I don't want my kids to forget their daddy...

[Icare2]

Dear JenLove,
It's been nearly two years since you posted about your 4-yr-old son needing good memories of his daddy. Your need touched my heart, and I wonder how you're doing now. What have you found that worked in adjusting his thinking and helping him grieve properly?
I am the managing editor of a Christian magazine for widows and widowers (CHERA Fellowship) and I am looking for articles on helping children grieve the loss of a parent. Thank you for your time.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

Icare, JenLove passed away, as did their son Kolton.

 

[GraceNY120]

I lost my husband in a tragic accident on our farm April 24, 2010. I have two children 7 and 9. Both children saw their daddy killed. It's hard to imagine that almost a year has gone by. I can only tell you to let your son speak about his daddy when he is ready. When he asks questions about daddy answer them. Try not to push your grief on him by constantly speaking about daddy. It's good to say things like to you remember when daddy played football with you and you caught the ball. Sometimes children close down when they experience trauma. You might want to consider a child therapist so he can talk about his dad. Don't forget yourself also. You need to speak about what you have gone through. Pray over your son every night that God would be the Daddy to him. Even though we know where our spouses are and that God loves us it still is difficult to walk through.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

Perhaps this thread should be locked as the OP is no longer with us.

 

[CajunQueen]

Praying for the family members suffering with these losses

 

[If Not For Grace]

my son will never really regain the positive memories of his father. I feel he will just remember the way he looked and acted toward the end

The memories your child has will be the ones you give him-Pictures of Dad in Uniform, etc. My late husband died of colon cancer (another tragic scene) but I never remember him as sick (neither do the kids). We always are telling the funny, wise & helpful things he did (it's hard to believe that was over 10 years ago).

The moments are more important than the years-create (or rather re-create) the good ones & let the poor ones go. Memories are a good thing.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

The memories your child has will be the ones you give him-Pictures of Dad in Uniform, etc. My late husband died of colon cancer (another tragic scene) but I never remember him as sick (neither do the kids). We always are telling the funny, wise & helpful things he did (it's hard to believe that was over 10 years ago).

The moments are more important than the years-create (or rather re-create) the good ones & let the poor ones go. Memories are a good thing.

The OP is no longer with us... meaning she's dead. As is her son. They both killed themselves. There's several threads in prayer requests about it.

 

[c1ners]

The OP is no longer with us... meaning she's dead. As is her son. They both killed themselves. There's several threads in prayer requests about it.

That is awful! Thanks for the info. Do you by chance have a link for the prayer request thread? I got up to page 11 and had to stop looking for it.

 

[CajunQueen]

That is awful! Thanks for the info. Do you by chance have a link for the prayer request thread? I got up to page 11 and had to stop looking for it.

C1ners, they got rid of the old thread I think b/c people were getting on there and posting anti-war messages and stuff, but somebody started a new one with most of the story. Here's the link - http://www.christianforums.com/t7562938/.

 

[Karinda]

I posted this in another area of the forum, but I thought it might fit here as well...

My husband passed away on August 11th from horrific injuries suffered in Iraq on April 10th (he was a U.S. Marine). He spent four months in the Critical Care Unit at Bethesda Naval Hospital and never regained consciousness, but due to a severe brain injury, he thrashed around in his bed a lot and got very agitated when people tried to touch him. He lost both his legs and one of his arms, became blind and deaf, and was hooked up to every machine imaginable. He suffered horribly. This was hard enough for me to have to witness, but for my four-year-old son, it was traumatizing...especially when he tried to give daddy a hug and was rejected.

My husband was a very loving father. He was a 15-year Marine Corps veteran with numerous combat deployments, so he knew to never take anything in his life for granted. Our son was spoiled to say the least. When he was not deployed or at work, they spent every waking second together...they were best buds. But now that my husband is gone, my son does not seem to remember all those good times with his daddy. He may remember some of it, but the good times are far overshadowed by the horror of the last few months of my husband's life. He refuses to talk about how daddy was before he was wounded and passed away.

I guess I'm just concerned that, being as young as he is, my son will never really regain the positive memories of his father. I feel he will just remember the way he looked and acted toward the end. I want nothing more than for him to remember things the way they were...not the way they turned out. I always show him pictures and home videos and tell him stories about the things he and his dad used to do...but he just doesn't seem interested. I've taken him to a couple grief counseling sessions, but it just didn't turn out well. I'm just so worried that the good memories will die. His daddy was a war hero, and he might never even be able to appreciate and be proud of that fact because of the trauma of what happened. We have twin baby girls as well, who were born two months after my husband left for his last deployment. They will never know their father, but I want them to grow up at least knowing just how much he loved them.

I really don't know what to do. I guess I'm hoping maybe there is someone here who has been through something similar. Or even if any of you just have some ideas on what I might be able to do or say in order to keep my husband's memory alive in our house forever. These are crucial years in my kids' development, and I don't want to mess it up. My husband deserves to at least be remembered for the man he truly was. I guess that's all I'm asking. Sorry for being so long-winded, ya'll. But thanks in advance and God Bless.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope God mends your broken hearts and lives soon.

 

[kbear10_99]

Jen my lil boy was 18 months and my daughter was 7 when we lost their father in a car accident, my daughter remembers the good times but doesn't like to talk about them a lot, she says it makes her too sad, my son doesn't really remember but he wants to talk about his Dad all the time. I put both of them in grief counseling for different reasons, I don't think my son really remembers his Daddy but he misses him so much, I think it's more of the Father figure he is missing. It has been 8 years and they are both doing well overall although both have issues from time to time and I sometimes have a hard time differentiated what is normal issues and what isn't but we have always overcome everything together. Sounds like you are doing what you need to for you children and as a widow I know that is easier said than done. You just keep doing what your doing and loving them babies and reminding them of how much their Daddy loved them and you too will get through the rough spots as a family. God Bless

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

Jen my lil boy was 18 months and my daughter was 7 when we lost their father in a car accident, my daughter remembers the good times but doesn't like to talk about them a lot, she says it makes her too sad, my son doesn't really remember but he wants to talk about his Dad all the time. I put both of them in grief counseling for different reasons, I don't think my son really remembers his Daddy but he misses him so much, I think it's more of the Father figure he is missing. It has been 8 years and they are both doing well overall although both have issues from time to time and I sometimes have a hard time differentiated what is normal issues and what isn't but we have always overcome everything together. Sounds like you are doing what you need to for you children and as a widow I know that is easier said than done. You just keep doing what your doing and loving them babies and reminding them of how much their Daddy loved them and you too will get through the rough spots as a family. God Bless

I've said it once and said it again, we should close this thread because new people come on and post not realizing the OP killed herself over it.

 

[c1ners]

I've said it once and said it again, we should close this thread because new people come on and post not realizing the OP killed herself over it.

If you want it closed, you might want to send a message to a mod. These people are hurting too, and the only out they have is to write about it. They normally don't read the entire thread. They only want to help someone else who is going through the hurt that they are and hopefully get some relief from it. Please don't be so harsh on them.

 

[Karinda]

If you want it closed, you might want to send a message to a mod. These people are hurting too, and the only out they have is to write about it. They normally don't read the entire thread. They only want to help someone else who is going through the hurt that they are and hopefully get some relief from it. Please don't be so harsh on them.

I am so sorry to hear about her death , but I agree that if it stays open somebody should see if something can be added to the OP's post so that people realize she's no longer with us. I am praying for her family and for all of you who have posted here.