I feel lost..

[SincerelyKelsay]

I feel so lost right now. I used to be so on fire for Christ and it feels like I have lost Him.

I need some advice, it is much appreciated.


About 5 years ago I used to be engaged to be married. I ended up calling off the wedding and it was very difficult. We continue to try to date off and on until eventually, it ended...I moved away. During the last year I was there I realized that even though I had identified as a Christian almost my entire life, I had been living wrong. I had pre-martial sex and lived with him for a short time before moving out.

After that period of time, I decided to live differently, I was going to wait until marriage and place God first.

I have had overall success with this for the last 4 years but as I'm getting older and continually single it is harder than ever.

I recently met a guy when I was at a restaurant. It was a strange thing for me to be there because I recently was having some repairs done on my place. A guy was there with a friend of his who was a woman. I thought that they might be together but later that evening after talking with them I discovered that they weren't. From the moment I saw him I was instantly attracted.

So at first, I thought nothing much could happen...he was in his mid-thirties and I'm in my late twenties. I ended up hanging out with him several times and we hit it off. Some issues came up though..

I found some social media accounts and it showed that he had a lot of kids, he was recently divorced, doesn't seem to have a solid Christian background. I believe his family background seems to be a religion-focused Catholic background. He curses quite often but has tried to be better around me.

At first, seeing all of these things I never imagined I would be saying this right now but I can't stop thinking about him. We hang out often and I have expressed to him my beliefs and that I'm waiting for marriage. One night he randomly kissed me and has ever since. I love his personality and he is very handsome, just a great, fun guy to be around. When we meet up we always have a great time but whenever we start to be alone and kiss the envelope gets pushed a little bit. He hasn't completely been disrespectful but in the heat of the moment, some things slip. Sometimes he stops it but usually, I have to and it keeps getting harder and harder to stop it.

I'm ashamed because I want him so much, I'm ashamed because our hands have wondered. I feel so guilty and I feel like I have disappointed God. I want to keep my commitment but it's hard. I need help.

I'm tired of being single.I wish I didn't think about *ex so much and how much I want that ( in a marriage environment). I want to do things the right way.

I don't want to have to stop talking to him, it's hurt so bad because I long to have a relationship but he doesn't seem too interested in God but respects my beliefs. Gosh, my heart hurts. I have never felt so pulled to someone before.

I know I can't just be friends with him..

I don't want to miss heaven though..

 

[Tsquared]

Well I can definitely see where you are coming from here. There are many different angles to this issue, and I won't pretend that it is simple. Being a student of psychology, I know that are emotions and desires are extremely powerful. With that being said, it seems to me as though you were very clear on what your boundaries are here...you don't want to have pre-marital sex; in my opinion (being the country-raised man that I am), it is not right for someone to ignore your boundaries or try to push them...if someone really is in love with you, you will be worth the wait to them. I don't proclaim to be a therapist, but one thing I do know is that heaven is not worth missing...for anything or anyone. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, make sure to pray about this situation. Don't let anyone stand between you and God...there is a godly person waiting out there for you, rest assured Praying for you, God bless.

 

[Paulie079]

Hey Kelsay,
I just wanted to say that I don't think you are lost at all, you are just conflicted. There is a pull in opposite directions between what you know is the right thing to do and what your emotions are telling you to do.

I recently broke things off with someone that I was in love with who had hurt me multiple times. One of the major mistakes I made as I navigated through an immensely complicated relationship with her is that I compromised. I knew what the right thing to do was throughout the relationship and I just chose to go a different route. On top of that, she knew what the right thing to do was as well, but instead she let emotions and other people's opinions of her dictate the choices that she made. The result was a complete disaster of a relationship that left me depressed and really emotionally messed up. I am still working on getting back to my normal self even now.

I am just relating to my own experience a little bit here, but in a sense I almost feel like your post is a bit of a cry for help. Like you know what the right thing to do is, but your emotions and feelings won't allow you to take that step, and so you are looking for help finding the strength to do the right thing.
The crazy thing about love is that it can really prevent us from perceiving things as they actually are in reality. When you think about this guy, all you think about is those good things and how much you like him. But the truth is that at some point those feelings wear off, and as best you can you have to try and see what is actually going to be there for you when you do. If you did end up seeing this all the way through to marriage, you would find yourself in an extremely lonely place, especially in regards to your faith. God created us to experience great joy in intimacy in marriage, but on a spiritual level just as much as on an emotional or physical level. It's a powerful thing when you have a couple both pursuing God, and that in itself brings them closer together. Even if he respects your faith and your beliefs, because he is not a Christian you would never be able to experience the depth of intimacy that you would if you were married to someone who was pursuing Christ. And along with that, I really believe that God designed marriage to be an earthly picture of the Gospel to other people. Marriage was meant to point other people to God.

I know that deep down that is what you desire out of marriage--to experience intimacy on a spiritual level and to be led well spiritually. This is about so much more than missing heaven, Kelsay. It's the difference between you have the opportunity to experience deep intimacy and joy in a future marriage and you very likely being in a marriage that leaves you lonely in your faith. Again, if you can look past the feelings you have for him right now, what is left for you there once those feelings wear off? Don't let fear of singleness lead you down a path that could really hurt you down the road. Loneliness is hard when you are single, but it's not nearly as hard as loneliness when you are married. God gives us these parameters--waiting for sex until marriage and only marrying other believers--for our joy, not to take joy from us. Exercise your faith in trusting Him that you will find joy in doing the right thing, as hard as it is right now.

Feel free to PM if you want to chat any more about this

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

I don't think you're going to miss Heaven. But if it were me I would cut off the relationship with him. You've expressed your desire to him that you want to wait until marriage, but the boundaries have still been pushed. This isn't a matter of salvation or condemnation. But it is an issue of your sanctification or being set apart for Christ. And The Bible says this is true; that we avoid fornication. (1 Thessalonians 4:3)
If you keep playing around with this guy, sooner or later you will give in and as someone who loves Jesus you will regret it. Not that you will go to hell.