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I fight with evil inside

sidnee

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I don't want this black hole inside.
This really stood out to me, And I can totally understand the feeling that you have.
But it made me wonder, Have you asked Him to come let light into that darkness, and fill that emptyness? Take the first big step, and the doubt just might disappear.

And, great video. Thanks for posting that :)
 
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Johnnz

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Those alters will be younger than you are now. They are expressing all their pain and confusion, including their apparently unheard cries to God for the abuse to stop. They are part of you, but not one of them, you included, is evil - just very pained.

Some skilled therapy, insightful prayer and time (probably lots) can result in real transformation. Don't despair. God is on your side, totally and unchangeably.

John
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Ariel

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God wants you to be whole. God loves you. He is kind, and very patient. He will NEVER give up on you. He loves you.

God loves you. Say that to yourself, "God loves me." Also it says in Scripture that whoever calls on the name of the Lord will be saved, Romans 10:13. Ask Jesus Christ to come and help you. Ask Him to cleanse you, heal you, and make you the person He wants you to be. He loves you, He will help you.

I am praying for you (((hug)))
 
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Just dropping back by your thread and sending you my love and prayers. Everyone here is giving you such great advice. It helps those of us who suffer with this kind of turmoil. Perhaps with perserverance Lifewanderer, you wont have to feel like you are wandering anymore. Peace
 
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SiyoNqoba

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I really think you need some therapy.

God can absolutely, undoubtably heal you. But I find often we just have too much pain, and every time we try to turn to God, Satan just shoots us back down again and it's so hard to get back up. Often it's hard to even recieve that healing, because we're so filled with feelings of shame and guilt and unworthiness.

I know that so often people say to me "Just turn to God, and He WILL save you," and I'm always left wondering why it never seems to work for me.

A Christian therapist can help break down those barriers. God has put them on the earth for a reason.
 
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SiyoNqoba

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Like I'm ready for the lightning bolt to get me.

Please know that God is not going to punish you for what has happened to you. That was not your fault, and you've reacted to it the only way you know how with the resources you have. God is not spiteful. He loves you, and He wants nothing more then for you to have life and have it in abundance.
 
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Catherineanne

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I have a history of incest, rape while I lived on the streets, and physical/sexual abuse from an ex-husband. Because of this, I have Dissociative Identity Disorder. The alters right now are fighting with each other over a belief in God. I see the alters as well as hear them. It is so hard to watch them scream about things like there is no God and that I'm going to Hell.

I want God to understand. I wish God understands. I wish God helps. I wish God would be patient.

I'm not evil. I don't want to be evil.

I'm truly sorry for being so mistrustful.

I don't want this black hole inside.

Please be assured that God does understand, you are most certainly not evil, by any standard, and you are not going to hell. How can you, when you have already been there?

God has far more patience than you are ever going to be able to work through, Lifewanderer.

I wish you well.
 
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