I Don't know where to start other than by saying I made a series of bad decisions

[FlyerBoy]

Well it all started 7months ago, right after Valentines Day. I found out the person I really cared about didn't like me the way I liked her and it really crushed me inside. Before I could get myself back on track with God after that I met another girl and by this time temptation was all around and I started backsliding... This new girl was 8 years olderthan me and already had a kid... But I was stuck so far into the Temptation that I lost self control.... I gave up my virginity to this women I didn't even know what would come from this... Luckily she didn't get pragnant.... So I fought to try and keep a relationship with this women and didn't realize we had absolutly nothing in common. She would lie to me over the course of our 5month relationship and I would continue to try and ignore it. I should have got out of this relationship before i did.

So I knew this relationship was about over but, before it was official I kinda started seeing someone else on a friend level.... This girl was a fellow Sister in Christ I met her at Acquire The fire Two years ago we both were volunteers..... Anyways we hooked up the day after I broke up.... It was probably too soon after my previous relationship to start a new one. And the things that went on so quickly with this new person I wish would have went slower.

So on the July 1st of this year, It was our second night together alone at midnight.... Temptation took hold of me and here. And I took her Virginity and unlike the "world" feels when one takes it.... I am very ashamed of it and hate to say that things didn't end there.... We continue to strugle to this day and I we both are trying to rebuild our faith, but have this holding us back.

So I guess this is my cry for help this journey I am making for myself is becoming rought and I don't know where it will end up.

_____I NEED ADVICE ON HOW TO GIVE GOD CONRROL OF MY LIFE ONCE MORE



thanx for your time God Bless,
Jacob aka Flyerboy

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Honestly...I could rail on you. But I did that once before and the results were pretty much a disaster. So I threw that approach out of the window.
I haven't figured out really how to give the twelve-step plan for 20 year olds that will conquering this.
So I'll just babble a bit.

I remember being young and the only way to get through it is to live through it.
I'm thinking she's out of control of herself as well. So the weight is not all on your shoulders. It takes two.
I can honestly say that getting control of this part of yourself in a dating context is next to impossible. At least I failed heroically at such attempts.
God gave both of you these feelings. He also gave us the ability to control ourselves rather than let our desires control us. Desire is a good thing. But we can't let it run our lives. We have to figure out how to get a handle on it. You can do this too.

I will offer you the meager but very effective guidlines my father gave me.
1. No means no. Right then and right there. It means stop and go grab a cup of coffee. Not listening to a girl say no in that situation is one of the most heinous crimes a person can commit and it happens all the time.
2. Don't do anything to get a girl pregnant. You could use some work on that it seems. Now dad didn't say, "Don't mess around." he knew that was going to happen and it does happen. Sex is a responsibility and not merely recreation. If you've ever been in a room with a woman giving live birth as well as seen her life fall apart during the whole process you'd never want to have sex again.
My wife just got pregnant. I'm 35 and still haven't caught up with life yet. I'm a student with a part time job and now I'm going to be a dad. It's all beginning to hit with the gravity of Jupiter. You get your life straightened out and under control first. In the mean time, it's not like there isn't plenty to still do while you are figuring out how to get yourself under control.

Appreciate this girl. I dont' even know if you guys have anythign in common besides sex cause I don't know you guys. But get to know her. Even in...an intimate situation...such vulnerable moments can be a communion of souls, and I'm not talking about sex. It's a lot like sitting under the stars at night.

I don't know if I'm being much help. I try to think what I would do differently if I could do it all over again. And I can't really think of anything. Being 20 is a pain in the butt. Realize that our life, our body, our choices, and our desires and how we choose to respond to them are our responsibility. It can be feeling like you need to get laid or feeling like pounding someone into the ground when they make you angry. The choice is ours and always will be. Our choices affect our future. In ten years your life will be the sum total of every little choice you have made. Choices set the ship sailing in a certain direction, the direction of consequence, of effect.

Our choices affect other people. And this is where I achieved my reformation. Honestly right when we got married I had a porn problem. I feel sick admitting that. Holly found out and was absolutely shattered. Shattered. Seeing my broken wife there in front of me dispelled any illusions I had about myself. It shook me out of my selfishness. My conscious decisions to indulge my lack of control and selfishness led to crushing another human being. And not just any human being, my wife, whom I had claimed to love and honor before God and everyone else. In that moment I realized just how much I sucked and there was no one who could do a thing about that except me.
So plot your course. Then make decisions that reflect where you want to go. The christian life is a journey. Jesus says "Follow me." Thus we embark on this journey. Gaining control of our sexual desire is just one part of the journey. Remember that Desire is not bad. So how can you reflect jesus in this part of your life?

There. I've babbled enough. Things like this are so hard to answer on a web forum because truly, you have to walk beside someone in life to help them get this stuff figured out. Help and guidance is a relationship.

 

[Johnnz]

You have allowed your sex drive to be awakened. You will need to build in some really good safety nets around you such as limiting time alone, and where and make sure you both keep to them. It will be a real struggle fro a while. But you can get there with God's help.

John
NZ

 

[FlyerBoy]

This is already hard and it's only been a day without or almost without any physical touching.... I know God is there as I try and get back to the pure life, even though I know I can never really be made pure again, But I can start acting like it and avoid all that led me to this.... Thank you for those who posted and messaged me.... I think I am going to need an accountability partner or two, If you would be able to check out how I am doing day to day send me a message....


God Bless,
Jacob aka Flyerboy

 

[Saucy]

you can be pure again! That's the amazing and wonderful God we have who makes old things new. You can regain your virginity (not in the world's eye, but in God's) by making a commitment to God. Draw a line in the sand and DO NOT cross it. This should happen before you start dating someone. I know from counseling others that once you start having sex, it's even harder to stop. So you have to stand up and be a man in your relationship and say, "I will not dishonor God with my relationship." And if she pushes the envelope, find someone who won't. You have to be proactive. You have to fight. Refuse to be alone with her. Go on group dates. But you can win!

 

[sinneD]

Jacob:

Come join us in the Men's Corner. There are any number of men there who will stand beside you, to advise you, to admonish you, to pray with you or to just talk with you.

Be At Peace, my friend..

Dennis