I fear it's getting too physical.. Please help!

[KGirl]

There's no way I'm gonna break up with him. He's my match. Anywho we're doing alot better. Thanks for the replies!

 

[LadyBird]

Also, we don't have the money for moving in together

GOOD!!! Don't live together before you are married!!! It would make the temptation SOOOOO much worse...and it brings into the situation the whole appearance of evil and causing others to stumble. And besides, 50% of married couples who lived together before marriage end up divorced.

I am so happy to hear that you guys are doing better! YAY!

 

[GirlForChrist]

Hey KGirl. Just thought I'd let you know that I understand your situation...I've been there before, in relationship that I've had and even in the one that I'm in now But here's how we solved our issue

I've learned that the most important thing is to keep God on your mind and in your heart.
You could do anything church related, or read the bible together and start a couples devotional time. You could go to the movies, walk around the mall.....anything public.

 

[Hewitt]

Public is good. Or at least, not super private. If you want alone time, leave a door open or something like that to help you stay in check.

 

[Scotticusprime]

"Live together as roomates/lovers,with the option of seeing other people,"

I recommend against both. A married friend of mine lived with people before marriage and she is of the opinion that moving in together can cheapen the whole relationship. She put it: "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?" Yeah, there are things that you won't find out until you live together, but they should me minor enough that a committed married couple can overcome them. I'm not saying this from experience, but from other people's experiences.

If you are running out of things to talk about go separately or together and do things like find a book club, find another couple that you can spend time with or double date - more people means less responsibility to come up with topics of discussion.

 

[Living4Him03]

OK you cannot move in together. That will ruin things! Studies show that people who do not live together before marriage fare better than those who do! Also, my boyfriend was in the Navy and he is a very Godly man, so don't assume such things about all military men. It isn't true! I suggest you stay active...and try to spend time together in public places. Go to the park and take a walk, have a picnic, go for a jog together, play in the snow (if you have snow), go dancing, ride bikes, etc. Kissing is ok, but only if the two of you can keep it in moderation. That's really hard to do. Brief kisses are really best, even though longer kisses are hard to resist! Keep your commitment to wait til marriage! Trust me, you won't regret it!

 

[SlowRoasted]

Live together as roomates/lovers,with the option of seeing other people, have seperate accounts, no kids, split the bills in half
determine in a few years if you want to make a stronger commitment. Better than to marry and later regret it.

Its Important during this time to find out if your personal goals in life are compatible with each others.


From personal experience, after 2 years of dateing my wife, we started to run out of things to talk about, and spending alot of time together. so in the natural course of things that when we started focusing on the physical aspect...It was fun, we got married , living happily ever after. I dont see "running out of things to talk about" as a indication that something is wrong in the relationship. Some days My wife and I will not talk to each other if theres nothing intersting to say, some days the opposite...its all good...

If you find yourselves running out of topics to talk about....well sex is good for stimulating conversation

Do that if you want your relationship to fail miserably, nothing personal to the poster.

Im courting a girl that I love dearly right now. Let me tell you something, sometimes you as the girl need to take control of the physical relationship because sometimes us guys get blinded by our raging hormones. You need to set boundaries for your relationship. In our relationship we arent going to kiss until we are married, that is a preference. I know I couldnt handle it to kiss her. You and your boyfriend might be able to do that, but i would strongly advise against going beyond kissing before you are married. It will only get in the way of you truly getting to know eachother for who you are, especially for the guy. I think if he really loves you he will understand and go along with it too. I also think it is absolutely necessary for you and your bf to talk. If you cant talk to eachother and express your feelings your marriage is going to hurt. Communication is a must. Keep on working on it and good luck.

 

[chris320]

Thanks.. Any ideas of activities?

Do not spend long periods of time in each other's apartments/houses. This is where you will get into the most trouble. When you go on dates, after a date just drop the other person off, instead of going inside with them to talk for awhile, or vise versa. Watch movies at the movie theater instead of on a living room couch by yourselves.

If you are visiting with each other's relatives, no spending nights in the same house, even if owners are around.

Obviously, the two of you should not be drinking either, as this will loosen up morals significantly.

In a nutshell, spend next to no time alone. Spending time alone with each other is the quickest route to fornication.

-Chris320

 

[chris320]

Also, we don't have the money for moving in together.

If you both stick with the decision to live right when the lust is there to have sex with each other before marriage, then both of you will be more likely to make the decision to remain committed spouses when you have been married awhile and the only lust you two have is to get involved with someone else, ie adultery.

Just a note. If either of you has a history of being sexually promiscuous, that mindset is not going to change just because you move in together. Whichever one or you (or both) has a history in this area, this same person is probably going to get involved with extramarital affairs when you do eventually decide to get married, if not before. The promiscuity will be hidden for a period of time due to the excitement and newness of the permarital sex, but will eventually wear off, especially after marriage.


-Chris320

 

[sunflower79]

I think the advice from reusable....is BAD advice. It is very clear in the Bible that it is wrong to have sex before marriage. So by you deciding to not have sex until you are married is a ADMIRABLE decision. The easy way is not always the RIGHT way. Sometimes in marriage and in relationships in general it is not always WONDERFUL. If anything this separation will be good for ya'll. And if you are really meant to be you will love each other all the more when you reunite. It will give you alot to talk about How long are ya'll going to be seperated?

 

[TheFirstNoelle]

If you both stick with the decision to live right when the lust is there to have sex with each other before marriage, then both of you will be more likely to make the decision to remain committed spouses when you have been married awhile and the only lust you two have is to get involved with someone else, ie adultery.

Just a note. If either of you has a history of being sexually promiscuous, that mindset is not going to change just because you move in together. Whichever one or you (or both) has a history in this area, this same person is probably going to get involved with extramarital affairs when you do eventually decide to get married, if not before. The promiscuity will be hidden for a period of time due to the excitement and newness of the permarital sex, but will eventually wear off, especially after marriage.


-Chris320

I think a lot of Christians who have had promiscuity in their past would find your statement both inaccurate and offensive. Just because somebody has lived a different kind of life in their past, does *not* mean that they will "probably get involved with extramarital affairs." That kind of statement is uncalled for. Salvation gives new life, and allows us to shed our old selves.

 

[Ampmonster]

we have the same probem. me and my GF are very much in love and we used to be totally physical. (you know) but we're trying to stop. we've been very good except this one instance where she woke me up and i was groggy so i jumped her and...well.
*ahem* the key, as much as i can't stand it, is to stay out of the situations. we can spend time alone fine, and there's usually a million things to do but we can't make out without it leading to other things, so we try and cool it as much as possible.

 

[SlowRoasted]

I agree with what thefirstnoelle said. if someone is TRULY living for Christ there is nothing they cant do, including staying away from other women or men.

we have the same probem. me and my GF are very much in love and we used to be totally physical. (you know) but we're trying to stop.

yeah its always harder to stop something once you have already started it. good luck

 

[icebreaker]

Me and my girlfriend(soon to be fiancee)were sexually active but finally God convicted my heart so much that I put a stop to it and now we are both living for the God in all aspects of life. I completly regret not waiting until marriage and being obeidient to God. My girlfriend was kicked out of her house because her parents are very harsh so she had to move in with me and my parents because she has no where to go. I sleep on my futon in my room and she sleeps on my bed. I am totally against anyone living together with the opposite sex until marriage but I didnt know what to do. Tempation is always there but God is keeping us strong until we are married.

If you are looking for activities we began running together because she did track and Xcountry in HS and did our first half marathon together in august in VA beach was a blast. like many before me have said definetly try to do many things like running, biking, fishing, canoeing, hiking. I have been a surfer for about 7 years and I just got her into it this summer and she is almost more into it than I am lol.

 

[NathanP]

I suggest spending more time in group activaties... If your christians, help with childrens Sunday school together, if not, find a group of friends a go bowling.
You can really get to know the other person in groups!

 

[lil_god_lova]

Look i'll first say abou thte physcial thing. Talk about it. Talk about how you can stop it goin any further and it this may include taking it back a couple of steps. And just take this into account: one talk and boundry setting is not always enough. Me and my bf have had 3 or 4 already... For us the first desicion was to be in semi public places at all times, unless it was inaviodable, then we would not be sitting close but talk or read bible or even better pray. second decision was to stop full out kissing, coz it was just bringing us to such a place of too much passion. 3rd was to stop kissing each others cheeks more than once, coz we found ourselves doing that as a substituate for full out kissing. And then we've had to make rules for certain situations. The point is make the decisions alright, don't let it get carried away.

now about the activites.
Talk about things you can do, as a service kinda thing. Me and my bf were going to start helping in the christian bookshop after school so it could be open so much more. Just little things like that... ok so that was bigger.. Me and my bf go on bush walk, pray together, lay in the library on cushions holding hands and reading different books, go spend time with others, i'll play piano while he listens or reads, Read the bible together, i'll write music, we've ended up in a small recording studio while i was recording my music and he was helping me. Just do random things and find fun things to do such as jumping in puddles, going on bush walks, sitting on a river bank, (i was gonna walk 80km or bike it) float down a river 4 hours. just be random... and with boundries video nites are awesome as well k?