I dont know what to do with my terrible 2

[CruciFixed]

I am at my wits ends with my son. He's going on 3 and he's always I mean always bad. He is right now at 2 a.m wide awake and screaming in the corner in a smart alecky tone in my direction. I keep saying look at the wall look at the wall look at the wall because he wont sleep. I was feeding my 11 week old and he was chasing the cat all around the bedroom and making loud noises. So I grabbed him and put him in time out. He's been in time out more than 5 times tonight. I put him in, make him apologize, he does apologize then he's back to the same old same old. He's making 3 in February so he's not newly a 2 year old.

I keep getting angry so I won't spank before anyone suggests it I refuse to spank when I am angry. I haven't been happy with my son or able to enjoy him since before the new baby was born. He's always so mean. He blasts the new baby in the side of the head with his foot and we don't even leave him alone he'll sneak attack us when I am still holding the baby. So its not like I am not watching. I have been able to prevent a lot of injuries by pulling the baby away faster than he can do something.

Then he attacks our cat who is just lying around...my son will run up and screech at the cat and just go nuts.

We do so much with my son one on one so its not like we're ignoring him by spending time with the baby. Whenever we can we do stuff with our son. My husband got a Thomas and Friends DVD from the store to watch with my son and he watches it with my son on his computer every so often. I bought my son a Vtech Nitro Notebook JR and showed him how to play a game on there and he's really good at it so we play it together quite often.

We go out and bring him to the store to help us grocery shop etc

Whenever he's at home he's bad or whenever I am home he's bad. MY husband says he behaves okay when I am not here.

I need my job but if I didn't I would quit in a heart beat because this is so stressful.

My blood boils anymore whenever I deal with him because he's being a smart alec every chance he gets.
Me: Mommy's going to help you brush your teeth, okay?
A: I don't want to. (in a smart alec tone)
Me: Come on upstairs and let's clean your teeth for mommy I will be easy.
A: No
Me: Scoops him up and drags him up since he wouldn't comply and at this point my blood is boiling

Then
A: (attacking the cat, bothering etc)
Me: Take's A's hand and brings him to me and says "A that hurts kitty. Its not nice to pull his tail (or its not nice to do this and that) so don't do that anymore okay?"
A: Okay I sorry
FIVE SECONDS LATER he's back on the cat.


These are just a couple things he does. He does all kinds of BAD BAD things. I am afraid the baby is going to be severely injured because of my son's malicious acting out and being mean.
I want to quit work because he's behaving like a troubled child.
He's making me so angry anymore. I stopped spanking a long time ago but my patience is being tested and I am proving to fail because I am starting to scream at him. So I traded spankings for screaming and steaming.
I almost wish I had that British nanny broad because I am a terrible mom. If I can't handle my 2 year old then I must be a bad mom.

Sorry this is so long advice please.

 

[CruciFixed]

For no reason earlier he tossed a pooh bear doll at me because I asked him to help me with an art project I was trying to involve him in to keep him amused. He stomped and threw the doll at me. He's ALWAYS testing my patience. Then he tossed my dust pan across the room not at me but just in anger a little later. He's just...bad.

 

[2WhomShallWeGo]

I am not sure I get this. You say you get angry and you won't spank when you're angry. But are you suggesting you should only discipline your son when your happy with him or ambivalent towards his action. Surely not as you would never get around to correcting him till it's much later. Perhaps, whatever your means of disciplining you should stop for a couple, remind yourself that the correction of your son (whatever the means) is a moral imperative remind yourself that if you love him you must correct him with love. People don't like correction that's usually part of what makes it corrective.

This isn't about you how you feel or what you need, maybe there is a reason but the little fella needs some correction. It doesn't have to be huge but it has to be consistent. Which isn't to say your going to turn him around right away he need to know that your serious about it because bad behavior is the makings of bad habits. and say a little prayer to Mary and Joseph. Not that Christ misbehaved but I'm sure parenting our lord and savior left them confused at time as to what they had to do.

 

[CruciFixed]

I don't mean regular anger. I mean if I lay a hand on him I might go too far so I am constantly finding myself stepping away and putting him in time out. Perhaps the problem is that I need anger management. I don't want to spank him right now because I have an intense kinda rage lately with how bad he's being and impossible to control.

Perhaps he needs a psychologist and I need anger management.

 

[Anhelyna]

Just a suggestion since I never really went through this .

You said

Me: Mommy's going to help you brush your teeth, okay?
A: I don't want to. (in a smart alec tone)
Me: Come on upstairs and let's clean your teeth for mommy I will be easy.
A: No

Do not speak of yourself in the third person - you should say something more along the lines of

you A it's toothbrushing time , come upstairs and I'll help you .

If he says 'No' then you tell him

"I make the rules - it's toothbrushing time , we are going upstairs NOW "and you take his hand and take him upstairs and brush his teeth - let him scream blue murder , but you have to show him directly that it's your house and you make the rules whether he likes it or not.

If you say "Mommy's going to help you brush your teeth, okay?" you are asking him a question and being a toddler he's going to challenge you and say [ and mean it ] "No"

Using the words 'Mommy' and 'I' in the same sentence when they both refer to you is confusing for him . 'Mommy' is how your husband refers to you when he's talking of you to your son.

This may or may not work - you have to try it and you must be consistent in all your dealings with him. If you say it's bed time at 7pm - then it's bedtime - no ifs or buts - that's when you take him upstairs and put him to bed even if he's in the middle of something .

It's up to you and your husband to set the ground rules and you really do have to keep to them - he can tell when you are wavering and he'll play up to it because he loves getting his own way - you can't afford to let him do this. Yes he's still jealous of the wee one and this is his way of showing it - being a brat .

 

[2WhomShallWeGo]

I don't mean regular anger. I mean if I lay a hand on him I might go too far so I am constantly finding myself stepping away and putting him in time out.

ahh I see. ok

Perhaps the problem is that I need anger management. I don't want to spank him right now because I have an intense kinda rage lately with how bad he's being and impossible to control.

Perhaps he needs a psychologist and I need anger management.

Kids don't need psychologists at that age just lovin' parents. I was a bit of a hell raiser myself. a lot of the little people in my family are too. Sometimes a boy can be real awful at that age.

 

[Fantine]

There's something called oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) but I don't know if that's something that crops up at age 2. They are called "the terrible twos," you know.

There might be some sibling rivalry involved, too, and he may be trying to get your attention.

When my children were that age, I would use the time outs, and they were more for me than for them, I think. I would set the kitchen timer for 5 or 10 minutes so that I wouldn't get so enamored of the temporary calm that I'd let 10 minutes morph into 20.

 

[Davidnic]

If you have a developmental concern see a doctor to rule it out.

It could also just be that he wants your attention and senses your anger as attention. If he does it mostly when you are around it could be that his desire for your attention because of the pregnancy and new baby is getting crossed. By that I mean for him there is no difference between good and bad attention.

So he has to learn the difference between what gets good attention and what gets bad. The problem there is bad attention is still attention and he is not differentiating.

Does he have favorite toys or activities that can be removed when he is bad. I know someone who had a similar problem and they would take away a favorite toy or outfit for each bad behavior and they got them back if they behaved for a specified length of time. Always long enough to be noticed. So they could lose 5 things and it takes 4 hours to get one back. So you can lose 5-10 things in a few moments and it takes days to get them back. It worked for her. A basic deprivation of privilege. Team it with not letting anger show. It seems he is seeing anger as attention and aiming to create it.

 

[_Shannon_]

The first thing to consider here is that you have a new baby in the house. That rocks a toddler's world. It's like your husband brought home another woman and expected you to not only be fine with it, but to love her--right away. I mean it's HUGE in their little world. You attention is now divided--and that is hard for you, too. It's a lot for everyone to process and it often takes 6 months or so for everyone to settle into a new normal.

Secondly, to me it DOES sound like you have issues to work through in yourself based on what you posted here. And that is not a slight. I think we ALL do.

Based on what you've written here, it seems to me like your son is crying out desperately for your attention. Not getting it positively, he resorts to the negative behaviours he knows works-because it feeds interaction with you. Children are masters at getting what they need--and do it by any means necessary. I think some sort of psychological diagnosis is kind of ridiculous at this point (no offense to those who suggest it--but this all sounds totally within the normal range for a 2-3 year old to me). He likely feels displaced and betrayed and all of the other emotions that you would feel if your husband brought home another woman to live in your house with you. It's your job to empathise and put all of that into words for him and help him process it all safely.

If this was my child here would be my personal action plan. First I would need to remind myself that I am in charge, not my child. I have actual authority. So when it's time to brush teeth--we're just going to go do it. I would offer lots of choices and countdowns. "Do you want to go brush your teeth in 2 minutes or three minutes?" (And even if he says 5 minutes...that's fine.) And then we set the timer. When we're about a minute away--we start a count down. "Okay it's teeth brushing time in one minute. Thirty seconds. Twenty second. Ten. Nine. 8.7.6.5.4.3.2. One more moment and we're going up to brush teeth." And then I am going to scoop him up and we're going to brush teeth. "Do you want to brush first or do you want mommy to brush first?" "Do you want a sip of water from the blue cup or the red cup?" And I am going to do that for EVERYTHING, ALL DAY LONG. Lots of choice and lots of countdowns for ANY transition--including feeding the baby.

I would also make sure to spend one on one positive time with him every.single. day. Even if it's just five or ten minutes. Keep it totally positive...and ditch the baby.

I would also remind myself the my son is NOT my adversary. He is not out to get me, manipulate me, defy me, or do anything to me. This is all about him trying to meet his needs--and doing it in the most efficient way. If I feel adversarial feelings--then I need my own time out to identify the root of where those feelings originate (probably within my own shame and not feeling good enough or worthy of love and connection)-before I deal with my son in any way (unless there is immediate danger.

Kids cycle through periods of equilibrium and disequilibrium. 2.5- 3.25 can be a tme of big disequilibrium...their language skills are not up to par with the big emotions they are feeling-and so big feelings are most often expressed with their bodies. LOL! My 3 year old son will actually go up the stairs, dig through his belongings, come back down stairs and throw something in anger. It's SO funny. But for him, it's processing frustration. So when he comes back downstairs I stop him from throwing (physically removing the object or giving him a big bear hug in my lap to hold his arms firmly but lovingly)--and reflect his big feelings back to him in words. "Aw..honey you sure are frustrated. You are mad enough to want to throw your favorite stuffed animal. It's so hard to not be able to get to do what we want to do when we want to. Can you tell me with your words how mad you are?" and then we set about trying to come up with an alternate plan so that we can deal with whatever he was frustrated about.

The cat thing--sounds to me, really like your son just wants to play. It is important to set boundaries to teach loving kindness to our animals and siblings and friends. But you are also going to have to offer some alternative outlet for raucous play. Watching a video or using some other screen is just not good enough by itself. Screens are disengaging. You really need to wrestle or play hide and seek or give horseback rides or play puzzles or set up action figures and play--it HAS to be interactive play WITHOUT a screen. Lots and lots of big muscle play. And it is vitally important that you are fully engaged.

 

[benedictaoo]

I dont know what to do with my terrible 2

Have you tried spanking? Bet that would work... LOL J/K... couldn't resist. Now I'll go back and read your post.

 

[_Shannon_]

I was running out of room ...lol!


Kids NEED boundaries. The need them to feel safe and thrive. I think it works best when we have only a few rules and enforce them consistently. The fewer rules, the better. No hitting. No hurting the animals. Etc. And then consistently enforce them---over and over and over again. It takes time for children to learn and internalise boundaries. So you have to be patient and not give up or change course.

However it is also important that this all be done in an environment where a child feels safe. And with good modeling by you about how to deal with struggle.

Right now--you are modeling exactly the behaviour he's using to deal with his big feelings. You are angry and acting a little crazy. You are teaching him to act that way when he is faced with an obstacle which feels out of control. If you want him to act differently--you WILL have to change.

I have several good book recommendations if you want them. I know how hard this can all be--especially with a new baby and already feeling stretched to the max--and a sense of powerlessness (you expressed you'd quit work if you could--but you don't have power to do so). I mean I really understand.

So far I have made it through 5 two and three year olds...this briefly represents the culmination of what I've learned from all of that. Take whatever's useful and leave the rest.

Oh and one last thing I thought of--you son needs chores. Whenever my kids are sort of acting contrary to the spirit of family in a consistent way, I take it as an immediate sign that they need more chores. Chores help a child experience a sense of mastery and accomplishment (you have to not go back and re-do the job, though), as well as experience a sense of being part of something bigger, ie their family. Your son can definitely put away silverware, and help load or unload laundry, fold socks together, wipe down the appliances, use a small dust broom to sweep up crumbs, clear dishes or set the table, gather bathroom trashcans to be emptied, stock diaper supplies....just so many things. Just teach him what to do and be with him several times to supervise. Gently correct is mistakes--showing him what you expect...but then let him do it.

 

[_Shannon_]

Oh I thought of one other thing--attributing smart aleckness to a 2 or 3 year old is attributing something to them which they just cannot and do not posses the ability to do. That is ALL about you and your perception of things. Simply removing the idea that he is your adversary will improve so, so much of your perception about him.

 

[_Shannon_]

For no reason earlier he tossed a pooh bear doll at me because I asked him to help me with an art project I was trying to involve him in to keep him amused. He stomped and threw the doll at me. He's ALWAYS testing my patience. Then he tossed my dust pan across the room not at me but just in anger a little later. He's just...bad.

This is where we diverge. Throwing something in anger is COMPLETELY appropriate developmental-wise. He's not bad. He just has a limited set of skills and tools at his disposal.

In your mind you've already written him off and labeled him "bad." Can you reframe your thoughts about him--trying to step into his shoes?

His behaviour is "bad"--or rather unacceptable and so he needs to be given more skills and tools...but HE is not bad. And it's REALLY, REALLY, REALLY important to parent from a place where we are correcting actions. When we operate from a place where we label our kids as 'bad'--we're going to be making everything worse--because that invokes shame. Shame based parenting is going to yield kids who don't feel worthy of love and connection and negative behaviours will just keep coming. Kids HAVE to know that they are unconditionally loved, and worthy of love, and that they are enough--just as they are. (And that doesn't mean we have to accept all of their behaviours--but we have have to correct behaviours and NOT tell them that they are not good enough as human beings)

 

[Davidnic]

Oh I thought of one other thing--attributing smart aleckness to a 2 or 3 year old is attributing something to them which they just cannot and do not posses the ability to do. That is ALL about you and your perception of things. Simply removing the idea that he is your adversary will improve so, so much of your perception about him.

I thought the same thing. I think, and I am speaking in general, we often have a hard time with what we attribute to kids. We sometimes forget they are more advanced than we give them credit for in some respects but also project adult emotions and behaviors onto them when they don't have them.

I am finding that the above is one of the trickier parts of parenting....focusing on who they are in the sense of themselves and not in relation to us and then dealing with them as people at whatever developmental state they are at...all the while remembering that who they are in relation to us is indispensable too.

 

[benedictaoo]

My unsolicited 2 cents... and my resume is 6 kids who, 3 out of 6 are/were very challenging, my oldest is 21 and we still can't figure him out. The 2-3 year old years, you wouldn't believe what we went through. If I had it to do over, I would change the way I perceived him.

I mean always bad

I would not tell myself that. The way you perceive your son can color the situation and actually make it worse.

Seriously, the first thing to do is to look in the mirror and look at your own interaction with him before you go any further. There is a dynamic there you are too close to see for yourself.

You have to change it, the child can't, it is on you to change the dynamic and re set the tone.

First, stop getting angry. I know, easier said then done if not impossible. I so been there, I so can relate.

However, your son is reacting to your anger and can pick up on that energy. You are teaching him these behaviors through your own responses and anger.

You have to stop thinking it's a chess match and see that he is just a child who may have trouble self regulating and adjusting.

You are the one who has to take control of the situation by not getting rattled. If you do not want this behavior, then do not accept it. Keep it as black and white as you can, try not to bring emotions and baggage into it.

When you give him time out- why must he look at the wall? He may be too young for time out. He's almost 3... then he may be old enough. I dunno. But this might not be the best way to get him to regulate himself.

But if you are going to do the time out. You CAN NOT keep communicating with him. Give him the warning, where you tell him in a serious voice, look him in the eye, don't warn him from across the room, and if he does not stop, then place him in time out, he doesn't have to look at the wall, just stay there for 2 minutes.

put him in a non stimulating place and if he moves from there, just put him back. NO TALKING! NO answering questions, NO reaction to the "mommy please" stuff or hitting you, any of that. Ignore all of it! That is the key. Ignore it. Do not get sucked into it where he controls you and pushes buttons.

See that he has no other means of communicating and expressing himself other then this. Don't look at hium a if he is bad, see him as a child who is frustrated and he just doesn't know how to control himself. You are there only one who can teach him how.

You are there to TEACH him. If you do not TEACH him, this will be the result.

NEVER ask him permission, "please behave", "please brush your teeth", etc. You let him know what is expected. "We are going upstairs so you can brush your teeth" if he says No, ignore it, take him and lead him up, if he'calling names, ignore it, if he runs way, what ever... go get him. If you ignore his behavior, he will see that it's not working.

You have to understand, he does what he does because it works.

Once up there, let him know, these are your teeth, you can brush them yourself, mommy will help you and show you how. Make it fun and show him how to do it, praise him etc.

Ask him which tooth brush, what tooth paste, give him as many choices as you can and let him feel as if he has some say in the matter.

But if he flat out will not cooperate. Give him the warning, he will go in time out and then be consistent, again, cool as a cucumber and put him there and no talking and answering him, jut keep putting him there.

If you are consistent and you do not lose your cool, it will work and you will have taught him how to regulate himself and have self control.

 

[Catherineanne]

Perhaps he needs a psychologist and I need anger management.

You don't need either.

If you can take a deep breath, and then try to see the world from your son's perspective, it might help. Don't expect too much of him, but let him be a child, and if you are reaching five time outs in one evening, then stop doing them; something is not working. He is very, very young, and he is not capable of understanding why he has gone from being the centre of your attention to very much second place to the new baby. He is trying to get that place back again, because that is all that he knows.

What he needs is to be shown what his new place is in your home and your family. Involve him as much as you can in the care of your new baby, and tell him that he is the Big Brother. Tell him what Big Brothers do; give him jobs, such as handing you the nappy at changing time. Tell him that new babies are very lucky if they have a Big Brother like him; tell him that he can help you to look after the baby. Encourage him to talk to the baby, and point out when the baby recognises him. Don't assume that he will fail, or hurt the baby. Assume that he will behave well, and be very good to the baby, and the chances are he will.

One thing you can do immediately is to show him what happens when you stick your tongue out at a baby, or smile at it, even at 11 weeks. The baby will copy you. This will teach him that the new baby is a real person, and very, very interesting. He needs to bond with it, the same as you did when it was born.

Make it clear to him that his new role comes with privileges. For example, set up a half hour Special Time for him every evening. After the baby has gone to sleep, because he is older, he gets his half hour with either mum, dad or both. Don't just stick on a computer game; get some toys out and get down on the floor with them. Build something, make something. Have special snacks. Make his half hour the best part of his day, and a time to look forward to. Don't treat both children the same; make being older a real privilege. He may be jealous at present; show him that he does not need to be jealous, because his role is very special. If toothbrushing is a problem, do that before the half hour special time, and stick to water afterwards, and no snacks.

Whenever you are looking after the baby, include him in. If you use your imagination, there will be lots of things he can do. The same with the cat; tell him it is his job to feed the cat, or to brush her once a day.

This little boy needs to understand who he is in your home. If he learns a new role, and understands it, he will be far happier, and then the rest of the family will be as well. Step into his shoes, and work out what would work with you, and then do that instead. Children are not so very, very different from us, that we cannot work out what they need; they need security, a purpose and a sense of belonging, exactly as we do. Take it slowly, but trust your own instincts, and your own love, to lead you in the right direction. And you are right to avoid slapping; that will achieve nothing.

Best of luck.

 

[_Shannon_]

I am finding that the above is one of the trickier parts of parenting....focusing on who they are in the sense of themselves and not in relation to us and then dealing with them as people at whatever developmental state they are at...all the while remembering that who they are in relation to us is indispensable too.

Ohhh..me too! It's been quite a journey for me. Learning how to really look at each kid individually and their personal development.

What has helped me with that second part is really understanding that I DO have authority-given to me by God, and it is right and just for me to exercise that authority. If I misuse my authority--I apologise for my actions. And secondly--to understand that I have to have an adult emotional life, so that I am in a position to facilitate their learning. I have to be the one to provide the skills and tools to move forward into the next developmental stage. And that is HARD--because it means that I have to have an ongoing commitment to being the best Shannon that I can be. And that is really, really tough--always being my own work in progress.

 

[benedictaoo]

I don't mean regular anger. I mean if I lay a hand on him I might go too far so I am constantly finding myself stepping away and putting him in time out. Perhaps the problem is that I need anger management. I don't want to spank him right now because I have an intense kinda rage lately with how bad he's being and impossible to control.

Perhaps he needs a psychologist and I need anger management.

That is a good idea.

You are his mother... trust what your gut tells you. If you think this is not typical 2 year old behavior, trust that. Parenting classes may help but nothing will help if you don't do follow through with what you learn and trust the process.

It will work, only if you work it.

Spanking him will stunt his emotional growth. he may stop (maybe) but later on, it won't be what you want.

You are here to show him how we handle our stress and what we are to do with it.

You are here to teach him through your own example.

 

[Catherineanne]

I thought of Oppositional Defiance too Fantine. I have a friend who is ODD. Some info on that: link and link

The info suggests the issue might be ODD if it lasts more than 6 months and is excessive for his age. Make a list of behaviors and ask the pediatrician for advice on it to see if it is excessive compared to other kids in his peer group. It would be very young but not unheard of for it to be ODD. Likely though it is some attention issues.

I am sorry, but this is not acceptable, imo.

It is not appropriate to label a perfectly ordinary little boy as potentially ODD. We are not doctors, and we do not have the right to throw this kind of comment around, about a little boy that we do not know, but who, to my mind at least, is behaving perfectly normally for a toddler with a new sibling in the family.

Less pathologising, therefore. More understanding of what 'normal' is, in relation to a very confused, very frustrated little boy.

 

[Catherineanne]

The first thing to consider here is that you have a new baby in the house. That rocks a toddler's world. It's like your husband brought home another woman and expected you to not only be fine with it, but to love her--right away. I mean it's HUGE in their little world. You attention is now divided--and that is hard for you, too. It's a lot for everyone to process and it often takes 6 months or so for everyone to settle into a new normal.

Secondly, to me it DOES sound like you have issues to work through in yourself based on what you posted here. And that is not a slight. I think we ALL do.

Based on what you've written here, it seems to me like your son is crying out desperately for your attention. Not getting it positively, he resorts to the negative behaviours he knows works-because it feeds interaction with you. Children are masters at getting what they need--and do it by any means necessary. I think some sort of psychological diagnosis is kind of ridiculous at this point (no offense to those who suggest it--but this all sounds totally within the normal range for a 2-3 year old to me). He likely feels displaced and betrayed and all of the other emotions that you would feel if your husband brought home another woman to live in your house with you. It's your job to empathise and put all of that into words for him and help him process it all safely.

If this was my child here would be my personal action plan. First I would need to remind myself that I am in charge, not my child. I have actual authority. So when it's time to brush teeth--we're just going to go do it. I would offer lots of choices and countdowns. "Do you want to go brush your teeth in 2 minutes or three minutes?" (And even if he says 5 minutes...that's fine.) And then we set the timer. When we're about a minute away--we start a count down. "Okay it's teeth brushing time in one minute. Thirty seconds. Twenty second. Ten. Nine. 8.7.6.5.4.3.2. One more moment and we're going up to brush teeth." And then I am going to scoop him up and we're going to brush teeth. "Do you want to brush first or do you want mommy to brush first?" "Do you want a sip of water from the blue cup or the red cup?" And I am going to do that for EVERYTHING, ALL DAY LONG. Lots of choice and lots of countdowns for ANY transition--including feeding the baby.

I would also make sure to spend one on one positive time with him every.single. day. Even if it's just five or ten minutes. Keep it totally positive...and ditch the baby.

I would also remind myself the my son is NOT my adversary. He is not out to get me, manipulate me, defy me, or do anything to me. This is all about him trying to meet his needs--and doing it in the most efficient way. If I feel adversarial feelings--then I need my own time out to identify the root of where those feelings originate (probably within my own shame and not feeling good enough or worthy of love and connection)-before I deal with my son in any way (unless there is immediate danger.

Kids cycle through periods of equilibrium and disequilibrium. 2.5- 3.25 can be a tme of big disequilibrium...their language skills are not up to par with the big emotions they are feeling-and so big feelings are most often expressed with their bodies. LOL! My 3 year old son will actually go up the stairs, dig through his belongings, come back down stairs and throw something in anger. It's SO funny. But for him, it's processing frustration. So when he comes back downstairs I stop him from throwing (physically removing the object or giving him a big bear hug in my lap to hold his arms firmly but lovingly)--and reflect his big feelings back to him in words. "Aw..honey you sure are frustrated. You are mad enough to want to throw your favorite stuffed animal. It's so hard to not be able to get to do what we want to do when we want to. Can you tell me with your words how mad you are?" and then we set about trying to come up with an alternate plan so that we can deal with whatever he was frustrated about.

The cat thing--sounds to me, really like your son just wants to play. It is important to set boundaries to teach loving kindness to our animals and siblings and friends. But you are also going to have to offer some alternative outlet for raucous play. Watching a video or using some other screen is just not good enough by itself. Screens are disengaging. You really need to wrestle or play hide and seek or give horseback rides or play puzzles or set up action figures and play--it HAS to be interactive play WITHOUT a screen. Lots and lots of big muscle play. And it is vitally important that you are fully engaged.

Well said. Bravo!!