I tried to quit smoking. And I made a sincere effort - I tried hard. I had made the decision a week ahead of time, so I had plenty of time to prepare myself mentally. The first night was even pretty easy - I just slapped on a patch and chewed sugar-free gum. No problem - and I felt pretty good about that! 
Day two went almost as well. Of course, it was Sunday and I was in church for two services (plus Sunday school). And when I had those 'tough moments', I knew what to do: drink lots of water (detox), eat pistachios (keeps my hands and mouth busy), and I cut a straw in half and carried that thing around with me for awhile too. Of course I am wearing the patch this whole time, but for someone that has smoked 2+ packs a day for 19 years... one little patch is not going to keep you from having withdrawals.
By the end of day two, the anxiety was really getting to me. I was wearing a patch, chewing gum, 'smoking' my straw, drinking water and pacing the floor. I finally gave in and jumped in the car, drove to town, bought a pack of cigarettes... and smoked one.
:o
By the end of the third day, I was a mess - both spiritually and physically. Defeated, deflated, weak, ashamed... I didnt know what to do!
So I went to God in prayer, and I asked Him to give me strength and courage. I asked Him to help me get through this, because I was sincerely committed to quitting this horrible habit that had a hold on me.
Right in the middle of my prayer, I realized where I went wrong. I did start out with the right intentions, mind you. I wanted to make this positive change in my life, to be a better witness. And I prayed that God would forgive me, and that He would heal me - both physically and spiritually.
And while I thought I was sincere in that prayer, and in believing in Him for that... I realized there on that 3rd night how far from the truth that really was. If I truly believed that, I wouldnt have put a patch on my arm. Or bought a bag of pistachios. Or expected to suffer.
I prayed for strength and for courage, so that I could quit smoking. I tried every trick that I knew to keep myself from giving in. I accepted that I was weak, that it was hard and that nothing about it was going to be easy. I even expected to suffer through it.
So you see, I wasnt relying on God or believing in God for healing at all. And I was even going to Him to ask Him to make ME stronger so that I could achieve this change in my life.
I recalled that I had asked for prayer from my friends here, saying: please pray with me "God, give her strength. Carry her through this. May You receive all the glory for renewing her body and spirit. In Jesus' name, Amen"
... And I realized that God wouldnt receive the glory if I didnt allow Him to move in my life. No - when people asked me "Oh wow! How did you manage to quit after all of those years??" I would probably say "the patch" or "I drank a lot of water and chewed gum" and I would believe in my mind that those things worked (but let's face it - I've tried to quit four other times and none of those things have *ever* worked on me).
Mind you, I was still in prayer when all of this became clear to me. I just sat there for a minute and tried to recall every scripture that I knew about forgiveness and faith and healing. I admitted what I had done wrong, and I asked God for divine intervention. To work a miracle.
And I stopped trying right then, because I knew that I was too weak and that I would fail. And that God didnt want me to be able to boast of what wonderful thing I had done, or great thing I had accomplished. And I asked him to take over.
That's when I realized how difficult a thing that faith can be. I expected to suffer with the withdrawal and detox. Part of me felt like I deserved this suffering, as part of my repentance. But then... that's not biblical, is it?
No, its not. And it occurred to me how important it is to know how to pray, and how important it is to know the Word.
You see, I didnt grow up in church and in a Christian family. I havent had the proper teaching, and I've had plenty of years to develop worldly habits and ideas. So for me, the conversion into the kingdom of God - from the world - has meant much studying and learning. But I have an idea, and this is just a personal observation, that even those who have been brought up on the Word need proper instruction in prayer and also need to stay in the Word - to keep it fresh, and to meditate on it.
Obviously faith is not that we believe God will enable us to do more, achieve more, etc. But faith is believing that GOD will do more, achieve more... and answer our prayers.
I picked up a copy of a Prayer Study Course by Kenneth Hagin, and decided that I would read that and also study prayer and faith in the bible for my studies this week. In this course, Hagin says:
"It does very little good, if any, to pray if you're going to continue to worry and fret and wrestle with the problem yourself. You might as well say amen because it's so!"
He makes a good point. And in 1 John 5:14-15, the bible says:
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.(niv)
So I am going to give up on my big quest to "quit smoking". I know that kicking this habit is "according to his will" so I know that he will answer my prayers in this matter. My main mission is to study the Word on faith, healing and prayer - and arm myself with these Scriptures to improve my faith in God for divine intervention and for complete healing.
I've already proven that I cant do this. I'm weak, and this is HARD (physically *and* mentally). I dont know what ever made me think that I could do it in the first place. I think that's what happens when you dont know the Word well enough to appropriate it in your own life.
Ironically, with this revelation the anxiety went away... and God is already working on me. I feel at peace more now as I sit here without even a patch on my arm... than I did last night when I had every vice I could reach - water, straw, patch, gum, breathing techniques, etc. None of them did me any good... and I'm sure the devil got a good laugh out of me over it.
No problem. Lesson learned. Because now I am equipped with the Word:
But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1Cr 15:57
Am I alone in this? In having to practice faith, or having to learn how to pray? Or are these things that come natural for most Christians?
Day two went almost as well. Of course, it was Sunday and I was in church for two services (plus Sunday school). And when I had those 'tough moments', I knew what to do: drink lots of water (detox), eat pistachios (keeps my hands and mouth busy), and I cut a straw in half and carried that thing around with me for awhile too. Of course I am wearing the patch this whole time, but for someone that has smoked 2+ packs a day for 19 years... one little patch is not going to keep you from having withdrawals.
By the end of day two, the anxiety was really getting to me. I was wearing a patch, chewing gum, 'smoking' my straw, drinking water and pacing the floor. I finally gave in and jumped in the car, drove to town, bought a pack of cigarettes... and smoked one.
:o
By the end of the third day, I was a mess - both spiritually and physically. Defeated, deflated, weak, ashamed... I didnt know what to do!
So I went to God in prayer, and I asked Him to give me strength and courage. I asked Him to help me get through this, because I was sincerely committed to quitting this horrible habit that had a hold on me.
Right in the middle of my prayer, I realized where I went wrong. I did start out with the right intentions, mind you. I wanted to make this positive change in my life, to be a better witness. And I prayed that God would forgive me, and that He would heal me - both physically and spiritually.
And while I thought I was sincere in that prayer, and in believing in Him for that... I realized there on that 3rd night how far from the truth that really was. If I truly believed that, I wouldnt have put a patch on my arm. Or bought a bag of pistachios. Or expected to suffer.
I prayed for strength and for courage, so that I could quit smoking. I tried every trick that I knew to keep myself from giving in. I accepted that I was weak, that it was hard and that nothing about it was going to be easy. I even expected to suffer through it.
So you see, I wasnt relying on God or believing in God for healing at all. And I was even going to Him to ask Him to make ME stronger so that I could achieve this change in my life.
I recalled that I had asked for prayer from my friends here, saying: please pray with me "God, give her strength. Carry her through this. May You receive all the glory for renewing her body and spirit. In Jesus' name, Amen"
... And I realized that God wouldnt receive the glory if I didnt allow Him to move in my life. No - when people asked me "Oh wow! How did you manage to quit after all of those years??" I would probably say "the patch" or "I drank a lot of water and chewed gum" and I would believe in my mind that those things worked (but let's face it - I've tried to quit four other times and none of those things have *ever* worked on me).
Mind you, I was still in prayer when all of this became clear to me. I just sat there for a minute and tried to recall every scripture that I knew about forgiveness and faith and healing. I admitted what I had done wrong, and I asked God for divine intervention. To work a miracle.
And I stopped trying right then, because I knew that I was too weak and that I would fail. And that God didnt want me to be able to boast of what wonderful thing I had done, or great thing I had accomplished. And I asked him to take over.
That's when I realized how difficult a thing that faith can be. I expected to suffer with the withdrawal and detox. Part of me felt like I deserved this suffering, as part of my repentance. But then... that's not biblical, is it?
No, its not. And it occurred to me how important it is to know how to pray, and how important it is to know the Word.
You see, I didnt grow up in church and in a Christian family. I havent had the proper teaching, and I've had plenty of years to develop worldly habits and ideas. So for me, the conversion into the kingdom of God - from the world - has meant much studying and learning. But I have an idea, and this is just a personal observation, that even those who have been brought up on the Word need proper instruction in prayer and also need to stay in the Word - to keep it fresh, and to meditate on it.
Obviously faith is not that we believe God will enable us to do more, achieve more, etc. But faith is believing that GOD will do more, achieve more... and answer our prayers.
I picked up a copy of a Prayer Study Course by Kenneth Hagin, and decided that I would read that and also study prayer and faith in the bible for my studies this week. In this course, Hagin says:
"It does very little good, if any, to pray if you're going to continue to worry and fret and wrestle with the problem yourself. You might as well say amen because it's so!"
He makes a good point. And in 1 John 5:14-15, the bible says:
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of him.(niv)
So I am going to give up on my big quest to "quit smoking". I know that kicking this habit is "according to his will" so I know that he will answer my prayers in this matter. My main mission is to study the Word on faith, healing and prayer - and arm myself with these Scriptures to improve my faith in God for divine intervention and for complete healing.
I've already proven that I cant do this. I'm weak, and this is HARD (physically *and* mentally). I dont know what ever made me think that I could do it in the first place. I think that's what happens when you dont know the Word well enough to appropriate it in your own life.
Ironically, with this revelation the anxiety went away... and God is already working on me. I feel at peace more now as I sit here without even a patch on my arm... than I did last night when I had every vice I could reach - water, straw, patch, gum, breathing techniques, etc. None of them did me any good... and I'm sure the devil got a good laugh out of me over it.
No problem. Lesson learned. Because now I am equipped with the Word:
But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1Cr 15:57
Am I alone in this? In having to practice faith, or having to learn how to pray? Or are these things that come natural for most Christians?
Every day and every experience helps me to understand and apply the Word as it was meant. I'm grateful for that. I dont want to have a small understanding of the kingdom of God, or of God's will or of his Word. I want to fully understand it, so that I can properly apply it!
