem. Through God all things can be healed! God probably does not wish you to be alone.

 

[AJB4]

You could also try this site

It's a great site. I swear by it.

 

[snowflake04]

Well the priest was quite wrong, he is putting a limit on God's power by saying your feelings wouldn't change. You need to wholly devote yourself to the Lord and pray for a change within yourself. God can change anyone, and in order for any of us to become true Christians, the holy spirit will have to work in our lives and change all of us. We were all born into sin, your attraction to men, is like my attraction to hollywood life and money. We all have different struggles, and we need to pray for whole conversion. God can and will change each one of us that will devote our lives completely to the Lord.