I feel like dieing. Where is God?

[Jesusfan4ever]

My prayers go out to you. God is with you & He'll never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5. I care for you & so does the Lord
..........................................................................................................
God Is Awesome

 

[maxer]

i wish i could give you a hug, i wish i knew how to help you.
I'm really sorry that your youth group leader hasn't said anything to you, maybe she doesn't know what to do.

One thing I would recommend, is to take a deep breath and step back a little from your life for a moment. I know i keep going on about it but in a way you have a choice at the moment. If you keep thinking negative thoughts they will lead you down further. And that worries me about you. In a lot of ways its your choice as to whether you go down further, stay where you are or believe what God says.
In my early 20s I spiralled down in much the same way you are now, i took comfort in my pain and my thoughts took me into a state that was very dark, and suicide took up a lot of my thoughts - i say that because (now i look back, at the time i couldn't see him) even there God didn't leave me even when I couldn't feel Him, even when I wanted desparately to die, I too wondered where He was.

I don't know how to say He helped, except that every now and then He would give me a glimmer of hope. Search for that glimmer, that light at the end of the tunnel. In the end though it was me that had to stop myself thinking so negatively, that take captive every thought verse 2 Cor 10:5. Had i known then that God tells us to think about good things maybe I would be further along with God than I am today instead of letting the devil run my mind so much. You can put the devil in his place with the word of God.

You said "God gives up on me." He will never give up on you, unlike people God is infinitely caring, infinitely patient and always, always loving. He can't give up on you, not in His nature, and He doesn't want to, I suspect the thought of giving you up never even crossed His mind once!!!!

Thats why it is ONLY Him who can satisfy that longing in our soul. People will let us down, thats why we need to know Him so we have that confidence that He is with us: regardless of what happens, regardless of how other people treat us. His love also teaches us how to treat others - still learning on that one myself.
Knowing how much He loves you, and He does, (probably more than you could take its so much love!!), will heal your heart piece by piece as you go to Him with your pain piece by piece. Can I encourage you to sit down with Him and your Bible. Look up Isaiah 41:9, look up Isaiah 40:11 ( you are one of his lambs ).
And let Him comfort you, give Him the space to do that. He will meet you where you are at in the way that is best for you because He cares about you, He made you and wants to have a relationship with you.

God will never leave you or forsake you. A lot of people in this thread have said that - maybe that's God's way of trying to get you to hear how He feels about you?

 

[FoundInGrace]

don't know if this is of any use but there's a good article in the new christians section called the Father heart of God, mentions feeling that God is far away sometimes etc.

 

[tqpix]

Yes, Iv'e prayed, I've cried and cried to Him. But there is no answer.

Do you have any sins that you haven't confessed to God? God does not listen to a person's prayers if (s)he has sins living in his/her heart:
[bible]Psalms 66:16-20[/bible]

So many things go through my head each day like, "Everyone hates you, your so stupid, why are you living?"

[bible]John 15:18-19[/bible]

 

[Iwannaflyaway]

I feel a little better everyone. Everything is somewhat making a little sense unless I'm in one of those wierd moods where I feel happy for no reason. I'm not happy but i feel better lets just say alot better. And I think it's God whos doing it because I'm not really relying on anyone else. I wrote a poem cause I was in a good mood please read it and tell me if you like it. Thank you everyone for everything. Please keep praying cause this mood could only be temorary.

God’s Little Sailboat



I’m just a little sailboat

Lost in the deep blue see

Wondering if anyone

Is out there looking for me

The waves begin to come

Crashing into my side

I’m just a little sailboat

Lost in the oceans tide

As I cry out

The waves come harder down

Can you hear my cry?

Can you see my frown?

The tempest is too strong

I start to fall apart

There drifts away my body

And with it goes my heart

The storm does not settle

The wind does not die

I’ve taken down the sails

I’ve given up on tries

My body becomes limp

My heart grows cold in pain

But the storm does not give up

Here comes the rain

This rain is sharp and cold

It drops and brings each tear

But it’s not over yet

The lighting will soon be here

The sea begins to settle

The rain turns light and warm

But this is only the beginning

The beginning of the storm

Already my sails are tattered

My rims are smashed and broken

When the first waves came

I left all things unspoken

I stopped crying out to you

I let go before the storm

When the sun went away

And didn’t feel so warm

I gave up on you

Because I felt the rain

I left it up to me

To paddle through this pain

Now the storm is over

I look to you and see

Where were you when I hurt?

Why’d you let go of me?

You answer in a soft voice

You say so calmly

It’s not that I let go of you

It’s that you let go of me

A flashback of the storm appeared

When I said I could do it alone

When I said I don’t need you anymore

And started off on my own

Little did I know

You were right there by my side

Helping me get through

The harsh oceans tide.

You taught me to hold on

Though the sea sometimes gets rough

This life that we are living

It’s going to be tough

But in the end are prizes

Happiness and love

Just don’t let go of Jesus

For the greatest gift is up above
​

-Chelsey

 

[dia_liom]

You're in my prayers.

 

[Daughter of His]

Still praying. I like the poem, you have a talent for sure. Have you ever thought of keeping a poem journal ? Did that all just come out quickly or take a bit of time ? Anyway, I'm certain there are a lot of us that can relate.

Another thing you can do is say outloud a few times a day "The healing power of Jesus is working in me today." (saw that suggestion on TV, she said to use your words like a perscription) . Believe it----it's true.

Your sister in Christ

 

[maxer]

I feel a little better everyone. Everything is somewhat making a little sense unless I'm in one of those wierd moods where I feel happy for no reason. I'm not happy but i feel better lets just say alot better. And I think it's God whos doing it because I'm not really relying on anyone else. I wrote a poem cause I was in a good mood please read it and tell me if you like it. Thank you everyone for everything. Please keep praying cause this mood could only be temorary.

God’s Little Sailboat



I’m just a little sailboat

Lost in the deep blue see

Wondering if anyone

Is out there looking for me

The waves begin to come

Crashing into my side

I’m just a little sailboat

Lost in the oceans tide

As I cry out

The waves come harder down

Can you hear my cry?

Can you see my frown?

The tempest is too strong

I start to fall apart

There drifts away my body

And with it goes my heart

The storm does not settle

The wind does not die

I’ve taken down the sails

I’ve given up on tries

My body becomes limp

My heart grows cold in pain

But the storm does not give up

Here comes the rain

This rain is sharp and cold

It drops and brings each tear

But it’s not over yet

The lighting will soon be here

The sea begins to settle

The rain turns light and warm

But this is only the beginning

The beginning of the storm

Already my sails are tattered

My rims are smashed and broken

When the first waves came

I left all things unspoken

I stopped crying out to you

I let go before the storm

When the sun went away

And didn’t feel so warm

I gave up on you

Because I felt the rain

I left it up to me

To paddle through this pain

Now the storm is over

I look to you and see

Where were you when I hurt?

Why’d you let go of me?

You answer in a soft voice

You say so calmly

It’s not that I let go of you

It’s that you let go of me

A flashback of the storm appeared

When I said I could do it alone

When I said I don’t need you anymore

And started off on my own

Little did I know

You were right there by my side

Helping me get through

The harsh oceans tide.

You taught me to hold on

Though the sea sometimes gets rough

This life that we are living

It’s going to be tough

But in the end are prizes

Happiness and love

Just don’t let go of Jesus

For the greatest gift is up above
​

-Chelsey

that's the most beautiful poem i've read in a long long time! thank you for sharing it, means a lot that you would do that.
please keep on with Jesus, he loves you so very much, may you know his blessing and love in your life more and more,
praying for you lots, m

 

[Jesusfan4ever]

Very beautiful poem

 

[Iwannaflyaway]

Thank you guys for all your support. I have been feeling better but like I said before I have mood changes. One minute I'm happy but then something happens and I want to die. I have a question....Ok the letter I wrote my youth group leader about me killing myself well I asked her "if someone thinks about suicide is that satan making them think that way?"I'ts really bothering and hurting me that she hasn't responded. I feel abandon again...like she gave up on me...I don't know what to think...I start to think more and more and I get to the point where I think she hates me and doesn't love me. Was it me? Do you think I did something wrong. I look up to her so much shes like a mother to me...do you think this is God doing this...It's really bothering me...

 

[maxer]

Thank you guys for all your support. I have been feeling better but like I said before I have mood changes. One minute I'm happy but then something happens and I want to die. I have a question....Ok the letter I wrote my youth group leader about me killing myself well I asked her "if someone thinks about suicide is that satan making them think that way?"I'ts really bothering and hurting me that she hasn't responded. I feel abandon again...like she gave up on me...I don't know what to think...I start to think more and more and I get to the point where I think she hates me and doesn't love me. Was it me? Do you think I did something wrong. I look up to her so much shes like a mother to me...do you think this is God doing this...It's really bothering me...

dear iwannaflyaway

God isn't doing this to you, if anything he is allowing it so that you sense the need in yourself that only he can meet. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong in sending a letter.
Your youth group leader, for whatever reason, can't be all you need her to be at the moment, and you shouldn't blame her for that or feel abandoned because of it.
God knows everything that has happened,

He says (and its personal Chelsey)
"I WILL NEVER DESERT YOU, NOR WILL I EVER FORSAKE YOU," Heb 13:5

This isn't just for today but tomorrow and every day of your life.
You mentioned in your first post that you didn't want any more of the little kids faith. Speak directly to him about it, that you want him to be the boss of your life and not live your way anymore.
He promises you will find him.
"'I will be found by you.' declares the Lord" Jer 29:14
Its not easy but the faith you're after (hope i've got this right) is having a relationship with God even when things aren't good in your life. He will answer, He's not going anywhere, ever, He loves you too much, as I heard it said once He has a photo of you on his fridge

Let us know how it goes with Him if you like, unless you'd prefer not to, no worries,
big hug
m

 

[absolutely_lost_86]

its sometimes can b hard. try 2 stay positive, god is always there, he may nbot answer straighht away but he hears ur prayers. i know how u feel, i often used to think of suicide. it wont b worth it. ur thoughts of worthlessness r all from satan, to try 2 get u away from the true king, he is a deciever. ill pray 4 u

 

[Daughter of His]

I could not say where these suicide thoughts come from but you surely can work on ridding yourself of this line of thought.

First you can rebuke, in your head the thought, say/think, in the mighty name of Jesus Christ I rebuke that thought." Then pray directly, praising God for the things He has done and is doing in your life. Ask for comfort. It's a battle but if this is from satan, if it always causes you to turn to the Lord in prayer my thought is that the prayer will cause the thoughts to eventually stop. However, it will take time. As they say, the battlefield is in the mind. You are not alone. The Lord has been bringing you to my mind several times a day and so I remember to pray, He is good. I know this is NOT to big for God. I think someday, we will understand why we go through things like this, just remember God is always with you, you can pray anytime, anyplace.

You are loved !!! God bless you!!

Debbie

 

[Iwannaflyaway]

Um I still have more things to say thank you everyone for listening...ok well this one lady who is my friends youth group leader is going to help me get counciling and I'm glad she's doing it but...I'm scared...I was so scared to let this lady know what was going on...I feel like I have to explain my life to people for them to understand why I act the way I do. I want to tell people so they understand but I never have the guts to. I hate this I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel...I don't know what to say right now i have so many things that are bothering me. Everything I do seems wrong to me...talking, acting the way I do I'm just wrong...I think that maybe I think that because my dad always told me that but I don't know how to stop that voice inside my head. To tell you the truth I usually am wrong...when I speak in class I always say the wrong answer...I'm stupid and thats how I feel. I'm not sure what to do or how to think about myself. I know I should be thinking good thought about myself but...how? I know theres something wrong with me I just don't know how to fix it...

 

[Daughter of His]

I'm so glad someone is helping you. And we all have reason for why we behave the way we do or don't. We can pray that you are being taken to someone who can really give you the assistance you would benefit from.

Don't tell yourself you are dumb or wrong. You can replace those thoughts with the fact that you are God's creation, perfectly made for your purpose. Can you work a little bit harder on your school work?

 

[Dicy mind]

The help is on the way.

 

[maxer]

hey its great about the counselling, really glad your friend's youth group leader is finding someone. counselling seems scary at first but they are trained to help people so try not to be too afraid about it, God will be there too don't forget - he did promise to not leave you quite a few times so that includes this too... let us know how it goes if you want to.
m

 

[bubblefish]

Its really good that someone is helping you. It is scary but the people are there to help you. You can trust them.
Also, you are not stupid! Dont tell yourself that. God created you exactly as you are for a reason. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You will definately be in my prayers.

 

[Rafael]

We all need to find our esteem in Jesus. Self dies and we find new life and great worth as brothers and sisters to Jesus. We have to get our eyes off of the world and its standards, as they are all opposite of the kingdom of God where to be chief among men you become a servant. This what Jesus did, and because of that He has been given the power to rule over the entire earth when He returns a conqueror. We will reign with Him, as the meek shall inherit the earth.
Give up any envy of others in this life, as it detracts from the beauty and potential you have a God's child and sister to Jesus. This is why we learn to die to self and get our eyes turned towards Jesus and the desires He has for us as His arms and legs of love to a dying and suffering world.
We are constantly bombarded by the world's idea of beauty, but the Bible says to not let our beauty be from braided hair and gold, but by meekness and beauty of heart...

1 Peter 3:3 Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.
4 You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.

Luke 9:23 Then he said to the crowd, "If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross daily, and follow me.
24 If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life.
25 And how do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose or forfeit your own soul in the process?

Mt 20:27 And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant:

 

[Iwannaflyaway]

This is a poem I wrote today. The words just come to me. I was outside looking at this tree and decided to write it. Please tell me what you think. Thanks

The dieing tree

​

So close to heaven ​

Your branches used to be

Why did you give up?

I asked the dieing tree

He answered in a fragile voice

And said to me

The reason why my branches are wrinkled

He paused and started to yawn

Is because at the first sign of winter

I started not to feel so strong.

The breeze grew cold

And birds lost their song

And soon enough my hope was gone.

I stopped reaching out to the sky

It’s kind of funny that you’d ask why

A branch broke off

He began to cry

He said no ones ever asked me why

Why I’m sad when they pass by

He said no one cares about my leaves

I’m all alone I do believe

No one would care if I were to die

Cause no one cares if I hurt inside

I looked up at him and said that’s not true

I know someone who really loves you

He looked at me in disbelief

I asked him do you know who

He began to wonder

He began to think

Who would love me?

His heart began to sink

I said there is someone I believe you once knew

Each day you reached out

He reached out to you

When the sun was shining

He wasn’t hard to see

When you stretched to the sky

And suddenly felt free

He is the one who created you

With your difference

Look how you grew

You grew to be strong

And tall in the sky

And now you’re hurting and wondering why

I tell you the one, the one you should ask

Is the one whose love is his only task

The one who can heal you

And bring back your leaves

The one who cares about your grieves

The one who will lift you up again

Is yours and mine and everyone’s friend.

He looked down with questioning eyes

And said then how come I hurt inside?

I said we each have struggles

And times when we fall

But if we reach out our branches

He will hear are call

These struggles are made to make us stronger

So we look up to God longer and longer

So we can grow closer and be like him

Just take a try reach out a limb

I said he loves you and that’s a reason to live

To him it’s your life you need to give

You need to trust that he can save you

And I promise you he will help you through

The sky is getting dark now I must go

You don’t need me to help you grow

He loves you and that’s a reason why

You should give your life a try

I will see you in the summertime

As I waved I said goodbye.

Months passed bye till I saw the tree

As I walked were the dieing one used to be

I could not believe what I did see

Beautiful braches covered in leaves

He finally reached heaven

And found out it is true

That there really is a God

Who loves me and you.
​

- Chelsey