Hi,my life changed for better in the last year,yet I feel like I am not pleased,is like I don't find the power to thank God enough for what He did for me.
I want to thank Him,because I know He made this "plot".I'm asking for prayer,I want to become a better Christian and a better girlfriend(I still can't believe someone loves me).
Long story short,I had a pretty terrible life,bullied trough my entire childhood,till I was around 20 years old,so 1 year and a half ago,I was still getting mocked.
My parents were awful to me,they always made sure to inform me how much of a financial burden I am since I was a child,we were quite poor,I got beatings,mom was extremly spiteful to me,I am not sure I can forgive her even now,in a way I did for my peace of mind and because Jesus tells us to,but on the other side the fact that she won't admit what she did to me...
I was pretty much the ugly child,fat,with acne,you name it.When even your mother tells you that nobody is going to look at you,it kinda hurts.
I am graduating soon,from a good university,but because of my poor choices a degree in history will get me nowhere,so I am trying to learn new skills and do some freelance online.
I thought I know how I am,I hated myself,I even do now,from my looks to how avoidant I am and how I never get things done properly.
More than a week ago,my best friend,my absolute other half,confessed his love for me.Then is when I lost my identity,I thought I am going to live all my life alone,I thought,I don't know,that I am going to be that woman focused on her career because she doesn't have anything else.
Worse,he is handsome.I mean,I am glad about that,I guess every woman wants someone who looks good,but I don't know,I never actually pictured myself with someone like that,and his morals,the way he thinks are just...mindblowing,I have no idea how I found him,this is actually why I am turning back in a rush to God,because now more than ever,everything makes sense,he was damaged exactly in the same way as I did,is like we are made for each other,simply made for each other.
But I don't know what to do...he moved from where I live when he was just a child,he lives on another continent now,I actually met him online and this year,hopefully(more like surely) we will meet.
I just don't know what to do.My whole college experience is a mess,my family is not someone I would like to turn back to,I'm afraid I am going to be a burden for my boyfriend since I don't know if in the future I can earn as much as he does.
One night,I was very dissapointed with my grades,the fact that I am not such a good student,I know I can do better and I felt like I wasted my money on college,etc.
All he could say is that he loves me,I wanted to jump on the window and he was keep telling how much he loves me...I could not believe it.I am blessed,but in the same time I don't want to waste my blessings.
How can I actively become a better Christian?I wonder if I can be a missionary or just someone who helps others in building houses for the poor etc and do some freelance work online too.I'm from Eastern Europe.
Is there a place for Christian Entrepeneurs?I want to work online as a virtual assistant with a niche in social media,I am still learning but I am getting better at it,plus I have some graphic design skills etc.
The problem is that in my country the wages are stupidly low,so if I can to live well I would have to work online or move to another country.
Besides the funny part is that my boyfriend already earns well,and soon enough in 2-3 years he might earn VERY WELL,so what am I going to do?Work on a minimum wage and expect him to cherish me anyway?
Not to mention how much he dislikes women who take advantage of men,in many forms,gift,dinners etc,meanwhile I would not take advantage of him,it would look like that if I earn significantly less.
Please,pray for me.
I want to thank Him,because I know He made this "plot".I'm asking for prayer,I want to become a better Christian and a better girlfriend(I still can't believe someone loves me).
Long story short,I had a pretty terrible life,bullied trough my entire childhood,till I was around 20 years old,so 1 year and a half ago,I was still getting mocked.
My parents were awful to me,they always made sure to inform me how much of a financial burden I am since I was a child,we were quite poor,I got beatings,mom was extremly spiteful to me,I am not sure I can forgive her even now,in a way I did for my peace of mind and because Jesus tells us to,but on the other side the fact that she won't admit what she did to me...
I was pretty much the ugly child,fat,with acne,you name it.When even your mother tells you that nobody is going to look at you,it kinda hurts.
I am graduating soon,from a good university,but because of my poor choices a degree in history will get me nowhere,so I am trying to learn new skills and do some freelance online.
I thought I know how I am,I hated myself,I even do now,from my looks to how avoidant I am and how I never get things done properly.
More than a week ago,my best friend,my absolute other half,confessed his love for me.Then is when I lost my identity,I thought I am going to live all my life alone,I thought,I don't know,that I am going to be that woman focused on her career because she doesn't have anything else.
Worse,he is handsome.I mean,I am glad about that,I guess every woman wants someone who looks good,but I don't know,I never actually pictured myself with someone like that,and his morals,the way he thinks are just...mindblowing,I have no idea how I found him,this is actually why I am turning back in a rush to God,because now more than ever,everything makes sense,he was damaged exactly in the same way as I did,is like we are made for each other,simply made for each other.
But I don't know what to do...he moved from where I live when he was just a child,he lives on another continent now,I actually met him online and this year,hopefully(more like surely) we will meet.
I just don't know what to do.My whole college experience is a mess,my family is not someone I would like to turn back to,I'm afraid I am going to be a burden for my boyfriend since I don't know if in the future I can earn as much as he does.
One night,I was very dissapointed with my grades,the fact that I am not such a good student,I know I can do better and I felt like I wasted my money on college,etc.
All he could say is that he loves me,I wanted to jump on the window and he was keep telling how much he loves me...I could not believe it.I am blessed,but in the same time I don't want to waste my blessings.
How can I actively become a better Christian?I wonder if I can be a missionary or just someone who helps others in building houses for the poor etc and do some freelance work online too.I'm from Eastern Europe.
Is there a place for Christian Entrepeneurs?I want to work online as a virtual assistant with a niche in social media,I am still learning but I am getting better at it,plus I have some graphic design skills etc.
The problem is that in my country the wages are stupidly low,so if I can to live well I would have to work online or move to another country.
Besides the funny part is that my boyfriend already earns well,and soon enough in 2-3 years he might earn VERY WELL,so what am I going to do?Work on a minimum wage and expect him to cherish me anyway?
Not to mention how much he dislikes women who take advantage of men,in many forms,gift,dinners etc,meanwhile I would not take advantage of him,it would look like that if I earn significantly less.
Please,pray for me.
