I feel poopy

[stubby42]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to put it, but its a struggle, I'm not a christian and I'm in need of advice.

I like a girl at college the problem is my feelings for her are not shared, we have english lit together and that was about the only time I saw her apart from in the corridoors. At the start of the year I was going to ask her out but before I could someone else did and they ended up dating. I was gutted but thought hey I can move on, which I genuinly believed I could at the time. Then a few months latter the relationship ended because her boyfriend want to have sex but shes a christian and doesnt believe in premartial sex. A few weeks latter I asked her out and she said I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now. Which I took it as it was a no. Yet again I thought I could move on and yet again I thought I had until a couple of weeks ago when I realised that I still like her.

I dont really know what to do, I'm just confused and I feel poopy in general.

 

[NothingButTheBlood]

Was her turn down due to the ex or does she not like you. You could set up a study group for the class and include her. This give you both a chance to see each other with others around and can't hurt your grade. Maybe you could try something less formal like coffee or lunch. Did she share the breakup info with you? If she did she must find you easy to talk to. If those don't work you may just be out of luck.

 

[£amb]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to put it, but its a struggle, I'm not a christian and I'm in need of advice.

I like a girl at college the problem is my feelings for her are not shared, we have english lit together and that was about the only time I saw her apart from in the corridoors. At the start of the year I was going to ask her out but before I could someone else did and they ended up dating. I was gutted but thought hey I can move on, which I genuinly believed I could at the time. Then a few months latter the relationship ended because her boyfriend want to have sex but shes a christian and doesnt believe in premartial sex. A few weeks latter I asked her out and she said I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now. Which I took it as it was a no. Yet again I thought I could move on and yet again I thought I had until a couple of weeks ago when I realised that I still like her.

I dont really know what to do, I'm just confused and I feel poopy in general.

Giver her alittle time. Break-ups hit you emotionally and she may truly not be ready to dive into a relationship. I would suggest start of slowly...not jump right into a date scenario. Maybe you could offer a study session over coffee (as suggested in previous post). She may say "yes" and eventually may open up to you. If she says "no" then don't be discouraged. Everybody is different in how they feel after a break-up. Another question I have is this: you said she's christian and I noticed you have a agnostic symbol by your name. If you two were to "hook-up"...would that pose as a problem in the relationship? Maybe not for you, but what would be her feelings about it? Just some food for thought.

 

[stubby42]

Just to clear a few things up, the asking out was a fair few months ago and she is over the brake up cause shes friends with her ex. We see each other on frees (free periods of the day in between lessons) and we are pleasnt to each other but generally speaking its just saying hi. Occasionally our friendship groups hang out but like I said we dont talk to each other alot. I realised I still like her a week or so ago when we both had a free period cause our lesson was canceled and no one else was about so we ended up talking for an hour.
As for the brake up info, no she didnt share with me but her friends were talking about it.

As for the religion issues, I'm not sure about that one, I really dont care about the religion issue but with her it might be I dont know. In english lit we get put in groups to discuss the texts were reading and our main friendship group in our class we together (so me, the girl and one of my best friends and one of her best friends) and discussion of religion came up, now my friend and the girl are both Christians and right now I'm looking at other religions trying to see if any other will satisfy me (christianity failed to do so), she tried to be respectful when I was talking about Budhism but it was kind of that akward I'm being over respectful because I dont really understand it kind of respectfulness.

Thanks for the suggestions, unfortunatly we've done our exams and brake up in a week and when I asked her out after the brake up my line was do you wanna go get some coffee. I think part of the problem is I'm not a very good flirt so it gets like this.

Thanks for the advice though.

 

[""]

I'm not a christian

shes a christian

That may be your answer right there. You said she broke off with her other boyfriend because he wanted to have sex, and she's a Christian and didn't want to have sex before marriage. I'm sure this was a painful experience for her. Perhaps now she is of the mind that she will no longer date men who are not Christians and who do not hold to the same beliefs as she does, about premarital sex.

Understand that I am not putting you down for not being a Christian, but I am trying to assist you in your quest to understand why this is happening.

I can tell that you care a great deal for her, and I am sorry that a relationship with her doesn't seem to be in your future.

One suggestion, and I'm not saying it will lead to a relationship with her, but it couldn't hurt. Consider finding out what church she attends, and maybe begin to attend there yourself. If you find that Christianity is something you want to make a part of your life, then you'll at least have that in common with her, and you never know what may happen. You should never choose Jesus, for a girl though. It's a personal choice, and not a choice to gain something.

 

[but'n'ben]

I agree with Adiya.

I was lucky enough to be with someone for over 2 years who never once mentioned sex to me because it was something we both valued so much. Unfortunately we drifted apart but it's a huge factor in preventing me from moving on. I don't want someone who will want sex before the due time.

All I can say is if you are prepared to respect her beliefs and her body physically then make the effort to get to know her. Be a friend before you think of anything else. That way she'll have the change to find out if she can view yu as trustworthy (in the sense that you won't want sex).

I know it's hard for some people to appreciate why we find sex so important but it's not something most Christians will give into. Was her last boyfriend a Christian? If she dated him when he wasn't one she may be willing to give you a chance but you have to make it obvious to her that pysical intimacy is something you value.

 

[stubby42]

As far as I know he wasnt a christian but I dont know the guy other than he gets on the same bus as my friends.

 

[but'n'ben]

Hmmm... well if he wasn't and she gave him a chance she may be willing to give you a chance.

The only thing I can suggest is be a friend to her. If you speak to her maybe say you were a bit too quick in asking her out and you understand her opinion of not wanting a boyfriend right now but you'd like to be friends.

She's being honest with you. She didn't say she wasn't interested in you, only not right now. It's a good chance to get to know her and you never know once you get to know her you may find she's not the one for you and it'll be easier to move on. I hope things work out for you though.

 

[Sketcher]

As for the religion issues, I'm not sure about that one, I really dont care about the religion issue but with her it might be I dont know.

Being as she just got burned by an unbeliever if she's smart, it will be an issue with her. I'm not saying anything against you, you could be a gentleman for all I know. But what she ran into is one of the many reasons why Christians are not to date non-Christians.

I've been there too, they take a long time to get over. But life is too short to be obsessed with someone that long. My mentor had it worse, though. Back when he was in college, he had it bad for this girl for two straight years and she was not interested. She gave in and dated him for a little bit, and dumped him very quickly. I don't know how he was able to get past all that.

 

[£amb]

Just to clear a few things up, the asking out was a fair few months ago and she is over the brake up cause shes friends with her ex. We see each other on frees (free periods of the day in between lessons) and we are pleasnt to each other but generally speaking its just saying hi. Occasionally our friendship groups hang out but like I said we dont talk to each other alot. I realised I still like her a week or so ago when we both had a free period cause our lesson was canceled and no one else was about so we ended up talking for an hour.
As for the brake up info, no she didnt share with me but her friends were talking about it.

As for the religion issues, I'm not sure about that one, I really dont care about the religion issue but with her it might be I dont know. In english lit we get put in groups to discuss the texts were reading and our main friendship group in our class we together (so me, the girl and one of my best friends and one of her best friends) and discussion of religion came up, now my friend and the girl are both Christians and right now I'm looking at other religions trying to see if any other will satisfy me (christianity failed to do so), she tried to be respectful when I was talking about Budhism but it was kind of that akward I'm being over respectful because I dont really understand it kind of respectfulness.

Thanks for the suggestions, unfortunatly we've done our exams and brake up in a week and when I asked her out after the brake up my line was do you wanna go get some coffee. I think part of the problem is I'm not a very good flirt so it gets like this.

Thanks for the advice though.

Thank you for more clarification on your situation. I'm truly sorry for what you feel right now...I'll just lend you an encouraging hug In time...life will keep on truckin'

 

[stubby42]

Thanks guys, i was atcually going to write more last night but my internet wasnt working properly.

Anyho, respecting her beliefs is not a problem as long as the same respect is returned and as for respecting her body, well my last girlfriend laid it all out she was perfectly happy to do what ever but I just wasnt all that comfortable with it and I ended the relationship. I want a real relationship, one where were friends, we care about each other and we make each other happy, thats all that really matters to me.

Now I'm just not sure how to go about this, I mean I dont want to seem like the only reason I'm being friends with her is to get in her pants because I'm not.

 

[ALIOSIAS]

Why not try Christianity. Nothing else you are doing is working. What do you have to loose. If you want to know more about Jesus please contact me through the forum.

Aliosias