I dont know what to do

[heisthelightoftheworld]

hello all,

I have been on theswe forums for about a couple of weeks now and im enjoying it very much.Well as my title says I dont know what to do my life is at a standstill at the moment nothing seems to be going good for me at all I am a believer in Jesus and being one since 12 years of age.My parents are not Christian and I get on very well with my Mum but my Dad and I cant seem to get on at all now.We havent really gotten on with each other most of my life but I do want to try and work things out with him as he is not very well at all and we just found out last year.This year at thwe start of it I was pleased with how our daughter father relationship was going it was like i felt like I had a father again.Now over the last few months its gone downhill again its like I cant do anything right in his eyes at all.It saddens me as I want to be here for him and honour him and all that but its hard when he treats me horribly emotionally.I did have feelingso f hatred for him when i was young and im scared that if he carries on the way hes going those feelings will come back again which I dont want at all.

Due to financial pressure with not having a job I am still living at home with my parents.

Please help me!!!

God bless

 

[LoG]

I went through a similar experience a number of years ago having to
move back with my parents while I was between jobs.
It was quite challenging because as an adult it was much easier to see the dysfunction of my parents relationship and realize how it wasn't nearly the loving relationship I thought it was while growing up.

I had a hard time accepting my fathers behaviour towards both my mother and myself and although I prayed hard for God to give me the strength to forgive him, it was a losing battle. Since I had a hard time hiding my own feelings, it was readily apparent to my father what I felt and that just added fuel to the fire.

About the time things were coming to a head, someone suggested I attend a support group (ACoA/Al-Anon) I followed the advice and from the first meeting onwards found a level of peace about the situation and the strength to accept my father for where he was at.

I continued going to those meetings even after I found a job and moved back out again because I found them helpful and learned a lot. It is not abnormal in a lot of families that we cannot get the love and acceptance from one of our parents that we would like. Not because we aren't lovable but because that parent cannot or will not give it to us. Recognizing and accepting that reality has important ramifications in future relationships because we seem to attract those types of people to us until we do.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Sit down and write down what your skills are. Or what type of work brings you joy. Then see what jobs are availible that you can apply yourself. Then start applying left and right.

Matthew 7:7

7 “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.

Try to get on your feet first, even when you found a good job. Sometimes it doesn't hurt pick up a second one to help financially. Can get your own place or what have you. If transportation is a factor, see if your town/city has a bus or rail system you can utilize. Or simply borrow the car from the folks but pay for gas.

Getting started sucks, but have to do it in order to get out on our own. After that you never know what oppertunities open up for you. For now I say look at it as an adventure into unknown. =)

 

[Anti Existance]

Don't blame your parents. Don't blame god. You are responsible for who you are. If you want to change who you are, do it. Blaming your genes or your invisible friend and continuing to live the lifestyle you hate will get you nowhere. Accept that you dug the hole you are in, now you've gotta pull yourself out of it if that is indeed what you want to do.

Persistance is the key to succes
While Lazyness is the cause of failures.

Why do you need the validation of your father or other people to justify your own life. Bring the power of your life back where it belongs, namely in YOUR hands.

In financial aspect, constantly search for oppertunities and needs.

pick a skill & stick to it. The transitions between switching skills add up to a huge waste of time.

Life Is more of a test to challenge your abilities... set a goal and see if you can achieve it.

Enjoy and have fun mainly in the constructive things you do. Set challenges for yourself and test your limits. It might even relax you.

Impossible ambitions tend to disintegrate in the face of reality.

Make sure they are possible from a practical standpoint.

There is no failure except in no longer trying.There is no honour in giving up. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our inherent weakness of purpose.

The American dream is the freedom to choose your own path. Only fools have clouded and misconstrued it as being materialistic. When the idea was first conceived, people knew that incredibly hard work comes with such ideals, but people also knew that with enough work, just about any path can be hewn through the bushes, bramble, & jungle of life. But hey, people now don't seem to want freedom as much as they want comfort. They're more than happy to demand others rights be violated in order to have instituionalized comfort.

The beauty of freedom is intrinsic. No, there may not be someone to take care of you all the time, but there's also not going to be someone telling you what you can, can't, or must do. I'd wager that most of the greatest people in human history are the people who BUSTED THEMSELVES to achieve what they wanted to achieve. At the same time, some of the happiest people have been those who lived the simplest lives.

There is only one solution, and its internal. Nothing outside of yourself can solve your problems for you.
Stop running, and face your problems. They arent nearly as hard when you're fighting them as when you're running from them.

If you are in a rut and stuck with your life, you need to give it a swing in a new and positive direction by carving a new path with your own power.

Do not expect leperchauns to appear and solve your issues, do not wait, be the dictator of your own life and take the situation in your own hands.

There are only three directions in life, down where death lies, stay where you are and go in circles, or up where an improved life lies ahead, the first 2 are worthless and lead to nowhere, this is important because it means you can set the course of your life, to the only direction that is valuable ,namely upwards towards into progress. It doesn't matter from there on wether you win or lose in life, you simply keep on following the positive course, that way you can ALWAYS be confident no matter what happens, because you know that going for gold in your life is the only right way to live.

If change was just a thought, then anyone could do it. But reality is that you can't just sit around feeling miserable for yourself and the situation you are in while being punched in the face by the reality of life. Those thoughts of change, can't become real if you just sit around feeling sorry for yourself, if you want to change then why would you stay in a state of paralyzation? If that happens it means you do not want to change, you are simply waiting for the world and people to change around you as you see fit, therefore

Without walking, there's no way to move forward, you'll just end up waiting.

it really doesn't matter how smart you are if you aren't willing to work you ass off you still lose.

Life is too short to wait ,never wait on others to finally make up their minds on something.

Don't sit and wait, put yourself in the game called life.

Keep yourself busy in life only with things that give you a progressive structure( or in other words that make you go ahead in life instead of going in circles or downhill).

Afterall the shape of the future is decided by what happens on the ground today.

My advice: Get a job, or let a job consultant agency search one for you, while you also search. Get a good solid financial structure, and go for gold in your life.

 

[madison1101]

I would suggest you find individual psychotherapy for yourself. At age 30, most folks are out on their own working. If you need career guidance, you can get that in psychotherapy. I would also suggest you work on your issues with your dad in therapy.

It is time to take responsibility for your life and your feelings and learn to relate to your father adult to adult. You are no longer a little child.

Good luck and God bless.
Trish

 

[heisthelightoftheworld]

thankyou all for your words of encouragement and challenging words as well

God bless you all

 

[saraharms1]

I'm only 15... I haven't had much life experince yet so I don't have much advice to give. I will say I've had more life experince than the average 15 year old but still nothing compared to the wisdom of an adult. The only advice or encouragement i can give is this: don't you think your dad is just wanting the best for you? That he's pushing you like this so you can have a good life and get back on your feet? And also... don't stress yourself out to do everything right in his eyes, don't try and do it all. Do what you know you can and just do your best. Thats all your father should ask of you.


Hope I was of some help...

God Bless
Take Care
Sarah

 

[Nobility]

Hi hun...

It sounds like you are having a bit of a rough time On the job front, do you have skills and training or none? If none, stotts correspondence college offer $200 courses in business management and caring for children (see link). You could get this $200 by house cleaning, or baby sitting or anythign else that isn't regular if you are struggling to get a regular job. Do you live in a small town or big one? (I'm from NZ - so feel free to PM me your town ) I understand that the job market is some areas can be awful

Please let us know how you are going though.