I feel like ending it.

[mum24]

I can't stop thinking about how crappy things are between my husband and I. I wasn't supposed to read his papers from his counsellor appt but I did. He said he is furious, betrayed, abandoned,Anger, fear, and disgust. This is how he feels if I tell him I had a bad day. His thoughts he wrote down are, "I deserve better. I want a partner." "When will it end? If its not one thing its another." he worries about me, the children and he wrote, "If it happens again (me going to the hospital) will I leave?"

I couldn't sleep last night because I was so tense about it all. I don't think I love him and I don't think he loves me.
<staff edit>
But I can't. For the kids sake I have to live and for their sake I have to stay with him.

 

[mum24]

why does it say bless and do not curse when all i wrote was the word "and"? I am not someone who swears!

I just talked to my therapist about my husband's twisted examples of how I don't respect him (his way of making up after a fight), and she asked me if I validated his feelings and listened to him with an open mind. Why does it happen that when I talk about my husband's bad behaviour, some people like to throw part of the blame on me? This is the second counsellor who has told me, "It's your fault because...".

Then she said we should be going to couple's therapy and basically she is not the one to talk to about it (she's my therapist!). So tomorrow we are going to talk about why I am in therapy and if there is any point.

I feel like crap. Maybe I am to blame.

:'(

 

[Nilla]

why does it say bless and do not curse when all i wrote was the word "and"? I am not someone who swears!

I'm sure that's a technical glitch, if it's a swearword that's filtered out it's one of those tags for every letter in the word.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time.

 

[mum24]

Thanks. Yeah couples therapy is probably a good idea. I'm thinking that I'm going to ditch my nurse-therapist and psychiatrist. They are not helping me.
Things are good with my husband for now so I guess I need to be thankful for the good times. I went out with a friend tonight who has it worse and does not complain that she wants to leave.
Oh well. I'm freakin tired.