- Nov 5, 2018
- 34
- 35
- 25
- Country
- Australia
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
well truth is I do like I really do but I feel so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I’ll explain
P.s I’m putting my personal issues out there it’s long and I hope you read it why we’ll you’ll probably say I shouldn’t but im never going to see you and your never going to see me and I’m not going to talk about my issues to anyone in person I just want advice my life has been pretty rocky so I did leave out a few parts just to keep it as short as possible also if your going to judge me or clam I’m fake or whatever just f@#k off please.
I started my walk with Christ 3 years ago when I was 15 the past 3yrs of my 18 years of life have sucked I’m been depressed and my anxiety has been of the charts I think about dying almost every day and no one knows about it because it’s not very noticeable.
I have been working on a business for the past 1 year now (started back in 2017) and it’s almost ready for launch but I’ve gotten to the point were I’m so desperate to make money (to have a better life) that I’ve became very impatient. I feel like I’m being tempted by the devil well I know I am I can 100% Guarantee it.
“the devil took Him up on an exceedingly high mountain, and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to Him, “All these things I will give You if You will fall down and worship me.”
I just want to leave my faith and live by the ways of the world because it’s much easier. Well to be honest I don’t I would feel so much shame but I’m at that point were I feel so emotionally weak I know unless some miracle happens I don’t have the strength and energy to even get out of bed let alone to continue my relationship with Christ.
Why not pray,why not confess your problems ? I have done that I’ve done what all of those preachers say to do I’ve asked god to change my heart and my motives and it has worked and so I continue to pray and thank him but after a few days I’m not back to square one I’m two steps back from square one.
And even when I do feel even 70% happy maybe 1 day out of the week I hate it because it feels like I’m in a foreign country. It feels weird to be happy anyway
I’m not proud to admit it but I was hearing about celebrities selling there souls to the devil for wealth as I used to listen to secular music so I tried it in the beginning of the year I rejected Christ in the most horrible way possible why? Because I felt like I was drowning think of it as like being at the beach your under water your drowning you feel like your about to pass out no ones coming to save you you feel like your about to die but out of nowhere a lifeguard comes along in his boat to save you.
That lifeguard is the devil what do you do. You’ve prayed and you’ve prayed but no ones coming for you your about to pass out and probably die so out of desperation you take the devils hand he pulls you up out of the water and you can finally breathe that’s why I did it. Well did I get what I asked for? Some things I did receive but I was very impatient and in those 6 or 7 days I felt nothing no love no hate no envy just cold blank nothingness so I prayed and asked for forgiveness.
so fast forward through the year I’ve just been going there the motions of pain trying to get closer to god ect up untill a few days ago. I sought out help I have major doubts in myself in every way possible I went to a tarot card reader the ones online why did I do it? (I know it was a sin I knew I shouldn’t have done it but I was desperate for answers like heck I’m already neck deep in mud anyway) she said to me.
Mind you this women only knew my name and what month I was born in I asked if my business would prosper and she said yes as long as your patient if won’t happen straight away but it will happen. So I asked her if my family would get jealous of me if I prospered she said not really and later said that my negative thoughts are holding me back which is true.
She later said in the reading she noticed that I had serious depression and anxiety issues which also happens to be true (only I knew about that) any way long story short after my reading I felt a scared I felt ashamed that I had purposely gone against gods word and honestly I’m just lost with life right now I want the pain to stop because I’m weak I’m exhausted I’m tired I’m sick of doubting myself I’m sick of the devil messing up my relationship with god I’m sick of being jealous and envying others and honestly i want to die well I’m not suicideal I just want the pain to stop and I have no clue how to get out of the mess I’m in I want to reject Christ and live by the world not because I want to out of selfish desires but because I just want to feel happy again.
I hate to feel like this because I have a roof over my head I have food to eat I’m not ugly and I workout almost every day like I’m pretty lucky and I feel ashamed like I can’t feel this way because of all the things I have.
I know some of you’ll say I’m depressed i need to pray I need therapy I need to take a break but if I do take a break from working on my business I feel like the devil will swoop in for the 100th time and will probably get me. But to be honest I feel dead like a blop of nothing like I signed up to CF the other day and that was hard enough due to my exhausted state.
any advice would be appreciated.
P.s I’m putting my personal issues out there it’s long and I hope you read it why we’ll you’ll probably say I shouldn’t but im never going to see you and your never going to see me and I’m not going to talk about my issues to anyone in person I just want advice my life has been pretty rocky so I did leave out a few parts just to keep it as short as possible also if your going to judge me or clam I’m fake or whatever just f@#k off please.
I started my walk with Christ 3 years ago when I was 15 the past 3yrs of my 18 years of life have sucked I’m been depressed and my anxiety has been of the charts I think about dying almost every day and no one knows about it because it’s not very noticeable.
I have been working on a business for the past 1 year now (started back in 2017) and it’s almost ready for launch but I’ve gotten to the point were I’m so desperate to make money (to have a better life) that I’ve became very impatient. I feel like I’m being tempted by the devil well I know I am I can 100% Guarantee it.
“the devil took Him up on an exceedingly high mountain, and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to Him, “All these things I will give You if You will fall down and worship me.”
I just want to leave my faith and live by the ways of the world because it’s much easier. Well to be honest I don’t I would feel so much shame but I’m at that point were I feel so emotionally weak I know unless some miracle happens I don’t have the strength and energy to even get out of bed let alone to continue my relationship with Christ.
Why not pray,why not confess your problems ? I have done that I’ve done what all of those preachers say to do I’ve asked god to change my heart and my motives and it has worked and so I continue to pray and thank him but after a few days I’m not back to square one I’m two steps back from square one.
And even when I do feel even 70% happy maybe 1 day out of the week I hate it because it feels like I’m in a foreign country. It feels weird to be happy anyway
I’m not proud to admit it but I was hearing about celebrities selling there souls to the devil for wealth as I used to listen to secular music so I tried it in the beginning of the year I rejected Christ in the most horrible way possible why? Because I felt like I was drowning think of it as like being at the beach your under water your drowning you feel like your about to pass out no ones coming to save you you feel like your about to die but out of nowhere a lifeguard comes along in his boat to save you.
That lifeguard is the devil what do you do. You’ve prayed and you’ve prayed but no ones coming for you your about to pass out and probably die so out of desperation you take the devils hand he pulls you up out of the water and you can finally breathe that’s why I did it. Well did I get what I asked for? Some things I did receive but I was very impatient and in those 6 or 7 days I felt nothing no love no hate no envy just cold blank nothingness so I prayed and asked for forgiveness.
so fast forward through the year I’ve just been going there the motions of pain trying to get closer to god ect up untill a few days ago. I sought out help I have major doubts in myself in every way possible I went to a tarot card reader the ones online why did I do it? (I know it was a sin I knew I shouldn’t have done it but I was desperate for answers like heck I’m already neck deep in mud anyway) she said to me.
Mind you this women only knew my name and what month I was born in I asked if my business would prosper and she said yes as long as your patient if won’t happen straight away but it will happen. So I asked her if my family would get jealous of me if I prospered she said not really and later said that my negative thoughts are holding me back which is true.
She later said in the reading she noticed that I had serious depression and anxiety issues which also happens to be true (only I knew about that) any way long story short after my reading I felt a scared I felt ashamed that I had purposely gone against gods word and honestly I’m just lost with life right now I want the pain to stop because I’m weak I’m exhausted I’m tired I’m sick of doubting myself I’m sick of the devil messing up my relationship with god I’m sick of being jealous and envying others and honestly i want to die well I’m not suicideal I just want the pain to stop and I have no clue how to get out of the mess I’m in I want to reject Christ and live by the world not because I want to out of selfish desires but because I just want to feel happy again.
I hate to feel like this because I have a roof over my head I have food to eat I’m not ugly and I workout almost every day like I’m pretty lucky and I feel ashamed like I can’t feel this way because of all the things I have.
I know some of you’ll say I’m depressed i need to pray I need therapy I need to take a break but if I do take a break from working on my business I feel like the devil will swoop in for the 100th time and will probably get me. But to be honest I feel dead like a blop of nothing like I signed up to CF the other day and that was hard enough due to my exhausted state.
any advice would be appreciated.