I feel weird in today's church. While I get that there's this thing called grace for all sinners; I also sense that worldly culture is infecting our church culture. The reason I say this is the number of divorces within the church, and very few of them have to do with abuse or infidelity; usually the reason cited is financial. On the one hand, because I see so much divorce, and that in general the court will side with the females on their desire to divorce; which leaves me cautious to even pursue a woman, because I'm apt to believe it just won't work no matter how good of a husband or father I could be. On the other hand, I hear woman screaming how they can't find a good man in church, but when they said good man, they mean a myriad of different things, and it usually includes well off financially (which really isn't biblical; finances in and of themselves aren't biblical, only how we steward them). I bust my butt and work hard to a mundane lifestyle that is not appealing to women, nor can I find a better job in order to support a godly woman. I find myself clawing and scratching for a solitary life that seems meaningless. Not only this, but I grew up in pretty rich household; my father made six figures, and our house was destroyed twice by natural disasters; so I cannot for the life of me fathom why so much stress is placed on finances of the home when God just decides to take it away whenever through no fault of my own. I would desire a wife who would stick with me through thick and thin no matter what, no matter what happens (Obviously I would not include infidelity in this; however I never have cheated on any past girlfriends nor do I have any desire to do so in the future, and believe me, there have been opportunities to).
I feel very out of place in a church culture of divorce and remarrying, which from what I can see, is explicitly against what the Bible teaches, both in divorce and in the marrying of a divorced a person.
So get ready brother, because I'm not holding back on this. Ok?
I'm exactly like you in every way. I have a low-income, zero-future job. I've worked my entire life, getting up at 4 AM, to be at work by 5 AM, to work all day, come home and pass out from exhaustion. I have no big income. No degree from college, because I failed out 3 times. No training, no skills, nothing. World class zero.
Never had a girlfriend in my life.
And my age? I'm now 41.
Not only that, but my parents are now millionaires, and all my relatives are rich. Doctors, lawyers, government employees, engineers, union workers, you name it. I'm the one guy, literally the only guy in the family at 40 and still poor.
So first bit of advice, get over it.
Job 1:21 "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord."
You came into this world with nothing, and you'll leave this world with nothing. Stuff, is just stuff. It's not going with you, to wherever you spend your eternity, so stop worrying about it.
Second, stop thinking about what other people are doing. It's not up to you to worry about other people getting divorced or remarried, unless you are pastor of the church. If you are not, nonya.
And along those lines, what a woman wants in a man, is her prerogative. You say that is unbiblical? Says who? If I decide I want a to marry a red head, there is nothing in the Bible that says wanting a red-head is somehow against G-d's word.
A man usually wants an attractive woman to marry, and woman usually wants a man that has a stable job that can provide for them. Both are perfectly biblical positions. Sorry, that's going to ruffle some people's feathers, but that's the truth.
Additionally, I consider it a good thing if a woman is open about this. Better I find out that I'm not what she is looking for, than playing this "that's not biblical" game, having her marry me, and then we're both miserable because she isn't happy with me, and I'm not happy because she's not happy.
Better to find out now, and just look for someone else.
Here's the bottom line.....
People that are far worse off in life than either of us, can find a wife. I've seen people who had no legs, who found a wife. What's a guys earning potential, when he can't even walk? And how many women are completely interested in being some cripple dudes life-long nurse until either she, or he, dies?
I have a relative right now, that has a degenerative disease, like Parkinson disease. He went from being a single guy, with a terrible disease, to getting married to a woman who knew how he would end up. Couldn't work anymore. His wife got a nursing certificate, and now the state pays her like and employee, to take care of him.
G-d does take care of his own. Do you believe that? If you do, then go find yourself a wife. And yes, that means you will meet some who are not interested in what you have to offer. So what? Move on. You just keep looking until you find someone who does want you. Every good salesmen knows you get 10 times as many 'no' answers, as you do 'yes'. Does it hurt to be rejected constantly? Sure. But how are you going to find the yes, if you never wade through the no's?
So that my answer to you. Suck it up. Keep looking.
