i don't know what to do anymore

[j_e_s_s_i_e]

hey, my name is jessie. i was just hoping someone could please help me...give me some good advice, anything! i don't know what its like to be happy anymore, i just want it to all go away. its been going on since i was little, at home it started with physical abuse, i couldn't talk in church without really getting it when i got home..i was just little. i remember having things thrown at me big hardcoveer books even that left marks on my back for weeks, and it was all because i didn't get it put away fast enough, my mom gave me my first bloody nose, and do u know what its like to have braces and to be hit in the face...its not fun have brace bands stuck in the side of your mouth. but that all ended when i went in2 grade 8, childrens aid got involved and the hitting stopped...evrything seemed 2 stop. but then the names started and those hurt more then anyhting (i can't say what they r i don't want to offend anyone). i was made fun of in school because im so quiet, and im not as pretty as all the other girls. guys never paid attention to me. i feel like nobody wants anyhting 2 do with me, i just want someone 2 care. thats when that started. i started smoking to calm my nerves. then i started smoking pot, doing oil, taking mushrooms, and popping some exstacy whenever i could get my hands on it. i went downhill. stopped eating properly, lost 30 pounds, i stillc an't sleep or eat properly, i ended up having 2 go 2 some addictions counsellor, all my teachers knew about me so i didn't even want 2 go to class, i attempted suicide last christmas. but i didn't manage it...i lay on the bathroom floor not knowing whether i was about to die...just hoping i would and i still wish i had. i don't know what to do anymore. im sick of being used. well recently guys have started 2 pay attention to me. but all in the wrong way, i dated this one guy 4 awhile that i really liked, but i told him no about sex after 2 weeks of knowing him. he started acting weird and dumped me, and then every other guy has done the same. im jsut not good enough for anyone, and i never will b. im 18 in a week 2morrow. my parents r splitting up rite now and im so confused. plus my 18th birthday isn't going 2 b anyhting special...i've never had one of those special days. my grade 8 graduation sucked my dog died, i loved my dog so much, and still miss her. my 16th birthday my own dad didn't say happy birthday 2 me, i never went to prom, nobody asked me and my parents would not let me. i just graduated from highschool...and i didn't get even a congratualtions. i can't find a job, my life is a useless mess....and i don't know what to doo. i just want it all to go away. please somebody help me

 

[Rosa Mystica]

You poor, poor girl.

Jessie, some of the things you have described in this post have happened to me as well. I was badly abused by my father, basically up until the moment I left home. In earlier years, I was socially isolated as well. In addition to this, I also have self-esteem issues and clinical depression.

I know what it's like to feel unwanted and unloved. I feel that way almost every day (though I often push it to the back of my mind and don't acknowledge this fact).

Are you still living w/ your parents, sweetheart? Are they still being emotionally abusive? Is there any way you can escape your home if you're there (eg. going away to college)?

Another thing: you are almost undoubtedly dealing w/ clinical depression. Have you tried to seek out help for this? You might want to get into therapy or something like that. You need help; you've attempted suicide. That is a definite warning sign that something is very wrong. I want you to live!!!!!!

PM me if you want to talk. You are loved; I love you.

Rosa Mystica

 

[TheMainException]

My love my dear sister....my love do I send to you...I hope it gets to you in good time....I hold back tears as I read this. I love you so very much. It doesn't matter what the names were...it matters what your name is now...you know who you are?? You are the beloved child of God. He chose you to come into his kingdom and accept his gift. He loves you enough that he went through the same pain you go through...his world was torn apart. People gave him a bloody nose (and a bloody everything-else), called him names, treated him like junk and then hung him up to die...all because he wanted peace. He wanted peace and we murdered him...you want peace, and they try to get you to murder yourself. But don't....you weren't meant for death by your own hand...neither was I...that's because I was sent to minister to you...to give you all the love I can offer. I could have ended my life many nights...but god kept me from dying and so now here I am for you to help you get through this rough time. I love you my dear sister...PM me, talk with me. I will truly listen to you. I will not leave you or forsake you because that is what the father has taught me. Never let go. It won't always be this way...just hold on tight to your dear father (abba, christ, Lord Jesus) With love, Lauren

 

[Lioness816]

You are in the right place. I have been in your shoes and know how you hurt. You are not alone and the pain does not have to last forever. Please, don't try to end your life again or you will never see the other side of life, the good side. continue to ask for help. And pray for God's will, not your own. May God Bless You! In Jesus' name. -AMEN

 

[InTheFlame]

Jessie - *huggggggggggggggggggg*

I hope you find some of the love and acceptance you need right here. God put you together and has been carefully watching over you every day of your life. He not only loves you, he thinks you're awesome and special and wonderful. And you know what? He's right. He always is. He looks inside us and sees the person he created us to be.

Are you seeing a counsellor at the moment? Are you going to a church where you feel cared about? There are support groups around for people who've suffered abuse as kids - it's good to talk to others who understand what it's like and can help you out when you need it. Hang around here too, and get involved! God bless..

 

[lovethelord]

Just stick in there. Everything gets worse before it gets better. You have to be strong. You should really talk a therapist or somebody who can help you with your issues. PM me if you want to talk, anytime.

 

[j_e_s_s_i_e]

if you have read my other post you would know about how everything became so clear 2 me this morning. and everything is in the past i hope anyways. but with my parents splitting up i have found myself in the middle and i have never felt so unwanted in my life. my mom is going to be staying at her friends place in an extra room until she can afford a place for me and her to live together. but now my dad goes and tells her there are going to b "problems" if she leaves me here. and im scared and so is my mom, so now we both have to leave. but i can't go with her till near christmas time maybe the end of november. i've always had both my parents around, and b4 i was worried about not have both of them around all the time. now im not gonna have either one around, and my dad doesn't even want me here now. im so scared.

 

[LadyJane]

Jessie,

It says in the Bible, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." That's in Joshua 1:9

Trust Jesus to take care of you. He loves you so very, very much! You have people here praying for you and that's always good!

Lord Jesus, I ask that you surround Jessie with your angels. Protect her and take care of her, Lord. Give her your peace and let her know and feel your love all around her. I ask, Lord, that you provide for her. Have your will in her life, Lord Jesus. Thank you for Jessie!

For as long as you can, keep posting here. Let us know how you are. Know that you are being prayed for at this very moment!

 

[j_e_s_s_i_e]

me and my dad made up, so things r looking up. he appologized 4 what he said about not wanting me, and said he hasn't ment to say a lot of the things he's said. i told him i will forgive him, but i also said i won't forget it. but things are better once again.

 

[lovethelord]

thats great that things are looking better again. but maybe you should think about forgetting what your father said as well, i mean you did decide to forgive him right?