i dont understand.

[Gods4me]

Ive been getting on great with god and with feeling better. in ever getting on better look after james woith out others around but i till feel sad and let down.
ive never been one to have loads of friends and most of them that i do have are online. and they all seamed to have vanished. and even when they are on msn i talk to them yet no one talks to me.i donno if its just me being paranoid or what but its like every one is against me these days. i tryeed to be nice tosome people who come to a bible study at my house. (the come read talk and leave and i never usually say much, they come to my house cause no parents and ive normally got jame in his bed. and it make it easier for most peopl cause i live in the nmiddle of all the peple who go)
well the bible study ppl have said we will have a night at one of the other girls house and cause i can drive ive offerd 3 of them a lift. and the one ive spoke to since has said well well se closer to the time and youve not got room for us all (she is just trying to get out of it) im not a bad driver yes i do have a dent on my car but that wasnt my fault and ive offer her and her mate a run home from aa birthday party one night and she said no. cause he dads was coming which make sence if i was going out my way to drop them of; but i had to drive by bth there houses to get home.
i know my mum would be raging if id turned down a lift from a "friend" (btwe this one who has turn down the lift i was best friends with for 5 years at school and we never feel out to my knowlege)
this has just turned in to a rant but i honestly dont see why they dont want to be near me.
it feels like every ones avoiding me the now and i dont know what to do.

 

[Amin]

Ive been getting on great with god and with feeling better. in ever getting on better look after james woith out others around but i till feel sad and let down.
ive never been one to have loads of friends and most of them that i do have are online. and they all seamed to have vanished. and even when they are on msn i talk to them yet no one talks to me.i donno if its just me being paranoid or what but its like every one is against me these days. i tryeed to be nice tosome people who come to a bible study at my house. (the come read talk and leave and i never usually say much, they come to my house cause no parents and ive normally got jame in his bed. and it make it easier for most peopl cause i live in the nmiddle of all the peple who go)
well the bible study ppl have said we will have a night at one of the other girls house and cause i can drive ive offerd 3 of them a lift. and the one ive spoke to since has said well well se closer to the time and youve not got room for us all (she is just trying to get out of it) im not a bad driver yes i do have a dent on my car but that wasnt my fault and ive offer her and her mate a run home from aa birthday party one night and she said no. cause he dads was coming which make sence if i was going out my way to drop them of; but i had to drive by bth there houses to get home.
i know my mum would be raging if id turned down a lift from a "friend" (btwe this one who has turn down the lift i was best friends with for 5 years at school and we never feel out to my knowlege)
this has just turned in to a rant but i honestly dont see why they dont want to be near me.
it feels like every ones avoiding me the now and i dont know what to do.

I was just wondering. These people that don't want to be around you, can you think of any reason why, or does it happen only during certain circumstances. I ask because maybe it would help to find out why people do these things.
Chuck.

 

[Jo1]

Ive been getting on great with god and with feeling better. in ever getting on better look after james woith out others around but i till feel sad and let down.
ive never been one to have loads of friends and most of them that i do have are online. and they all seamed to have vanished. and even when they are on msn i talk to them yet no one talks to me.i donno if its just me being paranoid or what but its like every one is against me these days. i tryeed to be nice tosome people who come to a bible study at my house. (the come read talk and leave and i never usually say much, they come to my house cause no parents and ive normally got jame in his bed. and it make it easier for most peopl cause i live in the nmiddle of all the peple who go)
well the bible study ppl have said we will have a night at one of the other girls house and cause i can drive ive offerd 3 of them a lift. and the one ive spoke to since has said well well se closer to the time and youve not got room for us all (she is just trying to get out of it) im not a bad driver yes i do have a dent on my car but that wasnt my fault and ive offer her and her mate a run home from aa birthday party one night and she said no. cause he dads was coming which make sence if i was going out my way to drop them of; but i had to drive by bth there houses to get home.
i know my mum would be raging if id turned down a lift from a "friend" (btwe this one who has turn down the lift i was best friends with for 5 years at school and we never feel out to my knowlege)
this has just turned in to a rant but i honestly dont see why they dont want to be near me.
it feels like every ones avoiding me the now and i dont know what to do.

Hiya,
Im sorry you're feeling sad and let down. you just sound like me im very sensitive and easily get hurt from people.unfortunately its a fact of life that people do disapoint us particularly those we are close too.i know that constantly.its hard when you feel alone and that you think that people are avoiding you.im naturally the shy type and i am quite quiet.you know it doesnt matter cos God loves you and accepts you just the way you are. its a good job there are people like us around cos everybody would be doing the talking and nobody wouldnt be just listening and being an open ear to people.thats just as important if not more so.i would just try to encourage you to pray about the situation and ask God what you should do, whether to confront your friend to ask whats wrong. it isnt necessarily because you done something wrong.thank goodness God is for us. take care i do hope this helps in some way. praying for you.God Bless lol xx

 

[MadeFromScratch]

Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I know this isn't a good feeling.

I don't know you so I have no idea if there is something about you that is putting people off, or if it's them. Generally speaking, people aren't very nice anymore, so it could very well be them and not you.

Have you ever just come right out and asked people if you're saying or doing something that causes them to decline your offers?

Even if you did ask, most will try to be nice and say nothing is wrong but if you ask several people to be brutally honest then you may find one who will do just that. "An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips" and all.

I know I've asked people point-blank, "Why do you avoid me? Does my breath stink? Do I have body odor? Am I annoying or rude or what?" (No, I don't stink or anything!)

I have had some be totally honest over the years.

Are you unreliable? Is your car filthy? Do you cuss and swear and put people off? Are you always whining and complaining? Are you just too "nice", to the point where it's annoying? Are you a gossip or always talking bad about other people? Are you "clingy", constantly bombarding people with your calls, visits, and requests to spend time together?

On the other hand, it may not be you at all. It may be them. If you live a good, Christian life then being around you may make them guilty for not living such a Christian life. Or maybe they are just selfish and unthoughtful and unappreciative (young & immature?) and don't realize they are hurting your feelings.

On the third hand, maybe there is nothing wrong with you or them and you are just paranoid, like you said. I know I've felt a little blown off recently myself. It does hurt a bit to be brushed off, whatever the reason.

Who knows? These are just things to ask yourself and maybe ask others. It's really hard to improve on yourself if you don't know what is wrong, if anything.

I hope you get somewhere with what you're feeling so that you don't feel that way anymore! Best wishes hon.

 

[Gods4me]

well the only reason i can think that they dont like me is cause of james (the whole sex before marrage bit) now i know i did wrong and ive asked god to forgive me and he has.
i aint cling or smelly or ask to many question or swear ir do anything i shouldnt. in doing my very bes to be a christian and do what god wants me to do.
my car is a 2003 corsa and is clean it does have a baby seat in it but its not like it 20 year old and struggle to get the lenght of the streat fear for you lifes stuff.
i did ask some one out with the situation and they just said it doesnt make sense as i was best friends with them at one point in my life.

the gutting thing is yeah some time i do shut myself home and dont go to every where they go. most times i can find a babysitter at short notice butt hats no reason for them to cut me out.

one of these girls actually i met her at school and she was with her best friend fiona and i got on really well with the two of them. well me and fiona were talkin one day and said it be great for the three of us to go shopping at the weekend. we ask this girl and she no. we must have asked he at lest ever weekend for bout 4 years and she nevr wanted to come. and as a result i ended up beng at fiona all week end or she was at mine. and we are still best mates. and our "friend" doesnt talk to either of us.
me and fi have both moved out our parents house and have both asked her to come visit and she never has wanted to. its go to the stage where she doesnt even just say im busy its "no i dont want to"
ive asked many people who knows this girl what the think of here and one aswer i got was "if shes a christian im ashamed to say i am" cause she really [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]y bout the way she says things.
but the other two girls are now not talking to me and i dont see why cause they have all ways been so nice to me in the past. they were really nice to me at school and that.

oh ive thought of another reason they dont like me.
when i found out i was pregnant i hut depression rweally bad (i was still at school) when i left school i had 4 months til james was due so i spent most for the time alone in my room cause every one i went to school with has got jobs and was going on to uni. cause of they way i felt when i had james i only txt to tell the people who had spoke to me since i left school and these three were in that group.

the worstting is our bible study last week wasbout loving evry one. and i had a thought how is this bible study going to love evveryone when 3 our of the group dislike me. and the other 4 dont really talk to me at all they really all talk to one another i dontthink it make a diffrence if i wasnt there.

 

[MadeFromScratch]

I don't know hon.

People have their own interests, sometimes selfish or even un-Christian interests, but sometimes just other interests. It may not be you at all.

The best way to find out is to study your bible carefully, note all the ways a Christian should be, and check them off one by one. If you are living your life the way you should, more and more all the time, then it's them and not you.

If you are up to biblical standards then hold your head high and try not to worry about whether other people accept you or not, or want to be around you. If you're up to snuff then that's their loss, not yours.

If, however, you compare yourself to what the bible says and find that you're not doing so well, then you'll want to make every effort to improve yourself.

This has helped me when it comes to other people and my relationships with them (or lack thereof). I compare myself to the standards in the bible. I don't compare myself to other people. If I'm the person God wants me to be then I'm good to go. If I'm not the person someone else wants me to be then that's just too bad. They can't offer me what my God can! :-D

I hope you get it all figured out sweetie. Read your bible and see how you stack up and go from there. Hope this helps a bit!

 

[Amin]

I don't know hon.

People have their own interests, sometimes selfish or even un-Christian interests, but sometimes just other interests. It may not be you at all.

The best way to find out is to study your bible carefully, note all the ways a Christian should be, and check them off one by one. If you are living your life the way you should, more and more all the time, then it's them and not you.

If you are up to biblical standards then hold your head high and try not to worry about whether other people accept you or not, or want to be around you. If you're up to snuff then that's their loss, not yours.

If, however, you compare yourself to what the bible says and find that you're not doing so well, then you'll want to make every effort to improve yourself.

This has helped me when it comes to other people and my relationships with them (or lack thereof). I compare myself to the standards in the bible. I don't compare myself to other people. If I'm the person God wants me to be then I'm good to go. If I'm not the person someone else wants me to be then that's just too bad. They can't offer me what my God can! :-D

I hope you get it all figured out sweetie. Read your bible and see how you stack up and go from there. Hope this helps a bit!

Hi,
You said you think you're doing what God wants you to do. The sad truth is, even as christians we are human too, and sometimes the human side comes shining thru. Maybe it could be those things you mentioned. They have to remember that God fogave you, so should they. You're right to about loving each other. Making a mistake or doing something wrong is no reason to stop talking to someone. We all make mistakes. I myself have made some dandys. If you really feel that you've done nothing wrong, I'd pray for God to bring them back around to a different way of thinking. I know we're not there in the flesh, but i hope you know you can talk to
me anyway, and probably others, anytime we're on-line. It's not very easy being in that type of situation. Try not to let someone elses mistake cause you any ill feelings. It could very well be they're angry at something else and you were the closest one to vent their anger. Who knows, it happens. Take Care, We'll be praying for you.
Chuck.

 

[Gods4me]

well i can tell already this post is going to be long
well i asked her staright out why do you not want to get in my car and her reason was cause of a night that some one drove us home. (need to fill you in a little)

ok well i was bout 6/7 months pregnant it was the summer and we were having a bbq at the bible studyes leaders house. it wasa a whole church thing. so we went down and these three girls were there and hardly spoke to me that night they knew more people than me and were busy talkin to them. so was really not that enjoyable and cause i was pregnant and not right with god i just wanted to go home. soe we got a lift home and she pulled over on the main street and i was gonna get out and walk it take bout 2 minuetes from where shed stoped. these thre girls had said not its to far. it was bout 10 at night but it was really bright and i just wasnted to get away from them as soon as possible. (you understand thet whole feeling i reeally want to get away from u lot or im gonna kill myself)
so the drive had started to drive down my street and i hadnt shut the door so i was just gonna jump. which i did say. and i did scuff my shoe on the ground. (flip flops which did hurt as i remember) she did stop the ar and i got out and walk home and i never heard from any one in the car for ages. only met them again when the bibe study started again.

and that the reason they wont get in my car.

im gutted that some thing that happend in one of my lowest moments is now being held against me.

well i got answer but i dont understand why that make them scared of me now. its not like in gonna jump out or trow them out. i total forgot that night happened and it was cause its so upsetting. i kinda blank the last two year out. i had to or id never move on from being where i am today.

really sorry if this dont make much sense. i cant help it the now.

 

[Amin]

well i can tell already this post is going to be long
well i asked her staright out why do you not want to get in my car and her reason was cause of a night that some one drove us home. (need to fill you in a little)

ok well i was bout 6/7 months pregnant it was the summer and we were having a bbq at the bible studyes leaders house. it wasa a whole church thing. so we went down and these three girls were there and hardly spoke to me that night they knew more people than me and were busy talkin to them. so was really not that enjoyable and cause i was pregnant and not right with god i just wanted to go home. soe we got a lift home and she pulled over on the main street and i was gonna get out and walk it take bout 2 minuetes from where shed stoped. these thre girls had said not its to far. it was bout 10 at night but it was really bright and i just wasnted to get away from them as soon as possible. (you understand thet whole feeling i reeally want to get away from u lot or im gonna kill myself)
so the drive had started to drive down my street and i hadnt shut the door so i was just gonna jump. which i did say. and i did scuff my shoe on the ground. (flip flops which did hurt as i remember) she did stop the ar and i got out and walk home and i never heard from any one in the car for ages. only met them again when the bibe study started again.

and that the reason they wont get in my car.

im gutted that some thing that happend in one of my lowest moments is now being held against me.

well i got answer but i dont understand why that make them scared of me now. its not like in gonna jump out or trow them out. i total forgot that night happened and it was cause its so upsetting. i kinda blank the last two year out. i had to or id never move on from being where i am today.

really sorry if this dont make much sense. i cant help it the now.

Hi,
I was just wondering how things were going. It sounds like those so called friends need to not only read the bible, but practice it too. How are you getting on with James? I hope everything is well there.
Chuck.

 

[Gods4me]

hey chuck thaths for askin im doing good today.
these ppl really have hurt me and i dont know how to go about it.
the leader of the bible study has picked up on this and after wards wanted to talk about it with the four of us. id said that none of them understood how i felt. (one of then said u could have killed yourself or james and said well at the time it was probaly the plan. and they all looked shocked)
they finally argeed that they dont understand how i feel and basically have made no effort too or ever will make effort to.
ive came to the conclusion that i am not suited to the bible study and am leaving this one and am going to start a new one with diffrent people and people who understand me more and that i can be friends with rather tahn sitting in a room where it feel like people hate me.

ev tho these people say that they are not holdong it against em they are still judgin me. and im not gonna fight then to trust me. they dont and thats there choice.

i just pray for them that they never have to go through depression. altho it will probably happen and they will realise that depression really i that scary.

well any way thank you for word kind words throuh my mayhem.
thank you all and god bless you all

 

[Amin]

Hey,
I don't understand how someone can call theirselves christian and still act that way.
Don't they know the thing to do is help by being there for you?

If you start another bible study I hope things work out differently for you.

I pray to that God would help ease the pain and frustration that you felt due to this.

You take care, and don't feel so alone.
We're here for you.

If you want, you can PM me anytime.
Chuck.

 

[redman7353]

Gods4me,

I feel like you a lot of the time. I do a lot of stupid things when I get depressed and then I feel like people don't understand and then they start avoiding me. Oftentimes, there are moments when I feel completely alone, like no one in the world loves me. All I have to say about that is that those people who avoid you are not really your friends and that you should move on from them. You should find friends who accept you for you and that those are the kinds of people who will eventually make you feel a whole lot better about yourself.

 

[Cra1g]

hey chuck thaths for askin im doing good today.
these ppl really have hurt me and i dont know how to go about it.
the leader of the bible study has picked up on this and after wards wanted to talk about it with the four of us. id said that none of them understood how i felt. (one of then said u could have killed yourself or james and said well at the time it was probaly the plan. and they all looked shocked)
they finally argeed that they dont understand how i feel and basically have made no effort too or ever will make effort to.
ive came to the conclusion that i am not suited to the bible study and am leaving this one and am going to start a new one with diffrent people and people who understand me more and that i can be friends with rather tahn sitting in a room where it feel like people hate me.

ev tho these people say that they are not holdong it against em they are still judgin me. and im not gonna fight then to trust me. they dont and thats there choice.

i just pray for them that they never have to go through depression. altho it will probably happen and they will realise that depression really i that scary.

well any way thank you for word kind words throuh my mayhem.
thank you all and god bless you all

Hi there, this is my first post on this forum but I signed up to reply to this.

I do not see how they could judge you like that, and seriously I agree with finding another study group. An accident is an accident, it shouldn't be their opinion at all about what you did in the past. GOD has forgiven you! You aren't perfect and I wouldn't expect anyone to be. I treat everyone the same, not many do the same back to me either. Once your forgiven it should be like it never happened, you DO NOT need these people to bring up your past and make you feel guilty again.

Stay strong!, thats my two cents.

And to everyone else, Hi! I look forward to being in your community!

 

[Gods4me]

Hi there, this is my first post on this forum but I signed up to reply to this.

I do not see how they could judge you like that, and seriously I agree with finding another study group. An accident is an accident, it shouldn't be their opinion at all about what you did in the past. GOD has forgiven you! You aren't perfect and I wouldn't expect anyone to be. I treat everyone the same, not many do the same back to me either. Once your forgiven it should be like it never happened, you DO NOT need these people to bring up your past and make you feel guilty again.

Stay strong!, thats my two cents.

And to everyone else, Hi! I look forward to being in your community!

hello craig imm quite touched u regisatrad to reply to me.
i think you are totally right. thanks for the post.
btw are you really that age? just you seam alot older.
hi every one else thanks alot for the supportyouve all givin me you are all stars.

i have been emailing the leader of the group because i dont want to go back and she was telling me that one of the girls mums phoned up and said that she wouldnt be back because the leader stuck up for me (shes had depression and understands it) after the night of the bible study when heather (the leader) spoke to us. it was 3 f them v's me. and they did all gang up on me. heather did defend me because i was crying and not making any sense. but if you ask me she wasnt siding with me but because of this hermum phoned up heather and said she would not be back. (this girl is 20).
the other two girls have deside not to go either so basically 4 of the group are leaving and 2 are from america and are going back after christmas and there would be three ppl left (including the leader) so its quite likly that the whole groups gonna fall apart.

well thought id let yu all know
love lynn

 

[Cra1g]

Haha! Going on 16 but yes I am really a teenager, maybe I have just matured fast! lol!

I have been quite depressed myself in the last few months, just about to get through it though, I have my really good days, and then I can have some bad days!

As I was reading this thread I actually felt the need to finally register to CF and reply, so it may have been what you needed! God uses us in heaps of different ways, so I am guessing this could be one of them! haha!

 

[amused]

I know what you are going through. I too fell pregnant out of wedlock (ooops) I have had many many years to process it all. I had the whole guilty feelings and a lot of people turned their back on me too, saying things like are you right with God now and treating me like I was going to hell or something. it took alot of years to grasp what grace means to me.

I have moved on from the church I was in when I fell pregnant. It made a big difference to go into a new church where I already had a baby. The church we went to was very big on accepted the outcasts, the people who had been hurt so bad from church institutions. for the most part they were very big on grace.

Some people just havent got a good grasp on what grace is and that we will sin. (Its just that you and me had evidence that everyone was going to notice lol.) There was so many people around me sleeping with their parteners (which didn't come out till many years later). They were held in high esteem because their secret wasnt revealed.

Closed minded self righteous scared or guilty feeling christians are the ones who can't handle stuff like this. We all have our own stuff to deal with and we can all be very self obsessed. I have been this kind of christian and still battle with it at times (usually I am the judgemental one of those kind of christians) I think you just need to find a place that will accept you for who you are and encourage and lift you up.

Sometimes we just have to move on. I fresh start if you can? It's ok, you are allowed to, its doesnt mean you are running away from your problems, it sounds to me like you have been battling with this for a while. I am praying for you, that you will find a good support structure, that either some people will step up and be there for you or that you find new people.

cheers

 

[Gods4me]

see i think a fresh start is a greta idea. the people at that bible study werent wiling to help me grow in god. and they wouldnt acspet my help so.. i should find people who do.

im happy with my church and james they have been sooo suportive as a couple in the church got pregnant. every one has said to me you not the ffirst and u wont be the last. and the wisest woman i know. she said. "every one sins and theres is no greater than yours. many people do the same thing. the only problem is that yours is a visable"

which is true i know may people who have had sex before marrage and they dont get caught out. some people dont look as ti as a sin unless there is a baby tho.