I got schooled today. :(

[ido]

So yeah - I learned a really important lesson today. Never try to be friends with your co-workers. It's a long, complicated story - but the ending of it is that both of the girls that work in my office ganged up on me and "ratted me out" to our boss on something that all three of us has done at some point or another. The reason? I delegated something to one of them. Apparently, the girl I delegated it to was miffed b/c I tasked her with something and she felt that I should be sharing the responsibility or doing it myself. So, she enlisted the help of the other girl in the office to jointly file a complaint against me.

The instigator does not surprise me - our relationship has been very touch and go since I started with my company. The other girl - well, her involvement hurt my feelings b/c she was very two-faced about the whole thing. I'm disappointed in her.

But, I'm more disappointed in myself for not drawing better boundaries between myself and them. I'm sort of a mid-management level and they are technically below me. I should have been better about being friendly without being relational - but it's been difficult to make friends and so I turned to my co-workers for socialization at different points and have slowly backed out as I've tried to separate myself on a work level.

It's all come crashing down around me in a sense. The action taken by my boss was to ask me if the accusation was true. I owned it and he wasn't happy, but all he asked was that I stop doing it and move to a different desk in the office as a way to try and ease the tension a bit. I apologized and he was actually better after a while and we had a good talk about it all. But, the crashing down part is that now, I have some hurts that I need to heal where my co-workers are concerned...without addressing them directly (my boss asked me to just sweep it under the carpet and move forward). I guess it will be awkward for a while, but since I now know they obviously resent me anyway...I guess it doesn't matter if I withdraw from them, personally, and just focus on professional interaction.

BLAH! I don't know if any of that made any sense. It is a half-rant/half-have you ever been in a situation like this - how did you handle it kind of thing.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

Awww man I hate days like this

I'm sorry that they ganged up on you...that shows more about them and their character than it does about you. You did the right thing...when asked, you owned up to it and didn't try to talk your way out of it. I'm sure that had to be very difficult but it was the right thing and is a reflection of the wonderful person that you are

I think at this point all you can do is kill them with kindness. I don't mean to be their friends but just go in there tomorrow and be happy...smile at them...say good morning...and set about arranging your new desk and work area like it's a blessing to you to have moved to this new space.

Proverbs 25:21-22 says - If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.

So heap burning coals on their heads by your acts of kindness (ok that sort of came out wrong but you get the idea )

 

[ido]

LOL I might get fired if I heap burning coals on their heads.

Yes, I know what you mean. I intend to do just that - it just smarts a bit right now.

I'm definitely the "better" person tho - and I will rise above this. It just stinks. lol

 

[dluvs2trvl]

LOL I might get fired if I heap burning coals on their heads.

Yes, I know what you mean. I intend to do just that - it just smarts a bit right now.

I'm definitely the "better" person tho - and I will rise above this. It just stinks. lol

 

[ido]

Thanks, D. You're an awesome friend.

 

[Jenster]

How awful, flngirl! I'm mad at them on your behalf! Grr, work relationships!

That's really terrible you have to be so careful at work. And that you have to deal with tension. I was just thinking the other day, what's harder -- dealing with fellow Christians in a church or dealing with non-Christians at work or in the world? I guess I concluded that it's just hard regardless when you DON'T have a good relationship on which to build. If one person doesn't trust the other person, there's prickliness.

It's not like you can talk with them as a person who is under Christ's authority, in which case they *might* be willing to humble themselves.

I don't know what to say, except I hear you and I sympathize. Oh, and I'm sure you're doing this, but when confronted with a situation that seems utterly pointless, I try and ask God what good He wants to bring out of it. God is at work, always. "All things work together for good, for those who love Him." Rom 8:28 Quiet your mind and listen for that still small voice

And I agree with D. Set about arranging your new space as if it's a blessing, and it will be.

 

[ido]

How awful, flngirl! I'm mad at them on your behalf! Grr, work relationships!

That's really terrible you have to be so careful at work. And that you have to deal with tension. I was just thinking the other day, what's harder -- dealing with fellow Christians in a church or dealing with non-Christians at work or in the world? I guess I concluded that it's just hard regardless when you DON'T have a good relationship on which to build. If one person doesn't trust the other person, there's prickliness.

It's not like you can talk with them as a person who is under Christ's authority, in which case they *might* be willing to humble themselves.

I don't know what to say, except I hear you and I sympathize. Oh, and I'm sure you're doing this, but when confronted with a situation that seems utterly pointless, I try and ask God what good He wants to bring out of it. God is at work, always. "All things work together for good, for those who love Him." Rom 8:28 Quiet your mind and listen for that still small voice

And I agree with D. Set about arranging your new space as if it's a blessing, and it will be.

Thanks for that post Jen. I will do my best to be encouraged tomorrow.

 

[Jenster]

Sending up a prayer for ya!

 

[jcj3803]

Another lesson is that as a manager, you must ALWAYS play by the rules. Otherwise, as you've found, there will be opportunities for political opponents to do a tapdance on you. The rank and file can get away with a lot more, but you are held to a higher standard.

 

[country woman]

I have learned not to trust some guys who took you for a ride

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

You can really never trust anyone at work I have found. Especially if your a manager. They will always act nice to your face but then if you do something they don't like, they try to get you in trouble like they did.
I agree with everyone else "never let 'em see you sweat". Don't even give a hint of disgruntlement in their presence. Inside and when your at home, yes talk to God about your pain, but in the presence of your enemies, the fact that you don't "show" your upset gives them NO payoff for what they have tried to do.

 

[ido]

I was extremely pleasant with both of them today. I figure today was the "hardest" day so it will only get easier now. *crosses fingers*

 

[FlatpickingJD]

There's really no easy answer. It's hard not to personalize your work relationships when you spend so much time there. When I was a manager, I found that I just stopped socializing after work with the people who answered to me, though I was pleasant with them at work. I kept things professional, which became increasingly difficult whenever anyone's home life got really difficult (illness, divorce, home emergencies), and after a fashion they started to respect the boundaries.

That doesn't mean, though, that I didn't listen when they needed to get something off their chest, it just means that I reacted as a manager and not as a friend would in those situations (asking if they needed time off, go home early, etc., and not just to empathize).

I think D's idea is a good one, and what you did Friday is about all you could do: if you had acted any differently, they would've gone back to your boss and pitched another fuss.

 

[ido]

There's really no easy answer. It's hard not to personalize your work relationships when you spend so much time there. When I was a manager, I found that I just stopped socializing after work with the people who answered to me, though I was pleasant with them at work. I kept things professional, which became increasingly difficult whenever anyone's home life got really difficult (illness, divorce, home emergencies), and after a fashion they started to respect the boundaries.

That doesn't mean, though, that I didn't listen when they needed to get something off their chest, it just means that I reacted as a manager and not as a friend would in those situations (asking if they needed time off, go home early, etc., and not just to empathize).

I think D's idea is a good one, and what you did Friday is about all you could do: if you had acted any differently, they would've gone back to your boss and pitched another fuss.

You hit on a key point for me. Being friendly without being relational is difficult for me...I'm kind of all or nothing in that aspect of my life. So, I'm learning that I need to draw boundaries and re-evaluate how I approach my work situation. I appreciate the examples you provided on how you put the boundaries in place. That is exactly the type of thing that I need to do.

I vented a little bit more to D last night (sorry, D! ) about these two women. I don't think it will matter much what I do b/c they both seem to have reason to resent me, but I will continue to handle the situation with dignity and how they respond is on their heads.